Fratellis: Misery on tap

A headline in NME.com with which it is hard to take issue:

Fratellis to release 'depressing' Christmas single

The only quibble, of course, is that it is slightly tautological - "Fratellis to release" and "depressing" being synonyms.

Other music blogs are available

We were delighted to be alerted to the existence of Abeano Music, where Imran is doing some good posting, including an astonishing shot of the crowd watching Jay-Z and a brilliant spot of number-crunching on the Glasto sales effect:

Special kudos to The Fratellis though who’s new album ‘Mistress Mable’ sales manage to drop 28.6 % despite playing Glastonbury’s Other Stage. They must have been even worse than usual.

It's not recorded how many were returned to the shops, though. Or buried in a garden.

Glastonbury paper round: Some people think she's just a pair of tits

"Some people think she's just a pair of tits", you know. Yes, Gordon Smart surpasses himself by running a photo of Dolly Parton that looks like something you would have seen in a swingers' magazine.

He pushes his point home home in the story:

GLASTONBURY chiefs have been promising us a BIG surprise guest on Sunday.

But I didn’t realise they meant the size of her boobs.

Do you see? She has breasts! Ha ha ha! Breasts!

Smart also runs the exciting news of Libertines reunion:

Libertines set to reunite at Glastonbury

Really?

Oh, no. It's a guess:

A source said: “Carl and Pete are writing together and are keen to test the songs. Carl’s acoustic show on Sunday would be ideal.”

A guess which, over in the Daily Star, is being strongly ruled out by Carl Barat:

“I’d like to check out Pete’s set if it doesn’t clash with mine but at the same time I don’t feel well enough to deal with all the attention that might get me – if the fans spotted me they’d probably want us to get up on stage.”

The Mail spots Amy Winehouse shopping for alcohol and Euro 2008 stickers:

perhaps a gift for the many young fans who regularly wait outside the singer's north London home

(Why would you give your fans pictures of footballers? Why would that be your first guess?)

The paper is sure she'll be at Glastonbury, having got it from the horse's mouth:

Meanwhile, Michael Eavis has given the clearest hint yet that Winehouse will be well enough to perform at this year’s Glastonbury festival.

The festival’s 72-year-old founder revealed last night that he was looking forward to seeing Miss Winehouse’s scheduled performance on Saturday more than any other.

An offer of a helicopter to fly her in and out of Glastonbury to assure her the minimum of stress has also been put in place.

Of course, given that Eavis had been confidently predicting a sell-out and a dry festival, you might want to take that with a giant salt lick.

Lucy Bannerman in The Times warns that rain might be the least of fans' problems this year:

[T]he element to fear this year may not be water, but wind.

Those who have pitched tents on the site at 900-acre Worthy Farm, Pilton, Somerset, will have to steel themselves for strong southwesterly winds, which are predicted throughout the festival. Light showers are also expected today and tomorrow, but campers should escape the torrential downpours that have blighted previous years. Temperatures will hang around the 19C (66F) to 20C mark.

The Somerset County Gazette counters that, actually, you should fear water, too:

[A]t the time of writing, the heavens have opened and festival-goers have been told to prepare for the mires of deep puddles and sticky mud.

What of the bands, though? The regional presses go for local heroes. The Daily Record ignores the Jay-Z hoo-hah and the will she won't she Wineshe, and reveals who the star of the event will be:

Derek Meins

Who he?

Scots Indie Singer Plans To Take Glastonbury By Storm

Oddly, the Glasgow paper chooses to focus on a down-page act on the Greenpeace stage rather than, say, bigger Scottish names. But then maybe that's understandable - would you really want to claim the Fratellis as your own?

Preparing for their slot, the Fratellis moan to the Guardian about their image:

[T]hey're reviled by many for the very reasons others love them. And that greatly annoys Lawler, who, as the middle-class son of two teachers, probably has more in common with the Fratellis' critics than with the people who buy their records.

"You can't pick your fans, can you?" he asks, having settled himself at an outdoor table overlooking the canal that runs behind the Paradiso. "But we're grateful to have fans. And I think when people describe us as a band to get drunk to, or a party band, it shows you how out of fashion rock'n'roll is. We get described as a pub band, but that's what rock'n'roll is. Twist and Shout was three chords and 'C'mon, c'mon, c'mon' - it was nonsensical. But that was why it was effective."

The Evening Gazette has two Teesside acts to cheer for:

THE CHAPMAN FAMILY (right) got their invite via In New Music We Trust, a promotion on BBC radio stations aiming to promote new, original music.
[...]
DIRTY WEEKEND submitted their demo tape in a competition and beat thousands of other hopefuls to bag themselves a spot.

Eben the Chorley Citizen has found a local angle:

They [The Grow Things] have also been booked to play the BBC's Introducing stage at this year's Glastonbury - the same stage graced by the Ting Tings shortly before they shot to fame.

Mind you, if the United Press International is to be believed, there's going to be more bands than fans there:

About 35,000 people are expected to attend the Glastonbury festival, which began Thursday.

Bloody hell - 100,000 unsold tickets? No wonder Eavis was loooking worried...

Darkness at 3AM: Off to Maidstone

The 3AM Girls seem a little more fond of One Big Weekend, although it seems their access was limited to little bands complaining about the bigger stars, like The Fratellis, who had a point about Madonna's arrival:

Singer Jon Fratelli told us: "Who does Madonna think she is?

"I'm not into all this - we're all here to perform together. What happened to rock 'n' roll? Why is she even here? Everything has been changed around just for her and her ridiculous entourage.

"That's why we brought our own security team of midgets to look after us - and they're doing a great job. If she has an entourage then we're going to have one, too. Those people also ate all the food, so we had to order 18 pizzas from Domino's.

How very Live TV of them.

Meanwhile, The Kooks were wailing that Kylie wouldn't let them go to her party last week:

Luke, 23, (below) told us: "We heard she was having a party so asked if we could come." But Kylie moves in her own way - and said no way!

"We were gutted. I like her and her songs. I won't give up. "We'll try again next time we're in the same city."

We love the way Luke thinks there's something mysterious about Kylie saying no, as if that's just the kind of strange response you'd only expect from her, rather than the default position for anyone offered the chance of spending time with The Kooks.

So, did the 3AM Girls get any big story?

The Hoosiers frontman Irwin Sparkes has hired a bodyguard for his scared girlfriend - after she freaked out about an online fans' forum that went on about cooking and eating her!

No.

The Frit-ellis

Apparently, the Fratellis are afraid to leave their houses.

No, no; not because of angry crowds burning them in effigy. It's because they're so very, very popular, says Jon:

"We get recognised more in public. There's a school 50 metres down the road and I have to make sure it's not breaktime because I can't go out during that time. I have to stay in if I need eggs or bacon, or milk or juice at those times."

It's not clear if it's safe for him to head out to buy baked beans, washing up liquid or bread.

The Fratellis: Where confidence becomes smug

Jon out the Fratellis has been putting minds of their fans at rest. They seem to have been worried about the second album:

"I can't help noticing a few of you are worried about the new album, where it's going, what it'll sound like and that sort of thing. Don't worry about it, we're not."

That's continuity, then, as the first album sounded like a band who wasn't worried about what it was going to come out like.

"If you don't have three albums written when you get signed then you're not worth the ink.

"The new one has been half-written since we did the first album. There's no great mystery to it, just write a bunch of songs that are better than the first lot, so we did."

This is all starting to sound a little we're so good at sophomore albums, isn't it?

"It'll surprise you but you'd have to deaf, dumb or just plain thick to be disappointed. Thankfully you guys seem to be none of them.

"I'm not going to make any great proclamation as to how good it is as it's all in the head at the moment. All I'll say is that it will be hands down better than the first one, and if this wasn't the case we'd give up.

"We'll play you some new tunes come the end of the month and they'll be thunderous."

We know Jon probably didn't mean to imply he didn't want people with hearing or speech problems to be part of his fanbase, but that's what he seems to have done by accident: "Thankfully none of our fans are deaf or dumb."

That might be the sort of thing that happens when you don't worry enough about your work.

Fratellis retain some dignity

Well done, The Fratellis, for having the balls to say no to the offer to record the official song for David Beckham's first US soccer match:

"We were like, 'No fucking way'. It would have got us noticed, of course, but we'd have lost our self-respect.

"We've turned down a huge list of ridiculous things like that. We're not a bunch of travelling salesmen. If we don't get successful on our own terms then we won't do it at all."

Of course, the real question is why does David Beckham's LA Galaxy debut need an official song? It's not really a momentous event, is it? They could just use The Pretenders' How Much Did You Get For Your Soul if they really need a tune.

The Fratellis discover that revenge can, sometimes, be too bloody cold

There was some backstage unpleasantness at the Brits, it seems, when Lily Allen has a pop at The Fratellis for taking "their" award, according to Barry Wallace:

“I’ve never properly met her but when we were going up to collect our Brit she shouted, ‘You’re a robbing ****’ to Jon, saying we had robbed the award from her. I’ve no time for the girl.”

But now, just, um, four short months later, they've come up with a response - because she cut short her US tour claimign tiredness:

“A couple of times we’ve wanted to pack it in and go home but we’ve carried on for the fans who have bought tickets. Lily Allen is a different kettle of fish.

“She’s a pop artist so she never went through two years of touring constantly to get a break.”

Which is why, erm, they only cancelled some of their US dates claiming tiredness - presumably the people who bought tickets for those weren't fans or something.

It also turns out the Fratellis are sick of The Fratellis, too, according to Jon Lawler:

I’m getting pissed off with singing Chelsea Dagger now.

“We’ve decided we have to write songs for the next album which won’t get on our nerves.

“I can’t stop playing it because that’s what people want to hear — but we need some more material.”

Writing Fratellis songs which don't get on your nerves when you hear them more than once? That's a challenge right up there with trying to write your entire second album in Esperanto, surely?

Mogwai grind Pepper

Mogwai aren't impressed with the idea of bands recreating Sgt Pepper:

Such musical wonders as James Morrison and The Fratellis are to celebrate the 40th anniversary of the Sergeant Pepper's Beatles album by covering songs from it. I cannot wait to hear this meaningful idea.

"Only thing is, can anyone really better the genius of With A Little Help From My Friends? I know Wet, Wet, Wet came really close but it'll take a mastery of music to pull this one off.

"Such classics as A Day In The Life will surely be so difficult to interpret due to its subtleties and beautiful piano breakdown. I cannot wait and I doubt you can either.

Yeah!"

Mogwai are, erm, currently preparing their track for a Pixies tribute album.

Sgt Pepper Knew My Grandfather

In what we like to think of as an attempt to mark the 20th anniversary of the NME's Sgt Pepper Knew My Father album, a bunch of bands are going to record one track each from the Beatle's Sgt Pepper collection. Razorlight, James Morrison, The Fratellis, and Travis are all involved - no Frank Sidebottom or Wedding Present this time round - and the Kaiser Chiefs are on board. Despite them never having met John Lennon.

Island tries to make USB sticks story stick again

Last year, Keane released a single on USB stick; now, Island are trying to push the novelty again with a Fratellis single on USB. Island are still trying to suggest it's exciting:

Lee Jenson, head of marketing at the Fratellis' record company, Island Records, said: "The success of the Keane single last year convinced us that music fans would welcome more audio releases on this format.

"If demand really does start to take off, it may well become viable to think about releasing selective albums on USB as well, especially if they were to become eligible for inclusion in the chart."

But, aside from novelty value, what's the point? You can't play them on standard CD players, but you still have to go down a shop to buy them. They're much more expensive to produce than standard CDs, record shops have no way of displaying them easily and they burn through more resources than proper records. Why do we need a pointless format?