Also doing well from Jackson's death

Something called WONMP pushes a press release us at:

This last week www.wonmp.us set new all-time records for web traffic. Our article on What Really Killed Michael Jackson was picked-up by several major news stations, resulting in massive website visits. It is our hope that the article will help "steer" those that suffer from unmanaged stress to seek safe, natural help.

A massive website visit? Is that one where the screen resolution is 5000 x 5000? "Yeah, it did less well on the small mobile screens, but on massive website visits, it was brilliant."

Still, good of WONMP to pat themselves on the back for having jumped so quickly on the corpse.

By the way, WONMP have pre-empted your objection that they can't possibly know what really killed Michael Jackson by waving away such objections as unimportant:

The toxicology report is not yet in because Michael's autopsy is only now being scheduled, but that matters not. What matters is the knowledge that a human heart is designed to operate much longer than 50 years unless impeded in some way.

Yes, yes, let's not detain ourselves waiting for facts.

Also turning a few quid is Bauer Magazines, who are resurrecting Smash Hits. How better to homage a dead man than a dead magazine?

Normally, we'd be excited by the idea of a classic-era Smash Hits revival - even if it was only going to be about Michael Jackson, but as far as I can see there's nobody from the glory days of Smash Hits involved, so this is less a revival than some sort of freaky reanimation of a stolen corpse. And I bet it's not going to be sarky and fun and like Smash Hits was when Jackson was alive.

Los Campesinos on tour

Yes, yes, LC! are heading off out. These are the dates:

Coventry Kasbah (October 21)
Southampton Joiners (22)
Exeter Phoenix (23)
Cardiff The Gate (24)
Manchester Deaf Institute (26)
Newcastle University (27)
London Garage (28)
Oxford Zodiac (29)
Leeds Cockpit (30)
Glasgow King Tut's Wah Wah Hut (31)

They really should give Manda Rin a support slot, don't you think?

Al Sharpton banging on about Jackson

It must be hard for Al Sharpton, watching the death of Michael Jackson. After all, Jacko's period of being any good is as firmly in the past as Sharpton's period of being taken seriously. So perhaps Sharpton sees his current round of honking stupidly into microphones as his farewell tour, too:

"I'm here because of the disgraceful and the despicable way [the media] is trying to destroy the legacy [of Jackson]," Sharpton said.

"You have had other entertainers that have had issues in their life; you [the media] did not degrade and denigrate them."

Sharpton called upon the media to show respect during the family's time of mourning. "Michael was no freak," he said. "He was a genius."

"We want love. That's what Michael Jackson sang about," Sharpton said. "Let's talk about love. Let the media deal with the mess, while we deal with the message."

Is it just me, or did he say the media should leave Jackson alone, and then tell them to "deal with the mess"?

Still, Sharpton has a point, doesn't he? After all, it's not like the global media has been fawning over Jackson solidly for a week and a half now; and you certainly didn't see anyone mentioning the mafia business when Sinatra died, or repeatedly speculating over Presley's secret love for saturated fat within seconds of Elvis sliding the 'Engaged' sign for the very last time, is it?

The Feeling is slow

The Feeling are afraid they might lose some of their magic if, you know, they rush things. Oh, yes, it's slow building from The Feeling:

Dan Gillespie-Sells said: "We are really going to take our time with it. I don't want to put it out for a while. We should have it out by 2010, otherwise it will be too soon.

"Other countries are only just hearing our second album now. I don't think we should rush these things. I don't want to be one of those bands who are constantly releasing stuff all the time."

Dan, you do realise that 2010 is now only a handful of months away? (Seriously, the Speke Crowne Plaza has got its 'book now for Christmas' banners out.) But don't let us rush you. No, really, don't let us rush you. Are you sure 2010 isn't too soon? Maybe you should wait until every country has had a chance to hear your second album - you know, you wouldn't want to be in the studio until the Burmese and North Koreans have had a chance to walk past a display of your records and said "oh, did they make another one?"

Book some studio space towards the middle of the 2020s. Take it real slow. You owe it to us. Erm, to yourself.

Darkness at 3AM: Kelly Osbourne still waiting for sense of irony to arrive

The 3AM Girls don't seem to spot the mote and/or beam as Kelly Osbourne shares her insight into Lady GaGa:

"She's a Butter Face. She has everything But the face. She reminds me of Peaches Geldof.

"I love Lady GaGa's track's but I just wish she'd keep her mouth shut.

"She talks way too much and has too much attitude. It's starting to make me go off her."

In response to a follow-up question, Osbourne revealed "yes, all our mirrors have disappeared. How did you know?"

Gordon in the morning: Optimus Prime was busy

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha. This morning, Bizarre is guest-edited by Sacha Baron Cohen in his guise as Bruno. It's a crazy inversion of everything we've come to expect from Bizarre - a straight man pretending to be gay running articles that are intentionally trite and meaningless. A complete inversion.

Opinion is divided on Bruno, as to whether it's a comedy which satirizes homophobes and racists, or if it's actually a bunch of racist and homophobic stereotyping that is Making Some Sort Of Point. I wonder if this large advert for the film will clarify matters?

EMINEM pretended he'd never had a guy so close before at ze MTV Movie Awards.

But vhen I vas down zere soon ze real Slim Shady began to stand up.

Ich vould love to get zat vay mit BRYAN ADAMS.

Vould be real Summer Of 69.

Wow. This has got to be Baron Cohen's most searing satire since he dressed up in a shell suit and sunglasses to shock the world with the discovery that Sir Rhodes Byson didn't understand street slang. I mean, seriously:

"Paris Hilton is everything I despise in people. She dresses to get attention, she's a real name-dropper - Orlando Bloom told me zat. Und she is fame obsessed - she's alvays standing next to me on ze red carpet."

This is the sort of thing that Benny Hill was doing decades ago - although, to be fair, Hill would only have worn a neckerchief and a pastel shirt to be dressed up like a gay.

Doing well from Jackson's death

Obviously, people flogging off 'souvenir' issues of their magazines are doing nicely from the timely departure of Michael Jackson - in the sense of filling up the quiet summer lull. Leading the pack has been OK!, whose 'tribute' issue led with a photo of Jacko on a gurney, minutes from death, that Richard Desmond paid thousands and thousands for.

Scrabbling about throwing cash so you can reward photographers who imposed themselves on a dying man. That's quite a way of paying tribute, Desmond.

You'll recall that one of Desmond's other publications, the Daily Express, worked itself into quite a froth when Channel 4 ran a documentary which featured photographs taken during Diana's dying moments:

STOP THIS DISGUSTING INSULT TO DYING DIANA

Presumably it's somehow not disgusting when it's Jackson, for some reason.

Also doing rather nicely out of Jackson's death - British Airways. They're trilling delightedly to TMZ about how much cash they're making off the back of a dead man:

A rep from British Airways tells us there has been a "huge influx" of reservations in the last few days by people from England trying to make their way to the memorial. The rep says people are "flying as close to L.A. as they can and then taking connecting flights."

In addition to non-stop and direct flights to L.A., flights from Heathrow to San Francisco and from Heathrow to Denver are almost full.

The rep says they expect all flights -- direct and indirect -- to be sold out by the end of the day.

Not, of course, that they're rolling about in piles of cash and giggling, or anything.

Embed and breakfast man: MGMT

Back, then, from a weekend down memory lane - or down Lark Lane, certainly - and this catches my eye:



Yup, MGMT covering Til Tuesday. Whoever would have thought?

[Thanks to You Ain't No Picasso where I found this]

Brian May upset by something or other to do with Michael Jackson

I'm not entirely clear why Brian May has got such a hump on by the Jackson-Mercury tracks popping up on the web:

May revealed the existence of the songs earlier this week (begs29Jun09), saying, “He (Jackson) used to come and see us when we were on tour in the States. He and Freddie became close friends, close enough to record a couple of tracks together at Michael’s house, tracks which have never seen the light of day.”

But the rocker has been left incensed after two tunes by the pair, State Of Shock and There Must Be More To Life Than This, ended up on video sharing website YouTube.com.
He fumes, "The music thieves at work as usual."

I love the way ContactMusic explain what YouTube is, just in case you don't know.

Is May's hump as "music thieves" (who has actually stolen anything?) down to that now, when he goes "ha ha, there was a secret session no common folk have ever heard" people will go "actually, yeah, we have."

Soulja Boy: He's the rap Courtney Love

Soulja Boy has crashed onto his Twitter account in order to flirt with the idea that he might give up rapping:

The say Soulja Boy u changed. Soulja Boy u hollywood I aint ask for this SHIT!!!!!! I want to go back to how it was before i was signed

Give it eighteen months, chuckles. Give it eighteen months.

Soulja Boy later came to his senses (by which, I suspect, we mean "his manager intervened") and the long stream of pained tweets vanished, to be replaced with some sort of bot which goes "pow" at you if you follow him. For no good reason.

Gordon in the morning: Boosting brand Beckham

Ah, the decline of the brand, as Mr and Mrs Beckham are forced to do a crossover picture of themselves in their pants in the hope that the two of them will still have some novelty value.

Gordon Smart tries to make it seem exciting:

In one shot David - wearing just his Armani pants - lies under his wife as she seductively rests her hand on his bare chest.

But even Gordon knows that the photos are sexy only if you're turned on by the idea of two dead dollies lying on top of one another.

Even the link from the front of Bizarre tries to stifle a yawn:

Couple get their kit off AGAIN

Although, oddly, it's still Gordon's main story.

Bookmarks: Some stuff to read on the internet - George Lamb

Swineshead at Watch With Mothers observes as George Lamb attempts to make the leap from radio to making TV documentaries. Lamb stood between the cameras and the horizon for the clumsily titled Can I Get High Legally?:

He meets a 19 year old clubber called Tom and buys some ‘legals’ from a handful of shops in Camden. He then, sitting in a trendy Camden bar with Tom, expresses amazement that they were so easy to purchase. ‘It’s as simple as buying a bag of sweets’ he gasps, despite the fact that they’re called ‘legal highs’.

The clue, Mr Lamb, is in the fucking title.

But nobody in the shops wants to talk to the camera. Possibly because they hadn’t been asked in advance. Undeterred and hell-bent on fulfilling his contract lest he doesn’t get paid, Lamb logs on and checks a number of websites that sell the Legals. Quelle surprise! They’re proper websites! Lamb seems amazed that there are functioning areas of the internet selling this stuff - despite the fact that they’re FUCKING LEGAL!

Taxpayers Alliance reckon that you could do Glastonbury with three blokes and a steadicam

There's been some rumbling that the BBC somehow sent too many people to cover Glastonbury, because, well, 400 people sounds like a large number of people, doesn't it?

The Telegraph had fun with the story, but it seems to have first surfaced in the Standard last Friday when someone called Ben Bailey pretended that he didn't work in the media, and thus couldn't be expected to understand how many people you'd need to feed three separate TV networks, press red, and various TV channels large numbers of hours of coverage from a number of stages in a site the size of a small town.

Indeed, rather than go "they're taking 400 people for audio, video, production, lighting, rigging, running, liaison, production, generating power, playing out, transmission, editorial oversight on a massively complicated live event - wow, what a bloody brilliant feat of organisation" he got someone from the Taxpayer's Alliance to think about the number.

The Taxpayer's Alliance - whose only media experience seems to be from turning up in parts of it with space to fill - well, the reckon that 400 seems a lot, right:

Matthew Elliott, chief executive of the TaxPayers' Alliance, said: "I think the number of staff sent to Glastonbury does smack of it being more of a junket for BBC staff and presenters rather than a serious exercise. There's no way they would need 400 people to record and broadcast an event like Glastonbury.

"I'm afraid we've seen it in the past. At the Olympics there were more BBC staff than British athletes.

"We are seeing a trend here of BBC over-manning. When people combine that with the revelations of expenses last week, it shows the BBC is ready for some cuts."

"There's no way they would need 400 people" - how many, then, Matthew? Six? Two? Thirteen? Forty-seventy-twelve? If those 400 people were there on a junket, who was putting out the hours of broadcasting? Did Elliott even realise the event was being broadcast live?

Bailey decides to chip in, even if it risks making him look a bit of an idiot:

The broadcasts from the festival included Gabby Logan's show on BBC Radio 5 Live - a station known for its focus on news and sport rather than music.

This, presumably, in much the same way that the Standard is known for the desperate men stood outside tube stations trying to give the bloody things away at ten at night rather than the quality of its reporting.

Bailey, presumably, doesn't think that a major cultural event magicking the biggest town in the South West aside from Bristol from thin air isn't a news story; nor, indeed, can he ever have heard Five Live - a station whose news remit includes entertainment stories and whose film reviews are its most popular podcast.

James P - to whom thanks for the story - reckons there might be a need for more BBC staff:

If anything they should've employed more people, specifically someone to sit next to Jo Whiley in the six months before and after the event, poking her in the ribs and saying "Shhh - It's not *that* interesting" every tenth Glastonbury mention.

Personally, I think the Taxpayer's Alliance is overstaffed. They surely don't need any people at all to do what they do; all you need is a bran tub and a box of cut-up Daily Mail editorials and journalists could assemble their responses on the TA's behalf.

U2 waving into space

More coverage of the start of the U2 tour, with the Guardian reading the Spanish press, who seem bedazzled by Bono's wiles:

Spanish reviewers were overwhelmed by the "rock power" display and struggled desperately to interpret the message in a show that featured astronauts, a video of Desmond Tutu, football, and, significantly, a Michael Jackson tribute, with Bono dedicating Angel of Harlem to the King of Pop, before playing Man In the Mirror and Don't Stop Till You Get Enough.

"This is rock designed to move both mountains and consciousnesses," concluded El Periódico newspaper.

The conversation between Bono and the space station commander was perhaps the most bizarre element of the evening. "Commander, can you see Barcelona?" Bono asked the man floating near the microphone. "Right now, the most beautiful sight in our cosmos is the blue planet earth," came the answer.

"We must look very insignificant from up there," noted the critic for El País newspaper.

It's unclear if he means from space, or from whatever ego-cloud Bono is sitting on.

Trouble is, with all this guff - designed to showcase how powerful Bono is and what his connections can do - they seem to overlooked one key aspect of a gig: being any good at music:

Most disappointing for El Pais readers was Bono fluffing two classics, One and With or Without You.

"The truth is that it was disappointing, especially compared to previous tours, full of mistakes and bad songs (from the last album)," said Alex, a reader-reviewer for El País. "To say that Bono wrecked two major songs like One and With or Without You tells you more than enough."

But who cares, eh? Look! Look! It's a spaceman on a telephone!

[Thanks to James M for the story]

BBC News defends Jackson coverage

As with any major news story, there are questions over how much coverage the news organisations should give to it, and there have been grumblings that the BBC did too much about Michael Jackson's death.

Mary Hockaday has blogged a response on the BBC Editor's site:

Some stories divide audiences, and clearly there are those who aren't interested in Michael Jackson. But we have to try to serve a whole range of readers, listeners and viewers - and undoubtedly a great many of you were extremely interested.

The audiences to our main television bulletins were a little higher than average for a Friday evening and the statistics for our online content broke records: more than 8.2m global unique users, the second highest since Obama's election. The BBC News mobile site had its biggest-ever figures on Friday.

Hockaday, though, seems to be answering a different charge - should the BBC have covered the story at all - to the one she sets out to deal with - should the BBC have done as much.

I doubt if there's anyone who would argue that Jackson's death should not have been on the news, and very few would be able to suggest that the story shouldn't have been a lead. And, unquestionably, there was a desire to know from the public.

The question is if the 'desire to know' was in balance with the 'amount to tell' - given that BBC News Channel astons were still trying to portray 'Jackson dead' as breaking news during elevenses on Friday, it might be fair to suggest that there was, by then, a shortage of actual information to impart might mean a slightly less steely gaze should have been fixed on the expired man.

EMI reject new PRS streaming rate

Uh-oh - more trouble as the music industry tries to pretend that infinite supply won't drive down prices. EMI publishing have refused to accept the hard-won new PRS rate for online streaming, and so henceforward will opt out of having PRS collect their royalty earnings for them.

"We are not currently satisfied that the new rates - in particular the minima - proposed by PRS for Music for streaming services are appropriate", said EMI Music Publishing's general counsel for Europe Antony Bebawi.

Quite how EMI hopes to get any value from collecting its own royalties isn't clear - even at the old rate of 0.22p a stream, without the bulk processing power of a central clearing house it's arguable that EMI will wind up with even less than at the new PRS minimum rate of 0.085p by the time they've added on their administration costs.

It's also absurd because EMI are behaving as if the PRS organisation are the sort to have accepted a crappy deal. Given that at the start of negotiations the PRS were every bit as gung-ho and unrealistic as EMI are being now, you might think that someone might have worked out that 0.085p is all there is on the table.

Jammie Thomas fights on

Presumably she's aware that she's not going to get the guilty verdict changed, but Jammie Thomas Rasset is going to appeal the judgement against her in the recent RIAA court case. The focus is going to be on the size of the damages.

The RIAA is making 'well, if you wish...' noises:

"The defendant can of course exercise her legal rights," said Jonathan Lamy, an RIAA spokesman. "But what's increasingly clear, now more than ever, is that she is the one responsible for needlessly prolonging this case and refusing to accept any responsibility for the illegal activity that two juries decisively found her liable for. From day one, we've been fair and reasonable in exercising our rights and attempting to resolve this case."

... of course, the last thing the RIAA wants is the punitive damages being declared unconstitutional; that could unpick what remains of their legal attacks on their customers. If they could only expect reasonable damages, the legal threat would become a lot less scary.

One of the Jonas Brothers engaged, it says here

Haircut Jonas, the most eyebrowed of The Jonas Brothers, has arranged to a special souvenir edition of Us Weekly.

Haircut told reporters "It's going to be hard deciding if my brother SlightlyWacky Jonas or my other brother Booklearning Jonas will get to stand on my left in the photos. I figure the one who doesn't stand on my left could stand on the other side... the... uh... unleft side."

Haircut has been dating his fiancee since a Disney executive told him "we want to stop those 'Haircut is gay' rumours before they start.

It's hoped that Haircut Jonas' godfather, restaurateur Chuck E. Chesse, will be present at the ceremony.

Gordon in the morning: A beautiful day

You know what Gordon loves? Writing lots and lots and lots about Michael Jackson?

You know what else Gordon loves? Fawning over Bono.

With the first night of U2's world tour, Gordon gets to do both:

And they used the occasion to pay a surprise tribute to King Of Pop MICHAEL JACKSON.

Singer Bono dedicated Angel Of Harlem, originally written about BILLIE HOLIDAY, to Jacko, saying: "We met Michael Jackson many times over the years and he was an unspeakable talent."

Personally, I'd have tried to come up with a form of words which didn't leave it open to the interpretation that I thought he was unspeakably bad, but I guess it's the thought that counts.

Fall Out Boy need space

I know, you've been worried - all those rumours Fall Out Boy were about to split. It's disturbing. What if you had a product you needed to sell to preteen boys? How would you launch it without a Fall Out Boy video to place your goods into?

Relax, though, they're not splitting up:

"I think I fueled that [rumor] accidentally," Wentz said. "I think that when someone asked me if we were working on any new Fall Out Boy songs, I said, 'No, not right now.'

Wentz said doesn't think that there's an endless demand for FOB. "I don't know that the world has to be all Fall Out Boy, all the time. When I see stuff like that with other bands, it sort of drives me crazy."

Instead, the band is taking the time "to breathe" between albums, though they continue to tour together and work on other projects.

Ah, yes. Leave a space between albums. Relese them too closely together, and people might start to notice they're all much of a muchness.

US turn off TV

TV Smith was meant to be playing the US with Jay Reatard from tonight. But US immgration gas thwarted him - and not because they don't want an old punk in their nation; it's just a paperwork snafu, he says:

I'm sorry to have to report that due to problems with US immigration I'm unable to come over for the tour with Jay Reatard due to start today. Despite having my visa approved, delays at the US embassy in London mean it couldn't be ratified in time. I've had quite a lot of feedback from people looking forward to seeing me, so I'm bitterly disappointed to miss the gigs in Chicago, Detroit, Cleveland and my first ever Canadian gigs in Toronto and Montreal. I hope to come back soon and play for you. The good new is, the way things are looking I'll be seeing the embassy next week and hope to rejoin the tour in Brooklyn on the 2nd July. Keep your fingers crossed...!
Best wishes,
TV

Not quite sure why a US paperwork problem is keeping him out of the Canadian dates, mind.

We name the spam bands: The Used

Blimey, it's been a while since this category was opened up. And, you know, one over-excited irrelevant posting about how the great new The Used single was great, and new, and oh, here's the URL for it - one, we'd overlook. But two comment-spams pushing the same band? That's just taking the piss.

MTV has a new look for the few people still looking

There's been an overhaul done of the MTV onscreen look, which Creative Review covers extensively.

This caught my eye, though:

We use the word refresh rather than rebrand as the MTV logo is still recognisable - the new logo (above) is, in fact, the old logo - but in MTV's new look, the logo remains black on a white ground - no colour, pattern or texture will ever adorn it - which is a change from MTV of old where the idents were based on the logo being played around with.

"Now the logo is sacred," says Roberto Bagatti, Vice President of Creative for MTV Networks International and Creative Director of MTV's World Design Studio in Milan, who oversaw the project.

This is probably more significant than even Bagatti realises. The days when the MTV logo might suddenly pulse, or turn into a plasticine replica of itself, or start writhing with snakes were days when MTV was surprising, and fresh, and experimented.

Now, it's got a fixed logo. Nobody is allowed to play with it. As visual refreshes go, has there ever been one that so succinctly summed up what's wrong with a channel?

Thinking thins over

According to Sky News, the world has spoken of little lately, save for Courtney Love's weight:

Courtney Love's weight loss has recently provoked headlines.

Recent pics of the gaunt star shocked fans the world over.

Betserai Gonorashe, chair of the Zimbabwean chapter of the Courtney Love fanclub, confirms that the shock was felt "the world over". "Yes, it's true - we were shocked. It might be thought that the only real reaction to the photos was felt in newspaper and magazine offices in London and New York, and that the reaction was 'oh, good, that's the pages where we hector women about being totally the wrong weight filled for this week, then', but no. Like our sister chapters in Santiago, Manilla and Chepstow. They were equally shocked. The guys in Vladivostok said they saw it coming, but they're full of it."

Anyway, Courtney has now joined in:

Now Courtney herself has spoken out about her weight.

Has she "spoken out"? Or has she merely spoken about it?

"I know I've got too skinny.

"I know those pictures of me are going everywhere. I know I need to sort it out."

It turns that her doctor has suggested she's malnourished - I'm expecting a blog post accusing Ryan Adams of stealing her yoghurts from the fridge by sundown.

Downloadable: Eagle And Talon

To celebrate Canada Day - good morning, Canadians - Eagle And Talon are offering a free download of their new album. There's also an opportunity to pay what you feel is right.

Wearing it well

A PR email drifts gently through the ether offering a chance to:

... become part of rock history!

How, though? How?

Tell me, for I must know:

[The company] celebrates Debbie Harry's birthday and offers 10% off all her T-shirts throughout the first two weeks of July. The talented and beautiful Debbie Harry celebrates her birthday today and [the company] is the perfect way to become part of rock history!

So... I'm going to become part of rock history, am I? By wearing a tshirt?

I'm wearing denim jeans this morning, by which reckoning I'm actually French.

Gordon in the morning: Guys and roles

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World:

I’m your guy for Guys, Guy

Gordon announces that Justin Timberlake is going to star in a movie film:

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE has given GUY RITCHIE his word that he will star in one of the Lock Stock director’s next big film projects.

The pair shook hands over a whisky at the Punch Bowl pub in Mayfair on Monday night after discussing the blockbusters Guy has on the horizon.

The idea of Guy Ritchie having a blockbuster on the horizon is one of those concepts - like Gordon Brown looking forward to a landslide election victory - that can only exist if there really are parallel universes. But do carry on, Gordon - what role is Justin being lined up for?

The list includes a big-screen version of musical Guys And Dolls which would suit Justin perfectly as well as a huge remake of the classic war film Wild Geese.

So it's just a case he's going to be in Guys and Dolls. It could just as easily be I'm your guy for Geese, guys, then?

Incidentally: Guys and Dolls and Wild Geese? Ritchie really doesn't have an original thought left, does he? Has he now taken to careering round Blockbuster grabbing DVDs at random to come up with his next projects? Is there a chance he's pitching a remake of Vicky Entwistle's WOW workout?

Gordon - who is perhaps the last person in the world who is interested in Ritchie's work - is throbbing with excitement:

I have no doubt big studios like Warner Bros, who work closely with Guy, would be more than happy to sign a fat cheque for Justin’s services.

Oh, yes. Making a film nobody wants to see even more expensive. Who could turn down such a compelling offer?

He would be a nailed-on box office hit if he had the chance.

You're nailing what on the where, Gordon?

It turns out that Gordon is an equally big fan of Justin's movie work. He was in Alpha Dog, you know. And... well, surely he's done something else, hasn't he, Gordon?

his comedy role as Jacques “Le Coq” Grande in Love Guru was pretty impressive too.

Meanwhile, Gordon gets Tim Nixon to write up the Madonna nudes, with the pair excited that "we;ve got the snaps."

Yes, Gordon. The Sun has run these before, though, hasn't it? So long ago, it was when I was doing a paper round. I know Smart often runs stories that are out of date - but surely he's never repeated 25 year old stuff before, has he?

I can't believe it's what he wanted

Hey, you know what: when the Iowa State Fair are done with its butter statue tribute to Michael Jackson, they could let AEG have it. After all, if people really think punters might be happy with Randy, Tito and a projection of the late Michael, surely a giant dairy effigy would convince the last few stragglers that they're getting their money's worth?

Sugar Ray's thesingerfromSugarRay offers some advice to Obama

CNN's iReport finds space for Sugar Ray's Mark McGrath to offer some advice to Barack Obama on, erm, stopping smoking - although, frankly, the very thought of getting advice from Sugar Ray about anything is enough to make strong men think about taking up heroin.

McGrath offers to quit alcohol if Barack gives up smoking. Oh, yes, because if he won't do it for his health, or his kids - or to avoid the shame of having to stand outside the next G8 meeting in a converted bus shelter to grab a puff - surely the thought of taking a challenge from the singerfromSugarRay out of Sugar Ray will be the clinching reason?

Folding magazines: Vibe

It's been struggling for a while, but now the struggle is at an end: Vibe magazine is closing with immediate effect:

In a memo to staff members announcing the closure, Steve Aaron, chief of the Vibe Media Group, wrote that for months, the company tried in vain to either find new investors or “to restructure the huge debt on our small company.”

“The print advertising collapse hit Vibe hard, especially as key ad categories like automotive and fashion, which represented the bulk of our top 10 advertisers, have stopped advertising or gone out of business,” he wrote.

The most frustrating thing for the magazine is that its circulation wasn't too bad for the time; it's just there wasn't anything to sell to them.