Last week, Gordon was using his column to encourage people to send positive thoughts and happy messages to Patrick Swayze. Today, he's running long lens pap snaps of Patrick puffing on a fag and getting Emily Smith to tick him off for it.
Yeah, a man who's that ill really deserves to have a newspaper lecturing him about one of the few pleasures he might have left. If you've got pancreatic cancer that is so far advanced, not having a cigarette might make very little difference, surely?
Gordon, meanwhile, has... shall we say issues? He looks at a photo of Eva Longoria-Parker, and what does he see?
Wagon Wheels is one thing. We're trying not to picture Gordon's Sherbert Fountain.
There's also a really bemusing piece about Miley Cyrus:
Yes, "t'internet" again.
The reference to coining it is merely to try and prop up the dreadful headline:
Oddly, Having been confident with the programme that made Miley famous, Gordon then seems to forget it again:
The showbiz editor of Britain's largest daily newspaper affecting to not know about Hannah Montana in 2008 is a bit odd, but then Gordon caps it:
The world is going completely mad...
Not only does he pad out the piece with a 'these young people and their crazy names' line that would have looked weak in a Mike Yarwood sketch in the early 80s, but also makes some sort of connection between Cyrus and the Ting Tings. He gets paid for doing this, you know.