Gordon in the morning: In which Gordon has trouble understanding a competition aimed at teenage girls

You - yes, YOU - could have "a date" with Harry Styles and Liam Payne. If you win it.

Gordon has all the details, although apparently hasn't read through them:

ONE DIRECTION are taking part in a charity auction that is bound to inspire a bidding frenzy.

As one of the prizes, HARRY STYLES and LIAM PAYNE will be giving away a joint date to help raise money for cancer charity Trekstock.

Err... except the charity sale isn't an auction, so it won't be "inspiring a bidding frenzy". In fact, Gordon seems to realise this later on:

Even small donations will be entered in the draw but you’ve got to be over 13 to get involved.

We've seen the Mail and the Mail On Sunday subtly rubbishing each other's stories; this, surely, is the first time ever an article's second half gently rubbishes the first half.

Rapobit: Adam Yauch

Just hearing that the Beastie Boy's Adam Yauch has died. He'd been living with a cancer diagnosis for three years; he was 47.

[UPDATE: There's a round-up of reactions in this post]

Gordon in the morning: Karma cancer

It always used to be a little uncomfortable when someone whose health has been dragged through The Sun turn up doing an exclusive interview; these days, they might as well print the things on paper which smells a bit funny to really ram the point home.

Who knows, though, maybe Robin Gibb willingly spoke to Wendy Leigh; a man who views cancer as karmic payback for the Bee Gee's success could well believe that dancing for Murdoch is part of the price of remission from that cancer.

Adele: Have a crack at diagnosis

You know what's the best thing to do if there's rumours circulating about a young woman suffering from cancer? Be like Spinner and ask people what they reckon about it:

Adele's throat surgery leads to cancer rumors. Do you buy it?

I think we'd be generous by describing that as "a little misjudged".

Joan Jett trying to close down cancer charity album

A bunch of bands covering The Runaways - a nice tribute to Joan Jett, and a way of raising funds for a cancer charity. Who could have a problem with that?

Joan Jett and Cherie Currie, it turns out:

The two-disc album, "Take It or Leave It: A Tribute to the Queens of Noise," features covers of songs by the Runaways, which launched the careers of Jett and Currie. It's supposed to be released June 28.

Jett and Currie say in their lawsuit that the Easton, N.J.-based record label used their names to promote the album without their permission.

The label, Main Man records, say they've not seen the lawsuit and don't appear to have even been contacted by Jett or Currie.

The Decemberists: Good wishes to Jenny

Some bad news from The Decemberists - Jenny Conlee has been diagnosed with breast cancer, and is going to miss this summer's tour while she gets treatment.

Good news, though, is the prognosis is good and everyone's sounding policy:

Hello to Everyone,

I am very sorry to say that I will be missing a few shows coming up as I go through treatment for breast cancer. It has been great to be on tour these past few weeks. The band and crew are like family to me and have been incredibly supportive and understanding. To be making music with everyone and seeing the fans has helped me to feel more positive and keep my mind off of my diagnosis. But, alas, as the tour winds down, it is time for me to get back to reality. I will try to get into surgery as soon as I can after we return from this leg of the tour so I can begin my recovery. There are still a few unknowns out there concerning my cancer, but I am thinking positive and hope to be back on the road soon. Thanks for all of your support! See you soon!

Lots of love,
Jenny

Good wishes to Jenny.

Bluegrassobit: Hazel Dickens

Hazel Dickens, the Hazel in Hazel And Alice, has died.

Born in West Virginia in 1935, the then-novel radio had exposed the young Hazel to a wide range of country music styles and her family had always encouraged her to sing. As the coal industry became increasingly reliant on machines, her family and their lifestyle started to slide into obsolescence, persuading Hazel to leave town. She headed for Baltimore, working as a housekeeper and brefriending Alyse Taubman. Taubman's open-house music sessions introduced Dickens to the local music scence and grew her confidence as a public performer. Alyse's brother Arnold then introduced Hazel to Mike Seeger, and everything would slide into place.

Her partnership with Alice Gerrard - Mike's wife - lasted for four albums across the 60s and 70s, a notable achievement at a time when "leading bluesgrass bands" was one of those professions considered to be man's work. It was even more impressive, given that Alice hadn't had any particular attachment to the style prior to her forming the band with Hazel; while Dickens was steeped in country, Gerrard had grown up in a classical household.

After the duo split, in 1976, Dickens went on to record solo albums for Rounder Records.



Hazel Dickens died on Friday. She was 75, and had been battling leukemia.

Indieobit: Gerard Smith

A few weeks after the band revealed he was ill, sad to report the death of TV On The Radio bassist Gerard Smith.

Smith joined the band as a full-time member in 2005, sliding in for the Return to Cookie Mountain album sessions. He was 34; his death was down to lung cancer.

There's a brief statement from the band:

We are very sad to announce the death of our beloved friend and bandmate, Gerard Smith, following a courageous fight against lung cancer. Gerard passed away the morning of April 20th, 2011. We will miss him terribly.

The following shows will be cancelled:

April 20 St. Andrew Halls, Detroit MI
April 22 Metro, Chicago IL
April 23 First Ave, Minneapolis MN
April 24 First Ave, Minneapolis MN
April 26 Ogden, Denver CO

There will be more information as it becomes available.

There's been too many good people dying too young from cancer recently.

Here's the band on Letterman in 2006:

Get well soon, Danny Baker

We're extraordinarily fond of Danny Baker here, and so while yesterday's announcement of cancer wasn't entirely unexpected (the reference to "radioactive medicine" during one of the sporadic London shows was a bit of a big hint), it's still quite horrible news.

All the best, Candyman.

By the way: Narrow The Angle has a lovely bit about Mr B.

Mick Karn unwell

Thanks to Peter D for alerting me to the sad news from Mick Karn that he's got cancer, compounded with financial difficulties:

With great sadness we regret to inform you that Mick has recently been diagnosed with advanced stages of cancer. Mick is currently in a positive mood and undergoing further tests and treatment. His family and friends are close with him, supporting him in practical ways, and surrounding him with their love, friendship and care.

Mick has been struggling financially for some considerable time now and we are hoping that this appeal may help to raise funds for any necessary treatment and perhaps go some way towards providing a small degree of financial support whilst Mick's immediate family provide the care and comfort we would all wish for him. We are hoping that his friends, fans and musical colleagues will, over the coming months, offer any support they feel capable of giving. Quite aside from the sheer brunt of daunting medically-related costs, Mick's clear and major concern is for the security and well being of his wife and young son.

If you would like to make a donation whether as an individual or as a group, you can do so via the paypal link [found on Mick's website] which has been set up for this sole and express purpose. Any support you are able to give, no matter how small, could make a difference in helping Mick cope during this difficult period. His friends will be looking at a variety of ways to raise funds.

Since the original message, there's been an update, with some better news from Mick:

Your comments and well wishes have left me speechless, in the same way that our news had affected you. The support and love you give me is felt by all of us here, every day.

At the time of first posting my news I was striving to obtain a medical card that would pay for treatment here in Cyprus and I am pleased to say that in recent days, since becoming officially diagnosed through a series of specific tests, the state will now take care of my basic medical costs, including referrals to Hospitals within the EU in the event that any procedure cannot be carried out here in Cyprus.

This is great news and comes as a genuine relief but I wanted to make clear that the donations that have been received will remain in a fund which will be used to augment the state care and allow me to look into alternatives that will help my fight with cancer, including options such as advanced treatments in the USA and other non-state-funded medical alternatives. It also affords me some peace of mind as, during this difficult time, I am not able to provide for my family's needs in a way that I would otherwise wish, and their security is my primary concern now. Obviously, their lives are dramatically impacted upon by my condition and your kind support helps me to feel that they will be able to manage a little better if I am not able to be with them.

I hope this makes sense to all of you who have made a donation because words cannot truly express the full scope of my gratitude and feeling of good fortune to have so many friends, both near and far, familiar and undiscovered until now, who are willing to help us out in this incredible way.

In other words: there's medical treatment, but there's still family finances being a worry. Donations through the website, if you'd like to help.

Malcolm McClaren: 'Killed by shopfittings'

Young KIm has suggested that Malcolm McClaren might have been the unwitting author of his own demise. It's all down to the interior decoration of Sex:

"When Malcolm created Sex he broke open the ceiling to make it look like a bomb had hit it", said Kim. "I always suspected that shop because it was the only place Malcolm ever really spent any serious length of time in, and there was a lot of construction and changing things. Then Ben Westwood said his mother had mentioned that she'd seen asbestos there. It was board asbestos and it was in the early Seventies so there was a lot of it left, and I don't think anyone really did anything about it."

His partner also rails against a Harley Street doctor who, she claims, failed to investigate the first signs of cancer properly; she's suggesting she might push for an investigation.

Managerobit: Malcolm McLaren

BBC News is reporting the death of Malcolm McLaren in New York, apparently from cancer.

UPDATE: Alan Yentob has just been on the News Channel, saying (I paraphrase) that he'd known McClaren had been unwell, but was surprised how quickly the end came.

If McClaren was anything, he was adept at selling Malcolm McClaren - positioning himself as the inventor of punk rather than the more honest claim of being the person who worked out how to make money from it. In later years, he would attempt to create new genres, swearing that skipping-rock or opera-pop was just about to come. Normally, the only person making records in that genre would be McClaren; normally, he would plough the furrow alone, until abandoning it and moving on to the next thing. After all, he'd always have having invented punk to fall back on.

There are other blots on his record - Ghosts Of Oxford Street, the toe-curling Channel 4 Christmas confection from a few years back; the toe-curling musical map of London for Radio 2; The Baron, that odd ITV confection where he competed with Mike Reid for a Scottish baronetcy. And turning up for I'm A Celebrity but then refusing to go on because it was fake. (Reality TV? Fake? Whoever knew?)

He wrote the theme music for Carry On Columbus, the ill-judged attempt to revive the franchise in the 1980s. And remixed a British Airways advert. Hired by Adam Ant to turn the Ants' fortunes round, McClaren pocketed the cash, and persuaded The Ants to become Bow Wow Wow.

If Malcolm McClaren was anything, he was the ultimate art school student, stretching out his final show for fifty years.

And some of the stuff he had a hand in really did outshine the stunts:

Rock sick list: Ronnie James Dio

Not well: Ronnie James Dio. He's got stomach cancer, but isn't taking it lying down. His wife has stuck out a statement:

"Ronnie has been diagnosed with the early stages of stomach cancer. We are starting treatment immediately at the Mayo Clinic. After he kills this dragon, Ronnie will be back on stage, where he belongs, doing what he loves best, performing for his fans.

"Long live rock and roll, long live Ronnie James Dio.

"Thanks to all the friends and fans from all over the world that have sent well wishes. This has really helped to keep his spirit up."

A doomed dragon called stomach cancer. Even his life-threatening illnesses have fireworks in the background.

Tomorrow night's art/pop charity crossover: Quick reminder

Don't forget tomorrow night sees the launch for the Art Of Music 09, the exhibition being run as part of pancreatic cancer awareness week.

They're still taking sign-ups for a chance to get into the launch, and a chance to bid on art by Placebo, Blood Red Shoes and... well, The Stereophonics.

Charity and art in Camden

Next week is pancreatic cancer awareness week. While some cancers get thousand upon thousands of people out jogging against it, and pink-coloured kitchen items, pancreatic cancer struggles to get its voice heard. If cancer had a voice. You know what I mean.

To help with the awareness-raising, there's a rock-meets-art affair at the Proud Gallery in Camden between the 19th and 30th November. The artwork is all by pop stars - Placebo, Maximo Park - and people like The Stereophonics; on the 18th and the 30th, there's a pair of special events which will include auctioning of said artworks.

Cancer checks the Beastie Boys progress

This is how long we've all lived: The Beastie Boys are no longer fighting for their rights to party; instead they're fighting cancer. Or, at least, Adam Yauch is; his surgery for a cancerous tumour in his left salivary gland isn't life-threatening, but will play merry hell with the Beastie's schedule.

Gordon in the morning: A small ambition

The Enemy turn up to play some songs for Gordon Smart and - lord help us - John Gaunt this morning, and set their hats at tumbling their idols:

Tom & Co will be supporting OASIS this summer, but hope to take over as our No1 band before long.

That sentence implies that Oasis are our number one band, but let's let it pass, shall we?

The Enemy are set to play with the GALLAGHERS in front of 90,000 people at Wembley, their determination means they won’t be truly happy until they are headlining there themselves.

Tom said: “I don’t think NOEL needs to do it any more. He’s doing it for the love of it. That’s the dream.

“That’s when you can say you’ve made it.”

Is Noel doing it for love? Aren't he and his brother more like a married couple who have long gone past passion, through love and beyond comfort; now they're barely even going through the motions.

They even took the news that Bob Dylan had pipped them to No1 spot in the album chart early this month with good humour.

Tom said: “I was disappointed for about two minutes then it occurred to me it was Bob.

“You have worse days than coming second to him.”

Oh yes. A bloke who hadn't had a number one album since sweets came off the ration. There's no shame in being the first band in decades to be kept off the top spot by him.

While Gordon is nodding quietly along to The Enemy, he's left it to Caroline Iggulden to pick up the Jackson story. She trots through the usual cancer story stuff - brave, waving at fans, more bravery. The story has everything, except for the denial of the whole story by the Jackson camp. Which might be something a Sun reader should at least be made aware of, don't you think?

Gordon in the morning: Jackson still had actual skin?

The not-entirely-surprising news of Michael Jackson's skin cancer is passed to Emily Smith to break to a concerned nation:

DEFIANT MICHAEL JACKSON is determined to make a full recovery after doctors assured him that his skin cancer is treatable.

Well, yes, you would, wouldn't you? If a doctor said "Mr Jackson, your cancer is totally treatable", you wouldn't react by going "well, frankly, I'm not interested, I'm quite happy to die from it."

With Emily doing the reporting, it falls to Gordon to offer an opinion. Now, you might think there's not much to say beyond 'whatever you think of him, you wouldn't wish cancer on him', but apparently it calls for the editor of the showbusiness beat to say a few words:

HE has dangled his son from a hotel window, completely changed his appearance with cosmetic surgery and been dogged by shocking allegations about his bizarre private life.

But one thing that Michael Jackson can not be criticised for is his unique and unquestionable brilliance when he is entertaining fans on stage.

Gordon, presumably, hasn't seen any Jackson performance from, ooh, the last twenty years or so, where either he sets himself up as a pompous God figure, or else doesn't so much phone it in as use a freepost reply coupon.

As shocking as the news is of his cancer, I have no doubt he will be prepared to put giving 100 per cent to fans this summer ahead of his own medical fears.

It's not clear if Gordon feels the cancer is more shocking than the allegations about Jacko's private life - and don't you love that, out of respect to the man's illness, they're not bothering to go into "sharing bedrooms with young kids and giving them surprisingly large sums of money shortly after" nature of those allegations.

But does Gordon really think Jackson would put his fans ahead of his own health? When he supposedly he wouldn't even visit the UK for fear of swine flu and has a track record of not turning up to gigs he's been booked for? It doesn't sound much like the Jackson everyone knows and... well, everyone knows.

His farewell tour dates at the O2 arena in East London have been the biggest talking point in pop for fans, journalists, fellow musicians and the music industry since it was announced earlier this year.

Until the Spandau Ballet reunion, at least.

He is the only living artist capable of filling the 20,000-capacity arena for a whopping 50-night stint.

No he isn't. Especially given that the dates are spread over a period of months, Pink Floyd could. The Stones could. McCartney, certainly. Oasis and Robbie Williams, probably. However chilling those prospects might be.

Gordon burbles on in this fawning manner for a while, before coming to his conclusion:

Everyone is willing him to get well soon. For all the music memories he has given the world, he deserves to bow out on a high.

Actually, for all the rubbish he's done since Thriller, he deserves a long and happy retirement.

Jackson's not the only singer who has medical problems this morning: Will Young is having to have singing lessons after an operation for tonsillitis. Yes, yes, there is an obvious joke hanging there, but it would be cruel and unnecessary; even if you don't much care for Young's music, you'd have to wish him well.

Producerobit: Steve Raitt

Musician and sound engineer Steve Raitt has died after a long illness.

Raitt played with the TC Jammers; sang back-up for his sister Bonnie Raitt; and produced records for Ipso Facto, amongst others. He was a well-liked and well-respected engineer for live bands playing Minneapolis - St Pauls.

Diagnosed with brain cancer in 2001, he wasn't expected to live past six months, but a positive attitude and careful diet helped. As Bonnie explained to the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, though, a second tumour proved more difficult to beat:

"While we are very sad that he lost his valiant eight-year battle, we are relieved to know his struggle is over and that he's now truly free," Bonnie Raitt said in an e-mail Sunday. "Since last summer, he was fighting paralysis on his left side and then blindness since the holidays -- all due to a second tumor diagnosed last summer.

"I was closer to Steve than anyone in my life so you can imagine how I'm feeling.

"We've been showered with calls and messages since we shared the sad news and I'm so incredibly moved by the impact he had on so many lives."

Raitt was 61; he died on Saturday.

Gordon in the morning: Cancer sticks

Last week, Gordon was using his column to encourage people to send positive thoughts and happy messages to Patrick Swayze. Today, he's running long lens pap snaps of Patrick puffing on a fag and getting Emily Smith to tick him off for it.

[Swayze's brother] also said Patrick’s wife Lisa, 51, is liquidising high-fat dinners as he is having trouble keeping down solid foods.

Yeah, a man who's that ill really deserves to have a newspaper lecturing him about one of the few pleasures he might have left. If you've got pancreatic cancer that is so far advanced, not having a cigarette might make very little difference, surely?

Gordon, meanwhile, has... shall we say issues? He looks at a photo of Eva Longoria-Parker, and what does he see?

Now this new pic of her struggling to keep her lady lumps in her dress has got me craving chocolaty mallow-filled WAGON WHEELS. Yum.

Wagon Wheels is one thing. We're trying not to picture Gordon's Sherbert Fountain.

There's also a really bemusing piece about Miley Cyrus:

THIS is the most Googled girl on t’internet — teenage actress MILEY CYRUS.

Yes, "t'internet" again.

The star, daughter of mulleted Achy Breaky Heart singer BILLY RAY CYRUS, has coined it in since her success in Disney sitcom Hannah Montana.

The reference to coining it is merely to try and prop up the dreadful headline:

Montana star is silly pay Cyrus

Oddly, Having been confident with the programme that made Miley famous, Gordon then seems to forget it again:

The nippers tell me Miley plays Miley Stewart in the show, whose alter-ego is pop sensation Hannah Montana.

The showbiz editor of Britain's largest daily newspaper affecting to not know about Hannah Montana in 2008 is a bit odd, but then Gordon caps it:

Hannah Montana, THE TING TINGS, JOE LEAN AND THE JING JANG JONG?

The world is going completely mad...

Not only does he pad out the piece with a 'these young people and their crazy names' line that would have looked weak in a Mike Yarwood sketch in the early 80s, but also makes some sort of connection between Cyrus and the Ting Tings. He gets paid for doing this, you know.