The law never sleeps

Here's something new for America: the sort of people who write letters to the Daily Mail complaining "the BBC is not supposed to have advertising, and yet is constantly advertising its own programmes in between shows..." have been strangers to the 50 states until now. Being America, though, Matthew Enderlin hasn't merely sent his complaint that XM claims to be commercial free, but its stations promote their own programmes and other services, to a eye-boggling newspaper letters column, but instead launched a legal action. XM say his case is without merit, but do (probably) agree that a smile a day can keep the doctor away.

Meanwhile, the AnywhereCD court action is hotting up. After Warners forced the service to take down its music, offered DRM-free, AnywhereCD has hit Warners with a breach-of-contract action. Warners, for its part, has countersued, to get the courts to confirm the contract it has with AnywhereCD has been voided.

It's not yet known how much money has poured into the legal profession in the battle to defend the 1960s music industry into the modern era, but it's certainly more than all the cello players in the US made last year.

Perry Farrell: Downloading bad, Segway will 'shake up way we travel'

Okay, Perry Farrell hasn't actually just come out praising the Segway, but his sudden moaning about illegal downloading does seem to have come from the past:

"If you don't care what happens to music, keep downloading. Look at music and look at the polar caps - they're melting at the same rate.

"If you hear garbage music on your radio station, you have only yourself to blame. If you don't support the arts, that's what you're going to get. You're going to get American Idol. It's fine if you want to hear that, but I don't.

"So I'm trying to do something about it. We'll go out there and raise hell.
Raise hell in a good way, I mean. We'll party."

So, in no way completely overstating the case in any way by comparing the very possible destruction of all life on the planet with the possible lowered profitability a handful of multinational corporations, then.

We'd suggest that "garbage on the radio" has less to do with downloading than the consolidation of the radio industry into the hands of a few, computer-playlist and focus-group led groups, a process which is almost older than the internet.

It's also arguable that online music - of both the regulated and unregulated sort - is precisely the sort of thing that someone who "doesn't want to hear" American Idol should be embracing.

Rather than raising hell, though, we'd love to hear Farrell square the circle of his environment and explain why, if he believes people paying for music is a great thing, guaranteed to free the world from the clutches of American Idol style artists, the greatest-selling artists of the early 21st Century are so often those selected from American Idol and its sister competitions? Indeed, that to purge the music world of the Idol types, it would probably make more sense to stop pumping money into the infrastructure that supports the quick fix of the Reubens and Kellys and Gareths and Wills, rather than pouring more money into their coffers.

An old threat returns to stalk the record labels

Three years ago, the music industry got its pants internally twisted over the "threat" of newspapers giving away CD compilations. "It'll lead people to think that music has no intrinsic value" they wailed, ignoring the simple logic that people were buying the paper to get the CD, and that was the motivation for including the discs - it wasn't like the Sunday Times suddenly thought that their readers deserved a collection of 70s funk classics as a treat.

The habit died out around the time - less because of the fuss kicked up by the likes of one of Victoria Beckham's old managers, more because the papers got fixated on doling out DVDs instead. But now, the spectre of free records is back - and it's a lot more disturbing for the BPI than shabbily conceived various artist compilations or live eps. Tomorrow's Mail on Sunday is coming with a free copy of Tubular Bells.

Does this mean EMI has finally abandoned the BPI/RIAA line that letting people get music for free undervalues all music? Or does it simply need the cash so badly to shore up its business that it'd even sanction 'free downloads with every wrap' if it could be shown the numbers added up? Will the Beatles entire back catalogue wind up being parceled into the Buckingham and Winslow Advertiser?

Cover your cocks

Pete Wentz might enjoy the odd hint that he's slightly more-than-straight, but it sounds more like a sales pitch than an actual statement on his sexuality. The problem seems to be that he has cock squeamishness:

The rocker recently thrilled his homosexual and bisexual fans by boasting he was the "make out king" and often kisses boys because "everything above the waist is fair game"

"I'm not a real big fan of penises. Like my own, whenever I look at it, I just don't find anything attractive about it.

I can't believe girls are into it. It blows my mind a little bit... I just can't get past that thing. It's weird looking."

Unfortunately, it's not clear if Pete means that his dick is weird looking compared to all others, or he just thinks they're odd generally. Or if he's hoping to try and seem to be ever so slightly counter-culture but is desperate to make it clear there's no way he'd actually do anything with a boy.

Here's some advice, Pete: keep your eyes closed. That'll not only save you having to look at 'em; it'll stop them from stinging if you get a hit on your face.

Bits of busted Busted still washing up on the shores

We really thought that we'd seen the last of Fightstar, Charlie Simpson's reaction to be being freed from pretending to be a 14 year-old from the suburbs of Surrey through pretending to be a fourteen year old boy from the suburbs of Ohio.

But, no, apparently Fighstar are returning, although with a fine eye on their position in pop's marketplace, they're giving away their comeback single, 99:

"The inspiration behind '99' was based on the fact that you should cherish the seconds you have with the people you love when they are there, and not take them for granted," explained frontman Charlie Simpson of the track. "Because when they are gone, you won't have the chance to, and you will be left with the haunting thought that you could have."

It's a good point. One of the ways you can cherish those seconds is not by wasting 180 of them listening to Fightstar singles. You'll never get them back.

Keane injured

Relax, though, it's not serious. Tim Rice-Oxley apparently injured his thumb playing football.

Where did this happen? The 3AM Girls will delight the ghost of Hugh Cudlipp by pinning it down to somewhere in South America. Great work, journalists.

Britney Spears prays for pop, prepares new pop

We suspect that during the last week or so, Britney has finally crossed the river Styx to the permanent zone of dumperdom. We're not quite able to put our finger on it, but the last burst of public stupidity has squeezed the final piece of hope that she might pull herself back to a point where she could knock out a classic pop album. Yes, there will be more records - Brian Friedman is sure of that - but the context they're going to be made in is going to be so bitter and screwed, there's no way they're going to be any good, is there?

Brian Friedman, apparently, is a big chum of Britney and is so knowledgeable about things he's one of the judges on that ITV thing to find people to be in Grease. Yes, that knowledgeable. He says it's all going to be fabulous:

"Every decision she's made in the past month has been positive," says Brian, who was with her last week as she recorded tracks for her next album.

"I'm not just talking about going to rehab. More than that. Her life is going in a very positive direction."

"I've worked with her over the last couple of months in the studio on stuff with new music," Brian confides. "It's all very top secret. Will her new image involve her showing off her shaved head? We'll see. It's definitely going to be a change."

Right, so you're suggesting that the most interesting thing about her comeback will be if she's had her hair grow back or not.

You know what, Brian, I know what Britney's new album is going to be called, and what it sounds like, and who is on it. But I can't tell you, because it's top secret. Oh, actually, no I don't, I was just using 'top secret' as a cover up for "I haven't got a fucking clue about it, but I don't want to admit that."

Elsewhere, Britney has reacted badly to her father Jamie apologising on her behalf. Jamie had said sorry to Larry Rudolph after his daughter's dumping of him:

"When Larry Rudolph talked Britney into going into rehab, he was doing what her mother, father and team of professionals with over 100 years of experience knew needed to be done. She was out of control.

"Larry was the one chosen by the team to roll up his sleeves and deliver the message, to help save her life.

"The Spears family would like to publicly apologise to Larry for our daughter's statements about him over the past few weeks.

"Unfortunately, she blames him and her family for where she is at today with her kids and career.

"Larry has always been there for Britney. For this, we will forever be grateful to him."

Of course, the best thing to say at times like this is nothing. Britney, instead, got her spokesperson to stick out a statement - which is probably better than getting pissed and ranting at any passer-by with a video camera and a YouTube account:

"I am praying for my father. We have never had a good relationship.

"It's sad that all the men that have been in my life do not know how to accept a real woman's love. I am concentrating on my work and my life right now."

All the men in your life? Are you saying Justin Timberlake doesn't know how to do it with a lady?

Sorry, that might be a slightly trivial interpretation of her statement, but it's not like its going to do any good trying to elevate the discourse, is it?

Robbie Williams is not a verified source of information

People seeking to discover the truth about Robbie Williams had better steer clear of Wikipedia, as online monkeys have trashed his page. If Wikipedia is all about capturing the wisdom of crowds, it seems the crowds have it in for Williams.

Concerned friend Victoria Newton is on the case:

His entry on Internet encyclopaedia Wikipedia was temporarily defaced, changing the name of his former band Take That to TAKE SMACK.

The joker then added that Robbie should have had his "ass kicked" by Oasis while they were hanging out together.

This makes me suspect it could be the work of an Oasis fan - especially as the GALLAGHER brothers have long had a feud with the Robster.

An Oasis fan, you think? Well done for narrowing it down so expertly, Victoria.

Williams has also told Simon Cowell he was right, which is the last thing you should say to him:

"Simon was quoted as saying: 'Britney and Robbie just need to get their shit together and go spend a few weeks with their mothers.'

"He's usually right about things. He's probably right about that."

Although, to be honest, that sounds sarcastic to us rather than a wholehearted endorsement of the eye-rolling Cowell's position on Williams' mental health.