We know you'll have been worried...

But Emma Bunton has insisted that the show will go on, even if she has to take to the London stage with crutches.

After all, a bit more support propping things up on the Spice tour won't be a problem, will it?

We say she's insisted. I suspect it's fifty percent management pointing out the costs of cancellation; fifty percent the Spices desperate to not have to extend the tour a moment longer by rescheduling dates.

Winehouse: Give me temperance - but not yet

With Gordon presumably still following the Spice Girls round America, Pete Samson is again filing the big story for Bizarre - we wonder if he spins round in Gordo's chair, too. This morning, the Ed Balls of the Bizarre cabinet has an unsourced story which builds on the Israeli rehab story the paper was pushing last week, claiming that Amy is going to go off to rehab-lite. But not before a "big Christmas blowout". Which would be like a new year resolution, presumably.

The two stories actually don't make sense together, though: last week Gordon was suggesting Amy was reluctant rehabber - hence the trip to the Israel clinic where rehab lasts only a week (the course; we imagine the clean time isn't as long as that); this week Pete Samson is saying she's keen.

Odd.

Meanwhile, Ringo Starr is worried about Amy, too:

“God Bless Amy. She’s a great talent and she’s going through a situation right now.

“It’s a very public destruction. The good news is that there’s more help around now than before.”

It's true that - back in the 60s it took a lot of organisation to get yourself destructing; now, it's easier than ever to dabble, snort, smack and generally befuck yourself. In some companies, it's even tax deductible.

Sony BMG marriage to be annulled in New Year?

It's looking much more likely that we might be back to five major labels in 2008, as Advocate General Juliane Kolkott has advised that the Court Of First Instance's ruling that the clearance given by Europe to the Sony-BMG merger be removed. Kolkott's advice is not binding, but is normally followed by the higher court.

God alone knows what would happen next - presumably a few years of legal merry-go-round followed by some token disinvestments. It's probable that CDs will be finally obsolete before this one gets sorted.

Velvet Revolver to tour UK... maybe

Spinal Tap tribute act Velvet Revolver are planning a UK tour for next March:

Liverpool, University - March 15
Leeds, University - 16
Manchester, Apollo - 17
Newcastle, Academy - 19
Glasgow, Academy - 20
Wolverhampton, Civic - 22
Birmingham, Academy - 23
Brixton, Academy - 25
Brighton, Centre - 27

We wouldn't advise buying tickets just yet.

Madonna: Almost officially famous

The inductees for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, 2008, have been announced: Madonna - who has donated large numbers of items to the museum - is in; The Beastie Boys - who haven't - are not. Funny that.

Also going in will be John 'Where's The Cougar' Mellencamp and Leonard Cohen. The funny thing is, despite the amount of cash the good people of Cleveland have poured in to the Hall, they hold the induction in New York. It's almost as if the birthplace of rock and roll isn't good enough for today's rock and rollers, isn't it?

[You might also enjoy: No Rock's trip to the Hall of Fame]

Katona in close-up

Kerry Katona is going to churn her life into a MTV reality series:

It will also shadow the face of frozen food firm Iceland as she launches a perfume and her first novel.

And it will chronicle her bitter custody fight with ex-husband Bryan McFadden, with whom she has two daughters.
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A source said it was a chance for Kerry, who has fought drink and drug addictions and was diagnosed with manic depression, to answer her critics.

Hmm. Not entirely sure how selling your private life to a TV company - and selling out your kids by viewing a custody battle as a USP for a reality series rather than a serious determining moment in their lives - is an "answer" to the critics who suggest she's more interested in money and clinging to declining fame above those she supposedly cares about, but good luck with it, Kerry.

Gordon in the morning

Well, now we know why Gordon wasn't at Led Zep: it sounds like he's plodding about behind the Spice Girls, spending RupertJames' money on an American jolly. It's fair to say he's a little starstruck, as - like politicians - the Spices can't help sucking up to The Sun:

During a gap between songs, EMMA BUNTON said to her bandmates: “Have you seen that guy in row B?” (where I was sitting).

GERI HALLIWELL replied: “What, the Scottish guy with the nice eyes?” (Aaah, bless. It’s all pretty good so far).

Then MEL B: “The bloke who edits the Bizarre column of The Sun?” (Ooops, I’m not known as their No1 fan).

POSH added: “That’s him” and SCARY, obviously, had to have the final word. She said brazenly, as I cringed, wondering exactly what was coming: “He’s got a massive, huge, gigantic . . . personality!”

Most of the Vegas crowd didn’t notice my massive, huge, gigantic grin as I savoured the message.

Your massive, huge, gigantic grin? Good lord, man. If you feel this is something to brag about, at least try and write it up in a way that doesn't make it sound like 'what I did done do on my holidays'. (We do love, though, that "most" - as if there were a knowing few cognoscenti would have been nudging each other saying 'that's that Smart, that is...' - whereas, of course, the audience would actually have been wondering why the Spice Girls were making so much fuss over a supermarket tabloid.)

Funny, though, that Gordon managed to miss the story that was in all the other papers - how few people turned up for the gig. No wonder they were able to single Gordon out for special treatment. He probably was all of Row B.

Still, if he's pulling together his column in a hotel room in Nevada, it explains how an actual story might have accidentally sneaked into his page: Noel Gallagher apparently being too drunk to remember what he said to Jimmy Page after the Led Zep gig. But elsewhere, it's business as usual: that naked Paris Hilton champagne advert being treated like it's worth an article, and a clunking piece of text to go with a photo of Kylie Minogue:

KYLIE MINOGUE is getting into this biker-influenced look.

We don't know what the bikers wear round Smart's way, but we've never seen anyone on a Harley in a couture mini-dress and fishnets.

I wonder who had the top job of zipping her up before the Nobel Peace Prize Concert in Oslo on Tuesday?

She must break more than just 2 Hearts a week.

Eh? Because she has a tight dress, she ends relationships with at least three people every seven days? Oh... is it just a crowbarred in pun based on a songtitle?

Zunes in short supply

Exciting news for Microsoft: the Zune is a sell-out. And back-orders are starting to pile up. Although this turns out to be more because they've not made enough to meet a fairly low level of demand than because they've been fabulously successful. And not having devices in the shops as people go out Christmas shopping might not be the sharpest strategy to defeat the iPod.

Craig David's big moment ruined

Poor Craig David. There he was, all set to press the button to start the balls coming out of the Lotto machine - and just as he was saying "Good Luck" Alan Deddicoat spoke over him, as the balls had started to come out without the need for David's involvement.

While this raises a bit of a question over the probity of the draw - who's setting the thing off it it happens without the hapless z-lister pushing the button? - it's more indicative of Craig David's role in the scheme of things: he's not even needed as a player in his own life.

GCap to government: Switch off FM, or the kittens get it

Okay, maybe Ralph Bernard, outgoing head of GCap, isn't threatening to kill kittens, but he has announced that GCap is considering pulling the plug on all its digital radio stations:

Speaking at a MediaTel Future of Radio event, Bernard criticised regulator Ofcom for not setting a date for the switch-off of analogue radio, claiming that the delay was costing stations million of pounds.

"At GCap, we are seriously considering whether to continue with our digital stations," he said. "It costs us £8 million a year to run an analogue station, while it costs us £15 million to run a digital station. Where's the logic in that? It can't be sustained.
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"We don't want a hard and fast switch-off date, just a targ