Camden Market is on fire

BBC news is reporting that Camden Market is on fire, with eight engines in attendance.

[UPDATE: 9.40pm - BBC News 24 now reporting 20 engines; spreading to another building; London Ambulance say no injuries]

Godspeed, then...

Bad news - Godspeed You, Black Emperor have split up. Drowned In Sound reports this is due to the same-old, same-old reasons of 'existential freakout':

“The last American tour that Godspeed did was in the run up to the current war in Iraq. For what Godspeed did, it was very difficult for us to work out a way for us to communicate directly with the audience about what was going on. We would talk to people after the shows, or we could make announcements from the stage but so much what Godspeed was, was one-way communication.

“And I had an existential freak-out about that. That those tactics aren’t valid anymore.

“People didn’t need a rock band pointing in the direction of [how the world was at that point]. Maybe what they needed is some clumsy words, a presentation that was a little more human.

“On a personal level I now find [Godspeed You! Black Emperor] to be inappropriate [to do]. There’s a complicated back story. I reached a point whereby I was no longer willing to contribute to the steering of the ship; it was like, ‘Okay now, someone else point the direction, I love all of you, but I need to ride shotgun for a while’.

“I think that bands do have a short shelf life… they should be able to ply their trade ‘til they no longer want to.”

GYBE did manage fourteen years of shelf life, although they haven't actually done anything since 2003.

The little girls understand Pete and Chester

Oh, how it must irk Pete Wentz and Chester Bennington and their grown-up banda, to find themselves being lauded by their actual target market: the Nickelodeon's kids choice awards. Yes, culturally, they're on a par with Alvin And The Chipmunks and Hannah Montana.

The nominees in full:

Movie: Alvin and the Chipmunks,Are We Done Yet?,The Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End,The Transformers.
Male Movie Star: Ice Cube, Johnny Depp, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Eddie Murphy.
Animated Movie: Shrek The Third,Bee Movie,Ratatouille,The Simpsons Movie.
Female Movie Star: Jessica Alba, Drew Barrymore, Kirsten Dunst, Keira Knightley.
Voice From an Animated Movie: Cameron Diaz, Mike Meyers, Eddie Murphy, Jerry Seinfeld.
Song: Beautiful Girls (Sean Kingston), Big Girls Don't Cry (Fergie), Don't Matter, (Akon), Girlfriend (Avril Lavigne.)
Male Singer: Bow Wow, Chris Brown, Soulja Boy, Justin Timberlake.
Music Group: Boys Like Girls, Fall Out Boy, Jonas Brothers, Linkin Park.
Female Singer: Beyonce, Fergie, Miley Cyrus, Alicia Keys.
TV Show: Drake & Josh,Hannah Montana,iCarly,The Suite Life of Zack and Cody.
Reality Show: America's Next Top Model,American Idol,Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?,Deal or no Deal.
Television Actress: Miley Cyrus (Hannah Montana ), Emma Roberts (Unfabulous ), Jamie Lynn Spears (Zoey 101 ), Raven-Symone (That's So Raven ).
Television Actor: Drake Bell (Drake & Josh ), Josh Peck (Drake & Josh ), Dylan Sprouse (The Suite Life of Zack and Cody ), Cole Sprouse (The Suite Life of Zack and Cody ).
Cartoon: Avatar: The Last Airbender,Ed, Edd and Eddy,The Simpsons,SpongeBob SquarePants.
Male Athlete: Tony Hawk, Shaquille O'Neal, Alex Rodriguez, Tiger Woods.
Female Athlete: Cheryl Ford, Danica Patrick, Serena Williams, Venus Williams.
Video Game: Dance Dance Revolution,Guitar Hero,High School Musical: Sing It!, Madden NFL '08.
Book: Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Volume One: The Long Way Home,Diary of a Wimpy Kid,Harry Potter series,How to Eat Fried Worms.

Timbaland isn't a People people

At part of the slushing celebrating the Grammys, People magazine has sponsored a party for people, with Timbaland as the main draw.

It all went a little sour - alright, a lot sour - when one of his enormous entourage wasn't allowed in. Mr Land shared his frustration with the audience, honking off from the stage:

"Next time I have one of my homeboys in line, let that (expletive) in!" Timbaland shouted as the event winded down after 2 a.m. Saturday, adding that he was a "peoples person."

"I don't like to see my people turned around for some (expletive) magazine ... (expletive) y'all!"

Timbaland is such an old grump, the person who tried to smooth things over by telling journalists that the boss wasn't angry with the sponsors, just some organisational glitches, only did so off the record. When you clean-up crew is afraid of you, you need some serious time out.

Mojave 3 Weekend: Bluebird Of Happiness

This is live in Vancouver, on the 24th September 2006:



[Part of Mojave 3 weekend]

It's not just Amy having problems with deciding if she should go

As I Lay Dying have, as you'll be aware, been invited to the Grammys. They've been nominated for "best metal performance" and were quite excited. At first. Then Tim Lambesis started to think about the deal, at first in a "who are these guys to dictate taste" way, and then with slightly more serious worries. He's written about them online, as has guitarist Nick Hipa.

Hipa has decided he's going to go, and come to terms with what the Grammys are:

I don't think its right to demonize the Grammy society. They're not telling us what is and isn't good music, I think they're casting votes on who is doing what they do well... or maybe standing out the most... Now obviously they all don't know much about metal because I can't think of a single awesome thing KING DIAMOND or SLAYER did THIS year.

Tim, though, has more worries than just the question of who makes up the jury:

So, a few weeks go by with me battling this question in my head when I find out that as a nominated 'guest of honor,' I am not able to have even my wife come with me unless I pay $600 for her seat. I know that someone has to help pay for the ceremony, but even a nominated artist trying to bring his better half!? This is when I first started thinking the Grammys might not be for me. Later, I also learn that our label, management and parents can't go unless they pay $300 for seats that are nowhere near where we sit. Basically, all the people that deserve to enjoy this 'special' moment along with the band are unable to do so. Our record label has always been the one at the forefront of great business and marketing decisions that help bring the band to a new level of notoriety. Likewise, our managers have helped to steer us in the right direction ever since we started working with them a few years back. Then there's our lawyer, booking agent, and countless others I could name that have played significant roles in getting us to this point. And, going to the very beginning, my parents deserve so much credit for helping me pursue my dream when no one else could see it. Now, not only is some out of touch elite committee telling us what they think good music should be, but then they try to make the artists they nominate pay a ridiculous amount for the event that we can't even enjoy with all the people that really made this possible.

Now, this payday off artists is quite fascinating. Six nominees in 109 categories, even if you assume that, say, each nominee is up for three prizes, that gives a rough-and-ready potential number of 'honoured guests' of about 200... although, of course, most prizes have more than one name attached to them - but let's say that, averaging out the quartets, sextets, orchestras, producers and engineers that comes to, shall we say, six hundred people up for prizes in total? And if they each want to bring a spouse, partner, sexual intimate or stalker, that's over a third of a million dollars potentially to be made there. Before the three hundred quid a head extra guests.

Now, AILD's Nick thinks this might not be quite as outrageous as it seems:

In trying to figure out WHY they would charge us to bring people, I came up with a plausible explanation: I started thinking it would be flat-out wrong if they charged any nominee to go to the ceremony. And if they didn't charge any nominee's supporters (family, friends, managers, agents, etc.) then how would they be able to pay for the ceremony itself? The production, the venues, the performances, and the presenters, that's got to be a lot of money. If everyone I wanted to get in got in for free, and so did everyone else who got nominated, then who pays for it? It is this thinking that made me give up on being bitter about them charging us.

Hmm. Well, you might think, the large sum of cash being pocketed for the television rights might cover the cost of hiring a venue and providing some food?

And then there's a large list of sponors who are pumping money into the awards - People, GM, Delta, USA Today, Verizon, Westwood One, Hilton, Nokia, Delta. Couldn't their payments go towards paying the costs of the event?

Membership of the Academy, by the way, costs about $100 - couldn't that huge slush fund be dipped into to allow people to take their Mums to the awards?

And even if the event was going to have to be paid for out of attendees' pockets, three hundred dollars a head? You could have a pretty good time for three hundred dollars a head, don't you think?.

But making it even more galling that friends and family of the Grammy nominees are looked to for a quick payday is if you remember the point of the awards, as explained by Recording Academy President and CEO Neil Portnow when he was trying to persuade the writer's guild to not force the event off the air:

This year, more than ever, Grammy Week and the milestone of a 50th Grammy Awards, along with the 50th Anniversary of the founding of The Recording Academy, are a centerpiece and beacon of hope, optimism, and represent literally multi-millions of dollars in sales, promotion, and marketing.

The event is a marketing tool for the music industry - and, effectively, they've found a way of charging the people without whom there would be no commercial to take part in the advertising.

If anyone should be paying the costs of the people who turn up - creating the atmosphere at the Grammys (such as it is) and giving the sponsors something to sponsor, and the audience something to watch, shouldn't it be coming out of the marketing coffers of the RIAA?

Mojave 3 Weekend: In Love With A View

This is recorded live at the Pressure Point, Brighton - probably best to steer clear if you're a hifi stickler.



[Part of the Mojave 3 Weekend]

What would Beth Ditto be doing?

The Guardian is continuing to keep faith with the What would Beth Ditto do column. This week, the person calling for help was gay:

Even if I am gay, I'm not normal gay. For starters, I don't like Kylie or macho men. What should I do?

Now, the obvious answer - how can you be living in 21st century Britain and think that the love of Kylie is mandatory for homosexuality? - is passed over; Beth does offer the obvious response:

There is no one way to be gay.

But in attempting to stretch out that screamingly obvious for two columns she wobbles into some lazy stereotyping of her own.

The reason the rainbow was chosen as our universal symbol wasn't because of its cute, bright, colourful, quirky, "gay" image. Rather, those stripes represent all humans, and the arch of the rainbow encompassing the Earth offers a comforting reminder that we come in all styles and colours - buzzcuts, long hair, lispy, butch, flaming.

Actually, the colours on the rainbow flag don't represent "all humans", Beth - the original design had them stand for sexuality; life; healing; sunlight; nature; magic; serenity and spirit, while more modern iterations of the flag have dropped (ironically) the sexuality and the magic. The 'rainbow'-ness, far from having arching meaning, actually was just a neater description of the flag than "multicoloured stripey flag". It's not, of course, the first time that Ditto has started from where she is and attempted to reverse out a convincing meaning, and - ultimately - symbols mean what you want them to.

But it's not just that Beth is twisting history, she's also going to have a quick tweak of science to make her point, too:

Rainbows hang over the Earth encompassing it with warmth and, no matter what, no human can take the rainbow from the sky. It sounds cheeseball, but that's why we adopted it.

Eh? Rainbows don't hang over the earth, do they? And they certainly don't encompass it. Or give warmth to anything. And while it's true that no person can take a rainbow out the sky, the nature of a rainbow - shimmering, impossible to touch, unobtainable, barely there and rarely seen. If you want to make too much of the rainbow symbolism, it starts to look a bit of a weak idea.

But the real problem is this line:

It doesn't make you less gay if you aren't effeminate.

Because, presumably, most gay men are effeminate, then Beth? Why would someone who is supposedly pro-queer even frame a sentence that implies a link between effeminacy and homosexuality?

Imagine if that sentence was recast with one of the other stereotypical slurs gay and bi people have thrown at them - "it doesn't make you any less gay if you aren't promiscuous", for example.

In attempting to licence the right for gay people to not be constrained by stereotypes, Ditto has implicitly reinforced the stereotyping.

Of course, she's well meaning, and this is probably lazy writing rather than meaningful cussedness, but it underlines the problems of inviting a person to offer advice to those in pain or fear based on their performances as house band on The Friday Night Project: you need to be careful and think through what you're saying. Ditto as agony aunt is like getting Desperate Dan in to look after your preschool class: however well meant their actions, their very enthusiasm is going to generate more problems than they can solve.

Heather Mills and Paul McCartney come to an agreement

Good news. The McCartney-Mills divorce is reported to have been settled. Erm, again. But this time, the papers are at least agreed that rancour will be set aside.

More or less agreed: there's some £45million difference in the size of the settlements between the the Mail and the Mirror.

The Mail predicts Paul will cut a cheque for £55million; the Mirror suggests that Heather will have £10million to play with.

And The Sun? Gordon reports that McCartney hasn't been thinking about the divorce as he's been seeing Rosanna Arquette. Again.

We wouldn't believe a word of any of this until you've read it in the London Gazette.

The Sun finds a Maddie-Britney link

Why, it's like a sign of the universe collapsing in on itself - with a little bit of squeezing, The Sun has found a story which combines last year's obsession, the disappearance of Madeleine McCann with the current fixation on Britney Spears' mental health. The paper trumpets:

Maddie resort 'perv' snaps Brit

Although the facts are somewhat looser: the photographer, Christian Ridout - who has been working as Dexter Troy - was only very tangentially connected to the McCann case, having been accused of grooming a much older child in the same resort two years beforehand; and he has been working as a paparazzo but not following Britney as obsessive as some people.

Oddly, The Sun neglects to mention that Troy has been selling his pictures through the Splash agency - perhaps they're worried that, as customers of that agency, they'd be somehow implicating themselves in the McCann story (Wade buys Maddie resort perv company photos, perhaps?)

Embed and breakfast man: Mojave 3 Weekend

The weekend before last, we focused on Ride; this weekend, it's the generation that followed. The nucleus of Mojave 3 toured with Ride when they were still part of Slowdive; the change to Mojave 3 signalled a subtle change in the music as the ethereal of Slowdive gave way to a more visceral beauty. Moving from Oasis-era Creation to 4AD, you'd have expected it to be the other way round.

This, then, is the video for Love Songs On The Radio:



More videos over the weekend
In Love With A View - live in Brighton
Bluebird of Happiness - live in Vancouver
Breaking The Ice - uncredited live performance

You can buy Mojave 3 stuff, you know:
1993's Spoon and Rafter
2000's Excuses For Travelers
2006's Puzzles Like You
Rachel Goswell solo - Waves Are Universal
Neal Halstead solo - Sleeping On Roads
Slowdive - Just For A Day

America "changes mind"; Amy decides not to go after all

It's surely quite unusual for the US to reverse a high-profile visa decision, but it's done so in the case of Amy Winehouse - perhaps the Home Office offered a two-for-one deal with the Abu Hamza? Maybe the US authorities discovered a fact about Winehouse that had somehow been forgotten at the original visa application? Or perhaps, simply, there's two systems of law operating - one for most of us; another for the super-rich in the entertainment industry who fund political careers.

Still, the change of heart has come too late - Amy's still intending to do the Grammys by satellite. Presumably because if she left now, she'd be getting in with very little time to rehearse.

Neil Young: Music has lost its strength

Neil Young has muttered gloomily about how the once world-changing power of music has gone. Not like in his day, of course:

"I think that the time when music could change the world is past," he told reporters. "I think it would be very naive to think that in this day and age."

Young added: "I think the world today is a different place, and that it's time for science and physics and spirituality to make a difference in this world and to try to save the planet."

Young's generation, of course, were able to stop the Vietnam War using music in just sixteen years; while in the 1980s strict injunctions from musicians for Margaret Thatcher to "stand down" saw her quit Downing Street just some eleven years after she entered it. Meanwhile, the world-changing power of music was bringing about the end of Aparthied. "We would have ended it a lot earlier" confirmed FW DeKlerk, "but when our policymakers went to the Virgin Megastore, they'd been buying Queen records instead of stuff by the Specials..."

Billie Joe attempts to hold back tide

Billie Joe Armstrong has, rather sweetly, tried to stop people filming Pinhead Gunpowder gigs and putting them on YouTube. Well, it doesn't hurt to ask, does it?:

"YouTube can't own everything. There's also something called memories."

We're not sure that it actually wipes memories out of people's brains if things appear on YouTube - does it work like that?

We know, of course, that Billie Joe begged for fans to put their cameras away, thanks to the large number of people who filmed him saying this.

Scott Weiland covers Amy Winehouse

Putting the kibosh on the Velvet Revolver Australian tour, and more disturbingly threatening a round of "I'm clean now" media appearances in the Summer, Scott Weiland has gone into rehab.

American Idol - an EPCOT for our time

As if Florida doesn't already have enough tatty theme parks sucking in people who don't really care where they go, providing they don't have to come across anything approaching a real world, comes the announcement that Disney is going to add an American Idol attraction.

It's believed there will be a ride which replicates the American Idol experience - first, you queue up for ages and ages; then you'll be strapped in and shouted at by a man in ridiculous trousers; there's a juddering white-knuckle journey to follow which ends up with you being deposited in the dumper feeling a bit deflated and slightly disappointed. While the man in the ridiculous trousers pockets a large sum of money.

There are no stories left to tell, surely?

A press release arrives, announcing the imminent publication of a book which is rather grandly trailing itself as "Amy Winehouse's first biography" - assuming, of course, you drop your standards to describe the book as a proper biography. While simultaneously discounting Nick Johnstone's Amy Amy Amy from last year.

It's an endeavour which has the slight taint of a disappointment they can't subtitle it 'the full story of her life' - indeed, the press blurb reprints the words of the Daily Telegraph about the man who assembled the book:

“Author Chas Newkey-Burden is unashamedly delighted by every new twist in Amy Winehouse's life.”

Clearly, John Blake Publishing views that as praise rather than a judgement.

And who is Mr. Newkey-Burden?

Chas Newkey-Burden is the author of Paris Hilton: Life On The Edge and Great E-mail Disasters. His next book - Not In My Name: A Compendium of Modern Hypocrisy - was co-written with Julie Burchill and is published in April.

Ah. A man who is playing the Tony Parsons role in the current version of the Burchill pantomime, and a Boswell to Paris Hilton as well as to Winehouse. One wonders how he finds the time.

Oh: could it be Google?

Laughing Len amongst the jugglers

In the flurry of official announcements of Glastonbury acts today is an eye-catching name: Leonard Cohen.

Considering that Michael Eavis was insisting that this year, the bill was going to tempt the young folk in, he's relying on Jay Z's attractiveness to nineteen year olds rather heavily, isn't he?

A second whirl of War

Eric Burdon and War haven't played together since 1971, which makes the news that's just been handed to us by pigeon - oh, alright, email - quite staggering. There's hasty reunions, and less rushed reunions, but a 37 year gap is proper spell to be away.

And it's a proper, one-off, too: one date, at the Albert Hall, on April 21st, and then that's it. Probably until 2035, at least.

Music as you move

The music industry and the mobile phone industry are quite close, with the big labels believing that mobile is the future, and that it's a future which will be tightly locked down and closed off. Like a lot of people, they seem not to realise that the more mobile devices there are, the greater the demand for interoperability, and that, eventually, what they see as the "mobile sector" will simply be the internet on small screens and not some glorious walled garden where an album is worth fifteen quid.

A good example of why the closed-up mobile world is a dead end can be found in this week's Guardian Technology supplement where the Technophile column attempts to buy a tune from Vodaphone on a mobile handset:

I tried to do a search through the music library. Tab down through the fields ... is that the search field? OK, Kanye West. That's K-A-N- oh, boring, my phone doesn't know it, I have to spell the word. Ah, Kanye West. Do I want to buy the ringtone for £2? No, buy wallpaper for something else? No, buy another ringtone for ...? Could I just buy the song now? Finally. Download. "Interrupted." Damn. Retry. Go through the payment process again. (Again?) Download. "Interrupted." Damn. Retry. Payment. Download. Success! Play. "You now need to validate your purchase. You will get a text message and then the track will play."

There might be a couple of years where this sort of thing is the norm - but, in the midterm, people who want music on the move will get out their touch-sensitive device and do exactly the same as they'd do on their desktop. Seeing 'mobile' as something separate from the proper internet is like hoping their might be a 'laptop music market' that could be protected from everything else.

Still, there is a small window of opportunity for supernormal profits, and it's being taken: Nokia have attempted to convince the world of their bona fides by creating a high-minded "Advisory Council", with Dave Stewart on board:

Legendary musician, producer and songwriter Dave Stewart is joining forces with Tero Ojanpera, executive vice president and head of the new Nokia Entertainment & Communities business group, to create The Nokia Artists' Advisory Council, tasked with helping to create an artist friendly environment inside the company, ensuring the artists' point of view is represented in creating new content business paradigms.

Doesn't it make you feel all warm inside to know that the new content business paradigms are going to include "the artists' points of view" in some way? Albeit filtered through Dave Stewart, who used to use the Brits as a platform to talk about pissing himself, if memory serves.

We've actually got a lot of time for Stewart, but it's hard to believe that this is anything other than the sort of advisory group many businesses create to offer a semblance of doing something for the greater good while bit really doing anything much. After all, if they're really wanting to hear "the artist's" viewpoint, why is a Nokia executive vice president part of the team?

Bookmarks: Some stuff to read on the internet

If you're trying to decide if you should watch the Grammys, we suggest you work through the thought process in NY Mag's Ask Vulture to come to a conclusion:

Can you suspend disbelief while Soulja Boy thanks God for his success? No - then don't watch the Grammys

Glastorumours: Thin pickings?

The ever-expanding range of festivals and the limited supply of big names looks like denting Glastonbury's line-up this year, with rumours suggesting that Jay-Z will be joined topping the bills by The Verve and, seriously, The Kings Of Leon. The Kings Of Leon? Headlining? And The Verve, who even Richard Ashcroft's head must register as having passed their peak by now?

It's a good job nobody who cares that much about music can afford to go to Glastonbury anymore.

Bauer starts to trim EMAP flab

Nervous times for the former EMAP magazine portfolio: New Woman and First have been "suspended", which is a polite way of saying they're closing, but the staff are going to be given time to tidy up first.

"I'd love to be with you, but, as you can see, I've got bugs crawling under my skin"

Amy Winehouse might not get to be physically at the Grammys, but she will be part of the show, say organisers:

Grammy producers said, however, that they planned for Ms. Winehouse, who had recently entered a rehabilitation clinic, to appear, probably via satellite, during the program, which will be televised live from the Staples Center here at 8 p.m. Eastern time on CBS.

“You will see Amy Winehouse on the Grammys,” said Ken Ehrlich, the longtime producer of the show. “I’m very happy.”

Failing that, it's going to be Britney via webcam.

Bedingfield: Cockneys aren't normal

We presume - we hope - that Natahsa Bedingfield was talking about exaggerated voices on records when she suggested cockney voices aren't normal:

"When I was in England last year it was all about girls with Cockney accents - Lily Allen and Kate Nash. It's all inspired by people like The Streets and Dizzee Rascal.

"I liked it but I'll be happy when normal voices come back."

Although Allen and Nash don't have cockney accents anyway, do they? Aren't they more estuarine?

Brian May respects the Spears

Plodding Queen musical We Will Rock You has been revised at the request of Brian May, who didn't feel it right to have a character called Britney any more:

"We have taken out references to her in deference to the fact she is going through such a hard time. The references have always been intended as good-natured fun and even a kind of tribute to her. But we didn't want there to be any risk of the show adding to her pain.

"We are very sensitive to the feelings of our fellow artists. We never feel comfortable with anything other than a non-destructive, affectionate gag."

Yes. We imagine that a throwaway reference in a terrible piece of musical theatre is probably the thing which keeps Britney awake at night right now.

Madonna and child

You might recall back when Jon Bovi Jon suggested that Madonna didn't actually protect her kids from the media, there was an angry reaction from the Ciccone camp denying that Madge paraded her kids for the cameras.

It's presumably a different child in the pictures from the Gucci Supports The Cults event in New York, then. But it does look a lot like a child being paraded for photographers.

Gordon in the morning: Plain coat, no knickers

Poor Gordon. He's spent so long looking at photos of women in bikinis, he's starting to see sexy sexy everywhere. This morning, a rather dull photo of Victoria Beckham shopping in New York. Gordon, though, sees something more:

Her military-style jacket was a big hit with the girls in the Bizarre office.

It looks a bit naughty to me – like she might have nothing but a pair of undercrackers underneath?

Erm... no, Gordon. She's wearing clothes underneath. Calm down, young man.

The Sun rewrites history

Yesterday morning, we observed Emily Smith's coverage of Britney's emergence from rehab, and wondered how the Sun's US editor managed to deliver a piece that was completely unlike any other. Smith welcomed the news that Britney was on the road to recovery, and revealed that her father Jamie had first taken her home, and then onto a more luxurious clinic.

This morning's story from Smith, though, is quite different:

'You're going to die Britney'

BRITNEY SPEARS’ terrified dad last night warned her �You are going to die� after the star checked herself out of a psychiatric ward.

The troubled singer ignored her parents’ desperate pleas to return to hospital, screaming at them: �I want my life back.�
[...]
Despite being horrified by the decision to release her, dad Jamie picked Britney up from the hospital, planning to take her to a private clinic for more treatment.

(The question marks, by the way, are because nobody seems capable of coding up a page correctly at The Sun.)

However, it's not just the story in today's paper which tells a completely different tale from yesterday's. The web version of yesterday's story also tells a totally different story, too."Britney on the road to recovery" has become "Parents fear for Britney's life".

Obviously, websites update as news breaks, but there's something dishonest about simply changing a story through 180 degrees, overwriting the original and not acknowledging what you've done, isn't there?

Bon Jovi loves your town

Jon By Jovi out the Von Jovis wants you to help him out. There's going to be a huge tour of the US this year, and rather than merely yell out "{name of city or town} are ya ready to rawwwwwck" and "we love you, {name of city or town}", some semblance of place and time is to be achieved by flashing images of the town they're in onto a massive back projection at the show. And rather than film them themselves, they're looking for fans to do the work for them.

You have to upload the videos through YouTube, according to the website, and there's no indication anywhere that, if you win, you'll be asked to supply the original video, which seems to imply that Bon Jovi are going to be flashing videos designed for viewing on a tiny window on a web browser onto a big backdrop at a rock stadium. Can anyone see a problem with that?

You do get tickets if your shoot is one of the selected ones - which might sound like great deal, but the terms and conditions state that just by uploading the video you transfer ownership of your work to Bon Jovi, forever. Even if you don't win.

We love this part of the rules, too:

Bon Jovi Tours, Inc. and BonJoviLovesMyTown.com reserve the right at their sole discretion to reject and disqualify any nude video or those videos which are deemed in its sole discretion to be obscene, profane, offensive, lewd, pornographic or otherwise inappropriate.

They could simply choose not to project any porny videos on their stage, but instead, they're going to disqualify and reject them as well. It's unclear if rejection means that Bon Jovi no longer owns the rights to sell the video, by the way.

There's some advice to aspiring filmmakers, too. Bon offers examples of "cool shots" (a sign from Fisherman's Wharf, some people stood on a street, a skyline shot and - and this might be the peak of cool - Kermit The Frog's star outside the Chinese Theatre: these boys really know how to get to the beating heart of a town). And don't forget, filmmakers:

The secret to good storytelling is to show, don't tell. As the selected videos will be shown without sound on the live concert stage, it's good to be visual.

Yes. If you don't have any sound, being visual might be a good idea.

If only Bon was coming to Milton Keynes.

They said no, no, no

Regardless of it she's well enough or not, Amy Winehouse won't be at the Grammys: America has turned down her visa application.

Mark Ronson is going to be bored shitless at the awards, then.

SXSW in full

Here, then, is the full, official rundown of acts playing this year's SXSW festival. It's a long list, so leap if you're not bothered.

Images from respective band's MySpace sites

A-Alikes (Brooklyn NY)
a.armada (Athens GA)
Aberfeldy (Edinburgh UK)
Abe Vigoda (Los Angeles CA)
Abigail Washburn & the Sparrow Quartet with Bela Fleck (Nashville TN)
Acid Girls (Los Angeles CA)
The Acorn (Ottawa ON)
Activator (New York NY)
Adele (London UK)
Adept (Groningen THE NETHERLANDS)
Pierre Aderne (Rio de Janeiro BRAZIL)
Afenginn (Copenhagen DENMARK)
Afrobots (Los Angeles CA)
The Aggrolites (Los Angeles CA)
Priscilla Ahn (Los Angeles CA)
The Airborne Toxic Event (Los Angeles CA)
Air Traffic (London UK)
Air Waves (Brooklyn NY)
Akala (London UK)
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Damage (JAPAN) (OSAKA JAPAN)
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Darondo (Sacramento CA)
Cathy Davey (Dublin IRELAND)
Glen David and The Lazy Six (New Orleans LA)
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Dazzling King Solomon Band (Austin TX)
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Death Sentence: Panda! (San Francisco CA)
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Does It Offend You, Yeah? (Reading UK)
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The End of the World (Brooklyn NY)
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Everthus the Deadbeats (Indianapolis IN)
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Dana Falconberry (Austin TX)
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Mike Farris (Nashville TN)
The Fashion (Copenhagen DENMARK)
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43 Songs About 43 Presidencies (Sacramento CA)
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Ezra Furman & The Harpoons (Boston MA)
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Future Clouds & Radar (Austin TX)
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Grupo Fantasma (Austin TX)
Tommy Guerrero (San Francisco CA)
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Guinea Worms (Columbus OH)
Guitar Shorty (Harlingen TX)
Guitar Women w/ Cindy Cashdollar and Sue Foley (Austin TX)
The Gusto (Madison WI)
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Hafdis Huld (London UK)
Ha Ha Tonka (Springfield MO)
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Marla Hansen (New York City NY)
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Jeff Hanson (St Paul MN)
The Happy Hollows (Los Angeles CA)
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Her Space Holiday (San Mateo CA)
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Gary Higgins (Falls Village CT)
Rebekah Higgs (Halifax NS)
The High Class Elite (New York NY)
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Tyler Hilton (Palm Springs CA)
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Malcolm Holcombe (Asheville NC)
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Hong Kong Blood Opera (Hermosillo MEXICO)
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Jesca Hoop (Los Angeles CA)
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Hanne Hukkelberg (Jar NORWAY)
Human Giant (New York CA)
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Meg Hutchinson (Boston MA)
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In Case Of Fire (Belfast IRELAND)
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I Was A Cub Scout (Lincoln UK)
Jack-O & The Tennessee Tearjerkers (Memphis TN)
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Orange Jefferson and Thierry Cognee (Austin TX)
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Jenny Hoyston's Paradise Island (San Francisco CA)
Jet Lag (Madrid SPAIN)
Jet Lag Gemini (Mahwah NJ)
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Joe Lean & The Jing Jang Jong (London UK)
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Katchafire (Hamilton NEW ZEALAND)
Kate Tucker and the Sons of Sweden (Seattle WA)
KB Da Kidnappa (Houston TX)
KbN (Taipei TAIWAN)
Caroline Keating (Montreal QC)
Matt Keating (New York NY)
Leslie Keffer (Nashville TN)
Stephen Kellogg & The Sixers (Northampton MA)
Paul Kelly (Melbourne AUSTRALIA)
Kenny and the Kasuals (Dallas TX)
Adam Kesher (Bordeaux FRANCE)
Ketchup Mania (Tokyo JAPAN)
Khan (Berlin GERMANY)
Alex Khoury (Nashville TN)
Kid Beyond (San Francisco CA)
Kid Congo and the Pink Monkey Birds (Washington DC)
Kid Dakota (Minneapolis MN)
Christian Kiefer (Rocklin CA)
Killa Kela (London UK)
The Kills (London UK)
King Britt (Philadelphia PA)
King Coya & El Trip Selector (Buenos Aires ARGENTINA)
Little Freddie King (New Orleans LA)
Matt King (Nashville TN)
King of Prussia (Athens GA)
Kirsten Ketsjer (DENMARK)
The Kissaway Trail (Odense DENMARK)
Kiss Kiss (Milton NY)
Sonya Kitchell (Ashfield MA)
Kitty, Daisy & Lewis (London UK)
Knife World (Minneapolis MN)
Knuckle Yummy (Austin TX)
The Knux (New Orleans LA)
Greg Koons (Harrisburg PA)
KOOPA (Colchester UK)
Mark Kozelek (San Francisco CA)
The Krayolas (San Antonio TX)
Kreamy 'Lectric Santa (San Francisco CA)
Krief (Montreal QC)
Krum Bums (Austin TX)
Kush & Jah Bloodfiyah Angels (San Diego CA)
Ladyfinger (NE) (Omaha NE)
Ladyfingers (New York NY)
Lady Lux (Houston TX)
Jimmy LaFave (Austin TX)
La Gusana Ciega (Mexico City MEXICO)
Seth Lakeman (Dartmoor UK)
Dawn Landes (Brooklyn NY)
Land of Talk (Montreal QC)
Jen Lane (Saskatoon SK)
Langhorne Slim (Langhorne PA)
Daniel Lanois (Toronto ON)
LA Riots (Los Angeles CA)
Greg Laswell (San Diego CA)
The Laughing (Austin TX)
Amy Lavere (Memphis TN)
The Law (Dundee UK)
Le Baron (Mexico City MEXICO)
Le Concorde (Chicago IL)
Lee Mayjahs? (Philadelphia PA)
The Legendary Shack Shakers (Nashville TN)
Jens Lekman (Gothenburg SWEDEN)
Le Loup (Washington DC)
The Lemonheads (New York NY)
Lemurs (Austin TX)
Les Aus (Barcelona SPAIN)
Let's Go Sailing (Los Angeles CA)
Let's Go To War (Toronto ON)
Jeffrey Lewis (New York NY)
Lexie Mountain Boys (Baltimore MD)
Lick Lick (Austin TX)
Lies In Disguise (Los Angeles CA)
Lifesavas (Portland OR)
The Lifters (Austin TX)
Lightspeed Champion (London UK)
Li'l Cap'n Travis (Austin TX)
Lily Electric (Berlin GERMANY)
Lykke Li (Stockholm SWEDEN)
Tita Lima (Sao Paulo BRAZIL)
Limbeck (Long Beach CA)
Bob Lind (Boca Raton FL)
Lindstrom (Oslo NORWAY)
The Linus Pauling Quartet (Houston TX)
Ferraby Lionheart (Los Angeles CA)
Lions (Austin TX)
Lipstick Terror (Mexicali MEXICO)
Lissie (Los Angeles CA)
List Christee (Athens GA)
The Little Bicycles (Austin TX)
little claw (Portland OR)
The Little Ones (Los Angeles CA)
Little Teeth (San Francisco CA)
Living Legends (Los Angeles CA)
The LK (Malmo SWEDEN)
Lobi Traore & Joep Pelt (Amsterdam THE NETHERLANDS)
The Lonely H (Seattle WA)
Longwave (New York NY)
Look See Proof (London UK)
Lord T and Eloise (Memphis TN)
Los Campesinos! (Wales UK)
Los Dynamite (Mexico City MEXICO)
Los Llamarada (Monterrey MEXICO)
Lou Lou and the Guitarfish (San Francisco CA)
The Lovely Sparrows (Austin TX)
LZ Love (Austin TX)
The Love Me Nots (Phoenix AZ)
Love of Lesbian (Barcelona SPAIN)
Love Takes Flight (Kennesaw GA)
Low B (Philadelphia PA)
Lower Class Brats (Austin TX)
Lower Life Form (Houston TX)
Low Line Caller (Austin TX)
The Low Lows (Athens GA)
Low vs Diamond (Los Angeles CA)
Loxsly (Austin TX)
Lozen (Tacoma WA)
Samara Lubelski (New York City NY)
LUCA (Tucson AZ)
Lucero (Memphis TN)
Lucky (Houston TX)
Luckyiam (Los Angeles CA)
Lucy and The Popsonics (Brasalia BRAZIL)
Ludo (St. Louis MO)
Lumba (Dallas TX)
Lymbyc Systym (Austin TX)
Shelby Lynne (Palm Springs CA)
Lyrics Born (Oakland CA)
Mac Arnold & Plate Full O' Blues (Greenville SC)
Catherine MacLellan (Halifax NS)
Mac Lethal (Kansas City KS)
Made Out Of Babies (Brooklyn NY)
Madlib (Oxnard CA)
Magic Arm (Manchester UK)
Magic Bullets (San Francisco CA)
Magic Christian (San Francisco CA)
Magic Wands (Nashville TN)
Magnet School (Austin TX)
Magnolia Summer (St Louis MO)
Mahjongg (Chicago IL)
Make A Rising (Philadelphia PA)
Make Believe (Chicago IL)
Make Model (Glasgow UK)
Maki Rinka (Osaka JAPAN)
Mark Mallman (Minneapolis MN)
Eleni Mandell (Los Angeles CA)
Maneja Beto (Austin TX)
Dan Mangan (Vancouver BC)
Man Man (Philadelphia PA)
Mannequin Men (Chicago IL)
Maps & Atlases (Chicago IL)
Marcelo D2 (Rio de Janeiro BRAZIL)
Marianas Trench (Vancouver BC)
Carolyn Mark (Victoria BC)
Marked Men (Ft Worth/Austin TX)
Laura Marling (Eversley UK)
Barbara Mason (Philadelphia PA)
The Matches (Oakland CA)
Lorrie Matheson (Calgary AB)
Matt & Kim (New York NY)
Mario Matteoli (Austin TX)
Mau Mau Chaplains (Austin TX)
John Maus (Honolulu HI)
Mary McBride (New York NY)
Erin McCarley (Nashville TN)
McCarthy Trenching (Omaha NE)
Erin McKeown (Boston MA)
Ian McLagan and the Bump Band (Austin TX)
MC Magic of NB Ridaz (Phoenix AZ)
James McMurtry (Austin TX)
The Meatmen (Lansing MI)
Walter Meego (Chicago IL)
Megafaun (Raleigh NC)
Megaphone (Boston MA)
megazilla (Columbia MO)
Meiko (Roberta GA)
Men (New York NY)
Trevor Menear (Chicago IL)
Meriwether (Baton Rouge LA)
Tift Merritt (Raleigh NC)
Paul Metzger (Saint Paul MN)
MGMT (Brooklyn NY)
Ingrid Michaelson (Staten Island NY)
Middle Class Rut (Sacramento CA)
Raul Midon (New York NY)
Midtown Dickens (Durham NC)
The Midway State (Toronto ON)
The Mighty Underdogs (Oakland CA)
Mika Miko (Los Angeles CA)
Million Year Dance (Houston TX)
Chris Mills (Brooklyn NY)
Mingering Mike (Washington DC)
Minipop (San Francisco CA)
The Mint Chicks (Auckland NEW ZEALAND)
Rich Minus (San Antonio TX)
Roger Miret and the Disasters (New York NY)
Eugene Mirman (Brooklyn NY)
The Mirrors (Grey Ashley) (League City TX)
Misha (New York NY)
Mission to the Sea (Dallas TX)
Mr. Lewis & The Funeral 5 (Austin TX)
Mitra (Dallas TX)
Mittens on Strings (Chicago IL)
Miz Metro (New York NY)
Moby (New York NY)
Mockinpott (Monterrey MEXICO)
Model/Actress (Los Angeles CA)
Modey Lemon (Pittsburgh PA)
Moke (Amsterdam THE NETHERLANDS)
mom (Denton TX)
Mona (Nashville TN)
Mona De Bo (Riga LATVIA)
Monahans (Austin TX)
Monareta (Bogota COLOMBIA)
Mondo Topless (Philadelphia PA)
Monotonix (Tel Aviv ISRAEL)
Monte Negro (Los Angeles CA)
Moonrats (Los Angeles CA)
Abra Moore (Austin TX)
David Moore (Indianapolis IN)
Ian Moore (Seattle WA)
Katie Moore (Montreal QC)
Thurston Moore (Northampton MA)
Peter Moren (Stockholm SWEDEN)
The Morning Benders (San Francisco CA)
Morning 40 Federation (New Orleans LA)
Morning State (Atlanta GA)
Joshua Morrison (Fayetteville NC)
Nino Moschella (Berkeley CA)
Mostly Bears (Tucson AZ)
The Most Serene Republic (Milton ON)
The Mother Truckers (Austin TX)
MQN (Goiânia BRAZIL)
Mr. Capone-E (Houston TX)
Mr. Mike (Chorpus Christi TX)
MSTRKRFT (Toronto ON)
Muck and the Mires (Boston MA)
Jon Mueller (Milwaukee WI)
The Mullens (Dallas TX)
Murs (Los Angeles CA)
The Muslims (San Diego CA)
MVSCLZ (Austin TX)
My Brightest Diamond (Brooklyn NY)
My Dad is Dead (Chapel Hill NC)
Ralph Myerz (Bergen NORWAY)
My Morning Jacket (Louisville KY)
Mystery Palace (Minneapolis MN)
Nada Surf (Brooklyn NY)
Nadja (Toronto ON)
Naked On The Vague (Melbourne AUSTRALIA)
Naked Raygun (Chicago IL)
Nakia & His Southern Cousins (Austin TX)
Nameless Sound Collection (Houston TX)
Nanachill (Houston TX)
Nana Grizol (Athens GA)
Nancy (Brasilia BRAZIL)
Johnette Napolitano (Joshua Tree CA)
Navruz (Tashkent UZBEKISTAN)
Necropolis (Columbus OH)
Neimo (Paris FRANCE)
Nekromanitix (Los Angeles CA)
nelo (Austin TX)
Neon Neon (Los Angeles CA)
Neptune (Boston MA)
N.E.R.D. (Virginia Beach VA)
Silje Nes (Bergen NORWAY)
Neva Dinova (Omaha NE)
New Bloods (Portland OR)
The New Frontiers (Dallas TX)
New Monsoon (San Francisco CA)
the New York Fund (London UK)
Night Of Pleasure (Columbus OH)
Nik Freitas (Los Angeles CA)
Niña (Monterrey MEXICO)
The 1900s (Chicago IL)
Karina Nistal (Houston TX)
No Age (Los Angeles CA)
Noah and the Whale (London UK)
Jim Noir (Manchester UK)
No Kids (Vancouver BC)
North Mississippi Allstars (Hernando MS)
Norton (Castelo Branco PORTUGAL)
Nosaprise (Houston TX)
Nouveau Riche (Philadelphia PA)
Justin Nozuka (Toronto ON)
NQ Arbuckle (Toronto ON)
Nullsleep (New York NY)
Num9 (Madrid SPAIN)
Nurses (SF) (San Francisco CA)
The Nymphets (Montreal QC)
The OaKs (Orlando FL)
Ocelot (Leeds UK)
The Octopus Project (Austin TX)
O'Death (Queens NY)
Office (Chicago IL)
Ohmega Watts (Brooklyn NY)
Oh No! Oh My! (Austin TX)
Oh Susanna (Toronto ON)
Okkervil River (Austin TX)
$olal (Paris FRANCE)
Ola Podrida (Brooklyn NY)
The Old Ceremony (Chapel Hill NC)
Old Man River (Sydney AUSTRALIA)
Old Time Relijun (Portland OR)
Olga (New Orleans LA)
Oliver Future (Los Angeles CA)
One Mississippi (Austin TX)
One Night Only (Helmsley UK)
127 (Tehran IRAN)
Oppenheimer (Belfast IRELAND)
The Optimysticals (Boone NC)
O Quarto das Cinzas (Fortaleza BRAZIL)
Orgone (Los Angeles CA)
Orion Rigel Dommisse (Philadelphia PA)
Oro11 (Oakland CA)
Ouija Radio (Minneapolis MN)
Our Lunar Activities (Isle of Lewis UK)
Ours (Ridgefield Park NJ)
Over the Rhine (Cincinnati OH)
Ox.Eagle.Lion.Man (London UK)
The Pack A.D. (Vancouver BC)
Panda (Monterrey MEXICO)
The Pan I Am (London UK)
The Panics (Melbourne AUSTRALIA)
Panther (Portland OR)
Papa Chuk (Houston TX)
Papercranes (Gainesville FL)
The Parisians (Paris FRANCE)
Parkas (Toronto ON)
Anders Parker (New York NY)
Dolly Parton (Sevierville TN)
Parts & Labor (Brooklyn NY)
Passenger (Brighton UK)
Pata de Elefante (Porto Alegre BRAZIL)
Pataphysics (Austin TX)
Pato Banton (Midlands UK)
Pattern is Movement (Philadelphia PA)
Patty Hurst Shifter (Raleigh NC)
Paul Collins Beat (New York NY)
Justin Paul (Philadelphia PA)
Pedro Menendez Ensemble (Buenos Aires ARGENTINA)
Peekaboo Theory (Houston TX)
Peel (Austin TX)
Peelander-Z (New York NY)
Peer Pressure (Montreal QC)
The Pendletons (Athens GA)
People In Planes (Wales UK)
The People's Revolutionary Choir (London UK)
Bo Pepper (London UK)
Tristan Perich (New York NY)
The Perpetrators (Winnipeg MB)
Peter and the Wolf (Austin TX)
Petty Booka (Tokyo JAPAN)
Phantom Limb (Bristol UK)
Phil and the Osophers (Brooklyn NY)
Shawn Phillips (Port Elizabeth SOUTH AFRICA)
Phonograph (New York NY)
Phosphorescent (Brooklyn NY)
Phranchyze (Austin TX)
Mark Pickerel (Seattle WA)
Chris Pickering (Brisbane AUSTRALIA)
Pidgeon (San Francisco CA)
The Pigeon Detectives (Leeds UK)
Pigeon John (Los Angeles CA)
Pig Out (Buckinghamshire UK)
Patrice Pike (Austin TX)
The Pillows (Tokyo JAPAN)
The Pines (Minneapolis MN)
Pink Nasty (Wichita KS)
Pink Reason (Columbus OH)
Pinstripe (BRISTOL UK)
Pissed Jeans (Allentown PA)
Pistolera (New York NY)
Pit er Pat (Chicago IL)
Planningtorock (Berlin GERMANY)
Plants and Animals (Montreal QC)
Joel Plaskett (Halifax NS)
The Plastic Constellations (Minneapolis MN)
Plastic Little (Philadelphia PA)
The Playing Favorites (Santa Barbara CA)
Play-N-Skillz (Dallas TX)
Pleasant Grove (Dallas TX)
Steve Poltz (San Diego CA)
Pompeii (Austin TX)
Ponytail (Baltimore MD)
Pop Levi (Los Angeles CA)
Popup (Glasgow UK)
Portastatic (Chapel Hill NC)
porterdavis (Austin TX)
Postman (Amsterdam THE NETHERLANDS)
Power Douglas (Brooklyn NY)
Power Pill Fist (Pittsburgh PA)
PPT (Dallas TX)
The Prayers (San Diego CA)
The Presidents of The United States of America (Seattle WA)
Pretty and Nice (Boston MA)
Pride Tiger (Vancouver BC)
Project Jenny, Project Jan (Brooklyn NY)
Chuck Prophet (San Francisco CA)
Prozak (Kansas City MO)
Pseudosix (Portland OR)
Psychedelic Horseshit (Columbus OH)
Pterodactyl (Brooklyn NY)
Public Offenders (Austin TX)
Puny Human (New York NY)
Farryl Purkiss (Cape Town SOUTH AFRICA)
Put The Rifle Down (Toronto ON)
Quartz-head 02 (Tokyo JAPAN)
The Quebe Sisters Band (Burleson TX)
Question (San Antonio TX)
Radar Bros. (Los Angeles CA)
Joshua Radin (Los Angeles CA)
Radio 4 (Brooklyn NY)
Radio Moscow (Ames IA)
The Radishes (San Francisco CA)
Shina Rae (Houston TX)
Kristoffer Ragnstam (Gothenburg SWEDEN)
Rahdunes (San Francisco CA)
Rana Santacruz (New York NY)
Ra Ra Riot (Syracuse NY)
The Rascals (Liverpool UK)
Ravens & Chimes (New York NY)
The Raveonettes (New York NY)
Jonah Ray (Los Angeles CA)
Geoff Reacher (Austin TX)
The Reaction (San Francisco CA)
Jay Reatard (Memphis TN)
Receptors (Roanoke VA)
Recitement/Stephen Emmer (Amsterdam THE NETHERLANDS)
Reckless Kelly (Austin TX)
Record Hop (Denton TX)
Red Fang (Portland OR)
The Red Romance (New York NY)
The Red Stick Ramblers (Lafayette LA)
The Redwalls (Chicago IL)
Eli 'Paperboy' Reed (Allston MA)
Ray Reed (Ft Worth TX)
Christopher Rees (Cardiff UK)
John Reis (San Diego CA)
R.E.M. (Athens GA)
Remate & La Loco Band (Asturias SPAIN)
Replica (Mexico City MEXICO)
Mike Rep (Harrisburg OH)
Retribution Gospel Choir (Duluth MN)
Reyez (Dallas TX)
Reykjavik! (Reykjavik ICELAND)
Glen Reynolds (Dallas TX)
Johnathan Rice (Los Angeles CA)
Richard Oppenheim Septet (San Antonio TX)
Karriem Riggins (Detroit MI)
Right on Dynamite (Brooklyn NY)
The Right Ons (Madrid SPAIN)
Valerio Rinaldi (Buenos Aires ARGENTINA)
Ringo Deathstarr (Austin TX)
Riz MC (London UK)
Roadsaw (Boston MA)
Pete Robbins & Centric (New York NY)
Rob G (Houston TX)
Aaron Robinson (Nashville TN)
Bruce Robison (Austin TX)
Robots In Disguise (London UK)
Robyn (Stockholm SWEDEN)
Rock & Roll (Paris FRANCE)
The Rodeo (Paris FRANCE)
Carrie Rodriguez (Austin TX)
Mala Rodriguez (Cadiz SPAIN)
Rogue Wave (Oakland CA)
Romance Fantasy (Las Vegas NV)
Anna Rose (New York NY)
Rotary Downs (New Orleans LA)
Roxy Cottontail (New York NY)
RTX (Sunset Beach CA)
Ruby Isle (Minneapolis MN)
The Ruby Suns (Auckland NEW ZEALAND)
Rupa and The April Fishes (San Francisco CA)
Alice Russell (Brighton UK)
Russian Circles (Chicago IL)
The Russian Futurists (Toronto ON)
Justin Rutledge (Toronto ON)
RX Bandits (Los Angeles CA)
Ryno & Slim Gutta (Austin TX)
Sabaton (Falun SWEDEN)
The Sadies (Toronto ON)
Saint Bernadette (Bridgeport CT)
Salt & Samovar (New York NY)
Salvador Santana Band (San Rafael CA)
San Saba County (Austin TX)
Santogold (Brooklyn NY)
Dan Sartain (Birmingham AL)
Sasquatch (Los Angeles CA)
The Saturday Knights (Seattle WA)
Saturday Looks Good to Me (Detroit MI)
Jack Savoretti (London UK)
Say Hi (Seattle WA)
Say No More (Salinas CA)
Scale The Summit (Houston TX)
Scanners (London UK)
Scarub (Los Angeles CA)
Scary Mansion (Brooklyn NY)
Scavone (New York NY)
Tony Scherr (New York NY)
Michelle Schumann & Austin Chamber Music Center (Austin TX)
Scissors for Lefty (San Francisco CA)
Christian Scott (New York NY)
Scottie B (Baltimore MD)
Scouting For Girls (London UK)
Scrambled Eggs (Beirut LEBANON)
Screamin' Cyn Cyn & The Pons (Madison WI)
Search/Rescue (Seattle WA)
Sea Wolf (Los Angeles CA)
The Second Grace (Sicily ITALY)
Secret Lives! of the Freemasons (Asheville NC)
Secret Shine (Bristol UK)
The Service Industry (Austin TX)
Services (New York NY)
17 Hippies (Berlin GERMANY)
Sexto Sol (San Antonio TX)
Shame Club (St Louis MO)
Sarah Sharp (Austin TX)
Shawn Sahm and the Tex-Mex Experience (San Antonio TX)
Shellshag (Brooklyn NY)
Kevin Shields (Midcity CA)
Ari Shine (Los Angeles CA)
Shining (Oslo NORWAY)
The Shining Path (San Diego CA)
Shir Khan (Berlin GERMANY)
$hit and $hine (London UK)
Sholi (San Francisco CA)
Shooting Spires (Brooklyn NY)
Shout Out Louds (Stockholm SWEDEN)
Shout Out Out Out Out (Edmonton AB)
The Show Is the Rainbow (Omaha NE)
Shri (London UK)
Shwayze (Malibu CA)
Shy Child (New York NY)
Sia (London UK)
Sick Girls (Berlin GERMANY)
Sightings (Brooklyn NY)
the s.i.g.i.t (Bandung INDONESIA)
The Silos (New York NY)
Simian Mobile Disco (London UK)
Alina Simone (Carrboro NC)
Simply Saucer (Hamilton ON)
The Singles (Detroit MI)
Sissy Wish (Bergen NORWAY)
16 Frames (Los Angeles CA)
60 Watt Kid (San Francisco CA)
Skatterman & Snug Brim (Kansas City MO)
Alex Skolnick Trio (Brooklyn NY)
Skratch Bastid (Montreal QC)
Slaraffenland (Copenhagen DENMARK)
Sleep (Portland OR)
Sleepercar (El Paso TX)
The Sleepover Disaster (Fresno CA)
Slim Cessna's Auto Club (Denver CO)
The Slits (London UK)
Slow Six (Brooklyn NY)
Slykat (San Antonio TX)
Smalltown DJs (Calgary AB)
Frank Smith (Allston MA)
Hollie Smith (Wellington NEW ZEALAND)
John Smith (Devon UK)
Meaghan Smith (Halifax NS)
Sahara Smith (Austin TX)
Steve Smith (London MA)
Snake & Jet's Amazing Bullit Band (Copenhagen DENMARK)
The Snake Trap (Austin TX)
Snowbyrd (San Antonio TX)
Snowglobe (Memphis TN)
Socalled (Montreal QC)
Socratic (Cranford NJ)
Sodopp (Kagoshima JAPAN)
Sohodolls (London UK)
Soiled Mattress & The Springs (New York NY)
SOLI Chamber Ensemble (San Antonio TX)
Solid Gold (Minneapolis MN)
Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin (Springfield MO)
Something Fierce (Houston TX)
Something With Numbers (Sydney AUSTRALIA)
Son, Ambulance (Omaha NE)
Songs for Moms (San Francisco CA)
The Sonic Hearts (Liverpool UK)
Son Lux (New York NY)
Son Of Dave (London UK)
Sons & Daughters (Glasgow UK)
So Percussion (Brooklyn NY)
The Sound of Urchin (New York NY)
The Soundtrack of Our Lives (Gothenburg SWEDEN)
South (London UK)
South Austin Jug Band (Austin TX)
SouthBound (Austin TX)
Southeast Engine (Athens OH)
Space City Gamelan (Houston TX)
Sam Sparro (Los Angeles CA)
Spear of the Nation (Oakland CA)
The Spinto Band (Wilmington DE)
Spiral Beach (Toronto ON)
Spottiswoode & His Enemies (New York NY)
Spring Tigers (Athens GA)
Squincy Jones (Houston TX)
S-S-S-Spectres (Brooklyn NY)
George Stanford (Philadelphia PA)
Stanton Meadowdale (Denton TX)
Stateless (Leeds UK)
Steed Lord (Reykjavik ICELAND)
Steel Train (Teaneck NJ)
The Stems (Fremantle AUSTRALIA)
The Steps (Austin TX)
Steve E Nix & the Cute Lepers (Seattle WA)
Freddie Stevenson (Edinburgh UK)
Mark Stewart & The Maffia (London UK)
The Stills (Montreal QC)
Kelley Stoltz (San Francisco CA)
Stoney (Chislehurst Kent UK)
The Story Of (Austin TX)
Melissa St. Pierre (North Adams MA)
The Strange Boys (Austin TX)
The Strange Death of Liberal England (Portsmouth UK)
John P. Strohm (Birmingham AL)
The Strugglers (Chapel Hill NC)
Katie Stuckey (Houston TX)
Studemont Project (Houston TX)
The Subjects (Brooklyn NY)
The Submarines (Los Angeles CA)
Peggy Sue & The Pirates (Brighton UK)
Summerbirds in the Cellar (Orlando FL)
The Summer Wardrobe (Austin TX)
Sunburned Hand of the Man (Boston MA)
Sun Trash (Los Angeles CA)
Supagroup (New Orleans LA)
Super Chron Flight Brothers (Brooklyn NY)
Super Pal Universe (Austin TX)
SuperstarDJs (Austin TX)
Supersuckers (Seattle WA)
Sussie 4 (Guadalajara MEXICO)
Swampmeat (Birmingham UK)
Swati (New York NY)
Switches (London UK)
Sybris (Chicago IL)
Sylvie (Regina SK)
SYME (Bergen NORWAY)
TAB the band (Duxbury MA)
Tacks, the Boy Disaster (Austin TX)
Tanya Tagaq (Cambridge Bay NWT)
Takka Takka (Brooklyn NY)
Tall Firs (Brooklyn NY)
Tally Hall (Ann Arbor MI)
Tammany Hall Machine (Austin TX)
Tapes 'n Tapes (Minneapolis MN)
Taproot (Los Angeles CA)
TarantisT (Tehran IRAN)
Russell Taylor (New York NY)
Teakayo Mission (Sacramento CA)
Team Robespierre (Brooklyn NY)
Tech N9ne (Kansas City MO)
Tee Double (Austin TX)
Teenage Bottlerocket (Laramie WY)
The Teenage Prayers (New York NY)
The Teeth (Philadelphia PA)
Telepathe (Brooklyn NY)
Telerama (Fortaleza BRAZIL)
Luke Temple (Brooklyn NY)
The Tennessee Boltsmokers (Memphis TN)
Tera Melos (Sacramento CA)
Terrible Twos (Detroit MI)
Texas Burlesque Fest Revue (Austin TX)
Texas Eastside Kings (Austin TX)
Texas Northside Kings (Austin TX)
The Theater Fire (Ft Worth TX)
Thee Armada (Houston TX)
Thee Oh Sees (San Francisco CA)
Thermo (Guadalajara MEXICO)
These Are Powers (Brooklyn NY)
These New Puritans (Essex UK)
Think About Life (Montreal QC)
The Third Man (Memphis TN)
The Thirst (London UK)
1349 (Oslo NORWAY)
This Bike is a Pipe Bomb (Pensacola FL)
This Will Destroy You (San Marcos TX)
JD Thompson (Oklahoma City OK)
Paul Thorn (Tupelo MS)
1001 Nights Orchestra (Austin TX)
Pyeng Threadgill (New York NY)
340ml (Johannesburg SOUTH AFRICA)
Throw Me The Statue (Seattle WA)
Thunderlip (Wilmington NC)
Thurogood Wordsmith (Houston TX)
Tia Carrera (Austin TX)
Tigercity (Brooklyn NY)
Tiger Lou (Stockholm SWEDEN)
Tiger! Tiger! (Atlanta GA)
J. Tillman (Seattle WA)
Tilly and the Wall (Omaha NE)
Times New Viking (Columbus OH)
Timothy Bracy's Collection Agency (McLean VA)
The Ting Tings (Manchester UK)
Tiny Animals (New York NY)
Tiny Masters of Today (New York NY)
Toddle (Tokyo JAPAN)
Todosantos (Brooklyn NY)
Tokyo Police Club (Toronto ON)

Tokyo Sex Destruction (Barcelona SPAIN)
To Live and Die in LA (Portland OR)
Tommie Sunshine (Brooklyn NY)
The Tontons (Houston TX)
Torngat (Montreal QC)
Bjorn Torske (Bergen NORWAY)
Totally Michael (Bloomington IN)
The Tough Alliance (Gothenburg SWEDEN)
Tourettes (Sydney AUSTRALIA)
The Toxic Avenger (Paris FRANCE)
Trainwreck Riders (San Francisco CA)
Trash Fashion (London UK)
Chuck Treece Feat. Dubtronic (Philadelphia PA)
Tree Wave (Dallas TX)
Tremor (Buenos Aires ARGENTINA)
Trespassers William (Seattle WA)
Triclops! (Oakland CA)
Trombone Shorty & Orleans Avenue (New Orleans LA)
Truth & Soul (Brooklyn NY)
Tub Ring (Chicago IL)
Tulsa (CA) (San Francisco CA)
Tulsa (MA) (Boston MA)
Tumi and the Volume (Johannesburg SOUTH AFRICA)
Tum Tum (Dallas TX)
Tungsten Coil (Austin TX)
Turbo Fruits (Nashville TN)
Twin Crystals (Vancouver BC)
Two Dollar Bash (Berlin GERMANY)
Two Gallants (San Francisco CA)
The Ugly Beats (Austin TX)
Uh Huh Her (Los Angeles CA)
Ultimate Power Duo (Saskatoon SK)
Ume (Austin TX)
Uncle Monk (Phoenicia NY)
Underground Heroes (Chatham UK)
Underground Orchestra (Los Angeles CA)
Ungdomskulen (Bergen NORWAY)
The Unholy Two (Columbus OH)
The United Steel Workers of Montreal (Montreal QC)
Unnatural Helpers (Seattle WA)
Untitled Musical Project (Birmingham UK)
The Upwelling (New York NY)
Vamoz (Recife BRAZIL)
Vampire Weekend (New York NY)
Foy Vance (Belfast UK)
Vancougar (New Westminster BC)
Vanilla Sky (Roma ITALY)
Stoll Vaughan (Nashville TN)
Lars Vaular (Bergen NORWAY)
Vedera (Kansas City MO)
Veracruz (Barcelona SPAIN)
Chris Vestre Group (Austin TX)
VHS or Beta (Louisville KY)
Via Audio (Brooklyn NY)
The Victorian English Gentlemens Club (Cardiff UK)
Videohippos (Baltimore MD)
Kurt Vile (Philadelphia PA)
The Vines (Sydney AUSTRALIA)
V.I.P. (Philadelphia PA)
Virginia Coalition (Alexandria VA)
The Virgins (New York NY)
Viva Hate (Los Angeles CA)
Kate Voegele (Cleveland OH)
The Von Bondies (Detroit MI)
Patricia Vonne (Austin TX)
The Voom Blooms (Loughborough UK)
Voxhaul Broadcast (Los Angeles CA)
Vverevvolf Grehv (Omaha NE)
Waco Brothers (Chicago IL)
Brooke Waggoner (Nashville TN)
Martha Wainwright (Montreal QC)
Wale (Washington DC)
Doug Walker (Manchester UK)
Kate Walsh (Brighton UK)
Abigail Warchild (Brooklyn NY)
The Warriors (Oxnard CA)
Little Joe Washington (Houston TX)
Was (Not Was) (Los Angeles CA)
Watershed (OH) (Columbus OH)
The Watson Twins (Los Angeles CA)
Wax Fang (Louisville KY)
The Weakerthans (Winnepeg MB)
We Are Standard (Basque Country SPAIN)
Weedeater (Wilmington NC)
The Weird Weeds (Austin TX)
The Western Civilization (Houston TX)
We Versus the Shark (Athens GA)
we were The States (Murfreesboro TN)
Eddie Whalen (New York NY)
What Laura Says Thinks and Feels (Tempe AZ)
Wheatus (Northport NY)
When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth (Austin TX)
The Whigs (Athens GA)
The Whip (Manchester UK)
White Denim (Austin TX)
White Ghost Shivers (Austin TX)
White Hinterland (Boston MA)
White Mice (Providence RI)
The Paul White Quintet (Austin TX)
White Rabbits (Brooklyn NY)
White Shoes & The Couples Company (Jakarta INDONESIA)
White T's White Belts (Philadelphia PA)
White Williams (New York NY)
Whitley (Melbourne AUSTRALIA)
Bobby Whitlock & CoCo Carmel (Austin TX)
WHY? (Oakland CA)
The Wilders (Kansas City MO)
Wild Light (Boston MA)
Wild Sweet Orange (Birmingham AL)
Wiley and the Checkmates (Oxford MS)
Andre Williams (Chicago IL)
Heloise Williams (Brooklyn NY)
Robin & Linda Williams (Middlebrook VA)
Saul Williams (Los Angeles CA)
Tim Williams (Brooklyn NY)
Willowz (Los Angeles CA)
Will To Live (Houston TX)
Dan Wilson (Minneapolis MN)
Wing (Auckland NEW ZEALAND)
Wisely (Los Angeles CA)
Witch (Brattleboro VT)
Witnes (Houston TX)
Tommy Womack (Madisonville KY)
The Wombats (Liverpool UK)
Wooden Shjips (San Francisco CA)
Woodhands (Toronto ON)
Woodpigeon (Calgary AB)
Working For A Nuclear Free City (Manchester UK)
Hawksley Workman (Huntsville ON)
World/Inferno Friendship Society (Brooklyn NY)
Wussy (Cincinnati OH)
Wye Oak (Baltimore MD)
Xno Barbequex (Sydney AUSTRALIA)
The XYZ Affair (Brooklyn NY)
YahZarah Performing as Purple St. James (Washington DC)
Yakuza (Chicago IL)
Raya Yarbrough (Los Angeles CA)
Yeasayer (Brooklyn NY)
Yellow Fever (Austin TX)
Yes King (Mark Rae) (Los Angeles CA)
Larry Yes (Portland OR)
Yo La Tengo (Hoboken NJ)
You, Me, And Everyone We Know (Washington DC)
Young Heart Attack (Austin TX)
Young Lords (New York NY)
Melissa Young (Atlanta GA)
The Young Republic (Boston MA)
Your Favorite Enemies (Montreal QC)
James Yuill (London UK)
The Yuppie Pricks (Austin TX)
Yves Klein Blue (Brisbane AUSTRALIA)
Zambri (New York NY)
Zeale32 (Austin TX)
Ze Dos Frangos (Lisbon PORTUGAL)
Zona Tango (Buenos Aires ARGENTINA)
Zookeeper (Austin TX)
Zykos (Austin TX)

Of that whole list, surely the least likely name is Pato Banton?

Oberst and Ward: Supporting Obama

Tonight in Obahama, Conor Oberst and M Ward are throwing their weight - okay, there's not much of that, even combined - and hearts behind the Barack Obama campaign at a rally-cum-fundraising-awareness event.

Oberst, as Paste helpfully reminds us, offered his support to John Kerry last time round, so that's probably good news for Hilary, then.

"Yes... yes, we can" smiled Barack, squeezing Conor's thigh. Oberst rolled over onto his back, idly scratching the politician's ear.

"But, Barack, I don't know what any of your policies are... I know you want change, but... how are you going to effect..."

"Hush now" said Obama, putting a finger on Conor's lips. "Let me show you why my campaign is built around a poster with a giant O on it..."

What, no Bogshed? The fifty greatest indie records of all time

The current issue of Mojo has offered a list of the 50 greatest indie records ever, and while it cussedly mixes albums and singles, and is never going to be 'right', it does at least offer up a playlist for a great night at an indie club:

50) Huggy Bear - Herjazz
49) The Delgados - The Great Eastern
48) James - Village Fire
47) Swell Maps - Read About Seymour
46) Camera Obscura - Lloyd, I'm Ready To Be Heartbroken
45) Half Man Half Biscuit - Trumpton Riots EP
44) The Wild Swans - The Revolutionary Spirit
43) The Pooh Sticks - On Tape
42) Fire Engines - Candyskin
41) McCarthy - Keep An Open Mind Or Else
40)Jane And Barton - It's A Fine Day
39) Josef K - The Missionary
38) Ride - Ride EP
37) The Bodines - Therese
36) Shop Assistants - Safety Net
35) The Primitives - Really Stupid
34) Saint Etienne - So Tough
33) The Sea Urchins - Pristine Christine
32) Elastica - Line Up
31) Stereolab - Peng!
30) The Wedding Present - George Best
29) Young Marble Giants - Colossal Youth
28) New Order - Temptation
27) Franz Ferdinand - Take Me Out
26) The Libertines - What A Waster
25) The Loft - Up The Hill And Down The Slope
24) The Vaselines - Son Of A Gun
23) Aztec Camera - High Land Hard Rain
22) Happy Mondays - Lazyitis (One Armed Boxer)
21) The Pastels - Up For A Bit With The Pastels
20) Spacemen 3 - Revolution
19) This Mortal Coil - Song To The Siren
18) Lloyd Cole And The Commotions - Rattlesnakes
17) Teenage Fanclub - Everything Flows
16) Wire - Outdoor Miner
15) Echo & The Bunnymen - Crocodiles
14) Belle & Sebastian - Tigermilk
13) The House Of Love - Destroy The Heart
12) Subway Sect - Ambition
11) Felt - Forever Breathes The Lonely Word
10) Primal Scream - Crystal Crescent/Velocity Girl
9) The Stone Roses - The Stone Roses
8) The La's - There She Goes
7) Arctic Monkeys - I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor
6) Joy Division - Transmission
5) My Bloody Valentine - You Made Me Realise
4) The Fall - How I Wrote 'Elastic Man'
3) Orange Juice - You Can't Hide Your Love Forever
2) The Jesus & Mary Chain - Psychocandy
1) The Smiths - This Charming Man

Girls Aloud take a shot at... who, exactly?

We're not so sure that the target of Girls Aloud's Hoxton Heroes is entirely who DigitalSpy seem to think.

The 'spy reckons:

Girls Aloud mock indie bands on new song

But do they?

'Hoxton Heroes', the B-side to the group's new single 'Can't Speak French', features the lyrics: "You're off your face like you're number one. How many tracks have you sold? Hmm… none."

It continues: "Just 'cause your dad knew the Rolling Stones... don't kid yourself, you're an indie clone."

The line about 'your dad knowing the Rolling Stones' would seem to apply less to people in indie bands, more at people whose fathers might have been popstars on the scene themselves. Perhaps, you know, in The Boomtown Rats, or maybe in Rod Stewart's trousers. Don't you think?

[Thanks for the link to Michael M]

Do you beeee-leeeeeeeeeave in work after retirement?

We can't pretend that anyone on the planet really believed that Cher's big retirement tour from three years ago was really going to see her put her feet up and spend the rest of her days watching Countdown; even if that was her plan, it seems the appearance of Richard Digance in dictionary corner has been enough to persuade her to comeback, with a residency in Las Vegas.

She looks exactly the same as she did on the day she retired - or at least will do once the last couple of bolts have been tightened.

50 Cent hangs G-Unit clothes out to dry

Trouble at the edges of the Fifty Cent business empire, with reports suggesting the G-Unit clothes brand is to shutter in the next 24 hours.

The deal under which the clothes have been made and sold - a split-ownership between 50 and Ecko - has come to an end and staff are being let go as a prelude to winding up. It's unclear if the decision to close is due a problem in renegotiating the deal or because the once-glittering brand has lost its lustre.

Lily Allen and Friends and voters

Whoever would have imagined, back in the 1980s, that one day you'd be able to vote for which band you'd like to see playing on the television? (Besides everyone who watched Whistle Test and its 'videovote' feature, and anyone who saw the similar thing The Tube did.)

But now that crazy dream has come true. Um, again. In a bid to give Lily Allen's curious show something to do that isn't reliant on showing old bits of video off the internet - thus prompting comparisons with Graham Norton's show from about a decade ago - BBC Three are allowing you to vote to choose a band you'd like to see. Yes, like The Box does.

What's amusing, though, is the page of terms and conditions that are covering, remember, a face-off between Blood Red Shoes and Metro, not the choice of the next leader of her majesty's opposition:

Band vote - rules

# Voting is available online only between 11pm after the first transmission of the show, and 10am the following Thursday. Votes received outside the specified times will not be counted. Voting times may change.

# Only one vote is permitted per person. If you do vote multiple times, only your first vote each week will count.

# The BBC reserves the right to cancel or suspend voting at any time.

# The BBC reserves the right to disqualify votes if it has reasonable grounds to suspect that fraudulent voting has occurred or if it considers there has been any attempt to rig the voting.

# The BBC, its sub-contractors, subsidiaries and/or agencies cannot accept any responsibility whatsoever for any technical failure or malfunction or any other problem with any system, server, provider or otherwise which may result in any vote being lost or not properly registered or recorded.

# In case of the vote being compromised or in case of a technical failure, the BBC will defer to a panel of judges to choose the outcome. The panel will include executives from the BBC and Princess Productions.

Failing all that, the winner will be picked in the style of Pets Win Prizes, using an elderly cat encouraged by Danny Baker.

To be honest, why would you need a public vote to decide between Blood Red Shoes and Metro? It's like inviting consultation on if you should have velvet bed sheets or sleep in a breaker's yard.



Blood Red Shoes, obviously.

Mark Ronson has apparently never seen a Grammys ceremony

Mark Ronson - along with half the journalists in America - is hoping that Amy Winehouse does go the Grammys next week because:

"It'll be boring without her."

Goodness, Mark, do you think? A seventeen hour procession of prizes for the like of best album producer (religious songs in orginal German) might be a little dull?

We're not sure a three minute performance from someone who, if she is well enough to do it, has had the swiftest return to health since Ernest Saunders came out of jail, is necessarily going to swing the difference between a dull night out and a glittering occasion, but we're really not the experts.

Joel: didn't start a fire, will close the stadium

Shea Stadium is going to close very soon - the New York Mets were ashamed of being one of the few professional sports teams who played in a venue named after a person who did something, rather than a corporation which cut a cheque, and so they're relocating to CitiField.

This means, of course, not only an end to baseball at the venue, but also the conclusion of a chunk of musical history. VH1 called it "the most hallowed venue in rock and roll", which might be pushing it a bit, but it's still had a quite an impressive track record - REM, the Beatles, The Clash and Humble Pie have all had a go there. So, who more fitting than Billy Joel to round off the list?

Yes, Billy Joel. We expect it was tricky to find someone who was free that day.

Interestingly, Wikipedia insists Marvel re-enacted Spiderman and Mary Jane at Shea Stadium, but as everybody knows, Peter Parker and Mary Jane never married, did they?

Local radio told: Be bloody local

Ofcom has rejected the pleas of the major radio groups to be allowed to broadcast hardly any local programming on their local radio stations.

With Ofcom and the Radio Authority having sat by unconcerned as local radio companies were hoovered up by larger and larger consortia, there had been some expectation that the regulator would have swallowed the logic and allowed the stations to become quasi-national outlets.

Commercial radio opertors had suggested that three hours a day of local material would be more than enough; Ofcom's future of radio document calls for ten hours of local material a day on weekdays, with four at weekends, although AM stations and those with fewer than a quarter of a million people in their catchment area will be given more generous rules.

Total Music to fall foul of Department of Justice

The half-arsed plans for TotalMusic - the major label's bid to try and gain control of the supply of online music - has already run into trouble before it's even got going.

The US Department of Justice has reportedly contacted all four big labels (including EMI and Warners who haven't even formally joined yet) to warn them it'll be looking closely at restrictive practices connected to the plans - the idea of 80% of the US music industry doing cosy deals amongst itself to control the supply of music looks, to DOJ eyes, like a recipe for price fixing - something for which the majors have form, having been found in the past to collude on the costs of CDs.

Raising Malawi on the UN lawns

It's hard to know what's more unsettling about the UN getting involved in a Madonna/Kabbalah fundraiser: the presence of Gucci, launching a shop for overpriced geegaws off the back of orphans, or the UN letting Kabbalah raise funds for its indoctrination-through-aid programme.

Lest we forget, Raising Malawi includes as one of its founding aims the intention to push the 'Child spirituality' programme alongside the day-to-day work:

Create a sense of self empowerment. This is where real societal change begins. To this end we are co-creating a curriculum with local Malawian teachers (based on the principles of the Spirituality for Kids Program) that empowers children with universal life skills.

Spirituality For Kids sounds like a lovely, fluffy idea, until you start to explore its teachings a bit, and its claims that "life is fair" because the "law of the universe" is that you get back what you put out - the sort of belief that leads, for example, to the conclusion of those who died in the holocaust were responsible for their own demise.

No, really, Chester, there's no rush

Linkin Park are planning to do a quick follow-up to last year's Minutes To Midnight album:

"We sparked a new kind of life into what we do during the writing of ('Midnight')," Bennington told Billboard.com. "We want to keep that going. I think we're in the mode, and I have a good feeling we're going to put another record out really quickly."

We tried a machine translation of this, and it came out as "Dude, we're not going to be able to kid thirteen year old kids that we understand them much longer, we'd better rush out something else before someone notices we're older than audience's parents".

Gordon in the morning: Backing Cilla Black

The tricky question of who should give McCartney his lifetime achievement award at the Brits is exercising Gordon this morning. It seems Paul has offered no advice beyond asking for it to be a woman - good lord, does he never learn? - and so someone (Smart doesn't reveal who) has drawn up a shortlist of Kylie, Stella McCartney, Chrissie Hynde and Cilla Black. Smart has launched a campaign to make Black the one, but it's not clear why. Is it a joke - a la the NME's attempts to get the Laughing Gnome played on Bowie's tour? But why would it be a joke? McCartney and Black go way back, and with Sharon Osbourne MCing the event, someone who can actually present a television programme onstage might be a boon. But it's not clear that Gordon is being serious, either.

He does run through his thought process, but that doesn't really help:

Stella is a nice thought, but he can receive gifts from her every birthday and Christmas.

Kylie is a great suggestion too. She and Macca hit it off at Jools Holland’s Hootenanny.

Chrissie may just be the dark horse of the four.

My only fear is that Macca has form for falling for women at awards ceremonies after a few sherries - and Kylie’s a single lady.

I reckon Auntie Cilla should be safe on that front, though.

Does Smart know anything about Hynde? He seems to struggle with a reason to discount her, and throws her away in the middle of talking about Kylie.

It all feels a little... well, pointless. At least if he'd have come up with an alternative suggestion - Yoko, perhaps - there might have been some sort of traction for his campaigning.

Mind you, since the rest of his work this morning is built around a photo of Paris Hilton and a little person and Sarah Harding in her knickers, perhaps we should welcome his new found commitment to campaigning journalism.

Britney flees; press confused

You have to be impressed by The Sun's machine, if not the behaviour it encourages - as the BBC were reporting on News 24 yesterday that Britney had left treatment "within the last half hour", the front page of the Sun in the 'first look at tomorrow's papers' slot had already been remade to carry the story and distributed to the media. Perhaps they've had a story ready to go since she was admitted.

Emily Smith's coverage is upbeat:

Britney on road to recovery?

Brit the road ... singer smiles after her release

Although, actually, the photo is less of a smile and more of a gurn - and the copy suggests that she's less on the road to recovery, merely being moved:

Fans feared for the troubled pop star as she drove haphazardly round Los Angeles in her black Mercedes.

But they agreed to release her 11 days early when Jamie arranged the hush-hush transfer to a 'more comfortable' clinic.

Hush-hush. Hardly anyone knows about it, apart from the squall of paparazzi around her house, outside the hospital, the fans who stood "feating for her" as she drove around haphazardly, and all the world. It's nice to be in on a secret.

It comes as something of a surprise to discover the 'hush-hush' clinic is, according to the Daily Mail, erm, The Beverley Hills hotel:

The Toxic singer managed to dodge half the waiting press in her dramatic exit as she snuck out one of the hospital's side door.

Seconds later cars and helicopters were following her to the Beverly Hills Hotel.

An hour later her British-raised boyfriend Adnan pulled up at the hotel in a silver Mercedes and went inside to see her.

So, the Sun insists that her father sprung her from UCLA, took her home and then moved her off to another clinic; the Mail, meanwhile, says she went to a hotel. But at least they agree she was released thanks to her parents, right?

Erm, nope: the Mail says that her parents are outraged at her release:

Her parents Lynne and Jamie Spears have condemned her early release from treatment, claiming they fear for her mental health.

In a joint statement through their lawyer, the couple - who are divorced - said: "As parents of an adult child in the throes of a mental health crisis, we were extremely disappointed this morning to learn that over the recommendation of her treating psychiatrist, our daughter Britney was released from the hospital that could best care for her and keep her safe.

"We are deeply concerned about our daughter's safety and vulnerability and we believe her life is presently at risk. There are conservatorship orders in place created to protect our daughter that are being blatantly disregarded. We ask only that the court's orders be enforced so that a tragedy may be averted."

It seems that - pretty much - every detail in The Sun's coverage was wrong. Especially, terribly, the headline - but then, if you say she's getting better, it doesn't make you look quite so ghoulish.

You'd like to think that the lack of anything on the Mirror's website would be because the paper decided to wait until it could report, briefly and accurately - but that would be to confuse lack of resource with a sense of restraint.

Say you'll be there

The Spice Girls corporation have stuck out a video, in which the band - coming across like a post-Richard Bacon Blue Peter team - deny they're not going on because they're fighting.

Any similarity to those videos kidnappers make their hostages churn out saying they've been won round to their captor's point of view is, of course, entirely in your own head.

iPods no longer a security risk

We're not sure that the TSA's blog is going to have as much of an effect on improving the experience of going through airport security as, you know, mentioning in training that the people coming through the barrier are paying customers, but it has already secured a small victory. US airports which had been interpreting the rules so strictly that iPods, other mp3 players and even Zunes had to be sent through the scanner separately have been told not to be so stupid.

A step forward, albeit one you'll have take with your shoes off and your belt out your trousers.

Lavigne decides smoking is big, clever

Avril Lavigne - what is she, about twelve? She's been revealing her big plan for the next tour in which she'll show she's, like, a rebel:

I’m covering [Joan Jett’s] ‘Bad Reputation,’” she says. “While I’m singing the track, there will be a montage of videos of me with a cigarette, flipping the bird.”

You're twenty-bloody-three. 23 year-old women don't get a bad reputation because they smoke - you'd be more credible if you had a montage of you, i don't know, cutting dancer's wages, perhaps.

At last, Chad Kroeger says something we can agree with

Chad advises the paparazzi to not bother with him as nobody cares what he's up to.

Unless he's drunk driving, of course.

Dukes up: Spirit set to tour

The rather splendid Duke Spirit are about to jaunt out on a tour of the UK:

23rd March Rescue Rooms Nottingham
25th March Koko London
26th March Academy 3 Manchester
28th March Brudenell Social Club Leeds
29th March Thekla Bristol
31st March Limelight Belfast
2nd April King Tuts Glasgow
4th April Audio Brighton
5th April Hub Exeter

This is the sort of thing they'll be doing - don't be alarmed by the banner claiming they're Henry Rollins, it's just from his programme. (He's apparently the US answer to Basil Brush these days.)

Warner throws good money after bad boys

Warner music has offered to take the Death Row catalogue off the hands of the receivers, valuing the library at USD25 million.

It's still going to leave a bit of a hole in the Death Row accounts - the label was USD137million in debt when it went under. Still, it's not a bad take for the catalogue - Warners must have faith that SpiralFrog will be serving a shed load of ads alongside the tracks for the years to come.

What if the X Factor was a single programme?

Net, Blogs and Rock n Roll reports on a government-sponsored music marketing event earlier this week, where Scott Cohen posed a thought experiment: if the X Factor cut to the chase, what would happen?

[If they] presented only one show in each series, saying "we've done the research, we've done the auditions, we've consulted audiences, and here's the winner"? The result would be the same — a winner like Leona Lewis — but would this winner sell as many records? Answer: No, because it's the backstage access, the community that grows around the competitors, and the story of the winner's rise that engages the audience interest. They make an emotional connection with the artist and the song, and buy it to help it succeed.

But Leona Lewis might be a bad example, because she at least has a talent that might have found a market without ITV's involvement. What about the artists who flop straight away, or have a shelf-life shorter than gently-heated clotted cream in the tropics? Alex Parks, David Sneddon, even Gates and Chico - this emotional attachment proved to be incredibly shallow, didn't it?

Cohen is suggesting that record companies need to build an emotional attachment, but seems to miss the point that every successful band ever has worked through a visceral, emotional connection - that's what the very definition of fandom is. If the music industry really needs to be told that it needs to connect the music to the audience's lives in some ways, then they really are screwed. It should be obvious, like telling a butcher's conference to avoid investing in advertising in Vegetarian Quarterly.

Ironically, it's the twittery like the X Factor, where the connection is real but slight, that has led to the development of so much record industry output that has no link to people's lives and loves and passions - the Javine Hiltons and the One True Voices and their fellows in the dumpbin of history. Because the music industry has misread the success of Girls Aloud, and assumed that familiarity rather than emotional attachment is the driving factor in their success, and invited Jordan to make a record with Peter Andre.

There's a sidenote, too, about how much use blogs are:

Rhodri Marsden gave an example of YouTube success (and blogging) which led to the kind of discovery that doesn't stick. With £500 Rhodri commissioned a video to promote the song he'd recorded as The Schema. Having notched up 250,000 plays on YouTube and blogged about his progress.

He was naturally eager to find out how this impressive attention-share would convert into success on iTunes. The answer: 58 sales.

But then Marsden might have misunderstood what he was selling. He wasn't marketing singles for sale; he was marketing views on YouTube.

The great Led down?

The NME was quite excited yesterday to have the exclusive first news of headliners for Bonnaroo festival. Pearl Jam and Metallica, they insisted:

The much-rumoured performance by Led Zeppelin is not set to take place. However, frontman Robert Plant is slated to perform with Alison Krauss, as is Lez Zeppelin, the all-female Led Zeppelin tribute band.

That's pretty definitive.

Unfortunately, it seems the organisers sort-of-forgot to mention something to the NME, as the Associated Press have announced:

The reunited Led Zeppelin will headline the 2008 Bonnaroo Arts and Music Festival, concert organizers announced Wednesday.

Led Zeppelin, who reconvened for a single December concert in London, had for months been rumored to be heading to Bonnaroo, which will be held Jun 13-15 on a 700-acre farm in Manchester, Tenn.

Which makes sense - what sort of party is headlined by Pearl Jam?

But should the Zep do it? It does have the effect of sucking the specialness of that supposed one-off "for Ahmet" reunion straight and - with the inevitable tour to follow - leaves them looking just as careless of their legacy as the Sex Pistols. Who, by the way, are booked to headline the Serbian Exit festival this summer. If they can find someone to cover at the estate agents.

[UPDATE: Or has the NME had it right all along? There's some suggestion that the web reports of a Led Zep headline are based on someone in an agency misreading the billing for Lez Zeppelin... certainly, the official site doesn't have any mention of the Zep on the front page.

Indeed, it turns out that when asked at the launch, the organisers denied it:

Ashley Capps, president of Bonnaroo co-organizer A.C. Entertainment denied that the band would make a surprise appearance.

"Believe me, if Zeppelin was going to be there we would be shouting it from the rooftops," he said, adding that no one would be more surprised than him and his team if the band did perform.

]

Turkey to be Ireland's Eurovision entry

It's either an act of bravado, or - ahem - simply giving Eurovision the bird, but Ireland looks intent on sending a singing turkey to this year's Eurovision. An actual puppet on a string.

A delightful piece of whimsy for a knockabout competition, you might think. Not, apparently, if you're a songwriter in Ireland. To them, it's as welcome as a turkey twizzler in a health farm:

Frank McNamara, who wrote two Eurovision winners, asked whether RTE, the state broadcaster that selected the six acts, was “giving two fingers” to Irish songwriters. “I think it is absolutely disgraceful,” he said.

Shay Healy, who wrote Johnny Logan’s Eurovision hit What’s Another Year?, wondered “how any bunch of grown-ups could come up with this as a solution”. And Phil Coulter thought that Eurovision was going “down the tubes”.

Some observers might wonder if there's very much distance between Johnny Logan and a turkey puppet. The anger of the songwriter might be less about Eurovision and more because Dustin The Turkey's records tend to be more popular than the music they write. After all, it's not like RTE are sending Scooch, is it?

Yogiobit: Maharishi Mahesh Yogi

The death has been announced of Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, whose time spent with the Beatles was intended to turn the world onto the benefits of his Transcendental Meditation spirituality money-spinner but wound up inspiring Lennon's Sexy Sadie and one of the stock Beatles-comedy-sketches. Most recently, the Beatles-at-feet-of-Yogi comedy staple was used by the Walk Hard.

To his followers, he was visionary. He did cheer up one of the Thatcher-era general elections by fielding candidates in enough seats to get the only Party Election Broadcasts to feature potential MPs hovering above the floor. Admittedly, closer inspection of 'yogic flying' suggested it owed more to Derbyshire's method of 'swimming' by hopping across the pool floor and hoping nobody noticed. His detractors, however, merely counted his money and wondered who was having the last laugh.

His work will continue, in part through the plans of Donovan and David Lynch to build a TM university in Scotland which will somehow defeat Scotland's enemies.

Gordon in the morning: Wags off while Pete works

Once again, the interesting, chunky story - Amy Winehouse supposedly being asked by police about the crack - is handled by Pete Samson, leaving Gordon to free to concentrate on some pictures of some women who have relationships with footballers wearing bikinis and what we think is the third story about Kylie Minogue selling sheets and pillowcases. (Gordon describes Kylie as 'the Australian wriggler', a word we'd assumed he'd dropped after his first day in charge when everyone looked at him strangely when he used it. Wriggler? Really?

The decision by the police to talk to Winehouse yesterday is quite amusing - it suggests the MP-bugging Metropolitan Police are trying to recast themselves like your Mum: "if you're well enough to go to the US embassy, you're well enough to talk to us about your drugs..."

Just when you thought it couldn't get any messier...

Lynne Spears has been granted a restraining order against Britney's manager, Sam Lufti.

It's looking ghoulishly like they're fighting over the estate of dead girl while she's still alive.

Le Freak, c'est retro chic

Freakpower, Norman Cook's short-lived Levi-adv-theming combo, are reuniting for a small number of gigs.

Except, erm, without Norman Cook, who hasn't come by rehearsals (although they're still willing to let him on stage if he wants), but the rest of the line-up will be there (Ashley Slater; James Carmichael Jr the 3rd; Jesse ‘Bass Cadet’ Graham; Paul Tweddle; The Freakettes and Lord Large.

Memorably, a judge in Ireland once asked them if they did drugs to avoid having to listen to their own music. Not, of course, that we'd suggest you take drugs if you go to see them on February 20th at Brighton Concorde 2, or the 21st at the Jazz Cafe in London.

A more capital Capital of Culture

As part of The Guardian's guide to Liverpool's bars, there's an accompanying mp3 featuring Danny Hunt of Ladytron and Pete Wylie guiding the paper round the city's musical highspots.

Kanye West: How I Done It

Yes, like Joe Maplin himself, Kanye West is to help us all improve our lives by revealing his philosophy. Or rather:

creative, humorous and insightful philosophies and anecdotes used in creating my path to success.

We're not sure how somebody uses an anecdote to create a path to success - it's probably a little bit like using a Black and Decker strimmer to create a tidy border.

So, what sort of pearls can we, the swine, expect to have hurled at us by Kanye, should we choose to follow his path?

“Get Use to Getting Used”

You might feel dirty in the morning, but, oh, it's worth it.

“Be Leery of the Free Gift Bag”

We suspect this is because, in the US, they're taxable, and you're just going to have to spend time sorting out what the IRS will be wanting. Plus, you know, if you look too excited when someone gives you a gift bag, they're going to assume you don't already own a watch.

What else, Kanye?

“Don’t let people think you owe them something. That puts you in a position of weakness. If they choose to give, it’s their choice. You don’t owe them anything.”

Or, to put it more simply: one good turn deserves absolutely bugger all. Charming.

Kanye's big idea, though - besides being used, of course - is this:

“When walking down the street, you can walk in one line perfectly without ever falling over. Now take the same city block, make it a foot wider and then put it a hundred stories high. You’re going to be so focused on the fact that you don’t have a banister that you’re more likely to fall because of it.”

Uh... so, we think he's saying that you should be careful when you're walking along a street half a mile up in the air, as it's the lack of a banister which will make you fall over. And, presumably, the drugs you'd have to have been smoking to start thinking you're walking in the air like Aled Jones won't exactly help with the balance, either.

We're now going to ponder if, perhaps, when the Bush government did nothing after Katrina, it was because Bush and West actually share the 'don't let people think you owe them something' philosophy. Wouldn't it be ironic if Bush was following the Kanye doctrine all along?

Feist tops Shortlist

In what we're contractually obliged to describe as 'the American version of the Mercury Prize', Feist's The Reminder has scooped the Shortlist Award for 2007. But amongst the people doing the choosing was Gary Lightbody, so we're not sure it's quite as flattering as it's meant to seem.

Fat Joe wants oral sex from 50 Cent

Yes. Fat Joe has something to say about 50 Cent, that he can't keep quiet about, not even if, ooh, it makes people look at him. He thinks 50 Cent is a coward, or something:

"He got shot by people who he knows and he doesn't do nothing about it.

"He gets criticised by people like Ja Rule, little Ja Rule, and he never even fought him one on one.

"He's going to come fuck with Fat Joe? Are you serious? He still don't leave his house. He's looking for attention, I'm gonna diss him. I'm gonna tell him to suck my dick, everything you can think.

"I'm gonna tell him that. What does he want out of me? He's gonna tell me, 'Oh, Fat Joe, you're a sucka', and I'm gonna be like, 'Suck my dick you punk ass motherfucker."

Joe is quite desperate for 50 Cent to suck his dick, isn't he? And who can blame him - we'll just bet that Fiddy is an attentive lover, generous with his tongue and not afraid to take a little dribble of precum across his face. Let's just hope that Joe isn't reluctant to reciprocate - after all, it's only fair, isn't it?

Out of their heads: Study finds songs about drinking, drugs

We're not entirely sure why anyone would bother, but - presumably during a quiet time - a team led by Dr. Brian Primack of the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine totted up the number of references to drinking and drugs in pop songs, did some maths, and decided that 15 to 18 year old kids in America hear 30,000 references to substance use every year. While listening to music.

Apparently.

Seventy-seven percent of rap songs tracked in the study contained such references, along with 36 percent of country songs, 20 percent of songs classified as "R&B/hip-hop," 14 percent of rock songs and 9 percent of pop songs. Alcohol and marijuana were the most common references found, with tobacco more rarely mentioned.

In "Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off", country singer Joe Nichols sings: "She can handle any champagne brunch/A bridal shower with Bacardi punch/Jello shooters full of Smirnoff/But tequila makes her clothes fall off."

Blimey. One song and that's four references right there.

The study doesn't draw any conclusions, much:

The study, published in the journal Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine, did not draw conclusions about the music's effect on young listeners. But the researchers said there is evidence that exposure to certain media messages can increase substance use among adolescents.

Because it turns out that nearly all drug addicts had listened to music when they were growing up, we suppose.

Still, however slight the research might be, the RIAA has flown into action, blaming society for putting drunks into records instead of music for putting drunks into society:

"While we have not had the opportunity to thoroughly assess the study, it's important to note that music is generally a reflection of society," said Jonathan Lamy, a spokesman for the Recording Industry Association of America, the trade group for the U.S. recording business.

Lamy said recording companies place parental advisory logos on albums stating an album contains explicit content.

"Parents play an essential role as well -- the music that children listen to is an importance choice, and parents are the first and most important teacher," Lamy said by e-mail.

But does a mention of alcohol count as "explicit content"? Amusingly, the RIAA website giving guidance as to when explicit content should get a sticky label spends far longer explaining where to place the sticker than it actually does giving guidance on when to do so; it mentions parental guidance might be required for songs which mention substance abuse, but the survey was about substance use - would Jermaine Stewart, for example, suggesting that drinking cherry wine is something you can do without taking your clothes off get a sticker? Probably not; but it would probably fall foul of the survey.

This is starting to treat the study as if it was meaningful, though. Coming tomorrow: someone burns through university funds to produce paper saying "bloody hell, have you seen how many songs are about having sex?"

[Thanks to Michael M for the link]

@SXSW

Donewaiting is upping it coverage of SXSW this year, with an experimental twitter feed offering updates live from Austin. If Twitter doesn't go down.

Kelly Osbourne: not sponsored by Match.Com

Kelly Osbourne doesn't approve of people finding partners online:

"I'd never go on one of those online dating sites. It's weird. It's full of sexual predators. The Internet was created for knowledge and now it's perverted."

What a spanner-like intellect she has. Presumably Osbourne would rather everyone find partners in a traditional manner - being introduced by your mother at the VIP area at a second-string indie band's album launch party, but not everyone has that luxury. To suggest that anyone who might use online dating is a sexual predator is not only indicative of an intellect that would struggle with the Daily Express, but also incredibly insulting to people who do use such services and who, almost entirely, aren't actually sexual predators at all.

Lavigne caves under Hilton pressure

Who says that Perez Hilton is all bad? After he ran a piece revealing Avril Lavigne's plans to underpay dancers, Lavigne has climbed down, cancelled the planned auditions and elected to not be so bloody tight:

"As of February 4th, 10:30pm Avril's management has canceled the audition tomorrow and has opened up a new conversation with the agencies. Thanks for everyone's support on this issue."

Gossip as an instrument of trades union power. Hilton should turn his attention to WalMart...

How can we hate each other? We're wearing PVC trousers

Friendship, so the song claims, never ends. So, if we're to believe the Daily Mail - difficult words, I understand, but stick with me - everything is fine between the five disparate characters who make up The Spice Girls.

How do we know this?

The Spice Girls have put on their raunchiest show ever in a bid to convince fans they are as close as ever.

Now, since the costumes and the men-on-chains dance routines have been present throughout the show's run, you might think this is just an excuse by the Mail to publish some pictures of Mel C wearing PVC trousers. But, no, it really was the raunchiest show ever, by some distance:

Scary Spice Melanie Brown roused the audience when she groped Victoria Beckham's surgically-enhanced breasts.

Okay. By precisely that distance.

By the way, does anyone know what schools the Mail's writers went to? Only they seemsto have been a bit more, well, liberal, than mine:

Keeping to her schoolgirl style, Baby Spice Emma Bunton wore a laced-up PVC mini-dress.

You know what sucks, though: when you're a parent on a tight budget and your kids' school insists you buy the laced-up PVC mini-dress from a designated uniform supplier.

Suprisingly, the Mail also resurrects the story about the band supposedly getting tattoos, only this time it's Victoria rather than Mel C who was supposed to be the prime mover. In this version of the tale, Beckham turned up at a tattoo parlour only to wait... and wait... and wait.... Because, of course, if you're going to have ink put into your skin as a group bonding thing, you'd all set out individually.

Coco crispy

We're aware that Coco isn't actively trying to capitalise on being Sting's daughter as she embarks on the family business - besides having Trudi Styler come to the gigs and including lines about not being Sting. But like the employment of Derek Conway's sons, there's a nagging sense that somehow the current interest from A&R people is down to where she's from, rather than for what she can do.

The RIAA cares about creative people

That is why the RIAA sue what they do, you'll recall: it's not about protecting their drinks cabinets and plush carpets and company cars. Oh, no, the RIAA just wants to make sure that people who create great music get paid.

How much they get paid, of course, is irrelevant - which is why the RIAA is cheerfully supporting plans to cut the cash going to songwriters for digital sales from 9 cents to 8 cents. Using the 'illegal file sharing is equal to stealing a CD' model of moral equivalence, this is like syphoning petrol from a songwriter's car.

Good lord, aren't they divorced yet?

Have you been wondering what's been going on in the McCartney-Mills divorce? Let's just say you did. Today's Mirror splashes with something which is less a headline, more a Blankety Blank question:


Perhaps they've simply left the word out because they think it would wrong for a family newspaper - they've done some thinking and decided that, if Mills is representing herself, she's surely going to ask Paul some difficult questions. Which is enough speculation to fill a front page, anyway.

Robbie Williams is not working with Guy anymore

Yes, buried deep in Smart's column this morning - which means either he has no faith in his source, or he doesn't know the value of his own stories - is the announcement that the brief reunion of Robbie Williams and Guy Chambers has come to grief. Williams, apparently, is unhappy that Chambers is working with Gary Barlow on ITV's Fame Academy meets Moving Wallpaper dramamentary Britannia High:

“They gave it a go but it didn’t work out – they had both moved on. But while they were working together in LA, Guy was asked to work as part of a team with Gary on a new TV show.

“He never mentioned it to Robbie. Rob heard Gary was in LA working and found out it was with Guy. He wasn’t best pleased when he heard.”

... actually, that sounds more like they split up before Chambers took the ITV shilling, which might explain why the story is buried and doesn't actually justify the "Robbie dumps Guy over Gary" headline.

Regardless of the reason, though, if we were in charge of a multinational company, we'd not be holding our breath to see much more return on this particular investment.

Gordon in the morning: Rehab gives you breasts

We suppose you can hardly blame Gordon Smart for, once again, breaking the promise to leave Amy Winehouse alone to get well as her record company did get her off to the American embassy yesterday. Still, it gives Gordon an excuse to do what he does best - slightly awkward perving:

IT’S chest what we all wanted to see – AMY WINEHOUSE looking almost back to her best.
[...]
The star’s boobs were on full show for her meeting with the Embassy suits . . . well, I suppose it can’t do any harm.

Yes, that'd work. "Sorry, Ms Winehouse, but you've been filmed using crack and have paid a fine to a foreign government for drug... [glances up, that music Carry On films use when Sid James sees Barbara Windsor in a short skirt plays] ... no, Miss... uh... ooh, have indefinite leave to remain..." Because that's what US immigration is like. It's virtually indistinguishable from Carry On Camping.

Closer magazine has got Javine to recreate the famous Richard Herring gig flier in which he's naked, holding his bulge - the same one Demi Moore copied (I'm pretty sure that was the order it happened in) and the same one that everyone who has been pregnant in the last ten years has done. In fact, it's been done so often, Gordon no longer feels the need to pretend that the shoot has anything to do with the miracle of impregnantion:

IT’S good nudes for pop star JAVINE as she poses naked just days before she is due to give birth.

Yes, it's just another naked woman. We hope Gordon is seeing it just another naked woman and not one of those subsection of men imagined in Dworkin's Pornography: Men Possessing Women who get off on naked pictures of women because it represents a woman's body somehow 'colonised' by sperm.

Nah, Gordon just likes the flesh: he's also excited by a photo of Angelina Jolie's naked back, which gets him all flustered, and offering advice to James McAvoy:

If I was James, I would have that picture tattooed on my arm to show everyone I met.

Yes. That's a normal reaction to seeing a picture of a pretty woman.

We're not sure Gordon read his copy here, though - perhaps he was too busy drawing a picture of breasts on his elbow:

HERE’S ANGELINA JOLIE looking ink-redible in her new blockbuster Wanted.

BRAD PITT’s girlfriend is no stranger to the tattoo parlour.

But for her role as aptly named assassin Fox in the action flick, she’s had a few temporary ones added to the centre of her back.

We know what he thinks he's saying, but he has just claimed that some temporary tattoo parlours have opened on Joile's spine, hasn't he? Let's hope they're properly licensed.

Smart does have a good, solid story this morning, which we shall turn to in a moment.

Winehouse: Get well sooner

We're delighted that Universal were keen to ensure that Amy Winehouse is given the time to get better*. It's nice to see a caring attitude from an employer.

* - Although, obviously, not if it would mean missing the appointment for a US Visa. After all, getting over addiction is hardly as important as the Grammys, is it? Being drug free won't help with the first quarter sales figures, will it?

For some, the Zune has changed their lives, they say

We're not entirely sure Microsoft has sold enough Zunes yet to qualify for a class action, but one is being prepared: Joel Geddis claims he got an electic shock from his headphones:

“Since the incident, I’ve suffered blood and fluid leakage from my ear canal, impaired hearing, and incessant ringing and discomfort.”

Geddis says that when he contacted Microsoft, he was told there had been "similar reports" and that the company was investigating. Since then: nothing.

Of course, it's just one person's tale; and it's not as if there aren't tales of iPods zapping listener's heads. Still, Microsoft must be delighted: they've finally got enough customers to have random accidents hit them. It's virtually a market segment all in its own right.

Coffee shops? Whatever next? Selling online

We suspect it's only half ContactMusic's fault that they've managed to turn out such a rotten article about Erykah Badu's new album, as it looks like they've just reworked a press release, but even so, you'd think they'd have at least read what they were publishing:

ERYKAH BADU is to undertake an innovative new marketing strategy for her forthcoming live album...

Really? What could that be, then?

...she is releasing the LP through branches of Starbucks coffee shops.

Oh. That would be innovative in the sense that it's the first time a live album by Erykah Badu has been marketed in this way. Because haven't Starbucks been flogging albums for about ten years?

Blithely, ContactMusic ctrl-vs the whole thing, including the contention that allowing your album to be sold by one of the major high street forces for music retail is a

daring move

.
Yes; for an artist of Badu's stature to be doing this when usually the chain is forced to rely on untested names like Paul McCartney, Joni Mitchell and Alanis Morisette.

Cliff: Elvis, you're fat

Cliff Richard seems to think the stories he's telling about the past - like the review of The Beatles - marks him out to be a man of taste and distinction.

Actually, it just makes him seem more and more of a twit. Like his tale about deciding Elvis was too fat for him when Presley wanted to appear in a photo with his supposed British rival:

"I noticed that when he was making a film he would diet down and regain the animal magnetism. And I wanted a picture of Elvis looking good. So I said no and I waited."

Unfortunately, the offer came in 1976.

So, let's leave aside the question of how astonishingly up yourself you'd have to be to turn down a souvenir snap because you thought the person who'd be appearing with you was a little tubby, and just focus on this: Cliff Richard turned down Elvis Presley. Elvis Presley offered him a photo, and Cliff sniffed. We don't like Elvis much - we certainly think he was over-rated and lacked any semblance of quality control - but if he'd askedus 'do you want a photo, kid?', we'd have been 'hell, yeah'.

Presumably had Jesus offered a picture to Cliff, Richard would have said "ta, but comeback when you're clean shaven, pal."

From Winehouse to the White House

Here's something perhaps a little unexpected: Mark Ronson is donating to the Obama campaign, and doing fundraisers:

“I got to meet Obama at a small fundraiser,” Ronson said. “He is incredibly intelligent and you know that he can talk honestly about who he is. Sometimes I can’t help but feel with Hillary that she tacks which way the wind is blowing.”

As Jeff Jarvis has observed over on BuzzMachine, there's quite a distance between being 'honest about who you are' and 'revealing what you believe in', but The Times chooses to boil down Ronson's support to something a little less noble still:

Acting out of antipathy to President Bush, Ronson will transfer his support to Mrs Clinton if she prevails in the primaries. He said: “As long as we get the Republicans out, I don’t care.”

The suggestion that this 'antipathy to Bush' is surely reducing support for the Democrats into something akin to disrespect - making it sound almost snide to be prepared to throw your weight behind whoever your party chooses to lead it, even if they wouldn't be your first choice.

Yahoo! takeover: agreed, completed

No, not that Yahoo deal; this one is the handing over of their online music store to Real Network & MTV's Rhapsody service.

Yahoo! Music Unlimited customers - of whom there must be, ooh, many - will have their library transfered to the Rhapsody service, and "for a time" pay the same as they're used to. Which is business talk for "will find their prices going up in the midterm."

Meanwhile, Yahoo has swallowed FoxyTunes, the Firefox plug-in business which combines a web-browser remote control for your iTunes with some Last FM-esque sharing-and-community gubbins.

Northerns do it faster

The good people at Uncut have commissioned a spot of research into the musical tastes of the nation, which has produced a diverting - if somewhat dubious - finding that suggests Scottish music fans prefer tracks 110 beats per minute faster than Southern English music fans. As you head north, they claim, the favoured type of music gets faster.

That's another reason for the flopping of Atomic Kitten, then - they should have done something a bit more upbeat. Now it makes sense.

John Lewis, who's done the research, does offer a surprising statistic:

"Half the classical music in the country is sold from two HMV branches in the capital. It's a staggering figure."

We presume he means half of HMV's classical music sales, rather than 50% of all classical music sold in the UK; that really would be an extraordinary claim.

But music slowing down as you head south? Hmm. That sounds even less likely.

[A larger version of the map is available on the BBC News website]

First night: Tom Petty at the Superbowl

Tom Petty was a slightly odd choice for the Superbowl's half-time entertainment - not quite from the top of the tree, where usually such slots are filled from, and probably quirkier than you'd expect the NFL to go for. I mean, you'd have thought Steve Miller or whatever form whoever's still around from The Cars would have been a more obvious choice for a football match which couldn't run to a McCartney.

Still, he doesn't have tits which could have fallen out. Four years on, and they're still haunted by the merest whisper of a nipple. Even the teenage boys who freeze-framed the moment on their parents' TIVOs have got over it, surely?

Tom was at least lucky to be following on from Jordin Sparks' terrible National Anthem at the start of the game. She'd started Houstonesque over-emoting on the second bloody line, a degree of over-early, over-faux-emotional noodling which even a pre-crackpipe Whitney would have thought twice before attmepting; it left her with nowhere to go but to tail off . Viewers were left wondering if they'd got the wrong programme - "did she just mumble something about Canada?"

So, Petty was coming onto a pitch where expectations had been lowered. Carrie Brownstein on NPR thought that Petty's lower profile was suited to the event:

Within this context--a battle between grit and glamor--Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers were the ideal Super Bowl half time performers. There was little that Fox or the producers could do to super size or glamorize the performance. No amount of lights or camera trickery could produce action that wasn't there. Petty is no spectacle. He and his band looked like dads dressed up at their daughter's wedding. Petty played some of his best-known songs, from "American Girl" to "I Won't Back Down". The delivery was staid and earnest, with very little flash.

The Chicagoi Tribune also noted that - a flying V aerial shot apart - there was no spectacle, but also that something else was missing:

Other than a few stray pot-smoking references in some of his biggest songs, Petty has never exactly been a lightning rod for controversy anyway. That meant no chance he'd play "Mary Jane's Last Dance" or "You Don't Know How it Feels" with its "Let's roll another joint" refrain.

"It was strongly hinted" by the NFL not to play those songs, Petty told Rolling Stone recently. "It's a family show."

But is it, really? Wouldn't a 'family' show have got Igglepiggle or Hannah Montana or someone who people under the age of 25 relate to in?

WISN remembers it's a football game, and tries some sport-related metaphor - and then quickly abandons the attempt:

Looking increasingly like the grisly Gregg Allman of the Allman Brothers Band, Petty was the quarterback of the ensemble and directed his boys like the set was a drive down field. Drummer Steve Ferrone kicked off the show by hammering on his snare drum to propel the jangle-pop of "American Girl." Strumming Rickenbacker guitars, Petty and lead guitarist Mike Campbell conjured all the song's Byrds-like charm as the crowd roared like they were seeing the Beatles at Shea Stadium.

Really? Like it was The Beatles at Shea Stadium? Because that's quite a pitch of enthusiasm. One imagines if the Beatles had done four songs at Shea Stadium and then made way for some sports, the audience might have reacted with something other than polite applause.

Ultimately, though, the less-than-memorable half time show lived up to expectations. Ejazz sighs:

So Tom Petty's appearance has been forgotten. Except for the management and concert promoter. Which put tickets on sale in conjunction with his appearance. They call that synergy. People are high-fiving each other on private jets as we speak. But does Tom Petty belong at the Super Bowl? Do you think Tom Petty was a guy who played varsity ball in high school? Did you live through the sixties? People like Petty were outcasts, not BMOCs, never mind athletic heroes.

Petty - who refuses to licence his songs to adverts - wound up at the biggest advert of them all, selling himself for a handful of full auditoriums.

Heavens preserve us

The not-actually-important-parts-of-The-Jam, who've been gigging up and down the country under the name _From The Jam, have decided that the reunion is going so well, except for not having the voice of Weller, that they might as well record some new material:

Foxton says From The Jam plans to start rehearsing song ideas in April, after the group finishes its early-year tour commitments. "There will be new material, (but) it probably won't see the light of day until the end of this year," he says. "We've got a few good ideas kicking around. We'll see what we come up with. We don't want to rush it. There's no pressure from a record label or anybody. It's a great position to be in."

Obviously, the idea is to give people who haven't had a chance to get the gigs to realise that they're still alright, if you can get over the missing Weller to discover through records that, past the initial disappointment, they're alright.

A Weller-free Jam might seem an odd idea, but people buy decaffinated coffee and fat-free guacamole, don't they, and there's technically no bloody point in those products, either.

Anyone who had a chart

As newfolder points out in the comments down there, the brave attempt to kick off Capital of Culture year by seizing the number one slot with, erm, a cover of a Cilla Black song hasn't exactly been a roaring success.

Indeed, Atomic Kitten didn't even manage to make the top 75, wandering in to number 77.

Awkward for the Liverpool Echo, who'd thrown their entire influence behind the single. They bury the news in an article about something else.

The lazy scouse stereotyper would, at this point, expect the organisers to launch into a defensive tirade which blamed everyone but themselves for their problems, before trying to explain how a terrible flop was, in fact, an amazing success. Of course, that would just be lazy stereotyping, wouldn't it?:

[O]rganiser Martin O’Shea said technical problems and the download-only format meant Atomic Kitten’s reworking of Anyone Who Had A Heart failed to chart in the top 40

He said: “We’re very disappointed about the single – the Kittens are gutted.

“But that was down to the decision by EMI not to make the single available to buy in shops.

“Our audience clearly wasn’t able to get hold of the track in the way that was most convenient for them.

“We have been told by record shops across the city that the demand for the single outstripped the number one by two or three times to one."

Aha. If only there was a chart that decided the number one position on the basis of requests to purchase in Merseyside stores, eh?

You've got to love the grumbly "well, it was inconvenient to purchase, so of course it didn't sell" as if there's never a hope of download single being successful, when compared to the ease of heading into town, hunting down a record shop that hasn't been turned into a mobile phone store, discovering whichever corner the singles rack has been shoved, and hoping to find a copy for sale there.

Still, it's a better explanation than the attempt to seize the best-selling slot with a clapped-out warhorse was an act of hubris that was always going to fail, even if it wasn't relying entirely on a customer base who head to the shops to ask whereabouts they buy the download single they've been reading about.

CBS affiliate settles in Rhode Island Fire

The legal ripples from the Great White nightclub fire continue to spread; WPRI-TV and one of their camera team have reportedly reached a settlement with survivors and relatives. The CBS affiliate was being sued over claims their cameraman Brian Butler had blocked escape routes by filming on the night of the fire - a claim they had vigorously denied.

Ironically, Butler was in the club filming a feature on safety in public places when the band's firework display went terribly wrong.

Early reports place the deal at around $30million.

[Part of Rhode Island nightclub fire coverage]

Darkness at 3AM: Worst. Headline. Ever.

Yes, leaping out from the page today is the must-read eyecatcher headline of:

ITV1 show

Ooh! That's toxicity gone gossipy or whatever it's supposed to be.

Yes, they're reduced to reading through the TV Times to choose things they might want to watch:

Guilty Pleasures is a new ITV1 show in which celebs and pop stars get to belt out the cheesy songs they secretly love.

We've expressed reservations before about the whole 'Guilty Pleasures' concept - and the implication that you should be ashamed of what you like - but at least the Radio London concept played some songs you've not heard for a while and got artists you like to do songs they might not normally play.

It's a fragile concept, so how will it transfer to ITV?

We're looking forward to seeing Kelly Osbourne cover Bonnie Tyler's Total Eclipse Of The Heart. Get the big hair and shoulder pads on, Kel!

We love the idea that Kelly Osbourne is more artistically valid than Bonnie Tyler. It's like trying to improve on a home-cooked meal by shoving it in a microwave single-portion box.

Oddly, having tried to position themselves as different to Gordon, this week the 3AM Girls are trying to write like lads, so we get them pawing over Victoria Beckham's arse:

We swore she didn't have a backside last time we looked but it seems that Posh Spice has now got the best seat in the house.

and then trying to work up some enthusiasm for the Kitten pants shots:

In a weekend of freezing cold weather, there was some hot Frost in London...

Atomic Kittens Jenny, Natasha Hamilton and Liz McClarnon brought heat to a chilly evening as they reformed for one night and sang in their undies at London's G-A-Y club on Saturday.

It's not entirely convincing - it's like when the glossy magazines decided that bisexuality was fashionable and for a couple of months hitherto comfortably straight women on nights out half-heartedly grabbed each other's tits and kissed each other, but only once an evening.

Gordon in the morning: A man of his word - again

Now, what was it Gordon Smart pledged on 6Music last weekend? That Amy Winehouse would "get some space now", wasn't it?

Oddly, this "space" seems to include a snatched shot of her in hospital.

Gordo's justification for running the pictures of Amy doing crack was that she was some sort of role model, and photos of her scoffing drugs would, somehow, stop kids getting hooked. So what's the justification for running photos of a sick woman who wasn't even in a public place, as writer Tom Wells cheerfully admits:

She appeared thin and pale as she struggled to walk between buildings at the Capio Nightingale clinic

Perhaps Gordon and the Sun are trying to stop kids from thinking going to hospital is cool, too?

On that 6Music appearance, Smart condemned the parasites making money out of Amy's problems. Clearly, there aren't that many mirrors in Wapping.

Meanwhile, we know that the words Gordon has hammered together about Atomic Kitten at GAY is merely camouflage to pad out pictures of women in corsets, but even so:

It’s been a while since the girls were last on stage but, as these sexy snaps show, NATASHA HAMILTON, JENNY FROST and LIZ McCLARNON had it all undie control.

... and we know it's all just a set up for the "undie control" gag, but "it's been a while since the girls were last on stage", Gordon? Twelve days, actually.

Gordon claims that Sarah Harding is trying to put together a solo career, but he's hedging his bets, asking his "insider" to say:

“The response hasn’t been quite what she expected. She thought people would jump at the chance to take her on – but it hasn’t quite worked out like that.”

So, it might not work. But then again, says Gordon, it might:

Sarah certainly is a handful and the one I would tip for success. She has the right personality and that all-important sex appeal.

(Unlike, of course, the rest of Girls Aloud who presumably have neither personality or sex appeal, then?)

But Gordon isn't sure. It might not work:

I would imagine a few music bosses could be put off by her late-night antics

Or would it?

but if I was a record boss I’d take the gamble.

So, Gordon, is it going to happen or not?

If Sarah doesn’t have a solo single out in the next 18 months, Ashley Cole is a good bloke.

In the next 18 months? In pop music, that's like predicting "a cure for cancer will be found in the next fifty years" - it's a finger in the air and a guess rather than based on any specific knowledge about what's going to happen.

Individualism

It's always struck me as a bit odd that, in many supposedly tolerant subcultures, the decision to become a parent is often seen as a terrible breach of etiquette - the self-identified punks and goths who chant a "be yourself" mantra, only to recoil when that 'self' includes adding 'reproduction' to the 'sexual', are numerous.

Which makes the Future Generation: The Zine-Book for Subculture Parents, Kids, Friends and Others quite a handy corrective. It's a compilation of China Martens' The Future Generation zine, written over sixteen years as she raised her child and attempted to negotiate a world where "most punks weren't parents and most parents weren't punks".

There's more than one way to raise a child; this has to be a better village than the one Hilary had in mind.

Whiz-bang Uppers, Downers, Is screaming

The Norwegian answer to the Brits, the Spelleman awards, for 2007 have just been announced:

KVINNELIG ARTIST
Susanne Sundfør - Susanne Sundfør (Your Favourite Music)

MANNLIG ARTIST
Magnet - The Simple Life (Sony BMG)

POPGRUPPE
Superfamily - Warszawa (Propeller Rec.)

ELEKTRONIKA
Salvatore - Days Of Rage (Racing Junior)

SAMTIDSMUSIKK
Kari Rønnekleiv - Ole-Henrik Moe: Ciaccona/3 Persephone Perceptions (Rune Grammofon)

ROCK
My Midnight Creeps - Histamin (MMC Records)

BLUES
Grande - Uppers, Downers, Screamers & Howlers (Fabuloso Records)

COUNTRY
Hellbillies - Spissrotgang (EMI Music Norway)

METAL
Mayhem - Ordo Ad Chao (Season Of Mist)

HIP-HOP
Madcon - So Dark The Con Of Man (Bonnier Amigo)

FOLKEMUSIKK/GAMMALDANS
Sigrid Moldestad - Taus (Heilo)

DANSEORKESTER
Anne Nørdsti - Livli’ På Låven (Tylden & Co)

JAZZ
Petter Wettre - Fountain Of Youth (Household Records)

KLASSISK MUSIKK
Bergen Philharmonic Orchestra - Prokofiev: Romeo & Juliet (Bis Records AB)

VISER
Henning Kvitnes - Stemmer I Gresset (Bonnier Amigo/Scandicana)

ÅPEN KLASSE
Live Maria Roggen - Circuit Songs (Jazzland)

BARNEPLATE
Rasmus Og Verdens Beste Band - Kyssing E Hæsli… (MBN)

ÅRETS MUSIKKVIDEO
Dimmu Borgir - The Serpentine Offering (Nuclear Blast) Regi: Patrick Ullaeus

ÅRETS NYKOMMER
Tine Thing Helseth - Haydn/Hummel/Albinoni/Neruda (Simax Classics)

ÅRETS HIT
Madcon - “Beggin’” (Bonnier Music)

ÅRETS SPELLEMANN
Hellbillies

HEDERSPRIS
Dum Dum Boys

BRANSJEPRIS
Rolv Løvland

As our Norwegian is a little patchy, we've got the results translated by an online service for us. We're not sure it helps:

FEMALE Circus performer
Susanne Sundfør Susanne Sundfør (Your Favourite Music)Â

MALE Circus performer
Magnetic tape In spite of the fact that Common Life (Sony BMG)

POPGRUPPE
Superfamily Warshaw (Propeller Rec.)

Electronics
Salvatore Days Shame Rage (Racing June)Â

SAMTIDSMUSIKK
Caribbean Rønnekleiv Ole- Execute Moe: Ciaccona/3 Persephone Perceptions ( the runes Gramophone)

ROCK
My Midnight Creeps Histamin (MMC Juxtaposition)

BLUES
Whiz-bang Uppers, Downers, Is screaming & Howlers (Fabuloso Juxtaposition)

COUNTRY
Hellbillies Spissrotgang (EMI Music Norway)

METAL
Mayhem Ordo Ad Chao (Season Shame Shrewd idea)

HIP-HOP
Madcon So Dark In spite of the fact that Con Shame They (Bonnier Amigo)

FOLKEMUSIKK/GAMMALDANS
Sigrid Moldestad Mute (Heilo)

DANSEORKESTER
Annex Nørdsti Animated’ PÃ¥ LÃ¥ven (Tylden & Co)

JAZZ
Petter Wettre Fountain Shame Youth (Household Juxtaposition)

CLASSIC Music
Mountains Philharmonic Orchestra Prokofiev: Roman & July (Bis Juxtaposition AB)

demonstrate
Her Cheep Figures IN Grass (Bonnier Amigo/Scandicana)

Ã…PEN Bunch
Live Maria Roggen Is not circulating Songs (Jazzland)

Care of young children
Rasmus And World's Best Bandage Kiss VERY MUCH TO THE POINT Hæsli… (MBN)

Ã…RETS MUSIKKVIDEO
Dimmu Citizen In spite of the fact that Serpentine Sacrifice (Nuclear Sophisticated) region Cartridge Ullaeus

Ã…RETS Newcomer
Tine The rarity Health Haydn/ Lobster/Albinoni/Neruda (Simax The schoolfellow)

Ã…RETS Does not hit
Madcon “Beggin’” (Bonnier Music)

Ã…RETS SPELLEMANN
Hellbillies

HEDERSPRIS
Crazily Crazily Boys

BRANSJEPRIS
Rolv Løvland

Congratulations to Crazily Crazily Boys!

[Tip from DJ Martian]

Undead dead support Obama

As the US prepares itself for Super-Duper-Hyper Tuesday - Wolf Blitzer's been down at BestBuy this very afternoon, bulk-buying all the big screen TVs he can fit in the back of his car - more endorsements for Barack Obama, as what remains of the Grateful Dead announce a gig in his honour. There's to be a live stream on iclips; it's promised as a one-off reunion of the band's members.

Which, interestingly, suggests they see keeping Hilary off the ballot as a more significant cause than getting a Democrat into the White House.

Collins, Herring reunited

If you enjoyed Andrew Collins' Sunday programmes on 6Music, you might find yourself sometimes yearning for the stuff he used to do with Richard Herring. You'll doubtless be pleased, then, to discover that the feature has been reborn as a podcast.

Warning: We downloaded it to our iPod and went out for some so-so British Mexican Chain food, only to discover on our return that Lesley Douglas had broken into our house and was trying to replace the programme with fourteen minutes of George Lamb repeatedly bellowing "did you kiss him with tongues? With tongues? WITH TONGUES?" at Cat Power.

There's a whole new music sweeping the nation. It's called Indie

Having it's Emily-from-Big-Brother-8 moment, the Philadelphia Inquierer invites a high school student to explain indie and tell its readers about the hip new bands.

There are many genres of music. You got your folk, rock, rap, pop, jazz, hip hop, the list goes on. But among these is also indie.

So, it's one of many genres. But what does it mean?

Indie is short for independent, meaning that these bands don't produce their music through a major record label. Therefore, these bands are usually very obscure. They usually experiment with different sounds and instruments, giving them music that is both interesting and incomparable.

Usually obscure and "different sounds and instruments" - clearly, the research for this piece didn't take in many of the xerox guitar plods who make up much of the indie cohorts.

Still, anyone who can sneak a positive review of Neutral Milk Hotel into the mainstream press can't be all bad.

I predict... oh, no fly-out or something

Having already campaigned for people to switch their phone chargers off at the wall when not charging phones, the Kaiser Chiefs are now - possibly - going to add a track to a charity album aimed at fighting expansion at Stanstead. Somewhat puckishly, NME.com illustrates the story with a picture of the band clattering off a BA jet.

But aren't the Kaiser Chiefs part of the problem? The band also took part in a promotion for Silverjet when they sent their equipment by jet to the US. Although Silverjet claims to be a carbon neutral airline, because it is all-business class, its flights carry fewer passengers than standard flights and so have a greater per-head impact on climate change - and, indeed, by requiring more planes to carry the same number of passengers could be argued to be part of the increasing pressure on London's existing airports which is leading to the push for extra capacity.

Gennaro Castaldo Watch: Now talking to an international audience

The slow attempt to turn round HMV continues, with the International Herald Tribune being invited to look at the new look HMV interactive hub stores.

Yes, they've still only got round to doing the one in Birmingham and the one in London, which at this painfully slow roll-out means they'll just about be ready to sell computer games nationwide as the first download-only megagames hit the market.

Gennaro is on hand to explain the changes to the world audience:

"HMV has been around for nearly 90 years, we have been faced with challenges before and we have always responded to help move things forward," said Gennaro Castaldo, public relations manager at HMV[...]
But even with the new approach, Castaldo said he believed that compact disc sales would continue to prove a commercial success.

"If you're a music fan, you like the idea of owning the physical album - that will never change," he said. "The media likes to build up the expectation that we are on the dawn of a new digital age, but the reality is far from that."

Well, that's true - although it remains to be seen if the consumers being forged for tomorrow will even associate music with the concept of there being a physical product - but, of course, just because you like to own CDs doesn't mean you're going to tramp into town only to discover that HMV don't stock what you wanted anyway. Especially if you're going to have to fight your way through an interactive hub full of children to find the hidden CD racks.

They came from the stars, you can see them

If you find yourself stuck in London this Friday, good news: There's something to do:

NOTTING HILL ARTS CLUB
'DON'T MAKE PLANS FOR SATURDAY'- THIS IS NOT AN EXIT RECORDS SHOWCASE
THEY CAME FROM THE STARS I SAW THEM
MY TOYS LIKE ME
CITY REVERB (LIVE)
HERVE (DJ)
SIMON A. CARR (DJ)
6pm-2am
Free b4 8pm, £6 before 11pm, £8 after

Clinic laugh in the face of the Laughing Gnome

Clinic are, somewhat bravely, inviting requests from fans about what they should play on their forthcoming tour. Look where that got David Bowie, men.

They're also showing their generosity by giving away the new singe, Free Not Free, for Free: The official website has it all.

The best thing Fox News have done for the world

This - due out on February 25th - is the best thing we've heard all week. It's the XX Teens' How To Reduce Your Chances Of Becoming A Terror Victim; the lyric is adapted from advice on the Fox News website:



There was also a live version as part of their session on Thursday's Marc Riley's Brain Surgery on 6Music [programme online until suppertime on the 7th]

Spices: we can't go on, but I can't go on further than you

Judging by today's story in the People, there's now some frantic manouvering behind the scenes at the Spice Girls tour to try and get the position of the 'Spice most fed up with the tour' - clearly, nobody wants to be caught looking like a schmuck who wanted to carry on while everyone else was bailing; for the People, it's Victoria who was so distraught she called David to be by her side during the Canada dates.

Sunday Mirror tries to respark Kylie's old flame

The Sunday Mirror reckons that Kylie and Olivier Martinez are about to reunite. They may or may not be, but it seems the paper is assuming they must be because they met up in Paris - as if former lovers can't remain friends. "They're talking to each other and happy in each other's company" is a difficult concept to fit into the tab's needs for a basic lovers/fighters
dichotomy.

We were amused, though, by the commentary on the photos of the couple which insists they "only have eyes for each other" above a picture which shows them looking in a totally different direction:

Rav Singh rakes over the Coles

Rav Singh turns his attention again to the Cole-Tweedy unnuptials this morning, which gives him a slight problem, what with how last week he was reporting that Cheryl didn't believe a word of the claims. Apart from the vomiting bit.

After a solid week when his "colleagues" in The Sun have pushed more and more stories about the couple, Rav has to make an awkward climbdown:

Last week we told how she vowed to stand by her man despite his drunken night of shame with blonde hairdresser AIMEE WALTON.

Actually, last week you told us how she was squarely blaming the papers for publishing made-up stories and said that she believed Cole that nothing shameful had happened. Although, admittedly, Rav did confusingly also say that Cole was shamed although nothing had happened. But that could have just been because of his erectile problems when he's had a drink.

Rav isn't going to let having been wrong stop him, though, as he's got some big news:

HEARTBROKEN CHERYL COLE is crying on the shoulder of fellow WAG VICTORIA BECKHAM after her marriage crisis.

I can reveal the distraught Girls Aloud star phoned Posh TWICE this week following revelations her footballer hubby ASHLEY was a love rat.

Rav presumably feels more confident about this one, as the Daily Mail 'revealed' the story he's revealing back on Thursday.

But Rav has more insights:

My source went on: "She's hardly eating anything either. She feels so betrayed. She's a broken woman."

Presumably Singh's source for this is, erm, Thursday's Gordon Smart column.

Rav Singh: First with the exclusives from last week's papers.

News of the World mocks Kerry, readers

The News of the World relishes sticking the boot into Katona this morning. Noting that OK! decided to "pass" on paying for one of Katona's kids' christenings, the paper carries a spoof report.

The problem is, why they clearly see it as a joke at the expense of Katona's slide down the social scale, it looks more like Metropolitan sophisticates scoffing at the provincial poor:

Despite the absence of a fat OK! cheque, gorgeous Kerry and her handsome husband Mark Croft handpicked a charming location—the Warrington suburb of Padgate.

It's arguable whether anyone should shed any tears for Katona, who has lived her life in a way that effectively means this is her job; but if I was editing a paper which relied for customers on the sort of people who have their family gatherings in places like the Bayleaf Restaurant, I'd think twice before adopting a condescending tone:

This smart eaterie— possibly more familiar to the cognescenti under its onetime title Smithys bowling club — boasts half an acre of land, complete with upended fridge, oil drums and decorative bin bags.

The Sunday Telegraph might get away with this sort of thing, but for the News of the World, it's basically pissing on your own readers - a readership who are being courted with an expensive magazine relaunch this week. That's gone with Kelly Osbourne as cover girl; if you know your readers will accept the idea that Kelly is "Fabulous", how do you square that with suggesting that a pub in Padgate is somehow one of the lower circle of hell?

Mind you, the paper is also running the Heath Ledger cocaine video on its website, so perhaps it just doesn't care.

This week just gone

Seven days on No Rock & Roll Fun.

Ten most-popular search terms bringing people to the site this week:

1. No Rock And Roll Fun
2. Lily Allen Naked
3. Beth Ditto
4. McFly Naked
5. xrrf
6. Lilly Allen Naked
7. UB40 split
8. Darkobit
9. Pete Doherty gay
10. R Kelly sex video

Further down the list:

50. James Blunt naked
100. Janet Jackson diet
250. Carl Barat
1000. Chinese Democracy release date 2008\
2002. Morrissey nme spunk gibbon

These were the records we attempted to offload:


Xiu Xiu - Women As Lovers


Sons And Daughters - This Gift


Vampire Weekend - Vampire Weekend


The Helio Sequence - Keep Your Eyes Ahead


Lungfish - Rainbows From Atoms Yes, the 1993 album is getting a re-release


The Mars Volta - The Bedlam In Gotham


KD Lang - Watershed Hey... KD sounds a bit like KT... d'you suppose she might be gay?


Maria McKee - Live at the BBC Sadly, no room for her & Hank Wangford covering S-A-V-E-D on Sunday Live