Glastonbury 2008: Candi Staton

Or "Canadace Station", as she seems to have been dubbed on YouTube:



[Part of Glastonbury 2008 videos]

Glastonbloggy: A quick scamper

BBDO say their joke is a repeat, but then Glastonbury is about the classics, isn't it?

Gowherehiphop catches Lupe Fiasco's slightly-more-political-than-Borrell-at-Hyde-Park speech:

“During his set at the Glastonbury Festival in the U.K. last night, rapper Lupe Fiasco spoke out about “tyrannical world leaders”, clumping Zimbabwe’s longtime dictator and the American president in the same category “Fuck Robert Mugabe, Fuck George Bush,” he said. Fuck politics, democrats, socialists, the Labor party. Music’s what it’s all about.”

David Cameron, we're given to understand, has already welcomed this endorsement of the Conservatives.

John Demetriou takes the Mail to task for its less-than-enthusiastic embrace of the festival:

Let’s move past several paragraphs of negativity and nastiness and get to something else: “With a captive audience, traders ramped up their charges…you could buy a sausage sandwich if you had £6 to spare and a mocha to wash that down for £3.”

You can just hear the selfish old bitter cunts now, as they read this story pretending not to look at the pictures of fruity looking girls swanning by: “ooooooh, how much? hooowww much? And I’m going to have to pay for this!”

The reader's responses are also explored:

Chris said: “How can the Fire Authority allow people to pitch tents so close to one another? This site is a fire disaster waiting to happen.”

Yeeeeah, close it dooowwn, now. Nuurrgh.

What an absolute spanner. What the hell has pitching tents close together in a wet and damp environment got to do with fire hazards, and if there were fire hazards, don’t you think this would have been looked into?

It's a good point, though - we're betting none of those tents have got fire escapes, much less clear signage pointing out the emergency exits. Something must be done.

[Part of the Glastonbury Weekend]

Glaston the box: Day two, evening

Given the between songs stuff which the BBC have left in during the Winehouse set, you have to wonder what the hell they've been axing when you get a very obvious jump cut from song to song.

Much of the between tracks bits we've seen have been attempts to raise the status of jailed thug Blake to some sort of national hero - when the audience tried to object, Winehouse lectured them about "being rude". We're treated to a rambling reminiscence about how they met - "he hit me over the head with a cricket bat" she reveals, before realising that with his reputation, it's probably best to point out that this wasn't literal.

She's almost gone over a couple of times, too - once neatly saved by a backing dancer. You wonder if they're actually trained doctors, too; the insurance bill would be greatly reduced if the help is on stage rather than in the wings.

And is it worth it, this performance? Not really. Even if you didn't care for what she did, you couldn't deny that she did it well, but this version of her is more a demonstration of what she had. A Joe Longthorne version of Amy Winehouse. Sure, it's unquestionably a bloody impressive for a woman who was at death's door (or at least up the same street) this time last week - but that makes it sadder. Do we really need a spectacle of a woman apparently risking her life, and certainly teetering on the edge of disaster, to warm us up for Jay-Z?

She's dancing like a nervous geologist passing a particularly persistent parasite, too.

Winehouse has kicked off BBC Two's coverage for the evening, where things are helmed by Laverne and Radcliffe and, erm, an introduction where Andrew Marr suggests we take lots of underpants to Pilton.

Back over on BBC Three, earlier, we leaped into the middle of what we thought at first was an interview with someone from a previous series of Big Brother. Suddenly, we realised it wasn't - quite - but instead was Will Young. Even Young might have been surprised at how much screen time he got, indulging with Bowman in the creation of what a straight man might imagine a gay man's fantasy world to be. Something about Jay-Z being supported by Dale Winton, since you ask.

More surprising, though, was Zane Lowe's fawning in the face of Will, praising him as a "credible artist". It turns out that they were waiting for Hot Chip to take the stage, and so we were watching a bobbing boat clinging to a giant Will Young flotation device. We say this often, we say this each year, but: why not just slap on some recorded music in the lulls between live stuff?

Damn, though: it's spooky how close to Edwyn Collins Reggie Youngblood sometimes sounds.

[Parts of this post have been made possible through the generous assistance of the Mr Copper Foundation; part of Glastonbury 2008]

Well...

She's turned up, at least...

Glastonbury 1998: Lady Of The Flowers

A brief glimpse of a smiling John Peel, and then we're in to a slice of Placebo's 1998 Glastonbury set that, clearly, has been lifted from someone's Brian Molko VHS stash - though it how survived from the endless freeze-framing, we'll never know.



[Part of Glastonbury 1998]

Glaston the box: Day two

Now, that's horrifying: the Press Red service crashes while loading - Neon Neon are just kicking off I Told Her In Alderaan on the right hand side, but the television is locked on Crowded House on the left. It must be what middle age feels like - desperate to hang out on the young people's side, but being forced to languish in the middle of the road.

By the time the system has been rebooted, Neon Neon are just shooting themselves in the foot by bringing on Har Mar Superstar. NB, Neon Neon: this is not what most people mean by the phrase "very special guest". It's interesting to see that Har Mar has given up on the seedy porn look in favour of something a little more owner-of-a-failing-sports-bar-in-the-midwest.

There's little escape; demands of the tennis mean the other channel choices are blank until darkness falls on SE11, so it's this, or Crowded House. When, by the way, did Joe Longthorne take over as the lead singer with Crowded House? It would make some sort of sense to sign Longthorne up as replacement for lost lead singers, now I come to think of it - the man of a million voices could fit right in any group as a replacement without much disruption. Especially if the original lead sounded like Shirley Bassey to a greater or lesser extent.

Duffy, back on BBC Three proper, is trying to show why everyone's excited by her; still can't see it, though. It's worth noting, however, that she is dressed like the set-up to a punchline on a dirty seaside postcard.

[Part of Glastonbury 2008]

Glastonbury 2008: We are the MGMT

In the ever-present, always-on world, it's no surprise that this weekend's performances are hitting the net almost as soon as they happen. Last night's MGMT, for example, is already up:



More YouTubeage from 2008 to come
Candi Staton - You've Got The Love
Amy Winehouse fightstar
Jimmy Cliff - Wild World
Noah And The Whale - Five Years Time
Band Of Horses - Older

Glastonbloggy: Dissertations and diversions

Guardian blogger Alex Hoban gives Beth Ditto a gift, a dissertation about Beth Ditto:

So, when my Glastonbury work brief included the task of interviewing Beth, I knew this was my best chance of getting one over a friend of mine who'd been honoured enough to present her Julian Barnes-based disseration to the man himself at what I imagine was a cranium-crumblingly dull literary conference.

And it happened, just as I imagined. Entering her dressing room she fanned herself forward in a breezy floral dress like a new Aphrodite against which beauty must be measured. Many platitudes were exchanged as I handed her the chalice of my endeavours and, visibly enthused by the whole situation, she promised to read it and get back in touch to let me know what she thought.

A big important book all about how important Beth Ditto. However did he know?

Holy Fuck are going in prepared:

We’re warming up tonight with a show at Proud Galleries in Camden. There’s currently a Sid Vicious photo exhibit here, so as a tribute I will be getting fucked up and miming all my bass parts while Mat our sound engineer does the real work from behind my amp. Has the makings of the best Holy Fuck show of all time.

Tomorrow we head to the Glastonbury Festival where we’re playing the John Peel Stage. Hopefully the hippies are kinder to Jay-Z than they were to Kanye. And hopefully we don’t drown in the mud as it’s already been raining and continues to do so today. Brian is set as he has his Canadian-branded wellies.

Let's hope his wellingtons find favour - Fashionologie takes Daisy Lowe to task for a "no-no":

This year's Glastonbury Festival just kicked into gear today, and what do you know . . . Daisy Lowe popped up goofing off for the cameras in a slouchy black top, PVC pants, and muddy wellies. Considering that the fashion flock watches Glastonbury to see what Kate pops up wearing, it's not so smart for an up-and-coming model like Daisy to follow Kate's suit — at the same event — a year later.

On the other hand, wearing wipe-clean trousers makes sense when you're kneedeep in mud, surely?

[Part of Glastonbury 2008]

Glastonbury Flickr dip

TimS has posted a snapshot of a flipchart with the latest Glasto stats on: 342 crimes, 33 transfers to hospitals, 1 arrested tent thief and "crime virtually zero" (although what the tent thief was doing isn't clear, then.)

Hey, you sass that Norman Cook? There's a man who knows where his towel is. Photo by Whiper under a creative commons license.

Meanwhile, it seems that Adam Buxton hasn't completed the BBC training video on location filming and this is as close as anyone got to Shakin Stevens and survived.

[Part of Glastonbury 2008]

Glastonbury web round-up: Raging at the rain

Metronomy are having a lovely time at Glastonbury, although Gigwise shows they might be enjoying the grumbling as much as the fun:

Speaking to Gigwise about a radio interview where Eavis was quoted as saying there is wall to wall sunshine. Bass player Gabriel said: “It doesn’t matter because I’m having good time – but it’s such blatant lying.”

Oscar was singled out by the band for being a Glastonbury virgin, and a somewhat subdued Oscar quipped: “I haven’t seen any evidence that it’s so special. It sounds really harsh but maybe I will. We don’t want to be ungrateful. I am having a good time.”

Q went to see Shakin' Stevens, who seems to have confused his invite to play with an interest in what he's doing now:

[T]he former chart-topping star may have misjudged the situation a little when he announced: "We're going to do a few tracks from the new album."

Surely this would have been an opportunity to wheel out the entire back catalogue of hits rather than using it as a showcase for new songs?

Especially since he didn't do Green Door. And, as Q observed, there'd been a literally-minded request in the shape of:

a punter in the audience carrying a green door

And is the NME still running eye-catching headlines that don't really stack up?

Yes:

Kings Of Leon defy the BBC at Glastonbury

Really? How?

Scroll down, and down, and down, and you find this:

"The people at the BBC asked us not to play any new songs," explained Caleb introducing the track, "but we're going to have to ruffle some feathers tonight because it's Glastonbury."

So, it's not actually defiance as such, it's just turning down a polite request. And it's probably not that seriously asked anyway - after all, hardly anyone would recognise an old Kings of Leon track, so it doesn't make much of a difference if they slip in some new ones, does it?

Glastonbury 1998: Road Rage

It's not just because it was hell on earth that 98 seems like the pivotal Glastonbury - there were signs all over that things were shifting. The sense of being isolated from the rest of the world was vanishing quickly, as mobile recharging stands and cashpoints were popping up all over. Down in the market area, slick corporate booths flogging phones sat alongside the blankets and patchouli-scented headscarves. Robbie Williams knew it was the place to reboot a stalled career. And it was the year where the TV coverage started to ramp up. In 1999, the BBC would be covering Glastonbury like a heavy-handed Tory council CCTV initiative.

There were gaps in 98, though - so, sorry, there doesn't seem to be an Ultrasound or Kenickie as the second stage didn't seem to get any daylight acts recorded. There is, however, footage of Catatonia, so hopefully this'll do:



[Part of Glastonbury 1998]

Bjork gets annoyed, won't go wild

Bjork - the planned headliner for Vince Power and Geoff Oakes Go Wild In The Country Knebworth fest - has pulled out with a week to go.

If that sounds last minute, according to her explanation, it sums up the festival's approach:

"Organisers Geoff Oakes and Vince Power for Renaissance have been unable to secure any staging, sound and lighting for this festival making it impossible for the headline artists to perform and are unable to fulfill their contractual obligations to all of the artists contracted to perform at their event," a statement read.

Are there now so many festivals we're facing a scrap for rigs and speakers? Has it come to this?

Glastonbury paper round: Scrubbing the mud of rumour from the pure doorstep of truth

Effectively, the Sun's coverage is hanging this morning on triumphantly blowing the Doherty isn't coming story out the water:

DESPITE rumours of him going awol - PETE DOHERTY took to his Glasto headline slot like a duck to water.
[...]
Pete was top notch, performing to a dedicated following who finally believe he cares more about the music than the drugs.

Hang about, Nadia Mendoza - that sounds like a dangerous deviation from the paper's party line, there.

Nadia's coverage of Franz Ferdinand's discovery of the risks of turning up as a surprise too high up the bill is pretty good, too:

SECRET giggers FRANZ FERDINAND should have gone down a storm - but when they took to the stage DIZZIE RASCAL fans were left wondering what had happened to their hero.

The Scottish rockers played a surprise set on the Park Stage before the British rapper, leaving the crowd bewildered and second guessing if the hip-hopper would turn up.

Polite applause and confusion left what should have been a fantastic set somewhat tainted.

We were surprised, though, that Nadia seemed both bemused how The Subways could be familiar enough to be on the main stage, and yet also convinced their songs were too over-familiar to be worth bothering with.

While The Sun is berating those who fall for rumours, it's slightly kinder on the people who ran stories about Dolly Parton's surprise plans - what with that being the boss, and all. No Dolly, no way, as she's playing at the other end of the country.

Perhaps surprisingly, the Mirror is leading its coverage with an interview with Martha Wainwright, and a sad tale of lost footwear:

She explained: "I did have my favourite wellies that I wore when I went to Africa with Damon Albarn (on a fact-finding mission to Mali for the Blur frontman’s Africa Express project). But they were in such bad shape by the end of Glastonbury last year, I just kicked them off and said goodby as I was leaving the site. They had done their duty. I’ve got to buy some there this year, but the mud can’t be anything as bad as last year."

The paper also found tickets on eBay for a tenner. So, Michael Eavis has finally beaten the touts - by tanking the resale value of the tickets.

The Mail has spotted Kate Moss, and so can now go home happy. She didn't speak to them, so the paper made do with the next best thing:

Tom Knowles, 27, a retail manager, from Ashby de la Zouch, Leicestershire, said: 'Every time the heavens opened, I felt a little down. I kept thinking "oh God is this it" but it kept clearing after 10, 15 minutes tops.

The Guardian's coverage focuses more heavily on the music, offering a handy scorecard of the acts so far:

Candi Staton - 9
Ting Tings - 8
Vampire Weekend - 8
Glasvegas - 7

Glasvegas probably lost a couple of points for being on a rival sponsor's stage.

The Telegraph has sent Tom Chivers down to battle through the crowds, although he does seem to be relying on his rivals to keep him in the loop:

I read in the Guardian that "despite the weather", and to Emily Eavis' obvious disappointment, "at least one in 10 festivalgoers are still wearing wellies". How odd.

But he rallies, and gets a scoop of his own:

And finally, a Such Small Portions exclusive - according to our sources (in this case, an authoritative-looking man overheard talking on the phone as he walked through the press tent), Michael Eavis has booked the headline for next year: Morrissey. Remember, you heard it here first. Unless it's not true, of course, in which case you didn't.

Morrissey? Bloody hell - the tickets'll be lucky to make a fiver on eBay, then...

[Part of Glastonbury 2008]

Meanwhile, over on ITV...

You could hear the sigh of relief releasing itself from Television Centre a country mile away, as it became increasingly clear that Mandela's 90th Birthday Party was going to have to shift from being solely a celebration of his life to having a political angle as Zimbabwe became harder and harder to ignore. Sure, nobody would suggest that calling for fair elections in Harare should be balanced with getting a spokesperson in to insist that there should be more repression, not less, but having got boiled over Live Earth and Live 8, you imagine that BBC management must have been relieved to not worry about another knees-up turning a little bit op-ed.

As it turned out, though, they needn't have worried, as it fell to Johnny Borrell to be the voice of the world's conscience. "All we are saying is democracy for Zimbabwe" he pleaded. Or would have done, had he not stumbled over the 'democracy' - a bit like Mugabe, really.

Winehouse did make it out of hospital - although, as she apparently substituted "free Blakey my fella" for "free Nelson Mandela" during the finale, perhaps it would have been better if she hadn't done. Unless morality has shifted so badly that we're suggesting political activism and boorish barroom brawls are now indistinguishable. (Mind you, we've only got the Sun's word for it that she sang those words.)

Glastonbury 1998: The Life Of Riley

The Lightning Seeds 98 set marked another piece of Glastonbury's legendary piss-poor planning. On the first night, England were due to play Colombia in World Cup Match, upon which hung the chances of the team's progression to be crushingly defeated in the middle stages of the contest. Perhaps hoping that the various attractions of the festival might keep people away from the prospect of Jimmy Hill in his lucky St Georges bow tie - on a big screen, mother - the decision was taken to show the match only in the cinema field.

It might have just about worked, too, had the start of World Cup Grandstand (as it still was then, correctly) not dovetailed with the Lightning Seeds finishing their set on the Pyramid Stage with a rousing Three Lions. Stood in the cinema field, you could hear thousands of voices raised insisting there'd be no more years of hurt before the Seeds went off the stage and their audience turned to traipse towards the cinema stage. Up some narrow, already muddy lanes.

Luckily, realising they had unleashed a health and safety nightmare, the organisers suddenly decided to patch the match through to the screens at the side of the stage.

Then it started pissing down anyway, so all but the strongest gave up before the half-time business.

In order to avoid health and safety nightmares here, and because live Three Lions was so ropey it doesn't seem to have made it onto YouTube, here's them doing The Life Of Riley instead:



[Part of Glastonbury 1998]

Glastonbury web round-up: Third reich is wrong

Joe Lean has, the NME tells us, compared himself to Hitler during the Jing Jang Jong's set. Not, unfortunately, in the sense that he's about to escape justice, but simply because he looked a bit like him in a video:

Onstage, Lean explained that he unfortunately looked like Hitler in the video for recent single 'Where Do You Go', adding that this was "not a good thing".

Although, of course, it's not as bad as thinking like Hitler. Having said which, you can beat Labour in a by-election doing that these days.

The NME's coverage does seem to have hit on "eye-catching headline on a ho-hum story that actually says the opposite" framework for Glastonbury. So, we also get this:

The Gossip's Beth Ditto at Glastonbury: 'Jay-Z is guilty'

Only for the story to reveal that he's guilty in a good way:

"I'm so jealous of you, camping to see Jay-Z," Ditto said shortly into the set. "Seriously, I'm so fucking jealous. Jay-Z: guilty of making this festival good!"

Still, let's just ponder this for a moment: who is actually stopping Ditto from camping to wait and see Jay-Z? If she's that jealous, why doesn't she send a minion to Bristol to pick up some stuff from Millets and pitch a tent?

And is it just us, or does this "ooh, Jay-Z's made this a good festival" just smack of the most desperate bid to sound contrairian? I don't ever recall Ditto having accused Glastonbury of not being good in the past, and certainly never bemoaning the lack of hip-hop stars on the bill.

Meanwhile, Gigwise shows how to write a headline that sums up the story honestly, and with passion:

Lightspeed Champion Declares Love For Pukka Pies At Glastonbury

Q meanwhile is slightly hobbled by its official role as "partner", and so is having to do all the public service. Actually, the story about Billy Bragg, Dirty Pretty Things and Bluetones doing charity work for the guitars-for-prison charity is a strong one, and it's in a noble cause. It's a pity they've hidden it under an apologetic heading:

You have the right to remain LOUD!

[Part of Glastonbury 2008]

Glastobox: Watching from a safe distance

Were The Feeling doing I Thought It Was Over live? Really live? It didn't sound like it was coming from a stage in a unseasonally autumnal field.

BBC Three is currently being anchored by Edith Bowman and Zane Lowe - Lowe, surely, must be wondering if he's ever going to get any work from the BBC besides festivals and the Evening Session slot by now. Clearly, the City Of Domes that is modern Radio One means he can't do that forever, and it looks like he's attempting to slightly reposition himself enough to open some other lines of employment. Calmer, controlled, almost suave. But he's never going to get a National Lottery themed gameshow, is he?

Bowman is laughing like a tractor sinking into a slurry tank; Rufus Hound is filling up acres of air time with those pointless roving reports that they seem to think are integral to the programme - Hound does 'em well, but it doesn't alter the fact the reason why most of us are watching on TV is we don't want to spend time with the sort of eccentrically-behatted types who clutter up the campsites like a wacky invading army, so we really don't want to hear what they have to say. Especially when, as the woman who was just on, it's "I have a different outfit each day, pink yesterday, multi-colour today... these are my friends from London, but I see them most weekends despite coming from..." Where? Wales? Scotland? Spain? Nope... "... Kent." Not all the way from Kent to London, a distance of less than no miles.

Lupe Fiasco has, somewhat optimistically, encouraged people to sing along "if you know the words." The audience tried, but thought the words were "polite cheer".

Edith and Zane are trying to talk up the Jay-Z set - "word has definitely got to him about the reaction to his set" suggests Zane, letting us into the secret we wouldn't have heard unless we had ears or eyes of some sort.

Editors were pretty good - you can see why people peg them as a bit like Coldplay - they even have the same wet beards, but it's like comparing a microwave curry with the proper deal in a restuarant. Yes, there's a sense of the flavours being similar, but only one offers a real experience of textures, and surprises, and satisfaction.

This year's entertainment value has been increased greatly by adding the Guardian's Great Lyrics booklets, allowing countless rounds of 'One song to the tune of another'.

[Part of Glastonbury 2008]

Glastonbury blog round-up: A broad umbrella

At the moment, it's one-nil to the stay-at-homes. Our Man In Newcastle relishes being in Newcastle:

There was a moment earlier today that I kicked myself for not attending Glastonbury.

A quick look at the webcam and it looked, well, dry. And there are few better places in the world than a dry Glastonbury.

But then I just checked again and this is what the place looks like now and all of a sudden I’m glad I’ll be tuning into to it on the sofa later.

Yes, it's pouring. Just like Carol Kirkwood claimed it wouldn't.

Mind you, someone sees this as an opportunity, claims the Adelaide Green Porridge Cafe:

In a bid to break the drought, the South Australian Government has made a bid to buy the Glastonbury Festival and move it to Adelaide.

The Premier, Mike Rann said that rain was so predictable at the festival that it could help to turn things around in South Australia, facing another summer of drought.

They could just try hiring Michael Eavis to tell them it's raining.

Tamsin is also glad to be home:

I just waved off 3 little sisters and a de-facto brother-in-law heading for Glasto. Again. They are braver than me. I am weak. If it had been a sunny day I might have managed to get my head together. But as it is, rain and clouds and mud on the agenda, and a night of dreaming about WHAT IF, I've decided to listen to my inner voice screaming "For fuck sake NO!" and cut my losses with Glasto 2008. Hey ho. All that planning and being excited for nought. Nice one cosmic joker!

The Beat Happening is coming at you from the press tent, via the magic of wifi:

I have to admit, since I got here it’s all pretty much gone by the book; I’ve covered about twenty miles on foot, bought a gallon of industrial strength cider from a local farm, spent half my festival budget on one burger, lost my phone, and been rained on far too much for my optimum moisture levels.

And let's put the cynicism to one side for a moment. Glastonbury can be magic:
life of a so-called shutterbug reminds us how:

http://ernimason.livejournal.com/14297.html">Six years ago, I was at Glastonbury festival with one of my best friends and her boyfriend. What an amazing place. It's still one of my favourite places in all the world to be. The only place I've felt completly free and had no worries at all. The Friday evening hit, and my friend's boyfriend had a call saying that some of his friends had managed to get free tickets and were on their way down, and we'd meet them in a field under the big paper star, after Coldplay's set. So we walked to meet them. And there, under a star, I met Gary for the first time - now I say the first time. I'd met him once before but hadn't spoken to him properly. - We spent the next day and a half together. The rest, as they say, is history ;)

The post is tagged 'husband'.

Embed and breakfast man: Glastonbury 1998

It's a tradition (= we did it last year and so will do it again this year) for us to remind ourselves of a gentler, happier Glastonbury ten years ago through the medium of video while the new event is pouring out of Somerset.

Except, of course, ten years ago wasn't happy. It was bloody miserable; we know, because - while Blur were doing this set - we were stood watching them. Except, we weren't standing. We were treading water, to try and stop the top of our boots disappearing under the churning mud. It looks so much better from here:



More videos - and embittered reminiscence, no doubt - as the weekend continues
Lightning Seeds - The Life Of Riley
Catatonia - Road Rage
Placebo - Lady Of The Flowers
Portishead - Western Eyes
Underworld - Born Slippy

Signs of the impending apocalypse

Or, things you don't want to read in the subject lines of your inbox:

Simple Minds write songs for next album

They've got enough for a double. Send your children to the higher ground, and make peace with god.

UNKLE scavenger hunt

We know, we know: you're sick of bloody Glastonbury and if you were that bothered you'd have gone down to Somerset.

Luckily, it's possible to have some fun without catching trench foot or having Michael Eavis bark 'you ARE having fun' at you. Because this weekend, UNKLE are starting a sort of scavenger hunt, where you can start to collect a mini album from across four websites. The tracks go together to make up a whole piece, and they themselves are a bit of the forthcoming UNKLE album proper. There's a press release which explains it all:

Although fans will have to collect the tracks individually, when all four (tracks 5, 6, 7 and 8 on the album) are played consecutively, in order, they play as one extended, mixed piece of music that comprises the middle section of the record.

The four tracks will be made available as follows:

Track 5 - Kaned And Abel via UNKLE.com on Fri, June 27th

Track 8 - Chemical (feat. Josh Homme) via Pitchfork on Mon, June 30th
www.pitchforkmedia.com/page/forkcast

Track 6 - Blade In The Back (feat. Gavin Clark) via Rcrdlbl.com on Wed, July 2nd
www.unkle.rcrdlbl.com

Track 7 - Synthetic Water via UNKLE77.com on Fri, July 4th

You can scamper about the internet gathering the pieces from now. Or, of course, save yourself the effort and buy End Titles… Stories for Film when it comes out instead.

Well, fancy that

Guess who's not going to turn up at Glastonbury? Or, indeed, anywhere else much.

Okay, Amy Winehouse was a good guess, but it's not right (at least, not yet) - this time, it's Pete Doherty who has pulled out. And cancelled the Babyshambles tour, and possibly even fired his tour manager.

But we bet Gordon Smart still believes in his story about a Barat-Doherty reunion during the weekend.

Hang about - who's running London?

Boris Johnson isn't: He's in Glastonbury, hanging out with very dubious company indeed.

Glastonbury blog round-up: Heading down

This year, it seems, is to be the year when on-site unofficial coverage of Glastonbury is going to become familiar - for the last couple of festivals, there have been a couple of blogs attempting to report from the mud, but this year it's looking like that there's going to be a constant stream of coverage.

DJSemtex blogged before leaving:

Im on my way to Glastonbury, for some reason I’m not looking forward to it.

It could be the mud, it could be the fact that I wont be doing my radio show tonight, it could be the fact that its gonna take 8 hours to get there.

He's also planning to Twitter, although according to that he's been watching the Hulk for a week.
Fat Butcher's off there, too, although sounding a bit more positive, although less keen to do everything live:

Wellies, water, wipes… check. Train leaves at lunchtime and I’m weighed down with mixers and cables and fifty pence taped to my hand in case I get lost and need to ring my parents.

My first major festival sets of the year, working with Bassline Circus and Pointless Productions, will be updating with photos on my return.

Those who are staying at home seem content with their choice. The Crazy is Catching reckons it'd have been better for a year off; Tizyertiz reckons it should be "put out to pasture" altogether, and isn't sure about Jay-Z - and is able to call on experience of the last Glasto/hip-hop pyramid experiment to support their working:

Personally, I quite like hip-hop (although I'd have to say that I think most modern day hip-hop artists, such as Mr.Z, are pretty awful) but Glastonbury is not the place for it. I once stood in a field and saw Eminem and a number of other hip-hoppers do their thing but , for me, it just didn't work (especially when the majority of the crowd thought it would be fun to lob bottles filled with 'The Lord-Knows-What' at all and sundry).

That - liquid on stage - can ruin an act, as KANYE WEST YELLED AT US JUST THE OTHER DAY.

[Part of Glastonbury 2008]

Glastonbury web round-up: Third agers and PR

It's not enough that Glastonbury has embraced commercialism whole-heartedly, as every other company in the world jostles for a piece of Glasto-related coverage.

A bank rushes out a press release to somehow link Glastonbury with pension planning:

Emma Walkley, current account manager at [a bank that should have remained a building society] said: "Those attending Glastonbury this year will find themselves being entertained by the golden oldies, with Leonard Cohen, Neil Diamond and even Shakin' Stevens making an appearance.

"Not only are the over 50s taking over the line-ups at festivals but they are also making up a large proportion of the crowds - which just goes to show more and more over 50s have ambitions to enjoy exciting challenges and experiences well into later life."

Of course, using Leonard Cohen as an example of planning shrewdly for your retirement is taking you onto dodgy ground.

Anyway, will you have any money left over to invest in pensions if you listen to an insurance company, which warns you to make sure you get insurance:

Managing director for Direct & Partnerships at [an insurance company], Mike Quinton, said: "One in four British adults said they were planning on attending a festival this summer and it would be all too easy to get swept up in the summer spirit and forget to take even the simplest of precautions with their belongings.

"Our research shows that many music lovers are taking unnecessary risks by storing expensive goods in tents, carrying pricey items on them and failing to consider protecting themselves from theft. We urge all festival goers this summer to plan ahead, only take what they need to as well as checking their cover before they go."

It might be a bit late sending out the press release when people are already half-sleeping in their tents.

[Part of Glastonbury 2008]

Glastonbury paper round: Some people think she's just a pair of tits

"Some people think she's just a pair of tits", you know. Yes, Gordon Smart surpasses himself by running a photo of Dolly Parton that looks like something you would have seen in a swingers' magazine.

He pushes his point home home in the story:

GLASTONBURY chiefs have been promising us a BIG surprise guest on Sunday.

But I didn’t realise they meant the size of her boobs.

Do you see? She has breasts! Ha ha ha! Breasts!

Smart also runs the exciting news of Libertines reunion:

Libertines set to reunite at Glastonbury

Really?

Oh, no. It's a guess:

A source said: “Carl and Pete are writing together and are keen to test the songs. Carl’s acoustic show on Sunday would be ideal.”

A guess which, over in the Daily Star, is being strongly ruled out by Carl Barat:

“I’d like to check out Pete’s set if it doesn’t clash with mine but at the same time I don’t feel well enough to deal with all the attention that might get me – if the fans spotted me they’d probably want us to get up on stage.”

The Mail spots Amy Winehouse shopping for alcohol and Euro 2008 stickers:

perhaps a gift for the many young fans who regularly wait outside the singer's north London home

(Why would you give your fans pictures of footballers? Why would that be your first guess?)

The paper is sure she'll be at Glastonbury, having got it from the horse's mouth:

Meanwhile, Michael Eavis has given the clearest hint yet that Winehouse will be well enough to perform at this year’s Glastonbury festival.

The festival’s 72-year-old founder revealed last night that he was looking forward to seeing Miss Winehouse’s scheduled performance on Saturday more than any other.

An offer of a helicopter to fly her in and out of Glastonbury to assure her the minimum of stress has also been put in place.

Of course, given that Eavis had been confidently predicting a sell-out and a dry festival, you might want to take that with a giant salt lick.

Lucy Bannerman in The Times warns that rain might be the least of fans' problems this year:

[T]he element to fear this year may not be water, but wind.

Those who have pitched tents on the site at 900-acre Worthy Farm, Pilton, Somerset, will have to steel themselves for strong southwesterly winds, which are predicted throughout the festival. Light showers are also expected today and tomorrow, but campers should escape the torrential downpours that have blighted previous years. Temperatures will hang around the 19C (66F) to 20C mark.

The Somerset County Gazette counters that, actually, you should fear water, too:

[A]t the time of writing, the heavens have opened and festival-goers have been told to prepare for the mires of deep puddles and sticky mud.

What of the bands, though? The regional presses go for local heroes. The Daily Record ignores the Jay-Z hoo-hah and the will she won't she Wineshe, and reveals who the star of the event will be:

Derek Meins

Who he?

Scots Indie Singer Plans To Take Glastonbury By Storm

Oddly, the Glasgow paper chooses to focus on a down-page act on the Greenpeace stage rather than, say, bigger Scottish names. But then maybe that's understandable - would you really want to claim the Fratellis as your own?

Preparing for their slot, the Fratellis moan to the Guardian about their image:

[T]hey're reviled by many for the very reasons others love them. And that greatly annoys Lawler, who, as the middle-class son of two teachers, probably has more in common with the Fratellis' critics than with the people who buy their records.

"You can't pick your fans, can you?" he asks, having settled himself at an outdoor table overlooking the canal that runs behind the Paradiso. "But we're grateful to have fans. And I think when people describe us as a band to get drunk to, or a party band, it shows you how out of fashion rock'n'roll is. We get described as a pub band, but that's what rock'n'roll is. Twist and Shout was three chords and 'C'mon, c'mon, c'mon' - it was nonsensical. But that was why it was effective."

The Evening Gazette has two Teesside acts to cheer for:

THE CHAPMAN FAMILY (right) got their invite via In New Music We Trust, a promotion on BBC radio stations aiming to promote new, original music.
[...]
DIRTY WEEKEND submitted their demo tape in a competition and beat thousands of other hopefuls to bag themselves a spot.

Eben the Chorley Citizen has found a local angle:

They [The Grow Things] have also been booked to play the BBC's Introducing stage at this year's Glastonbury - the same stage graced by the Ting Tings shortly before they shot to fame.

Mind you, if the United Press International is to be believed, there's going to be more bands than fans there:

About 35,000 people are expected to attend the Glastonbury festival, which began Thursday.

Bloody hell - 100,000 unsold tickets? No wonder Eavis was loooking worried...

Glastonbury blog round-up: Jews and lesbians

Mark from the Wichita Recordings blog is travelling down with a "random posse" and hoping that the site makes its magic happen:

My first Glastonbury was in ‘85 and I’ve been to the vast vast majority ever since (skipped the first couple of years after they let the police on site) and even now whatever cynicism I feel in looking at the line ups quickly dosappears when you get on site.

And if magic doesn't work for you, there's always faith. More faith than ever before, explains TotallyJewish:

A Jewish tent will host a Friday night get-together as part of an “informal but Shomer Shabbat programme”, while there will also be activities on Sunday. Those performing inside the tent – which will be located next to the Hari Krishna tent and near the Glade stage - will include the anarchic GhettoPlotz collective, Clive Selwyn and comedian Katie Burnett.

And if you're not interested in magic, and not bothered by faith, there's always sex. Dirty Converse is covering the festival from the lesbian's point-of-view:

Question: What do you get if you put a woman with a chainsaw in the Field of Avalon? Shapely tree stumps and a lot of men. And fucking hundreds of lesbians!

“Charlie Dimmock’s got nothing on her,” was one of the more polite comments I overheard while watching my first display of chainsaw tree sculpting. Picture a well built woman in jeans brandishing a fucking huge motorised saw, carving up tree stumps like they are pieces of cheese.

Bolsoversion isn't going. And was happy with the choice. Until they realised what they'd done:

Alas, the nation’s media decided my resolve would be short lived. Every outlet was insistent on making me feel like a big Glastonbury loser. Radio One bombarded me with Glasto propaganda, The Guardian told me how amazing the festival would be, The Independent sang the praises of the Kings of Leon and Jimmy Cliff and BBC News showed endless clips of happy campers.

On the up side, I will be sleeping the next four nights in a warm bed, not a hard tent floor, but this doesn’t reduce my jealousy.

All I am now hoping for is a little bit of rain. Not too much (I don’t want to wish the misery of Sunday 2007 on my friends and family) but maybe just a bit.

[Part of Glastonbury 2008]

Glastonbury Web round-up: Wellies and webcams

This is the scene from Glastonbury now - or at 10.17 this evening, anyway - as captured by the BBC webcam. They've made a widget so you can poke it wherever you like, too.

The BBC are predicting that it's going to rain heavily tomorrow; Weather.co.uk suggest rain tonight, tomorrow and on Saturday. But Gigwise found someone prepared to buck the gloomy predictions:

Michael Eavis sold a pair of wellies this evening for one hundred pounds as he told festival goers there is no need for them, we have sunshine all weekend.

His daughter, talking to the NME, was slightly less positive about the prospects, but still upbeat:

[Emily] added that the site is looking good, and based on her knowledge of the air – Eavis grew up on the farm – while she is not expecting a totally dry weekend she's confident conditions will be much better than in previous years.

"It's beautiful down here today, It's boiling hot," Eavis explained. "I'm expecting a bit of a shower at some point over the weekend but we think it will be pretty fine all weekend from knowing what it's like here."

Sponsors Q have actually put on some music:

Q's Queen's Head was rammed full this evening as Glastonbury's musical treats kicked off. As the first main stage to swing into operation at this year's event, there was a huge crowd baying for tunes with the tent packed to capacity and more than a thousand more people at the fringes trying to catch the early acts.

Glasvegas and Santogold (pictured) were among those to benefit from the huge interest in the Queen's Head and the "up for it" crowd happily tolerated the latter's slightly late appearance after getting stuck in traffic on the way to the Somerset site.

Here's a simple rule of thumb: if you're going to use a creaking with-it phrase like up for it, daddio, don't draw attention to it by putting it in quotes.

Back to Michael Eavis, finally: the first video from this year's events to hit YouTube is this, shot at the official opening:


[Part of Glastonbury 2008]

Ting Tings do it for Gore

Current TV take a break from the usual gap-year-meets-Damien-Day fare to make room for this:

The Ting Tings talking about things.

Are we not Happy Meals?

This is New Wave Nigel, one of the characters you could collect at American branches of McDonalds as an American Idol themed toy with the Happy Meals.

Why, yes, there is a passing resemblance to Devo, what with the hat and all. And, since you mention it, Devo have noticed, too. And they're not Happy:

McDonald's & American Idol Go Low
By Co-Opting DEVO's Energy Dome

We recently discovered that DEVO has once again unwittingly intersected with mainstream pop culture.

McDonald's fast food restaurants are offering a series of American Idol TV show themed toys in their children's Happy Meals. One of the toys is named "New Wave Nigel", who sports an orange jumpsuit, punk shades, and an unmistakable DEVO Energy Dome. Flipping a switch plays a DEVO-esque song (which sounds a bit like a mutated version of DEVO's Doctor Detroit.

Was DEVO ever contacted by McDonald's, American Idol, or anyone else involved in making and distributing this toy wearing their trademark headgear?
Of course not. Pioneers who got scalped....again.

It's disgusting, this sort of commercial exploitation of a band who set their face against commerce. Except when they did the 2003 advert for Swiffer.

We're given to understand they had been negotiating to create an "Are we not Bells? We are Taco - T-A-C-O" campaign for a rival chain.

Coldplaigarism

After the claims that Coldplay might have borrowed one of the songs on their new album, former Macca PR bloke turned Coldplay spokesperson Murray Chalmers issued a strident denial:

"We totally refute their claims, and there are two facts that make it easy to disprove them," said the band's spokesman Murray Chalmers. "First, on the night in October when the band say Chris Martin was watching them, he was actually working at the Air Studio in London, and we can prove that. Second, even if he had been at the gig, "Viva la Vida" was written and demoed seven months before the night in question, so it couldn't possibly have been copied."

It's a terrible thing to be accused of, plaigarism, isn't it... oh, hang on, though, what's this The Times has noticed in an interview for Borders?:

But Martin hasn't done himself any favours with this promotional interview for the album in which he admits that Coldplay are "the world's worst—but most enthusiastic—plagiarists as a band".

It's curious to delight in your own musical 'borrowing' only to throw a massive strop when someone else accuses you of the same thing; perhaps it's just the band can't bear to be thought of stealing off people like Creaky Boards.

Glastonbury 2008: It's not a surprise if you tell people

Perhaps the decision to pre-announce Franz Ferdinand's 'surprise' appearance at Glastonbury tomorrow night is intended to try and shift some of those last few thousand tickets. But you can't help wondering if a surprise is slightly diminished by, erm, not being a surprise at all.

Glastonbury 2008: The uberpost

As inevitable now as the pictures of mud-covered teenagers, this is our annual post which gathers together the weekend posts marking Glastonbury.

You can read all the posts by checking the glastonbury 2008 tag.

Tuesday 24th
3,000 openings: charities pay price of Glasto overstock

Wednesday 25th
Guardian download freebie album

Thursday 26th
Glastonbury aflame
Franz Ferdinand: Surprise! Oh, not any more
Online: Webcams, weather and wellies
Blogs: Jews, lesbians and not going

Friday 27th
Paper round: Dolly's breasts, local heroes and missing 100,000
Online: PR jostles for coverage
Blogs: Memories of Eminem and promise of Tweets
Boris and Billy: together at last
No show Doherty
Blog round-up: Staying, and staying together
On TV: Does Zane Lowe have a plan B? Or a plan A-and-a-half?
Web round-up: For the love of pies

Saturday 28th
Paper round: Martha's wellies, and 2009's headliner revealed
Web round-up: Eavis fibs, Shaky disappoints
Flickr dip: Cook and crime
Blogs: A present for Beth Ditto
On TV: Crowded House, Neon Neon, Duffy
On TV: Amy staggers and Will Young appears
Blog round-up: The hitherto-unseen fire risk

Sunday 29th
Flickr dip: Duffy, positions for watching and complaints
Paper round: Winehouse lashes out, get lashed
Winehouse video
Web round-up: Jay-Z fights himself

Monday 30th
Morning-after round-up: Jay-Z and James Blunt

This year's festival video

Lest we forget
Glastonbury 2007
Glastonbury 2005
Glastonbury 2004

BPI eye P2P OK

Britain could be about to follow South Korea and offer a proper, licensed peer-to-peer network, as a result of government banging together heads of record companies and ISPs:

The co-operation follows the intervention of "Brown's Fist", the former advisor and Parliamentary Under-Secretary at BERR (the Department for Business, Enterprise & Regulatory Reform) Baroness Shriti Vadera. Vadera is understood to have threatened both the ISP and music businesses with reform and policy intervention, threats which encouraged both parties to open negotiations.

Interesting - if the Andrew Orlowski's report is correct, then it seems the reason why the BPI have been reluctant to push for legislation bringing in three strikes is fear of what the balance would be in return, then.

There are wrinkles still to be sorted out - not least the question of how much this is going to cost. Would we be expected to pay, say, eMusic subscription rates for a service where the consumer is providing the infrastructure for distribution - in other words, why should a subscriber pay as much for delivery when they drive to the depot to collect the product, and then drop off packages for other people?

More to the point, seriously, could the music industry cope with not being able to paint p2p as an evil, thief-riddled technology and play its part in promoting the idea that all that stuff they warned you about - viruses, secret porn, people stealing your files, cooties - isn't a problem all of a sudden?

[Thanks to Duncan G]

The Times legal pages: finger closer to the pulse than The Sun

While Gordon Smart was struggling to make something out of 'couple do different jobs; go to different places' this morning, he could have actually asked his colleagues on the Times' law desk if they had something a bit meatier.

They did: Frances Gibb and Adam Sherwin were reporting that Fiona Shackleton has been set up to represent Madonna if and when something decree-related happens. Shackleton, of course, took one for the Macca team when Heather Mills poured water over during the McCartney divorce sideshow, we think to indicate how terrible it was being portrayed as bit unpredictable by the media. It's not known if Guy Ritchie has an arsenal of water pistols, but chances are.

Glastonbury 2008: Countryside-type thing happens in countryside

Fire! FIRE! Run for your lives... Glastonbury's aflame.

Oh, hang on... it's not: there's just a small fire in a scrap metal yard a mile from the site. It might mean the traffic has a bit of trouble, but then it's a festival in the country. The traffic is always bad.

GCap fiddles comeptition; gets burned

GCap must have their own entrance to Ofcom, they're carpeted there so often. After a run of misudgements and accidents - the Easter Bunny saying "motherfucker" at breakfast, that sort of thing - they've now been hit with a massive fine for cheating their audiences.

The Secret Sound contest was deliberately fudged so that contestants with the wrong answer were put on the air, so that the competition could carry on rolling along, with listeners spending their cash on the premium-rate entry line. The competition ran across the One network - which shows one of the advantages of networking 'local' programming: it allows you to rip off people right across the country with one central con, instead of having to arrange thirty smaller cons in each licence area.

Seriously, though, you wonder if networking isn't partly to blame: if the team putting together the competition lived and worked amongst their audience, they might be less keen to agree to a scheme to cheat them. Either because they'd have a stronger sense of community and responsibility, or because they know the people they anger drink in the same pubs, send their kids to the same schools and shop in the same branches of Tesco as they use. It's easy to see people as saps to be shaken hard for cash when they're not your neighbours.

GCap didn't help themselves by not being entirely helpful when their duplicity was revealed:

Ofcom added that GCap's efforts to remedy the breaches of its licence obligations were also "entirely inadequate".

"GCap was neither as full or as frank as it should have been either with Ofcom or its listeners," it concluded.

Ofcom said GCap had made matters worse by its behaviour after the incident had come to light.

The regulator said the company's internal investigation "did not appear… to have been either thorough or extensive", with no formal written report produced and GCap's board given only a "verbal report" of what had happened.

The piddling refund offered - two pounds, regardless of how much the company had taken from your pockets - also didn't go down well with the regulator.

The upshot? GCap has been fined £1.1 million quid.

There is a footnote, though: This represents twenty-five times the money GCap made from the competiton. ITV had made about fifty million from premium rate competitions during the time it wasn't playing fair - oddly, their fine wasn't one and a quarter billion.

Gordon in the morning: Separate lives

Rav Singh has been banging away at the "Madonna marriage crisis" for a couple of weeks now, but clearly Gordon has been waiting until there was some, erm, facts to run with.

Or there was space amongst pictures of ladies in bikinis.

His big revelation? That Madonna and Guy are sleeping in separate rooms.

Yes, yes, they said that ages ago. But Gordon has 'discovered' they're doing it on trips away, too. He's so excited, as well as his photobyline:

Gordon Smart's Bizarre

He's given himself another byline as well:

By GORDON SMART
Bizarre Editor

So, what did Gordon Smart's Bizarre by Gordon Smart, editor of Bizarre by Gordon Smart have to share?

But while they were there Guy, 39, spent his time working on a new commercial with Hollywood star George Clooney.

And Madonna, 49, visited fashion designers to arrange costumes for her forthcoming tour.

So, erm, couple with different jobs do different things during the day, then.

But if that's a worry, there's also the recession to worry about:

MADONNA’S countryside retreat has lost £455,409 in value since January — making her the A-list celeb hardest hit by Britain’s housing slump.

Still, it's still worth over ten million, and - as far as we know - she's still managing to keep oiks like you and me orf her land - so it's not all bad news for her as she feels the credit crunching in the way we'd imagine her lower back must have been for years.

Auf wiedersehen, Pet

Be Your Own Pet have quit the Warped tour:

We regret to inform our fans that we will not be participating in this year's Warped Tour. We have been going non-stop for the past 6 months and didn't realize how much the intense schedule would take out of us. Something had to give and sadly its this tour.

Much, much too busy, then.

Their non-appearance has nothing, of course, to do with their previous observation about the Warped tour and the fools from whom it will be removing ticket cash:

I just associate it with a certain look and a certain style and the kind of kids at school that I thought were-- this is really bad, I'm sure-- the kind of kids that were dumbasses wearing Rancid t-shirts who thought they knew what punk rock was and threw things at people in the cafeteria.

So it's like, okay, now we're going to be performing for these people. Our label is under the impression that we're going to play one date and then automatically sell 100,000 more records. All those bands have this very specific look and sound and style. It's like the new hair metal or something. There are like 10 different rules about how you write a song and what everything sounds like and looks like.

Apparently, there's an extra rule about not slagging off the dumbasses in their Rancid t-shirts.

Cancer Bats: "Up for" as in "eligble for"?

The Cancer Bats - no, you haven't missed anything - proudly tell their fans via their MySpace that they're in with a sniff of a major award:

CANCER BATS are up for 3 awards at this year's Kerrang! Awards.

- Best Live Band
- Best Album ('Hail Destroyer')
– Best International Band

This is a huge deal and we need you, the fans to vote vote vote!
Head over to: www.kerrangawards.com and vote for Bats as much as you can!!!

The curious fan who follows this instruction - and the link - might be surprised to discover that the shortlist for the awards isn't out for another month. So, yes, you could say they're up for the awards, but only in the same way that Coldplay and Emmy The Great are - because there's nothing to stop anyone writing any name they like into the form at this stage.

Britain turns Green

The Reverend Al Green is on his way to the UK. Not quite yet, to be clear, but he'll be heading here come October:

Tuesday 28th October - Birmingham NIA Arena
Thursday 30th October - Glasgow Clyde Auditorium
Monday 3rd November - Manchester Evening News Arena
Wednesday 5th November - London Royal Albert Hall
Thursday 6th November - London Hammersmith Apollo

Kanye blogs. Then BLOGS SOME MORE!!!!!!!!

Kanye's Boonaroon experience wasn't a happy one. Now, he's extending the pain by posting a blog entry about it:

I am sick of negative people who just sit around trying 2 plot my downfall... Why???? I understand if people don't like me because I like me or if people think tight clothes look gay or people say I run my mouth to much, But this Bonnaroo thing is the worst insult I've ever had in my life. This is the most offended I've ever been... this is the maddest I ever will be. I'm typing so fucking hard I might break my fucking Mac book Air!!!!!!!! Call me any name you want.... arrogant, conceited, narcissistic, racist, metro, fag whatever you can think of.... BUT NEVER SAY I DIDN'T GIVE MY ALL! NEVER SAY I DIDN'T GIVE MY ALL! THIS SHOWS NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY TO BE GOOD AT SOMETHING THERE WILL BE PEOPLE THERE TO LIE ABOUT YOU AND BRING YOU DOWN! LIKE WAYNE SAYS PLEASE DON'T SHOOT ME DOWN CAUSE I'M FLYING! I'M FUCKING HURT BY THIS ONE. ALL I CARE ABOUT ARE THE FANS. JUST SAY THIS OUT LOUD IN A ROOM FULL OF PEOPLE, "KANYE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT GIVING A GOOD PERFORMANCE." CAN ANYONE HONESTLY SAY THAT ????????? HAS ANYONE EVEN TAKEN THE TIME TO AT LEAST DO THE MATH??? BONNAROO SHOULD HAVE RELEASED A STATEMENT IN MY DEFENSE BUT SINCE THEY HAVEN'T LET'S BREAK DOWN THE WALLS ON THIS TRUMAN SHOW AND LET YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY OCCURRED!!! FOR OVER A MONTH WE WENT BACK AND FORTH ON WETHER OR NOT WE COULD EVEN FIT MY STAGE AT THE FESTIVAL. ONE DAY THEY WOULD SAY YES... WE'D SEND THEM OUR SPECS THEN THEY THEY'D SAY OK... THEN THEY WOULD SEND SPECS BACK THAT DIDN'T FIT THE STAGE. WE WERE OBVIOUSLY DEALING WITH FUCKING IDIOTS WHO DIDN'T REALLY HAVE THE CAPACITY TO REALLY PUT ON THIS SHOW PROPERLY. THEY TRIED 2 GIVE ME A TIME SLOT WERE IT WAS STILL LIGHT OUTSIDE ... I HAVE A FUCKING LIGHT SHOW DUMB ASS, IT'S NOT CALLED GLOW IN THE DARK FOR NO REASON SQUID BRAINS! MY PEOPLE WORKED OUT A COMPROMISED STAGE PLOT AND A 3AM TIME SLOT AND I AGREED. FAST FOWARD TO THE DAY OF THE SHOW. MY PRODUCTION MANAGER TRIED TO LOAD IN FOR 24 HOURS BEFORE I WENT ON STAGE BUT THE FESTIVAL WOULDN'T ALLOW US TO DO ANYTHING UNTILL PEARL JAM LEFT THE STAGE. PEARL JAM ENDED ONE HOUR
LATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AT THAT POINT WE'RE RACING AGAINST THE SUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AT 4:20AM DON COMES BACK 2 THE BUS AND TELLS ME, " IT WOULD TAKE 45 MORE MINUTES TO PUT ALL YOUR PYRO IN!" I SAY I HAVE TO GET OUT THERE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE . I HIT THE STAGE AND PEOPLE HAD BEEN THROWING SHIT ON THE STAGE AND HAD ACTUALLY HIT THE JANE SCREEN WITH, I GUESS BOTTLES OR SOMETHING AND HAD BROKEN MY FUCKING SCREEN. REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE A SHORTY AND WATER WOULD HIT THE TV?????? WHEN I GOT 2 "THROUGH THE WIRE" I STEPPED ON THE FRONT PART OF MY STAGE AND THERE WAS SO MUCH LIQUID ON THE STAGE I COULDN'T MOVE WITHOUT SLIPPING. I HAD TO ADJUST MY WHOLE PERFORMANCE STYLE BECAUSE OF IT. A FEW MORE SONGS IN AND THE SONG WAS ON IT'S WAY UP.. I CUT A FEW SONGS FROM THE SET BECAUSE I WANTED PEOPLE 2 EXPERIENCE STRONGER WHILE THERE WAS STILL SOME DARKNESS TO PERFORM IT IN. I'VE STRUGGLED WITH STRONGER FROM IT'S CONCEPTION. REMEMBER LAST SUMMER WHEN I CANCELED SOME TV APPEARANCES. IT WAS BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO PERFORM STRONGER IN THE DAYTIME. ANYONE WHO CAME TO THE GLOW TOUR CAN UNDERSTAND WHY I WANTED PEOPLE TO SEE IT PROPERLY. IT BROKE MY HEART THAT I COULDN'T GIVE THESE FANS STRONGER IN IT'S GREATEST FORM... BY THE TIME I GOT TO STRONGER IT WAS DAYTIME AND IT BROKE MY HEART. I'M SORRY TO EVERYONE THAT I DIDN'T HAVE THE ABILITY 2 GIVE THE PERFORMANCE I WANTED TO. I'M SORRY... SOMETIMES I GO 2, 3 DAYS W/O SLEEP WORKING ON MY PERFORMANCE... I HAVE TO ICE MY KNEES AFTER EVERY SHOW AND THEY HURT WHEN I WALK THROUGH THE AIRPORT... HAVING AN EXPENSIVE STAGE CUTS MY PAYDAY IN HALF... CALL ME WHAT YOU WANT BUT NEVER SAY I DIDN'T GIVE MY ALL!!!

In other words: Pearl Jam over-ran, please don't think I was holding back but I was afraid of slipping and looking silly, and fuck it, I think I've got my Mac Air Caps Lock stuck on.

Must we fling this filth at our non-black metaller kids?

Poor old Emil Koverot. The guitarist with black metal band Bloodsrit had been offered a teaching job at his local school in Västervik, Sweden, only to find that he got sacked before he started as the school suddenly decided that his musical career might be incompatible with the whole shaping-young-minds-thing.

Koverot has done what any self-respecting metaller would do: He's resorted to sacrifice and slaughter to avenge the dishonour. Or, rather, he might, if his appeal to the local ombudsman fails.

He sees himself as the latest in a long line of musicians kept down by The Man:

“It’s the same old stereotypes,” he said.

“It’s the same way people reacted to the Beatles in the 1960s.”

Although, to be fair, most people rushed out and bought Beatles records in large numbers and - as far as we know - the suitability of Ringo taking a role as a classroom helper in Knotty Ash never came up, so we can't be sure.

Also, it's not quite the same thing anyway, is it? The Beatles had songs about love and hand-holding, whereas a typical Bloodsrit lyric runs more like this:

I drag the worthless priest ashore
He screams endlessly in naked fear
I am an eternal veil of evil torture
And I take pleasure in his agony

He is being crucified upon a cross
And boiling blood is poured upon him
His face explodes in bursting heat
As I whip his soul a thousand times

Apart from anything, could you have a person teaching who thinks there's any way you can be crucified other than on a cross?

How Noel Gallagher got his groove back

We were thinking the other day that most of the first wave of fans of Dadrock are probably actual Dads now. But still, the Dadrock keeps coming, as Oasis unveil plans for a new album. And they're going dance:

Speaking about the album, Noel Gallagher said: "I wanted to write music that had a groove."

It's called Dig Out Your Old Parka, They're Back Again. Or maybe Dig Out Your Soul. And Noel... let's try and pay attention... he's excited... really...

"I wanted a sound that was more hypnotic; more driving. Songs that would draw you in, in a different way. Songs that you would maybe have to connect to - to feel."

Of their new single Gallagher said: "If 'The Shock Of The Lightning' sounds instant and compelling to you, it's because it was written dead fast. And recorded dead fast.

Eh? In order to feel the songs you have to have a connection with them? Isn't that true of any piece of art, ever? And why... recorded fast... compelling? How? What? Need... no... silence...

Free and lovely

To celebrate their involvement in Glastonbury, the Guardian's music site are making available a free album's worth of downloads, including the mighty Operator Please and Neon Neon. And CSS.

There is some White Denim on there, too, but these things happen even in the best-regulated households.

(Satire)

Thom C drops us an email to alert us to Guido Fawkes' blog suddenly embedding music videos (don't worry, we're not going to retaliate by suddenly throwing adverts for Total Sport Film Politics all over the place.

Guido is championing Billy Ruffian, who have written a song in support of David Davis and his 42 day stunt. Sort-of.

Let's not quibble that they seem to have confused John Stuart Mill with Hayley Mills, and instead ponder why the song - sung from Davis' point of view:

Canada can detain for just one day,
And it's two days for Germany and the USA,
Russia has five, Italy has four,
So why do we require 38 more?"

"There's no argument for it, mine's the argument against,
I want the voters to come down off the fence,
I've gambled my job and my political future,
Mr. Brown debate with me on any day that suits you."

Trouble is, of course, that Davis has happily supported - and, indeed, continues to support - 28 days, which is equally random and - a quick tap of the calculator suggests - 24 more than Italy.

The other question, of course, is the awkward question of what effect this has on the people of Haltemprice and Howden. With Davis only campaigning on one issue, either they're going to have to vote for a man with no manifesto commitment to indicate how he might represent their wishes in Parliament on other questions of the day, or else will have to withdraw from anything other than votes on 42 Days. Either way, the constituency is being denied proper representation - is effectively disenfranchising a large swathe of the North-East really the act of a defender of individual liberty?

The comment on Guido's blog includes an entry from Billy Ruffian:

Just to clarify, I wouldn't exactly say we're Davis supporters - we're made up of two wussy liberals and an anarchist.

They steal a Tony Hancock gag:

What about Magna Carta? Did she die in vain?

That's from the Half Hour, Twelve Angry Men, where Hancock exploits the legal system in order to boost his own personal finances by extending the jury deliberations. We'd like to think using the appeal from a man who was interested in justice, but only up until it started to cost him, was intentional. But we're guessing not.

Gordon in the morning: Crossover

Never mind the Who / Torchwood / Sarah Jane Adventures triple crossover this weekend. This morning, it's Gordon In The Morning meets Gennaro Castaldo Watch.

Yes, Gordon's attempt to try and argue that Coldplay are cool was struggling:

IT’S become fashionable for so-called music fans to dislike COLDPLAY.

But that means there are 500,000 uncool people in the UK alone who have rushed out to buy the band’s latest album Viva La Vida Or Death And All His Friends in the last fortnight.

And I am not ashamed to be included in the figures.

Really, Gordon? You went out and bought it? In a shop? But didn't you tell us that you'd been sent a free copy to review before it came out?

Still, Gordon feels his love of the band has been justified because of the sales:

They have claimed the ultra-rare honour of scoring a No1 in the single and album charts on both sides of the Atlantic — putting them alongside musical greats including THE BEATLES in terms of transatlantic success.

Gordon doesn't mention the Beatles did it back when it wasn't quite so easy; not the way Coldplay released their records during this bit-of-a-lull period for record sales to boost the chance of this sort of thing happening. (The sales of the album were huge, but the double chart-topper probably wouldn't have happened if they'd tried it in, say, December.)

And Gordon does allow that it's not automatically a guarantee of never-ending cool:

The last British act to achieve the double double was ROD STEWART back in 1971.

Younger readers might be unaware that Rod Stewart is actually the father of Rod Stewart's Daughter.

Gordon tries another tack: they're modern:

Coldplay have embraced the challenges facing the music industry and harnessed the power of the internet.

= their tunes are available for download. Like the Top Gear album and the Thunderbugs back catalogue.

Struggling to demonstrate why 'selling like baked beans or bus tickets' is the same thing as being great, Gordon calls in Gennaro:

HMV’s Gennaro Castaldo said: "The interest we have seen in Viva La Vida has been truly phenomenal — both online, where we’ve taken the most amount of pre-orders for an album ever, and also across all our stores, for which we placed one of the largest orders in our company’s history.

"So while many more of us are downloading, this clearly shows that the music-loving public still love their CDs."

"The most amount of pre-orders"? Clearly, parachuting into Gordon's column has damaged Castaldo's power of control over the English language.

Still flailing, Gordon manages to describe Coldplay's sales as if he's talking about bird flu:

Coldplay are now No1 in 14 countries around the world, including Australia, Japan, Korea, Germany and Israel.

In record company speak, they have conquered all the vital territories — Japan, America and Europe.

It spreads so easily these days because of air travel, you see.

If that’s uncool, then I’m happy to be part of Chris Martin’s geeky gang.

Not just proud, but - by getting a lead story out of 'popular, mid-market band sell lots of records to middle markets' - you've become their cheerleader. If ever Murdoch tires of you, EMI's press department will always have a home for you.

"and that will be a $750million booking fee, please"

Ticketmaster has been spun off - or, perhaps, thrown out of - its parent company. It'll go independent in 2009, carrying three quarters of a billion dollars in debt.

It's not, perhaps, the best time to be trying to set up a debt-laden company that doesn't really do anything much beyond act as a middleman. Apparently they've got lots of ideas about how they can pay off the debt and thrive - we suspect the business plan includes the words "bigger booking fees".

Someone still love you, Boris Johnson

It's not just the slightly-optimistic anonymous commenter who is applauding Boris Johnson's decision to drop the anti-racism from the anti-racist Rise festival; some of his political opponents do too.

Indeed, the BNP are claiming the idea for their own, reports the Guardian diary:

The decision to strip the anti-racist theme from Rise, London's anti-racist festival, has won plaudits from the BNP. Indeed, their man says the whole thing was his idea.

Of course, as the commenter rightly pointed out, there's no reason to infer from the redirecting of Rise that Boris is racist. And just because you're getting applause from the BNP doesn't automatically make you a right-wing stooge. It does all look a bit petty and clumsy, though. You know, kind of like that 2003 Taki article that appeared in The Spectator when he was editor.

Donovan still slapped about The Face

We don't think Jason Donovan should have sued the Face all those years ago, but even so, it's probably unfair on him that, fifteen years on, the case is reported as having been about being called gay. Today's G2, for example, notes:

Beckham's ease with his image represents a major shift in attitudes from 15 years ago, when Jason Donovan sued the Face for libel over a gay rumour. He won the case and an award of £200,000, but emerged appearing catastrophically homophobic. Having alienated a large section of his fanbase, his career never truly recovered.

He should have shrugged and moved on, but his case against the magazine was not that it called him gay; it was that it called him a liar. That he was supposedly lying about his sexuality wasn't really the point, and certainly it's unfair to suggest that he came off as homophobic during the case.

It should also be remembered that he cut a deal with The Face which allowed it to keep it publishing - he was seeking an apology rather than vengeance.

The irony, of course, is that the brief mention of his name in an article about outing would, by now, have been forgotten; the legal action just ensures that nobody can write an article about the closet without throwing in a reference.

Lavigne fans rig YouTube stats

How, you might wonder, are the slender ranks of those who still believe in Avril Lavigne managing to show their enthusiasm for her so much that her Girlfriend video has become the most-watched option on YouTube?

By rigging it: there's a page which happily refreshes the video page every fifteen seconds, with instructions to Avrilophiles to:

keep this page open while you browse the internet, study for exams, or even sleep. For extra viewing power, open up two or more browser windows at this page!

Of course, as it resets every fifteen seconds, the bonus is that you can build Avril's page views without the video ever reaching the song's introduction. Even her biggest fans, it seems, would rather not have to listen to the awful tune.

McFly album: Now on a par with a catalogue of deck shoes

We could see the free Prince album giveaway - clearly, nobody much was going to pay for a Prince album, but might have been just curious enough to take a free copy with the Mail On Sunday.

But now, the Mail has done a deal to give away a free McFly album:

Tom Fletcher told the BBC: "We get to put [the album] into almost three million homes, which is an incredible opportunity for us. Hopefully the three million people will all enjoy the music and they'll decide to see us when we go on tour."

It's a lovely dream; we do like to picture three million people turning up eager to see McFly, like some sort of Jarrow March.

But we'd not picture there being much of a crossover between the McFly target audience (if such a thing still exists) and the sort of people who take the Mail On Sunday, and really the exciting opportunity is to put three million discs straight into landfill. At least if they did the giveaway through the Observer, the readers would recycle them.

Other types of sunglasses are available

An email alerts us to the nifty deal done by IPC to get the NME picture galleries sponsored by RayBans.

RayBans used to be a cool youth brand twenty years ago, you know; now, they're riding off a fading reputation. Can't see any synergy between them and the NME there.

Still, there's nothing wrong with a bit of clearly-labelled sponsorship, so long as it's kept separate from the editorial and there's no suspicion that plugs are being scattered through the actual business of the paper, eh? The three plugs for the brand are entirely valid.

At least there's a faint stirring of conscience:

And as much as we'd love to hate this kind of corporate stuff, we have to admit that those Ray Bans are pretty darn nice.

... and so long as you get a positive mention of the sponsor in while you try and salve your better nature, it's all okay, yeah?

Glastonbury: Still unsold tickets

Twenty four hours before the hardcore start to pitch tents, there are still Glastonbury tickets left unsolde:

"There were about 3,000 left this morning," Mr Eavis told the BBC News website on Tuesday.

"But they are going out slowly. We did about 800 yesterday so we'll just about scrape home without losing my shirt."

Well, yes - his shirt is safe:

Mr Eavis said the charities that receive money from the festival - Water Aid, Oxfam and Greenpeace - were likely to lose out as a result of any unsold tickets and the rising cost of staging the event.

Even Glastonbury is feeling the pinch of the rising oil prices - those wind turbines don't take up all the slack, you know.

The latest weather forecast: cloudy for Friday and Sunday, light rain for Saturday.

Barat's out

With Amy Winehouse released under doctor's orders - and being snapped smoking a fag as she drove away from the hospital - it's better news to hear that Carl Barat has also been discharged:

"I am feeling much better, almost as good as I ever do. It's not as bad as I thought, it appears that the pancreatitis was probably caused by a combination of the medication I was talking (for congestion that I still get after my ear operation) and maybe the odd drink too many.

"I was discharged from hospital at the weekend, which was liberating. I have been told to take it easy this week and I shan't be over exerting myself, which may be difficult as the LP is out next week and there are rehearsals to be had. Anyways, as long as I behave I should be right as rain (back to full health) before you know it."

We love that he explained the meaning of 'right as rain' - presumably in case there were any Baltic web moderators reading.

Wood withdraws paintings

We know that Ronnie Wood's reputation as an artist is that he's not that bad, in a helps-he's-famous way, but it doesn't help enough when you ask people to shell out cash for his work.

Wood was trying to flog a picture of himself and Rod Stewart on eBay, but has withdrawn the lot after it only managed about half the reserve. Mind you that was five hundred quid, so it's not like people were totally turning their noses up.

Perhaps if he'd only done Rod...

Bookmarks: Some stuff to read on the internet

Juliana Hatfield continues her exploration of her back catalogue - reaching Congratulations:

I found a way to throw in the word “jellyroll” because I wanted to — was always trying to — vie for inclusion into the rock and roll continuum, which started back with all the blues guys who sang about “jellyroll.” And then there was Lou Reed. I wanted to be included in that club. The rock and roll boys club. For the same reason, I named my first album “Hey Babe.” Like Lou Reed sang. It all comes back to Lou Reed, doesn’t it?

Gordon on the radio

Gordon Smart is currently on Today, trying to knock down the suggestion that female celebrities get a rougher ride than male celebrities. He offered the suggestion that he wrote about Pete Doherty as much as Amy Winehouse - although, if he was being honest, he'd have admitted that Doherty was covered more because of his connection with Kate Moss (and, recently, with Amy) than in his own right - Doherty was promoted to tabloid regular status because he was Moss' boyfriend, not because he was Barat's brother in arms.

Effectively, in the end, Gordon accepted the charges:

"[T]here will be a male slant on things I write... of course we reflect stereotypes in the way we write."

... but then he could hardly do otherwise, could he, with his acres of bangers and trumpeting of "shagger of the year". What he might have said is that the column was more-or-less dealing in the same stereotypes when Victoria Newton was the picture above the stories, but it didn't seem to occur to him.

Chest-to-chest: Papa Winehouse against the business

From emphysema to "a little bit of emphysema" to not having emphysema at all: what an amazing recovery Amy Winehouse has made a wonderful improvement.

The latest intervention has come from her US publicist:

A publicist for Winehouse later said [Mitch] had misspoken "out of his concern for her."

"She is not diagnosed with full-blown emphysema, but instead has early signs of what could lead to emphysema," Tracey Miller, her U.S.-based representative, told The Associated Press on Monday.

Yes, because who would be in a better place to judge the true state of someone's health? The father who took her to hospital and was at her bedside while doctors tried to work out what had caused her to collapse, or a New York based spokesperson.

Still, bloody lucky that it's not "full-blown" emphysema (a medical term we've not come across before) - can you imagine the insurance implications for the record company if they had to send someone with emphysema out to promote records?

Gordon in the morning: A rash of puns

If we didn't know better, we'd assume that this morning's Bizarre had been knocked out by someone for whom English was a third, or maybe fourth, language, as bad pun piles on top of bad pun.

Sarah Harding in a bikini? Why, she's "tan-tastic" and - because you can see her belly - "tum-thing's up".

Coleen McLoughlin planning to display her wedding dress? That would make her a "troophy wife", then.

Paris Hilton photographed at a masked ball? She's got "no hiding face", then.

Yes, no hiding face. No, we don't know what a hiding face is, nor why putting a mask over it means that it isn't there. Perhaps they've overdosed on Doctor Who.

Talking of which, Billie Piper makes an appearance with an actual - sort of - story; she fears that the topless scenes in Diary Of A Call Girl might have ruined her chances of a Hollywood career:

“Someone said the other day, rather viciously, ‘What A-list stars get their tits out?’

“And then I started thinking, ‘Oh, my God, what have I done? I’ve ruined my future career.’”

Yes. It's not like you can think of a squillion Hollywood movies where the female lead does naked squirming, is it?

To be honest, Billie, it's going to be less likely that going topless harmed your career. It's more the choice of role - after all, who is going to hire an actor who's played a blogger on-screen?

Allen's alright, says bloke who gave her a job

Despite the poor viewing figures and lukewarm critical reception, Danny Cohen is sure that giving Lily Allen a job presenting TV was a good choice:

"Sometimes I think, well what do you want, critics? We try to nurture new talent and then people lay into them. I think people have been tough on Lily.

"She is incredibly talented and charismatic, and I tend to agree with one or two critics who have suggested that she might not have had the same level of criticism if it had been a man presenting."

Well, yes, it might be a bit hard on you to complain had you done something more inspired in the search for new talent than gone "oh, let's get someone who's already famous for doing something else and get them to present a show..." - it's not like you spent weeks auditioning newcomers and watching showreels before discovering a fresh face, is it?

And, perhaps, she'd have got an easier ride if she'd been a bloke. Just maybe. (Although being a man didn't help Eagle Eye Cherry much, did it?) But certainly, if she'd been any good doing a show that was half watchable, she'd have been given an even easier one.

GCap screws up... thrice

Perhaps it's all the thought of mergers and networking, but GCap radio stations seem to keep getting themselves into trouble with Ofcom. A couple of weeks ago, a slew of their stations were ticked off for failing to play the music they'd promised; this time round, Ofcom have had to consider a complaint about the surprisingly enthusiastic commentary about a car dealership on Mercia FM:

“…I’m going to get myself over to Coventry’s new Sytner Car Garage on Holyhead Road, between now and Sunday, and pick myself up a brand new BMW M3 saloon
… it’s all very sparkly. They’re unveiling this new M3. Get yourself down there before
Sunday and have a look at all the new nice shiny cars they’re showing off. We’ll be
out and about … giving out prizes, giving out leaflets, explaining what’s going to be
down there. So come and find us in and about Coventry and get down to Sytner on
the Holyhead Road… ”

GCap suggested this was just an enthusiastic young team member making a slip; Ofcom were less forgiving:

We do not believe it is reasonable to say that there was editorial justification to refer to the garage and its products in such exuberant terms simply to describe the Thunder Co-ordinator’s intended location.

More surprisingly, listeners in the West Country were surprised to hear this trail on GWR at breakfast time:

“Easter bunny here. If you laugh at my big teeth again, I’ll knock yours out. Happy f(*)cking Easter, you fatmotherf(*)cker”.

The presenters had bleeped out the vowel sounds in the words and - for some reason - thought that would be good enough.

Oddly, Ofcom seem only to be bothered about the swear words themselves, not the concept of the Easter Bunny threatening violence - which, surely, is a little extreme for a family radio programme?

Oh, and for good measure, XFM played a track with "shit" and "motherfucker" in the lyrics.

Still, at least GCap aren't as terrible as the error made by First Baltic Music Channel - another one of those overseas services which are regulated by Ofcom as they play out from the UK. Indeed, their slip was so bad, it might be the first time Ofcom has considered a complaint from another nation's media regulators, as the Lithuanian TV regulator issued an objection to this scrolling text message, which went out three times:

“To the Aryans! Happy New Year! Love, happiness and success in the New Year! From the Skinheads”

First Baltic Music's response is quite surprising:

Baltic Media Alliance said that all its programmes comply with the Code. It said that
the moderator who allowed the text message to be broadcast had checked the
wording of the message with Microsoft Word’s dictionary which stated that “Arian”
was a “follower of the ancient Greek Christian theologian Arius” and that a “skinhead”
was either a nickname or a British description for a closely-cropped hairstyle. It said that neither one of these terms breached the Code. It said that moderators have a
short time in which to check and consider any message to be broadcast and that in
instances where there is uncertainty, moderators are instructed to check the meanings of words through the Microsoft Word dictionary.

So, it was all Bill Gate's fault for not making the Microsoft Word dictionary a little more explicit about racism, then. Ofcom's judgement suggested that compliance might require a little more effort than merely hoping Word would underline racist bigotry with a squiggly purple line.

Switch off analogue radio, says digital radio team

The Digital Radio Working Group - appointed by government to think deep thoughts about promoting digital radio in the UK - have called for analogue to be switched off altogether.

Well, yes, that's one way of persuading people to buy digital radios.

But they turn out to be in no great hurry - they're suggesting the switch-off of FM should be completed by 2020, or three full years after the robot ants make us our their slaves. This far-distant future vision is compounded by the belief that, along with some talk of trying to get European harmonisation, the main way radio will be listened to a decade or so hence will still be DAB:

"We believe that, at least for the foreseeable future, the UK market must adopt DAB as the main digital radio broadcast platform. The UK DAB market is well developed and we believe it is not sensible, at this stage, to switch to technologies which are not compatible with the more than 7m DAB sets already sold."

It would make far more sense, then, to hobble on with DAB for a few more years yet, and then realise that the smart money is on IP radio delivered through internet connections of one sort or another. Still, then we can convene a group to recommend DAB switch-off in 2045.

Everything is just noise

We could be scabby about the new Verve single* but, in the spirit of fairness, you could make up your own mind: Love Is Noise is streaming off of their MySpace now.

Zane Lowe claims he was blown away after thirty seconds, although nothing happens at the half minute mark that hadn't already been happening.

* If we were going to be scabby, we'd suggest it was the sort of song a band who knew they once wrote tracks that were better than anyone would have ever expected trying to desperately remember how it is they did it; it's like watching someone who won a lottery jackpot trying to win it back after they'd burned through the cash, confusing a lucky break with innate talent.

And didn't the United Nations mandate that if love is anything, it's a Big Scary Animal?

Karma: 'come in' not on

Boy George's plans of a tour of America have hit a problem - the whole drugs business is causing him visa problems:

"There are a number of public figures who are openly using drugs and they have no problem with immigration and I have seriously turned my life around and I feel great right now and this is just another reminder of how bad things were," he said.

"I committed a crime and I happily paid the consequences and I should be allowed to move on and get on with what I do best and that is performing and making people dance and cry!"

Making people cry? Has he started giving the audience chinese burns?

It's true that people who are known to be drug users might come and go through America's airports with nothing more than a spot of laboured autograph signing. But, generally, they haven't managed to get involved in a whole police investigation swinging round rent boys and your own coke and god knows what else was going on; and, normally, while applying for visas won't have recently been arrested on charges relating to false imprisonment on this side of the Atlantic.

Glastonbury forecast

Good news, bad news: the Sunday is now being predicted to be dry - partly cloudy. Saturday is down to be foggy - so pack your, um, foglights. Friday, on the other hand, is showing light rain. It might not be cracking the flags, but Glastonbury might be about to swerve the mud.

Lily Allen takes on the BNP

Yes, yes, it's very easy to mock Lily Allen's crunchingly bad song about racism. Very easy indeed, in fact, given the lyrics:

You're just some racist
who can't tie my laces
your point of view is medieval

- making use of the little known fact that kneejerk hatred of other races also renders you incapable of tying a shoelace when it's someone else's feet. It's not believed, reassuringly, that simply being unable to tie someone's laces without going round behind them and putting your hands through their legs, in itself, a sign of racist views.

We presume that 'you can't tie my laces' is meant to mean something along the lines of 'you're not fit to lick my shoes', although it doesn't.

Anyway, where were we? Oh, yes, easy to mock, but she has sort-of called out the BNP on this one:

"This song is not a direct attack at anyone, it was originally written about the BNP in the UK but then I felt this issue has become relevant pretty much everywhere."

Given that the song - called Guess Who Batman - includes the lyric "fuck you, fuck you very much" it's hard to see how it isn't direct, and calling the BNP medieval and either unfit, or unable, to lace up Allen's pumps seems to be a bit of an attack. "I've written a song telling the BNP to fuck off, but not in an attacking way" is a strange position, suggesting reserves of courage not quite as deep as those of conviction. Being fair, though, when organisers of Love Music, Hate Racism gigs get death threats, you can understand her keeping a cautious eye open.

Amy Winehouse might want a further opinion

Having done a round of the papers over the weekend to collude with reports that Amy Winehouse was seriously ill, at death's door and had only a month to live, now Mitch Winehouse is popping up to say that, despite that, Amy is going to play Glastonbury:

Mr Winehouse told BBC Newsbeat that his daughter will be able to fulfil her commitments.

“She will be well enough to be at Glastonbury, not could be,” he said. “She's well enough to be at Glastonbury now.”

Although if she is, it's not clear why she's in hospital.

Now, we can't pretend to be experts on emphysema, but given that it's a lung problem which causes shortage of breath, does it really make sense to bus her off to a farmyard and/or park to stand around in the cool night air bellowing to be heard above thousands of cheering people? Especially a few days after being released from hospital?

Surely nobody would be putting her career - and a slot on a telecast Nelson Mandela birthday gig - ahead of her health, though, so we'll have to assume that, yes, she is well enough.

Amazon preps Euro downloads

It can't come soon enough - Amazon executives are, reportedly, in London - and not for the weather. The rumours point to the long-awaited launch of Amazon's DRM-free mp3 download store on this side of the Atlantic. No timing yet, no formal announcement, but the inevitable just crept a little closer.

Beatles leap iTunes, straight to video games

Having spent the last forever grumpily sitting out the digital download world, PaidContent are reporting that the Beatles are in talks to bring their back catalogue to video games.

Bagsy me not Ringo!

Darkness at 3AM: Giggling at the seriously ill

Oh, tee hee hee - Amy Winehouse is seriously ill, and - snurkle! - could be dead within a month. Ho ho ho.

No, it doesn't seem to be particularly funny, but the 3AM Girls are determined to see the funny side, with a sideways look at a Amy's illness:

Call an Amybulance!
MEDICS ON RED ALERT FOR WINO'S MANDELA GIG

Haw! And if she dies - giggle - they'd need to call the Amytakers, wouldn't they? Snork!

Gordon in the morning: Is he on leave?

It'd be unlikely that Gordon Smart could keep up the standard he's achieved week in, week out, without taking a little break every now and then, and at the moment there's a sense that his involvement in his own column consists of little more than allowing his photo to sit at the top of the page.

Let's hope he's on leave, because if he's at his desk signing off on headlines like Wish Roo Were Here, he's desperately in need of a holiday. This is over the top of a story which sees the probably best uninvaded privacy of the wedding of the woman from the Asda adverts and the ruddy-faced footballer enters the honeymoon period.

That's the actual honeymoon period, not that couple and paparazzi have come to some sort of mutual agreement. We know the coverage has been grinding on for so long now nobody cares, but since Wayne Rooney is a vital part of the honeymoon, and the picture shows him and Colleen enjoying a quick gamble, isn't "Roo" actually there? Am I missing something?

The couple went to see George Michael:

German tourist Lars Lamade, 37, said: “It was a real shock to see Wayne Rooney at a George Michael concert. I recognised him straight away. He and Coleen loved it, they stayed right until the end."

It was a shock? Why, exactly? Surely it might have been mildly surprising but it's not like it was, say, a You've Got Foetus On Your Breath gig, which might be a strange place to see Rooney. Or maybe if it was Cup Final day and the Manchester Uniteds PLC were playing in it, it would be shocking to see Rooney watching a run through of Listen Without Prejudice Volume Two. But an off-season gig by the sort of name you'd not blink to have seen listed under 'favourite artist' in the now-defunct SuperFocus column of Shoot!? Not too shocking, is it?

More evidence that Smart is off somewhere with a pedalo and the latest Louise Bagshawe novel is the appearance of the word conundrum in a ho-hum bit of fluff alongside a picture of Russell Brand with a woman.

Meanwhile, Guy Ritchie is planning to launch an offensively over-priced whisky:

The Macallan currently sell the most expensive whisky — for around £20,000 a bottle.

But this is small change for ambitious Guy.

The source revealed: “He plans to stuff the current top prices with his brand.

“He reckons there are plenty of rich businessmen and rock stars who would pay six figures for the world’s best whisky.”

They might - god alone knows, there are many people who seek new ways to rub people's noses in their pile of cash ("I don't like to rub my money in people's faces, it wrinkles the notes, so I photograph it and rub the pictures in people's faces" as Laura Solon put it) but is there any kudos in pissing your cash away on whisky made by 'the bloke who makes the same awful film over and over again'? Wouldn't Ritchie be better offering to make the vinegar for Barry Norman's Pickled Onions?

Capital of Culture Update: There's more to Beatlepool than the Livers

If we cast our mind back to the point of spending a small fortune on the Capital of Culture, it was to show the world that there was more to Liverpool culture than the Beatles. So far - if you ignore the coverage of the financial disasters - it's been marked with Ringo at the opening, McCartney at Anfield, and a guest appearance from Yoko. And Beatles topiary.

Now, then, they've added the "first ever" Beatles Day, an event marking the, erm, 44th anniversary of, um, the first time they returned home after playing America. Let's face it, we've all been on the edge of seats wondering exactly what they'd be doing for such a significant anniversary.

There are plans that the day will generate money for charity, which is fair enough, but really it's more like a confirmation that the official view of the city is that, pretty much, it's Beatles or nothing. Imagine if all the council and local media effort that goes into bolstering the Macca-Lennon myth had been spent on finding a way to keep the Picket where it should have been and the rehearsal spaces in the heart of the city.

[Thanks to Jim M for the link]

Cathal Coughlan Weekend: Dusty In Here

Moving into Cathal Coughlan's solo era, now: here he is, covering the Go Betweens, in Dublin:



[Part of Cathal Coughlan weekend]

Levellers headline Glastonbury

That should keep Noel Gallagher happy at least. Although they're only headlining the Leftfield, erm, field. And it's on the Thursday - before the official start of the festival. But, still, all those people who moaned on about Jay-Z will doubtless turn up to watch, won't they?

Showbiz Zoe puts Winehouse in a chair

The Sunday Mirror's Showbiz Zoe Showbizoe has some alarming news about Amy Winehouse:

Frail Amy Winehouse has been struck down by the deadly lung condition emphysema - and she could be in a wheelchair within a MONTH if she doesn't stop smoking crack cocaine, her dad revealed last night.

And needing an oxygen mask all the time, too.

Mitch Winehouse is happy to detail his daughter's health problems in full, gory detail - because somehow that would help her overcome her addictions:

"After lots of tests they found a lump in Amy's chest. A scan has shown it's not cancerous and there are no traces of cancer in her blood. But they might need to double check.

"There is a chance she might need a biopsy. If they need to cut the lump out then that will mean a massive and painful operation and a lot of recuperation.

At the moment that doesn't look likely.

"When they told me she had a lump, I was very, very worried. At times Amy seems nervous about it but she doesn't panic until something's 100 per cent."

Luckily, though, Mitch has no such compulsion about waiting until things are confirmed before putting in a call to the Mirror Group.

Rav rattles Madge marriage again

We'd imagine Rav Singh expects us to hear the voice of eve-of-war Neville Chamberlain as we read the opening of his latest dispatch:

I'M afraid I have more bad news to bring you about the MADONNA and GUY RITCHIE marriage crisis.

More bad news? It's hard to imagine, isn't it? Let's steel ourselves, shall we?

Now Madge's little brother CHRISTOPHER CICCONE has jumped on the bandwagon and written a tell-all book, Life With My Sister Madonna.

He'll spill the beans on a few secrets — including the state of her marriage.

A bookworm source said: "It's going to be brutal. We've heard about the fall-outs. He'll tell just how bad it is."

A "bookworm source"?

Erm... except didn't Madonna and her brother fall out years ago? So how exactly he will he be able to share any insights into the state of her marriage now? Isn't he - like Rav Singh - going to have to rely on hearsay and guesswork?

And what, exactly, is there to say?

We couldn't pretend to be surprised that the News of the World thinks a murky long-lens shot of Rod Stewart kissing Penny Lancaster's nipple is 'news' - man kisses wife intimately - but we're beyond confused as to why they think this is necessary:

HAVE YOUR SAY HERE

What sort of debate do they actually expect to be generating here? "I rckn rod sld hv strtd wth teh other nipple"?

Cathal Coughlan Weekend: Only Losers Take The Bus

If non-fans recall The Fatima Mansions, we'd guess it would be for this song - Only Losers Take The Bus - rather than any of the others. It wasn't a top 40 hit or anything, but it got played on Snub TV and we remember it making a deep impression on the people we were flatsharing with at the time. Not a good one, mind. But deep.



[Part of Cathal Coughlan weekend]

Heather Mills learns to love again

The first cut is the deepest, although rubbing twenty-four million quid into the wound can help, we understand. But now, Heather Mills is supposedly back on the dating scene - at least according to the News of the World:

HEATHER Mills has a hunky new toyboy, the News of the World can reveal.

Given that previously her relationship was with Paul McCartney - a man of parts, certainly, but never a "hunky toyboy" - we're not sure the "new" in that sentence is required.

The "hunky toyboy" is some holiday rep from a hotel she stayed in - the paper doesn't seem think there's anything unusual about Mills, a woman it's portrayed as having a chronically expensive lifestyle, staying in a hotel where they have holiday reps working. He's called Jamie Walker - and at 36, is only five years younger than Mills which hardly qualifies him as toyboy.

Walker has been briefed, clearly, for when the story breaks:

"I'm under strict instructions not to talk to you about this.

Badly briefed, as it turns out - isn't going "I've been told to say nothing about this" confirming that there's a this not to talk about?

And, as if to ram the point home, Jamie then coughs:

"But I guess you already know it all then. Just be nice about me."

Yes. Asking the News of the World to be nice about you. That'll work.

The paper rustles up a friend to spill some beans about their courtship:

"He name-dropped that he had bumped into her showbiz neighbours like Fatboy Slim and Nick Berry."

Who wouldn't be impressed by someone saying they'd seen Nick Berry in the street? That would certainly prove to someone who fucked and fucked over a Beatle that you're from the same stellar background.

Being a Murdoch paper, it has to mention the dark past of Miss Mills, and the words are put into the same friend's mouth:

"Jamie said Heather told him all about her past life working in the glamour industry and as a prostitute," added the friend. "He says it doesn't bother him."

How modest of the NOTW to pretend that Jamie would need to be told about Heather's history rather than just assuming that he'd have read about it in the papers. Having said which, the "prostitute" claim is surprising, given that Mills has denied she was any such thing. The paper will have to hope that she is so busy with her toyboy of the same age to spot they've renewed that particular claim.

This week just gone

The ten most-read pages on No Rock one year ago today were:

1. Beth Ditto naked for the NME
2. Lily Allen sheds clothes beneath the Channel
3. RIP Tony Thompson
4. R Kelly, the sex video, and someone else
5. The Glastonbury weather forecast
6. Glastonbury: a weekend earlier last year
7. Glastonbury blog round-up
8. Heather Mills - they used to call her Mucka, you know
9. Traveling Wilburys return to number one
10. Orange buys the Glasto crowd

Heeeey, wanna buy some thiiiiings?


Tilly And The Wall - O


Hot Club De Paris - Live At Dead Lake


The Fine Frenzy - One Cell In The Sea


Sharon Shannon - The Galway Girl (Best of)


A Certain Ratio - Early 1978 - 1985


The Music - Strength In Numbers


The Subways - All Or Nothing


Wild Beasts - Limbo Panto