Neil McCormick is actually sort-of right

Sometimes, we point and snigger at Neil McCormick, the Telegraph's friend of Bono music writer, but he's got a point this morning, listing the churning products of the Lennon Industry:

This is the latest offering from a posthumous, multi-million-dollar Lennon industry, partly fuelled by his widow's sometimes suspect desire to keep the flame burning. It has led to such dubious tributes as a TV commercial for the Citroën DS3, a Mont Blanc fountain pen retailing at $27,000, a limited edition Gibson Imagine guitar ($10,748), alongside the usual array of Lennon-branded mugs, clothing, books, calendars, prints and even an Imagine brand of Ben & Jerry's ice cream.

I suspect Neil and I would disagree over the core of his argument. Neil insists this isn't what the man himself would want, or be doing, were he alive today; my suspicion is that Lennon would just be more careful than Yoko at merchandising the idea of the rock ascetic. But the headline?

John Lennon's 70th birthday: these tacky souvenirs and adverts insult his memory

I think we can agree on that.

Stick Lady GaGa in your ears

There's a nice post on Music Ally as Lady GaGa launches an expensive range of earbuds.

Sorry, did I say earbuds? That might sell short GaGa's vision:

“In the deepest hour of the night, I confess to myself three things; I would die if I was forbidden to write, forbidden to love, or forbidden to fashion. Heartbeats embody the trinity of my human-being, with one additional vow: that SOUND matters. Wear heartbeats, love each other, and celebrate the art and lifestyle of music.”

The manufacturer suggests these earphones let you hear the music as the artist intended, which seems strange as I'd have thought the good Lady's work was being pitched firmly at a dance audience and, thus, intended for something larger than a set of rinky-dinky headphones. But at least it means GaGa isn't being forbidden to fashion.

Michael Jackson name to be stuck on shitty old tat; sold big

At the record company meeting, on their hands - at last! - a dead star
But, Mr. Morrissey, it's not just the record companies who adore a corpse. It's everyone who scrambles to peel off the dead guy's face and stick on things.

Now Michael Jackson is dead, the estate is planning to brand the arse out of him. MTV reports:

A wide-ranging deal with merchandising powerhouse Bravado highlights plans to produce a wide variety of Jackson-related memorabilia, from photo books and trading cards to lithographs, buttons, live recordings on USB drives, online games and denim and high-end clothing. There are also proposals for digital clothing, tattoos and accessories for VR worlds like Second Life and Stardoll, embossed wine decanters, theme packs for the Xbox and wallpaper and screensavers for cell phones.

Virtual Michael Jackson clothes? Clothes that don't exist endorsed by a man who vanished inside himself? And people will pay for this?

It's one detail, though, that shows that exactly how much thought and care has been put into this. That embossed wine decanter.

A Michael Jackson embossed wine decanter.

Presumably it looks like a coke can and the embossing reads Jesus Juice, does it?

Jackson fakes crackdown

Apparently the Jackson estate are busily trying to crack down on the booming industry in fake Jacko memorabilia.

They're trying to stop fans being ripped off by items purporting to be Jackson-related but where the face on the items just looks like a poor-quality reproduction. Things like t-shirts, mugs, and Michael Jackson for the last ten years of his life are given as examples of this shoddy work.

Five entities with no obvious link to the Jackson family have tried to trademark the phrase "King of Pop" on everything from drink umbrellas to juggling balls since the day he died.

Michael Jackson juggling balls? There's a headline the Weekly World News would have loved to have got.

But the family have no right to the title anyway:

Complicating matters is that the phrase "King of Pop" was not actually registered to the singer, according to the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office, which has some of his applications on display in a free exhibit in Washington.

He registered "Michael Jackson" as a trademark, the office said, but only on sound recordings, videotapes and movies involving music and entertainment. Jackson owned a patent on a shoe that allowed the wearer to lean past his center of gravity, as he did in the "Smooth Criminal" video, but it expired in 2005 because he didn't pay a $2,480 maintenance fee.

They gave him a patent on an orthopaedic dance shoe? Really? It's hard to see how the owner of such a patent died in so much debt. Pity he never pitched the shoes in the Dragon's Den - a nice bit of banter with Duncan; get Theo to muck about in the shoes; he'd have been quids in. The road not travelled, isn't it?

Buffalo wings Soldier

I suppose Bob Marley being used to flog things isn't new - but the latest plans from the Marley estate are step-up from selling posters to every student house in the UK and letting Persil use Three Little Birds:

Bob Marley drinks, luggage, stationery, hotels and video games could soon appear after the late reggae star's family struck a merchandise deal.

"We're open to licensing just about anything," said the late reggae icon's daughter Cedella. But she added: "If it is not right, we will not do it."

It's a little tricky, after you've thrown off your clothes and started rubbing dollar bills all over your naked skin, to then try and suggest you're doing so with dignity, isn't it?

Ms Marley said interest in her father was growing, almost 30 years after his death. "The things that dad spoke about are still the things that we all need to fix and work on," she said.

"Sometimes when you put on his records it's like he's talking about today, right now.

"The message is still about hope and peace and all of us coming together. That's what makes him special. All of us can relate to him."

Ah yes. The songs of struggle, and hope, that Bob was known for. How best can you capture that essential, dignified struggle?

There is already a Bob Marley Resort & Spa in the Bahamas, which could be the springboard for a string of Marley hotels.

That would be the way.

50 Cent fires up his filesharing software

50 Cent doesn't mind a bit of filesharing, saying that it's not bad for artists.

Of course, he's retired, so you'd expect him to say that.

Oh... hang on, he didn't, did he?

Mr. Cent told a Norwegian magazine:

"What is important for the music industry to understand is that file-sharing doesn't hurt artists."

He went on to say that the industry needed to "maximise its income from concerts and merchandise", adding that: "It is the only way they can get their marketing money back."

However he hit out at some labels who were more interested in peddling “ringtones, not records".

He went on: "They don't understand the value of a perfect piece of art."

While welcoming his attitude, we're a little confused as to why he would decry ringtones while insisting that labels should be maximising income from baseball caps and boxer shorts with logos on.

Prince: Take down Get Up

Prince is spending large sums of cash ensuring that unauthorised Prince stuff on the web is moved about a bit, to different servers, or taken down for a while and then put up in a different format:

More than 1,000 unauthorised clips have been taken down in the last few days, according to Web Sheriff, the UK firm he has hired to enforce the ban.

That only leaves about 2,700 odd returns on GoogleVideo search if you look for "Prince Live", then.

Prince's people insist it's not about a rich man trying to hold on to every penny:

John Giacobbi, managing director of Web Sheriff, said: "Some artists are very relaxed about the use of their image and music on the internet, some less so.

"Prince feels very strongly that people should remember his concerts as they were, not as some grainy mobile phone footage."

Of course, you could ensure that by allowing people to bring HD video cameras with them, then. No? Oh.

The artist has also instructed Web Sheriff to police unauthorised distribution of his music on file-sharing websites such as Pirate Bay, and is seeking to stop auction sites like eBay from selling unauthorised merchandise.

Mr Giacobbi said: "We are not targeting fans who might want to sell their copy of Purple Rain, we are targeting companies in China manufacturing Prince handbags and selling them in their thousands.

"Prince's actions are a brave and pioneering step to challenge the status quo and hand control over internet rights back to the artists."

How reassuring that Prince isn't "targeting fans" who are selling second-hand records - what with that being perfectly legal and their right. Why not pat yourself on your little purple back for not suing people for humming the chorus from 1999 while you're at it?

As for 'unofficial' merchandise, what actually gives Prince the right to try and stop this? If what you sell isn't being passed off as somehow official, and uses images that are public domain or otherwise not subject to license fees, and assuming Prince hasn't trademarked his name for Chinese handbags, then on what grounds is he stopping their sale? There is an enormous difference between "unauthorised" and "illegal", however galling it might be for the artist; we should perhaps challenge any attempt to try and suggest that a secondary market for this sort of thing is, by its existence, wrong.

Hey... the song's called Umbrella, right?

News of a slowing of sales for Umbrella, coupled with receding flood water, will probably only fuel The Sun's belief that Rhianna is responsible for the rain.

Meanwhile, after two and a half months, someone has come up with a mechandising tie-in: Yes, Rhianna Umbrella umbrellas, yours for a tenner. Or £25 if you want one which actually works. Hats off to whoever came up with that new revenue stream.

Word of warning: If you attempt to use a Rhianna CD to keep the rain off your head, the BPI will be down on you like a burst dam.

An end to shirts on the streets

Although the EU Court decision rejecting a street trader's claim that the unofficial merchandise he sold was a "sign of alleigance" rather than a breach of trademark refers to the sale of unofficial Arsenal stuff, it's significant for the music industry, too.

What the court has just done is outlaw all non-licensed product, which means that those tshirt and poster sellers who do brisk trade outside gigs, for example, are now outside the law rather than in a grey area. Of course, while individual artists would probably think twice before hammering down on such sales, the way the new Robbie Williams contract hands much of his merchandising pie to EMI suggests that in the future, it'll be the labels who call the shots. And we know what they're like.

Still, cheer up - it's not like official, in-venue merchandise is chronically over-priced already, is it?