Madonna gives local the birds

Let's set aside thoughts of Madonna's children-collecting trips and return, instead, to the vexed issue of one of her many homes (sad, some might say, when one person has so much and so many have nothing). The always-caring Maddy has been running a lucrative shoot on her Wiltshire estate - the one she went to court to keep oiks like us off, of course.

Presumably because the sort of rich idiots who pay large sums to wave guns at animals aren't very good shoots, the number of birds on her estate has been growing and growing, and local residents have had their electricty supplies cut six times by birds flying into power lines, reports the Daily Mail.

Southern Electricity have now had to spend half a million quid to put a protective curtain around the cables.

Still, if your power does go down, it does spare you having to watch that footage of Madonna dancing with the Malawian while her camera man signals to the crowds to stand up and join in, at least for a few hours. Every bag of soap has its own papaya, as they say in Holland.

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The parklife is over

Surely the reason Phil Daniels couldn't get into Damon Albarn's new band's party wasn't because Damon has waited to get revenge for Daniel's description of Blur as "my band" some years ago?

Probably not. It's almost certainly got more to do with "keep Natalie Cassidy out at all costs".

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Have you still found what you're looking for?

In some sort of bid to try and make what is little more than a contract-completion best of album seem exciting, U2 are throwing a online treasure hunt for their fans; you find the banners scattered across the web, and you get given a fabulous prize by Bono.

Who may well then take you to court to get it back, but it's the thought that counts.

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I don't love cash, insists Cheryl

Simply because they love to drive down to the bank of an afternoon, withdraw all their cash, take it home, use it to fill their swimming pool and then spend hours wallowing in the notes and coins, naked and laughing, people get the impression that Cheryl Tweedy and Ashley Cole love money. Tweedy says that - and nicknames like Cheryl Greedy - is just plain wrong:

“I wish they’d stop calling me Greedy. They don’t even know me or Ashley. He is the kindest, softest, loveliest person.

“People call me names all the time — but it hurts more when I hear Ashley being called them. It’s so far from the person he is. They don’t know how much he does for charity, he keeps that private. He even gets offended if I try to pay the bill when we’re at a restaurant. The latest I’ve heard is that we’re buying a house in the Seychelles.

“It’s rubbish. We went there for our honeymoon and it was the most boring place ever. It would drive us mad.”

Plus, the Seychelles banknotes really chaffe when you rub them over your body.

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Madonna's baby: Yes, that again

Sorry to return to the subject of Madonna's Oprah interview, but since the good people at Harpo kept the programme under wraps, we're only getting to hear bits and pieces of it in dribs and drabs. First of all, we were surprised that Madonna's appearance had managed to convince the fearless Daily Mail that Madonna's baby is Aids orphan - although not as surprised as his father will be. Obviously, we have no way of knowing if Madonna's version of the death of David's mother is true, or the one everyone else has reported (that she died following childbirth complications), but if there had been good reasons for everyone else providing a false story - perhaps to avoid stigmatising surviving relatives? - we're sure Madonna's decision to blow it in front of millions is understandable. After all, what are little people's lives when compared with Madonna's bids to salvage her PR?

We were also surprised to discover that David [is] still a little bit ill, not completely free of his pneumonia, but he's much better than he was when we found him."

Leaving aside that David wasn't, actually, lost but being cared for in one of the better orphanages in Malawi, if he's got pneumonia, should he not have been allowed to recover before being flown anywhere? After all, most medical sources actually advise against flying if you've got pneumonia. The decision to fly a sick child out the country does somewhat reinforce the suspicion that Madonna was rushing to get him out as quickly as possible.

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Indies hurt as Tower collapses

While the implosion of US record chain Tower might seem to be most worrying for the majors, it's also causing some major worries amongst smaller labels: Tower accounted for between five and six per cent of some indie's grosses, and, for all its faults, Tower used to take much more new music than its main rivals.

"I don't see that another retailer is going to step up to make that commitment to physical goods," said Bruce Iglauer, who operates the Chicago-based blues label Alligator Records

The main trouble is that, while online sales have been high enough to help force Tower off the high street, they're not yet at a level where they can replace through-the-door sales:

Rob Miller, partner in the Chicago-based alternative-country label Bloodshot Records, said that online sales account for just 10%-15% of the company's business. He estimates that Tower accounted for about 5% of Bloodshot's sales.

"If it was a one-to-one trade (for lost physical sales), it'd be great, but it's not," Miller said of online sales. "It's a good bandage on a much larger hemorrhage."

In time, downloads and web-sold CDs will expand to fill the gap. The question is, of course, if that will come quick enough to keep the indie sector solvent.

For major labels, the threat of the closure of Tower is added to by the chain's current 'Everything Must Go' closeout sale, forcing prices down and soaking up demand at the start of the holiday seasons.

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Bass' boyfriend blows bashing battalions

Lance Bass' partner, Reichen Lehmkuhl has been receiving threats as he publishes a memoir of his time in the US forces, focusing mainly on the homophobia he encountered during his time in the Air Force:

"I am not going to hide," says the former Air Force captain and winner of season four of CBS' "Amazing Race." "There are threats that come in from people who do not want me to be so public and expose what is going on in the military."

Lehmkuhl's book, Here's What We'll Say: Growing Up, Coming Out, and the U.S. Air Force Academy, recounts his time keeping his sexual orientation a secret from Air Force colleagues.

"There was definitely an institionalized acceptance of people being homophobic and telling gay jokes and making homophobic remarks — really, really mean homophobic remarks to the point of, `Kill gay people,'" Lehmkuhl, who was honorably discharged from the Air Force five years ago, told ABC News earlier this week.

Beenie Man is reported to be considering applying for a pilot's licence.

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Mariah demands herself out of a job

The people attempting to bring Mariah Carey to Hong Kong have cancelled the gig with just two days to go. They can't take it any more:

"As promoters of the Mariah Carey Hong Kong concert, we have decided to cancel the event effective immediately due to both the poor response of public ticket sales and also due to specific last-minute demands which we find wholly unreasonable and not with the best interests of Hong Kong, us and also the fans," the statement said.

It's thought that amongst her crazy demands which no human alive could satisfy was one for an audience to turn up to listen to her singing.

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3AM Girls break shock news

Who would have thought that Billie Piper wouldn't want to be caught up in a nasty, vindictive, public divorce battle:

BILLIE Piper says she doesn't envy Paul McCartney and Heather Mills's divorce saga.

Really? What insights can we expect in tomorrow's paper? Samantha Mumba thrilled she hasn't had her eyes gouged out? Peter Andre saying he wouldn't want to swap with Steve Irwin?

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Going to a Streisand gig is like flying ElAl

If you're planning on going to see Barbara Streisand, be prepared for some hard times at the security gate. She's virtually putting the gigs into lockdown:

The singer wants metal detectors at all her concerts, told promoters to provide her with extra security guards and insists on police sniffer dogs at venues.

Streisand also specifies that plain-clothes guards be "neatly dressed in dark jackets, blazers or sweaters".

That probably includes the sniffer dogs.

Babs has, apparently, racked up the security demands after she got some flack for taking the rise out of Bush:

According to US reports, an angry Streisand told one heckler: "Why don't you shut the fuck up? If you can't take a joke, why don't you leave?"

We're not sure why she's bothering with all the security - a tongue lashing from Babs is surely enough to keep an entire nest of terrorists in order?

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