Something to listen to: Editors

Streaming distressingly lovingly from a Sony Records server at the moment: Smokers Outside The Hospital Doors [Flash] by Editors. For you to listen to, if you like.

Stapp's wife asks judge to let her take her chances

The horrible mess of Scott Stapp's disintegrating marriage continues its public implosions. Last Sunday, Jaclyn Stapp called the police when Stapp threw orange juice at her. The OJ missed - it's been ages since Stapp managed a hit, after all - but the courts issued a restraining order against him nevertheless. Now, Ms Stapp has asked for the restraining order to be dropped - although, curiously, not because she is withdrawing her claims that he's a drug-addled violent danger:

"The filing of the voluntary dismissal was at my client's direction, but shouldn't be taken as withdrawing any of the allegations which were made in the petition," said Jaclyn Stapp's attorney, Michael Gora. "My client and her husband have been attempting to reach an understanding for the benefit of their marriage and child." Gora declined to comment further.

The terms of the bail on which Stapp has been released still mean he can't go to the family home - except to use the recording studio, which means we're all still at risk, then.

Stapp suggests that his wife's claims about violence and drugs are nothing to do with not wanting to be the victim of domestic violence, but more mercenary in intent:

Scott Stapp's attorney Robert Gershman declined to comment Friday but previously has denied there were any drugs on the couple's property and has said that Jaclyn Stapp's 911 call was motivated by money and custody of the child.

... and the carton of orange juice flying over her head.

Listen To Your Father: Feargal to the rescue

The Parkhill Hotel in Oulton is currently facing closure, as a council warning about noise has thrown its wedding business into disarray. The hotel's neighbours are still angry about the level of noise which comes from events held in the pub's grounds, and refusing to reach a compromise. So, erm, they're sending in Feargal Sharkey to play a Paddy Ashdown role:

Waveney MP Bob Blizzard also revealed he had been speaking to former Undertones frontman Feargal Sharkey, who is now the chairman of the government's Live Music Forum task force.

Mr Blizzard said he had put hours of work into trying to help mediate in the dispute.

“I've tried to broker some discussions and a meeting with Waveney to resolve this, as I've been involved in speaking to Mr Truman and trying to sort something for months and months,” he said.

“Feargal Sharkey is a key supporter of live music, so, after speaking to him about this, he was prepared to come to Lowestoft and sit round a table with the council to offer some ideas.”

The local residents assocation have approached That Petrol Emotion with a view to organising a counterstrike.

Do Linkin Park have some sort of wind-powered ship?

More care for the planet expressed through damaging it: Live Earth Tokyo is going to be headlined by, erm, Linkin Park. It's fairly safe to say their trip to the venue is going to involve some air travel.

Some people almost deserve to be ripped off

Normally, there's little point in a venue complaining about eBay ticket sales for one of their gigs - after all, they've already sold off their tickets and there's nothing they can really do about it. But The Liberty Stadium at Swansea has good reason for warning people off paying up to £117 on eBay for Who tickets. Because they've not actually sold out yet, and tickets are still available for £40.

Andrew Davies, Liberty Stadium general manager, last night said, “It seems to be the case with every major event these days that there are people looking to cash in and make a quick buck.

“But I would like to reassure anyone who wants to attend Friday’s concert who has yet to buy a ticket, that they are still available to buy from official outlets.

“There is no need for anyone to get ripped off paying over the odds for their tickets, it is as simple as that.”

Is it just that people have now got so used to events selling out within thirteen seconds of them going on sale that they just go straight to eBay without bothering to check the venue any more?

Sharon Osbourne threatens to push head up woman

The ever-charming Sharon Osbourne hasn't let the passing of what feels like several aeons dissuade her from responding to the last mutterings by Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed. They had attempted to try and raise some interest in their me-too faked-reality TV show by saying something or other about the Osbournes. Now, seemingly tired of waiting to come up with the perfect witty riposte, the woman ITV thought would make a charming teatime TV host has just shot out:

"His wife's s**** has been rubbed on every pole in LA. I'll fucking tear his head off and stick it up her!"

We're sure Gala Bingo will be delighted at seeing the person they're paying to promote their product is suggesting the correct way to solve a dispute is by murdering a woman's partner and then violating her body with part of the dismembered corpse.

Maybe we should ask them.

Jamelia drives away

Oddly, considering the way the 3AM Girls usually report everything that Jamelia does within seconds of it happening, they seem to have somehow missed the story about her driving off without paying a GBP20 parking fee.

The official line is that she'd "forgotten her purse" and so swerved round the car in front of her at the barrier, with every intention of coming back later to pay:

Her spokesman said: “She intended to return and pay. A row did occur. The fee has been paid.”

The odd thing though - even odder than "how come she didn't realise she had 'forgotten her purse' until the very moment she arrived at barrier, as if she'd run up a big parking fee surely she must have been doing something in that time which would have required a rummage in her handbag? - is: if she fully intended to return and pay, why did she not merely say to the bloke in the booth 'I am Jamelia, who had a minor hit or two a while back, I have suddenly realised I have forgotten my purse, I will go and get money' rather than swerving round the car in front and trying to flee without a word? Obviously, her spokesperson is a n honourable man and would never tell a fib, but surely even he must see that her behaviour, however pure her intentions, was 'driving away from a car park without paying'?

Victoria Newton introduces the do-it-yourself column

Even by the low standards of Bizarre, this morning's piece by Ms Newton asking for readers to do her research for her is quite something:

I NEED help understanding CHRIS MARTIN’s T-shirt.

It’s a mock-up of the Time magazine cover naming then New York mayor RUDY GIULIANI Person Of The Year 2001 — but that’s not Rudy in the pic.

It looks like a blend of TERRY WOGAN, GEORGE BEST, DIRK BENEDICT and DAVID HASSELHOFF.

People who can do her job for her are invited to send an email or phone. Newton, of course, will continue to keep the paycheque even though now she doesn't even bother to get research done in-house.

Coming next week: "Can anyone tell me something that I can put in my column?"

Arson about: Prison for Wayne Fontana

Wayne Fontana's decision to turn up at court for the hearing into his arson charges dressed sort of like Justice may not have worked that well:

The judge criticised the former lead singer of the Mindbenders, real name Glyn Ellis, for arriving at Derby Crown court dressed as the Lady of Justice.

He had to hand [in] a sword and scales to guards but wore a crown, cape and dark glasses, claiming "justice is blind".

The judge, Andrew Hamilton, wasn't amused:

: "He regards this whole procedure as a pantomime.

"He has come dressed as a fool and he wants to act like a fool - I hope they give him a prison uniform at Nottingham Prison to keep him warm."

Fontana has pleaded guilty to arson being reckless to whether life is endangered, but denies arson with intent to endanger life. Fontana had set fire to a car driven by a bailiff who visited his home.

The case is adjourned until July; Fontana has been remanded in custody and the judge has ordered psychological reports.

Group hug: The Police reconnect

There's something of a gushing piece in today's Mail, where The Police are gathered together and warned that anything they say may be taken down and used to make them look really fabulous. Chris Iley grants them a straight face for even the most eye-watering moments:

Coming back together is a hugely emotional deal.

Sting tells me that before they went on stage at the Grammys, they all huddled together. "I said: "Look, we are doing this for each other. We have to play for each other.""

After the Grammys, Sting told me: "We grew apart from a vortex of tension. We stopped connecting and I wanted to fix that."

All the ends that were never tied or severed are now being woven back together again.

Indeed, so flattering is Iley that the recent bit of unpleasant for Sting and Trudie is somewhat downplayed:

Trudie is always smiling when she's by his side. They seem truly devoted