Of course, when PR people send you emails, it's out with the long spoons and on with the Hazchem wear. But when they're oferring a link to one of those Editor remixes - the Phones reworking of All Sparks - it would be churlish to pretend you're not interested.
Franco M brings the following to our attention: Lindsay Lohan wasn't drunk or anything when she made a botched attempt to deliver an eulogy to Robert Altman - it was all her Blackberry's fault:
"She quickly put something together on her Blackberry," spokeswoman Leslie Sloane told Reuters. "It was written very quickly, and it was from the heart."
Aha. It was the Blackberry's fault that Lohan came up with stuff like this:
The missive - titled "Dead is hard, Life is much easier" - was meant to celebrate the life of Altman. Instead, it contained gems such as,
"Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourselves' (12st book) -everytime there's a triumph in the world a million souls hafta be trampled on.-altman Its true. But treasure each triumph as they come."
"Life comes once, doesn't 'keep coming back' and we all take such advantage of what we have."
"I learned so much from Altman and he was the closest thing to my father and grandfather that I really do believe I've had in several years."
Small buttons, tiny screen, three gallons of whisky floating about your system - you can see how it'd be the Blackberry's fault. Mind you, we can only conclude it was the drink that was responsible for the star of Herbie Fully Loaded thinking that the world was waiting for her to deliver a eulogy to Altman in the first place.
In what will surely come as some sort of blow to... well, nobody, really, Paris Hilton has quit a planned appearance at the Billboard awards as she has absolutely bugger all to do with music and realised that she would have been as out of place as a butcher in an operating theatre.
Oh, actually, it was because she didn't like the script:
"It is my understanding that some satirical references ridiculed some of her peers," her spokesman, Elliot Mintz, said in a statement. "Paris did not want to say anything that could appear hurtful or embarassing about people she knows."
Mintz said Hilton received a script Friday that contained material she found "objectionable." Representatives for Hilton and the awards show could not come to an agreement about the script's content so she decided to scrap the appearance, he said.
And what's more, there were all these long words in it, too.
Looking forward to the December tour by Duels? Not too much we hope, as drummer James has put himself out the game. Statements all round:
"It is with great sadness and regret that we must announce the cancellation of the December Tour.
Drummer James has unfortunately sustained an injury to his wrist, and is under strict instruction from doctors to rest, to avoid more long-term damage.
We are incredibly disappointed about this and look forward to hitting the road next year to make up for it. We hope you understand that it is unavoidable, and appreciate we share your feelings. We are upset.
To persue ticket refunds please contact the ticket seller you used."
Less of the jokes about how he might have injured his wrist, thank you. Have some sympathy for the poor lad.
We were actually surprised to hear that Kittie were still going - they'd be uncharacteristically quiet for so long. But, it seems, they're heading back with a new album in February next year, and have walked straight into a scrap with Kiss.
Kittie had been planning to call their label the Kiss of Infamy; that was enough to bring a solicitor's letter from the bendy-toy and novelty pyjama manufacturers - apparently, Kiss used to make music before they turned their attention to flogging collectables, and seemed to think that their fans are so dense they'd pick up a record that says "An album by Kittie" on the front and "Kiss of destiny records" in small print on the back, and think they were looking at a Kiss album.
Kittie's label is now going to be X of Destiny. Kirk Brandon and the former lead singer with the Redskins are believed to be looking into matters.
That new Beatles stuff? It's a load of old crock, you know. We have this on the highest authority - the Brothers Gallagher:
"It's a pointless exercise," said Noel Gallagher, adding that he turned the new collection off "after five songs".
His brother and frontman Liam Gallagher was more scathing declaring the album of tracks re-produced by Beatles producer Sir George Martin and his son, "rubbish!".
"If you haven't got The Beatles by now you're not going to get it," declared the singer and John Lennon fan. "I'm all Beatled-up!"
It's a fair point. Fancy releasing a load of old stuff that's been kicking around donkey's years and pretending it's a new leap forward.
Oasis were talking at a showing of the film promoting their greatest hits album.
Apparently, we have something in common with Bono: we both cringe when we hear the name U2:
"I didn't think about it for a long time and, when I did, I realised I didn't like the name."
We imagine that while we hear the name as a summation of youthful radicalism turned into self-aggrandising pompery, Bono hears it as a missed opportunity to use the words "Bono and the..."
We worry about Victoria Newton's health - such a young person, and yet so often frothing with indignation her blood pressure must make her like an over-filled aerosol. Please, whatever you do with Newton, do not discard her in a fire.
Today, she's boiling and bubbling over the news that Vogue is going to put Pete Doherty on the cover. Apparently oblivious to the hundreds of newspapers and magazines which have already done this - we seem to remember Newton herself was happy to run interviews with the man - Victoria has, through breaths gulped into a brown paper bag, spotted what might be a horseman of the apocalypse in our very own Mews flats:
I personally think its disgusting that he is held up as an icon of beauty and cool — no matter how talented he is.
Should the UK’s fashion bible really get away with being so irresponsible? Doherty persistently breaks the law, treats rehab like a holiday camp and carries on getting wasted on hard drugs.
Well, yes... it's true that Doherty does seem to treat the law as something to be adhered to with a degree of flexibility, but since when did Vogue have to run background checks on its cover stars?
And more to the point, if promoting Doherty and his work is tantamount to forcing kids to eat heroin instead of sherbert, and calling for crack cocaine to be on sale in every school vending machine from here to Arbroath, then why does the Sun's own Bizarre Jukebox feature so many Babyshambles songs?
Oozing over Pete in July, the Sun says And you can get a sneak peek right here with our WORLD EXCLUSIVE VIDEO for the band's new single Fuck Forever.
The song is one of Pete's best and the vid even features a momentary cameo from his girlfriend - supermodel Kate Moss."
And, in a caption to a video the paper only posted earlier this week, The Sun chuckles indulgently Pete Doherty needs little introduction. As well known for his outrageous stunts and on/off relationship with supermodel Kate Moss as his music, the ex-Libertine is proving he can still make great music with his new band.
Doesn't Victoria think it disgusting that the newspaper section she's purportedly in charge of is holding up Pete Doherty as an icon of cool?
He might be a multi-millionaire, but we'd still be counting the spoons: Noel Gallagher has played a gig in a fan's living room. Either he's really desperate to shore up sales of the new album in an increasingly competitive Christmas market, or Pontyn's Ben Hayes had won some sort of radio competition.
Noel sang three of his own songs. The second-prize winner woke up yesterday to discover Liam Gallagher sitting on top of him, before he was subjected to every song Liam ever wrote, twice.
Congratulations - if that's the word, rather than a sad, sympathetic clucking noise - to Matt from Busted, who's joined the long list of winners of I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here - beating off Myleene Klass and Jason Donovan, in something of a triumvirate triumph for fading popstars.
Matt will now be hoping that his career path follows that of fellow former plastic band member Kerry Katona, whose humiliation in the jungle was so worthwhile she was reduced to flogging Iceland's Prawn Rings in the break bumpers for the current series.
It's interesting that Myleene seems to have now finally abandoned her attempts to reinvent herself as the thinking graduate of Cowell's single-idea TV academy. She'd started the year co-presenting an astronomy programme alongside Adam Hart-Davis, and ended it showering herself next to Toby Anstis. Still, she tried some cod philosophy:
"I have had a lot time to reflect on things. You realise your family are just the pinnacle of everything. You realise how much you rely on them."
Certainly, we do rely on our family not to make us strip to our pants and shove cockroaches into our crotch, all the while threatening to withhold food from Liza Minnelli's ex-husband if we don't appear to enjoy it.
Jason Donovan - a man whose truthfulness has been proven in open court - explained his reasons for taking part in the show. No, not "at least it's over faster than a Southport panto and you don't have to spend six weeks in a poor-quality hotel":
Donovan described his time in the jungle as "three weeks out of my life to do something different".
"For my kids, it was a great opportunity for them to see their dad do something different," he said.
Well, yes, although what your kids get out of watching you make a former newsreader eat emu bollocks on prime time TV is something they'll have to explore with their therapists in the years to come, we suspect.
