First they came for Zoe... now they've come for Rav

Last week, the Sunday Mirror redesign buried Showbiz Zoe deep into the site; this week, it's Rav who finds himself not-very-subtly downplayed in the new News of the World layout.

Mind you, as he's punting a story claiming that Paul McCartney has asked Stella how she'd feel if he took Nancy Shevell as "the third Mrs. Macca". He used those exact words, too.

Worse, though: At the foot of the article Rav drops this:

Visit my pal Perez Hilton's great website. But be warned: It's outrageous!

Rav's "pal" Perez Hilton, huh? That'd be like the way Alistair Darling is chums with George Bush, would it? Still, better to push a knackered old American gossip site than, say, suggest people read Gordon's column, eh?

Fifth Beatle only Beatle at own funeral

Given that he was so central to guiding their business for so many years, how touching that, erm, neither Ringo nor Macca appear to have gone to Neil Aspinall's funeral.

Yoko and, erm, Stella McCartney managed to make it to Twickenham.

Gordon in the morning: Backing Cilla Black

The tricky question of who should give McCartney his lifetime achievement award at the Brits is exercising Gordon this morning. It seems Paul has offered no advice beyond asking for it to be a woman - good lord, does he never learn? - and so someone (Smart doesn't reveal who) has drawn up a shortlist of Kylie, Stella McCartney, Chrissie Hynde and Cilla Black. Smart has launched a campaign to make Black the one, but it's not clear why. Is it a joke - a la the NME's attempts to get the Laughing Gnome played on Bowie's tour? But why would it be a joke? McCartney and Black go way back, and with Sharon Osbourne MCing the event, someone who can actually present a television programme onstage might be a boon. But it's not clear that Gordon is being serious, either.

He does run through his thought process, but that doesn't really help:

Stella is a nice thought, but he can receive gifts from her every birthday and Christmas.

Kylie is a great suggestion too. She and Macca hit it off at Jools Holland’s Hootenanny.

Chrissie may just be the dark horse of the four.

My only fear is that Macca has form for falling for women at awards ceremonies after a few sherries - and Kylie’s a single lady.

I reckon Auntie Cilla should be safe on that front, though.

Does Smart know anything about Hynde? He seems to struggle with a reason to discount her, and throws her away in the middle of talking about Kylie.

It all feels a little... well, pointless. At least if he'd have come up with an alternative suggestion - Yoko, perhaps - there might have been some sort of traction for his campaigning.

Mind you, since the rest of his work this morning is built around a photo of Paris Hilton and a little person and Sarah Harding in her knickers, perhaps we should welcome his new found commitment to campaigning journalism.

Heather Mills new PR regime kicks in

The world snickered slightly when Heather Mills announced that, henceforward, her public image (between bouts of stage-school sobbing on the GM-TV sofa) would be in the hands of Comtesse Michele Elyzabeth, a "self-styled French aristocrat".

But she's already working wonders already, telling an American paper that, erm, Heather was unhappy with the discount Stella McCartney gave her in the shop:

Michele said: "Stella told Heather she'd give her just 10 per cent off at her London boutique. And they were related."

This seems to be an attempt to deliver on Mills' claims that Stella did "evil, evil" things. Oddly, though, it might seem to fit more with the negative view of Mills as a grasping woman who was out for ever ten bob note she could make from her marriage.

How lucky I have a famous daughter

Forgive us for raising a questioning eyebrow, but would Paul McCartney really, as the Daily Mail seems to suggest, need his daughter Stella to effect an introduction to Natalie Portman to get her in his new video?

It's Paul McCartney. We'd imagine his name might open one or two doors on its own.

Madonna's pants fail to set world on fire

There was a small queue of people eager to see what Madonna's H&M range would be like, when it went on sale in New York. The cheap bits sold out quickly - most of which has already appeared on Ebay - but the actual fashionistas were not that impressed:

"I was expecting the clothes to be a little more fashion-forward I have to say, because she is such an icon and I heard it was based on her own closet," said Daniela Maron, a fashion publicist combing the Fifth Ave. store's racks[...]

"A lot of people came in, but as for buying, it's been half-and-half," said Juan Tinch, an H&M sales associate. "There have been a lot of purchases but also a lot of returns."

Meanwhile, Madge is offering to help fashion ruin pop as much as pop has ruined fashion, by offering to help Stella McCartney make a record:

“I asked her for fashion advice and I told her, if she ever wanted to do a record, I’d gladly help out.”

To be honest, Stella, looking at how Madonna's help made Nick Kamen's pop career go, you'd be best off thanking her and politely withdrawing.

Madonna's pants fail to set world on fire

There was a small queue of people eager to see what Madonna's H&M range would be like, when it went on sale in New York. The cheap bits sold out quickly - most of which has already appeared on Ebay - but the actual fashionistas were not that impressed:

"I was expecting the clothes to be a little more fashion-forward I have to say, because she is such an icon and I heard it was based on her own closet," said Daniela Maron, a fashion publicist combing the Fifth Ave. store's racks[...]

"A lot of people came in, but as for buying, it's been half-and-half," said Juan Tinch, an H&M sales associate. "There have been a lot of purchases but also a lot of returns."

Meanwhile, Madge is offering to help fashion ruin pop as much as pop has ruined fashion, by offering to help Stella McCartney make a record:

“I asked her for fashion advice and I told her, if she ever wanted to do a record, I’d gladly help out.”

To be honest, Stella, looking at how Madonna's help made Nick Kamen's pop career go, you'd be best off thanking her and politely withdrawing.