Can you hear the sound of an orderly queue forming?

Tom Fletcher, out of McFly, has a secret desire: he wants to write for other bands:

I've got so many songs that aren't right for us. My publisher is always asking me to send stuff but I never put my songs out there and tend to concentrate on McFly.

Songs that "aren't right for McFly"? Can this mean Fletcher really knows two-syllable words?

Spice Girls: All for one. Where "one" means "mememe"

The Daily Mail has taken some time to peer into the black heart of the preparations for the Spice Girls tour, and the jostling for position between the various egos.

It suggests that Geri Halliwell's appearance at the initial press conference in a white dress wasn't an accident, but a deliberate 'look at me' effort to break the agreement that all the women would wear matching black (it's not known if Victoria's odd-looking breasts were signed off in advance.)

Meanwhile, Mel B's inability to get herself booted-off Dancing With The Stars is causing rehearsal problems - although not as many as Geri's need to take repeated meditation breaks. On top of which, Victoria is gunning to get the star billing on the dates.

Don't you feel glad you're not Emma Bunton?

Thurston Moore - in the Book Tower

Currently showing on VBS.TV, Thurston Moore showing us - the interwebbed gawping public - round his collection of rare books.

Cerys says no to November

Cerys Matthews has axed her November tour; the good news is that she's shifted the dates to February and added a few. The late winter Welsh tour looks like this:

Swansea Grand Theatre - February 14
Theatr Mwldan, Cardigan - 15 and 16
Aberystwyth Arts Centre - 17
Wyeside Arts Centre, Builth Wells - 19
Muni Arts Centre, Pontypridd - 20
Blake Theatre, Monmouth - 21
Theatr Hafren, Newtown - 22

Non-pornographic image "still not porn" - official

The Crown Prosecution Service have sighed a deep sigh and explained, patiently, that - since Elton John's Nan Goldin wasn't indecent in 2001, it wouldn't be indecent in 2007, either.

Kerrie Bell, head of the CPS Northumbria South Unit, said:

"Even if the photograph was now considered to be indecent, a defendant would be able to raise a legitimate defence, given that the photograph was distributed for the purposes of display in a contemporary art gallery after having been deemed not to be indecent by the earlier investigation.

"Accordingly, I am of the opinion that the evidence is insufficient to justify proceedings for offences of possession or distribution of an indecent photograph."

It is, of course, cheering to discover there's so little real crime in Nothumbria that the police have time to go round raiding art galleries displaying pictures that have previously been declared fine by the CPS.

Donald ducks off

Surprisingly, despite the absence of Howard Donald, you could barely spot the difference in Take That's Vienna gig.

Donald has sustained a chest injury onstage - presumably the choreography was designed to show off his heavy lifting skills - and was in hospital while the others went on with the show:

"I've never had to miss a show before, it's unbelievably frustrating being sat in a hospital when I should be on stage with the guys."

... while desperately hoping that they wouldn't fail to notice his absence.

EMI try something new

Nobody scoffed louder than us when EMI disappeared into the hands of the German motorway network's catering company, but we'll give them this: the new owners are trying to remake their company to fit the 21st century faster than the old labels are.

Latest move: sticking a load of material onto DjDownload, in hi-quality, DRM-free format. Amongst the tracks now added is everything on their sub-label Positiva, the Chemical Brothers, Massive Attack and Radiohead's back catalogues.

Wonder if EMI really wanted to send a signal that they've changed: withdrawing from the RIAA (at least until it stops seeing computers as, at best, an irritant to the core business) would be a bold, year zero move. But one that probably makes economic sense - what does EMI really get from pouring its subs into the organisation?

Kiss off: EMAP dump dance network

MediaGuardian is reporting that EMAP is about to offload Kiss to Global Radio; the idea being that Global will merge the Kiss brand with its own Galaxy network which covers a similar not-especially-challenging dance beat.

Those of you with long memories will recall that the Galaxy stations used to be branded Kiss, under a licence from EMAP, until the publisher took the name away.

It's not thought that the Kiss TV network forms part of the deal.

Pete Doherty doesn't go to jail. Again.

Possession of drugs? Driving illegally? It's not enough to send Doherty to prison - especially since procedural screw-ups meant the court was unable to consider that these latest crimes occurred while Doherty was meant to be on probation.

He's got a fine and a four-month sentence, suspended for two years. He's also been handed a 12 month rehabilitation order and an 18 month supervision order.

It's now up to Pete to show what he makes of all the chances he's been given.

Christmas with the Spice Girls

Tescos must be delighted, as the money they're paying The Spice Girls to appear in an ad is generating acres of coverage, such as Newton's simpering write-up this morning:

A source said: “It’s an amazingly lucrative deal for the girls, and Tesco are thrilled as it’s a real coup. The ads are very funny as the girls insisted it had to be a send-up.”

Yes, it's a "real coup" and not, as you might think "a simple case of them paying a large sum of money in a cash transaction", then.

And how much of a "send-up" is the advert?

The girls are seen sitting on a huge sofa with a sumptuous spread before them — and gold discs on the wall to remind everyone how successful they were.

Goodness. They like a laugh at their own expense (okay, and Tesco's expense), don't they?

Of course, there is something pleasing in the tie-up, with its echo of David Badiel's observation that the Spice Girls were the sort of woman you see working in Tescos and think "they're very attractive... for someone working in Tescos."

Akon continues slide into sitcom

Those of us who were convinced that Akon's disaster-strewn career was all part of a subtle campaign to pitch him as a Terry Scott for a new generation will be unsurprised to hear that he's now been involved in a collapsing tent incident. It's not thought he was actually carrying a tray full of refreshing drinks at the time.

(The canopy actually fell while the stage for his Atlanta Gig was being set up; a couple of people were injured but, we believe, nobody was seriously hurt. The gig, however, has been axed.)