They could fill their cakehole again

If the Take That Reunion was like meeting long-lost friends, and the Spice Girls comeback bumping into people you remember from school, that would make the rumoured Atomic Kitten resurrection a bit like that sinking feeling when you run across someone who you used to work with. Who smelled of carpets.

They're plotting to do a Cilla Black cover - Anyone Who Had A Heart, sadly, and no "Oh no sir, nothing tastes nicer, than Cadbury's Dairy Milk" - but, if we as a nation show even a glimmer of something other than total indifference, they're threatening to do more.

Kaisers eye Wembley

Talking of people seriously overestimating their pulling-power, it turns out that the Kaiser Chiefs are hoping for a little of that Muse action:

"Their shows are spectacular and their reputation has grown and grown," Nick [Baines] told the Daily Star. "They've sneaked up and become a stadium band. We've seen that if you've got the guts to book stadiums, people will buy the tickets.

"Muse aren't as dynamic as us - and we have more banter. People talk about Muse in the same way as U2 or the Rolling Stones - and that's what we want."

We're not sure if they're really hoping to be be spoken of as Muse are - a band who've managed to control their rise to larger venues without, yet, pandering to the perceived needs of a wider audience - or, as would seem to be more likely - U2 and the Stones, bands who play large venues because it allows them to disguise a long-dead spark with massive screens and a huge merchadinsing stall.

Duncan James: The dream is over

Can it really be true that Duncan James is giving up on music? And only a year or two after music gave up on him?

The singer became disillusioned with the music industry after his solo songs failed to sell well in the UK, and he is enjoying his current role in a West End production of Chicago far more.

It's funny that... his not-especially-good records fail to sell, and he blames the music industry rather than, say, his limited talent, or over-optimistic belief about his own attractiveness to the record-buying public?

"I'm not a big fan of how the music industry works," Duncan told Hot Stars magazine. "A lot of people who work in it don't care about music, only money. Pop music isn't doing very well, but I think the Spice Girls will change all that!"

Asked about the possibility of a Blue reunion, he said: "As it stands right now, everything about it would make me feel sick. I don't think I've got the confidence any more."

Perhaps the most heartbreaking aspect of this is that Duncan has dipped so far off the public's radar he was reduced to making his farewell statement in Hot Stars. Of course, it's bad news for Girl Talk, who had been hoping for the exclusive.

Curtis blows? Fiddy album shoved back again

After a lukewarm response to the lead singles in the US, 50 Cent is shoving back the release of new album Curtis.

It had originally been due in June, but now the record's new early September date has been moved back again to September 11th. Still, there's something which appeals to the nostalgic in my watching a record going backwards - the rushed-forward release to cope with internet leaks has become so common this last couple of years. It must be slightly depressing for Fiddy to discover his album is so unattractive nobody even wants to whack it on peer to peer.

Remy Ma abandons SUV, disappears after shooting

Remy Ma's SUV has been found, crashed and abandoned, by police investigating a shooting incident in New York. The suspect in the shooting has been described as "a woman in her 20s"; the 26 year-old Ma scampered away from her car a block away, and is being sought for questioning.

Snoop career reaches the twilight years

A staging post in the career cycyle as obvious as the first gold disc and the first limo to the gig, Snoop has now reached the reality series point.

The traditional way of showing an empty creative storecupboard, we are promised:

the show would be "hilarious and heart-warming" and would show the rapper balancing family duties with the world of hardcore hip-hop.

It's the Snoop Doggy Cosby Show.

Now 'Allen prettier than Cole' is an established FACT

The summer is always prone to uninspired companies carrying out pointless polls in a bid to grab some lazy newspaper coverage. Even so, did nobody at Thorpe Park stop to ask what they were doing when they paid for a survey, and then released the results, showing that a small percentage of people thought Lily Allen was more "beautiful" than Cheryl Tweedy Cole? It's far from clear what the link between the survey and their business is; some might also wonder if a family attraction should really be indulging in a "whodyaratherfuck" game in the first place.

By the end of the summer, we're going to be invited to play spin the bottle with Alton Towers.

Stunted publicity?

The happy news that Chantelle and Preston are down in Brighton, shopping with their stupid little rat-dogs under their arms is tempered somewhat by the unsettling suspicion that surely they haven't used a divorce as a publicity tool?

This sort of behaviour will require Iain Duncan-Smith to produce tax-breaks plans so that people will take divorce seriously in future.

Newton meets Blunt: The greatest fawn since Bambi

The real problem at the heart of the Sun's Bizarre column is not its shaky grip on research, or its frequently rushed pieces reading like the first draft of an Innovations catalogue. The real, screeching paradox is the column affects to be some sort of papery-conscience to the stars, calling them on their actions and exposing their wrong-doings, but as soon as Newton finds herself face-to-face with one of the people she writes about, she turns into a gushing schoolgirl.

For example, today she meets James Blunt:

[H]e’s an easy target for cool rock stars who slag him off to grab a headline.

But now, with the follow-up album to his multi-million selling debut Back To Bedlam, JAMES BLUNT is about to prove he’s much more than a one-hit wonder.

His new album, All The Lost Souls, is a collection of Seventies-inspired classic pop songs with emotional heart-rending lyrics and melodies that you simply can’t get out of your head once you’ve heard them.

It would be almost impossible to come up with an album that could mirror the achievements of 2005 sensation Back To Bedlam, which sold 11 million copies worldwide and is the second best-selling album since 2000, behind DIDO’s No Angel.

And the pressure of coming up with a better song than You’re Beautiful would surely be too much for any songwriter.

We wouldn't have thought so - the Big Brother housemates managed to come up with a better song than You're Beautiful in about ten minutes a couple of weeks ago; indeed, our cat manages to come up with a better tune than You're Beautiful when he'd rather have a pouch of wetfood instead of biscuit.

What's really strange about this, though, is that Newton thinks she's praising Blunt, but effectively she's implying that all the signs are that he's one trick pony.

Of course, when most people have had a successful first album, the second one is usually a duff affair focusing on how fame bites and how many drugs they've taken since they became famous. Surely a trap Blunt won't fall into, eh, Victoria?

[1973] looks back at James’s memories of going out and having a great time with friends

I can’t help but think this song has been inspired by spending many a night in the drug-fuelled nightclubs of Ibiza.

And in one standout track, Give Me Some Love, James makes reference to drugs with a line in the chorus that says: “Give me some love, I’ve taken ****loads of drugs.”

Same Mistake sounds a bit like a track that could have been penned by COLDPLAY frontman CHRIS MARTIN, and is the song James performed at last Saturday’s Live Earth gig.

The album also tackles the issue of dealing with fame, which James has struggled with.

His overnight global success and his penchant for bedding beautiful and famous young women has meant he’s made a fair few appearances in newspapers and magazines.

This is reflected in songs such as Annie and One Of The Brightest Stars.

James says: “Just because I’ve been given the fickle title of celebrity, it doesn’t mean I’m any less human. I go through the same things, only my mother hears about them first now!”

So, there's two about drugs, one that sounds like Chris martin and a song about the pressures of fame. The surprise, I guess, is how few sound like Coldplay.

Hush, Usher

Usher has been making a bit of hash of things lately, and that has caused a little comment. But Usher just wants to be left alone. He doesn't want to make his mistakes in public, so he's decided it's time to reclaim his privacy.

By, erm, writing a piece for People magazine about how he wants to be out the glare of publicity. In People magazine:

"I am happy, excited, completely clear and independent on my direction, feelings, decisions and I am NOT BEING LED," Usher wrote. "Some media and bloggers have been totally intrusive, they have misconstrued aspects of my personal life and, because of this, my 'true' fans are not sure about what is fact and what is fiction. There is a difference in stating an opinion versus drawing a conclusion that is incorrect.

"I have NEVER threatened or