Turn your roaming on: LoneLady & the LRM have hidden treasures

What could be better than a treasure hunt that doesn't involve you having to fight a pirate to get a map, or spend hours in a field with a metal detector discovering just how many Grolsch bottle tops have been scattered over East Anglia through the years?

And this hunt has treasure worth finding, too:

LoneLady has collaborated with The LRM (Loiterers Resistance Movement) and created a new track called The Street is Your Playground: A Psychogeographical Sat Nav.

Just 23 copies will be printed and 10 are prizes in our treasure hunt. Tokens have been hidden across Manchester and clues posted on The LRMs twitter feed @thelrm facebook page and website. So far only one has been found…

The free music is available until October 14th – coinciding with The LRMs 10th anniversary exhibition Loitering With Intent: The Art and Politics of Walking at People’s History Museum.

If you need any further inducement to get involved, you can listen to the prize over on Soundcloud. But it's LoneLady, so you know it's going to be wonderful.

Twenty-two remain. They're waiting for you. Go look.

Stevie Nicks has a competition

I suspect 'Design a shawl for Stevie Nicks' might be the first ever rock/shawl crossover competition. It's not just designing a shawl; it's claiming a place in history.

Pixies: They've gone a bit Blue Peter

The word "fun". It's like a coded cry for help, isn't it?

With the late-April release of Indie Cindy, the first new Pixies studio album in more than 20 years, the band, along with legendary graphic designer Vaughan Oliver, is calling upon the Pixies’ artistic community to participate in a fun contest where art and music converge.

You have Vaughan Oliver. Why would you invite amateur input? "Hey, we've got Duke Ellington offering to do something for the new record, so we thought we'd get some people to send in cassette tapes of them playing piano and he could choose the best one, albeit one which will fall quite short of his piano playing."

Pixies - Black Francis, Joey Santiago and David Lovering - are looking for committed fans and artists to create a unique Pixies-inspired design measuring 11” X 17” (279mm x 432mm) that utilizes Pixies logos and the "Indie Cindy” album title - everything else can be a product of the artist’s creativity and ingenuity. All submissions will be personally judged by the three Pixies band members and by Vaughan Oliver, who has designed all Pixies artwork over the band’s career. The winning designer will receive a cash prize of $500 and an autographed copy of the winning design. The design itself will be used as a limited-edition, commemorative lithograph print that will be offered as a bonus item with the purchase of the band’s new album at independent music stores.

"Hello? Is that the guy whose record shop is struggling in the face of an onslaught from digital music shops? We've got a plan to offer something special to tempt customers onto your street. Yeah, does sound good, doesn't it? What? Well, you know Vaughan Oliver? Yeah, you do? Right, well, he's going to choose a fan drawing for you to give away exclusively. Hello?"

"We love the idea that people make our music their own,” said Pixies Black Francis, “that they have their own interpretation of the lyrics and the songs’ meanings. So, we’re really excited to see what the artists in our fan base come up with in terms of visuals, how they ‘SEE’ our music."

That's how the press release renders "see". I don't know why, but I'm sure it's fun.

Kim Deal issued her own press statement, saying simply "you see? Do you understand now?"

Gordon in the morning: In which Gordon has trouble understanding a competition aimed at teenage girls

You - yes, YOU - could have "a date" with Harry Styles and Liam Payne. If you win it.

Gordon has all the details, although apparently hasn't read through them:

ONE DIRECTION are taking part in a charity auction that is bound to inspire a bidding frenzy.

As one of the prizes, HARRY STYLES and LIAM PAYNE will be giving away a joint date to help raise money for cancer charity Trekstock.

Err... except the charity sale isn't an auction, so it won't be "inspiring a bidding frenzy". In fact, Gordon seems to realise this later on:

Even small donations will be entered in the draw but you’ve got to be over 13 to get involved.

We've seen the Mail and the Mail On Sunday subtly rubbishing each other's stories; this, surely, is the first time ever an article's second half gently rubbishes the first half.

Jessie J: Win your chance

Coca-Cola's extraordinary 'water with some vague vitamin' product Glaceau is currently running a contest to let a lucky winner go to London and party with Jessie J.

A London promotional party with Jessie J? What could possibly go wrong with one of those?

Casiokids expecting large cheque from Morten Harket

A somewhat bemusing email arrives from Casiokids' press people:

Casiokids Win! Receive 1 Million Kroner Grant from a-ha

It's not so much that Casiokids have won something, it's more the idea of A-Ha going round handing out grants. Can the press release shed any light on this?

Thanks to your votes, Casiokids won 1 million kroner (approx. $160,000) of legendary Norwegian pop band a-ha's money on July 14 as part of a competition set up to award four of Norway's most promising up-and-coming artists with the funds necessary to continue their international careers.

Blimey. It's not unheard of for a successful band to give a leg-up to a struggling act - only this week, Take That have helped out Robbie Williams - but you'd have to applaud A-Ha for using some of their spare cash to help new acts build their own careers. Might not be quite ready for an 'old bands are the new record labels' theory, but it would be nice to think some others who have been well treated by rock and roll might adopt this way of giving something back.

Darkness at 3AM: Heather takes Heart

I suppose there's no reason why Heather Mills shouldn't ring up radio phone-in competitions to win free Whitney Houston tickets:

Mills, 42, was selected randomly after calling herself "Heather from Hove" - and correctly got a song lyric.

It just looks a little, well, cheap.

The really interesting thing about the Mirror's story was discovering that Richard Linfield's moved from Southern Counties to Heart. I think I understand why they didn't make that the headline, though.

Perez Hilton and Simon Fuller come together to create something

Perez Hilton is trumpeting all over his website about big news. Sadly, this isn't that he's about the merge with Whizzer And Chips:

PEREZ HILTON AND RENOWNED DIRECTOR JAMIE KING JOIN FORCES WITH AMERICAN IDOL CREATOR AND SPICE GIRLS FOUNDER
SIMON FULLER TO ASSEMBLE:

The Boy Band for the Next Generation!

The next generation - we can see them from here - is looking a bit confused and saying that they hadn't really asked for a boyband, thanks, while this generation is saying that perhaps, if the next generation did want a boyband, couldn't they knock one up themselves, as it's not that difficult. It's like having a contest for the cheese sandwich for your flatmate.

Anyway, Hilton pads his part extensively:

As entertainment power players with tremendous influence over today’s music marketplace, Hilton, King and Fuller are determined to form the next great Boy Band!

I know modesty isn't Hilton's strong suit, but fancy writing a piece of puff about yourself that auto-felating. Even an Apprentice contestant might think that was overdoing it a bit.

Says Perez, "I am beyond thrilled and honored to be working with Jamie King and Simon Fuller, both legends. We are looking for the best, brightest and boldest! This is a boy band unlike any other before. ALL of the members will sing. ALL of the members will dance. Finding our talented group won't be easy, but the end result is going to be soooooooo worth it. I can hear the screaming girls already!"

A boyband like none other before, on the grounds that they'll all sing and dance. We're looking forward to the launch of Hilton's range of socks unlike any socks ever before, where both socks will be worn on the feet.

By the way, "I can hear the screaming girls already" is a direct translation of the phrase "how hard can it be to separate an eight year old from her dollar bills?"

Jamie King, he's involved, too:

"Now is the moment for the creation of a full-throttle, high-octane boy band! There's a huge opportunity for the next generation of performers to create spectacle, both musically and physically, with kick-ass dance moves, amazing voices and mind-blowing concert skills," says King.

How did King decide "now is the moment"? In the past, he would have had to sacrifice Jason Orange and inspect his entrails to tell if the time was auspicious, but nowadays they can do it with computers. Simply plug in the date you'd expect your main singer to check into drug rehab, and the software works out the back trajectory to the point where you'd have to start hanging round gyms.

Simon Fuller says, “I’m delighted to be working with Jamie and Perez. Boy bands have always been at the heart of pop culture with huge potential to excite a massive audience both here in the States and the rest of the world. With Jamie and Perez at the helm we have a real focus on what we are looking for. Together we will do everything to ensure that whoever is discovered becomes one of the most successful groups in recent years.”

Boy bands have always been at the heart of pop culture. If you assume that there was no popular culture prior to New Edition. Or The Monkees, at a stretch.

Fuller's quote seems honest, if puzzling. The other two are honking away about how they're looking for people who have all these astonishing talents - dancing asses, voices, the ability to carve likenesses of Michael Jackson out of butter - but, really, Fuller admits the success or otherwise depends not on how pretty the band is, or how well it sings. They're running a competition to find some flesh to push into an already-constructed marketing plan.

The plates are warming, the table laid, the ketchup and pickled eggs are already open. There's going to be a fish supper - who really cares if it turns out to be a piece of coley or a bit of haddock that gets picked up from the chip shop? It's only going to be battered, consumed and then shat out the next day.

How close would you like to be to Ian Brown?

With a sixth solo album about to emerge from his mindhole, Ian Brown is doing a "most intimate gig of his life" type thing at the end of the month. And, to disprove the claim that you couldn't give away tickets to such an event, they're giving tickets away via an HMV competition.

Alison Mosshart nudie jeans and diesel jacket up for grabs

Sure, they're blood-soaked. But I'm pretty certain it's fake blood. And they have been worn by Alison Mosshart. VenusZine are giving away her outfit from the Dead Weather's Treat Me Like Your Mother video to one lucky winner.

They've so far only released a trailer - a trailer for the video, but at least it's enough for us to have a go at working out if we could fit into her jeans:

Nectar remember they have a music store

Nectar - the Tesco Clubcard for people who don't shop at Tesco - launched a music store a few months back, quickly securing a position as the music download destination which people look most surprised about when they remember it exists.

Now, though, they've decided to try and build some sort of market share, and are doing so with a free Alesha Dixon track and a competition where you can dance with her.

That's actually dance, it's not a euphemism.

Alesha Dixon recently helped Chris Moyles to get to the top of Kilimanjaro, so maybe she's viewing 'making Nectar a music destination' as the next level of uphill challenge.

Dance for Beyonce

You just know the Beyonce competition, in which she's seeking videos of dancers recreating her Single Girls routine, is not really looking for the best. It's about people licking their lips at Sony waiting for the inevitable "exuberant tranny" entrant whose video they will, they'll tell themselves, be laughed with rather than at.

Music Ally point out the really odd aspect:

However, the contest is strangely old-skool in the manner of entries - they’re asking for submissions on DVD-ROM discs, rather than uploaded to YouTube or any other site.

Well, with a big prize like a whole $2,500 at stake, you wouldn't want any old third party being involved, would you?

"... but when she pulled the mask off, it was Katy Perry..."

Doug passes on an email from the good people at Jive:

Step right up, step right up! Now's your chance to be the Ring Master of the Circus and have your best creative fan fiction turned into an official Britney.com music video! That's right - your story could be used to create an official Britney.com music video seen all over the world! Compete against Britney fans all around the world with your creative writing, imagination, and passion for Britney and one fan will be the ultimate winner. Good luck!

Elizabeth Wilkinson

JIVE Label Group

Good luck to you, Elizabeth. As Doug asked:

I just wonder if they realise just how, ahem, creative some fan fiction can be...

I've entered, but I'm not expecting to win - no matter how highly my story scores on passion and imagination, I'm not sure there'd be the budget available to buy enough blutac and training the koala and the salamander might prove a stumbling block.

Make your own Vice

One part 'do our job for us' to three parts 'think you can do better': Vice is offering the chance for readers to have a go at making their own edition of the magazine. Wildskillz bring big prizes - either cash or, if you'd prefer, an internship. Which would then allow you to make the magazine unpaid on a more regular basis.

Guns N Roses comp: I wonder if Gordon will enter?

Guns N Roses are barking up the interest in their new album by running a competition with a special prize:

Guns N' Roses are offering fans the chance to hear their new album Chinese Democracy before anyone else.

Apart from, you know, the people who already have copied off the internet. Apart from them. But you'll always have the knowledge that you're the first person to legitimately hear the record, not counting the band, their entourage, the label, the marketing team, the chaps at Best Buy who okayed the exclusive deal, and anyone who happened to be around during mastering. Apart from them.

What do you have to do?

To hear the long-awaited album, fans have to show off their top skills in an air guitar competition.

Those wishing to enter should upload their "craziest, most inappropriate air guitar" performance to the band's YouTube channel.

Isn't all public air guitar inappropriate? Isn't this only a step away from asking people to send webcam footage of their best masturbation technique to the band (you can have that one for free, Akon)?

Facing US 2008

This is probably only of interest to Americans, and those either living with depression or bipolar disorder, but they've just announced Facing US 2008, a songwriting competition for... well, Americans who self-identify as having or "or have had, a personal lived experience with depression or bipolar disorder."

Entry closes September 1st.

Radioheadaches

Much disgruntlement all round at the Radiohead online remix contest, with people complaining to Wired that 'snotfair:

Had Radiohead allowed just enough time (say, one full weekend) for a reasonable amount of mixes (say 100) to come in, without opening the contest for voting... and THEN, once all the mixes were in, allowed people to listen through and vote for the ones they liked, maybe allowing a full week or two for this to take place, then perhaps it would be fair.

As it is, the contest favors those who submitted early (Holy Fuck submitted third, Dreamtrak 1st), and those who have a huge network to rely on (Spor's myspace page has 40,000 friends and over 1,000,000 hits... for Christ's sake even Thomas Dolby couldn't beat his ambition), oh and it also favors people like Naomi Elizabeth who have disgusting vapid remixes, yet show their exposed breasts on their MySpace pages [not really] and post their widgets in as many online crevices as possible. I'm almost positive that some of these folks have random IP address generators. I saw one guy (The Abrasion mix, at number 4) submit very late in the mix and then a day later he had 9000 votes... he hardly has any friends on myspace.. how does one rally 9000 votes in one day?

We'd suggest there's a certain loss of innocence on display here - "you can rig online polls" and "people who are already popular online find it easy to get their friends and fans to vote for them elsewhere" are hardly revelations that are going to have Huw Edwards rejigging the running order of the News At Ten, although there probably is a fair point to be made about allowing voting before everyone submitted - a distortion favouring first movers that, for example, BBC One's I'd Do Anything has fixed for its Nancy Hunt. But even without having got there quickly, it's still likely that Holy Fuck would have got more votes than Joe Q Peppercorn of Boise, Idaho, because Holy Fuck are Holy Fuck and JPQ is but a single man. Even had Radiohead had a pro and an amateur category, there would still have been a problem. This is how bridges nearly get named after Stephen Colbert, after all.

One way round it would have been to invite voters to participate Am I Hot Or Not style, listening to a randomly assigned remix without knowing who made it until after giving a score from 1 to 10. Too late now, though.

Interestingly, Radiohead have extended the deadline for voting. And perhaps, had they not charged people for the remix stems - and thus levied a fee on entering a competition that would never be fair - nobody would be upset at all.

Bon Jovi loves your town

Jon By Jovi out the Von Jovis wants you to help him out. There's going to be a huge tour of the US this year, and rather than merely yell out "{name of city or town} are ya ready to rawwwwwck" and "we love you, {name of city or town}", some semblance of place and time is to be achieved by flashing images of the town they're in onto a massive back projection at the show. And rather than film them themselves, they're looking for fans to do the work for them.

You have to upload the videos through YouTube, according to the website, and there's no indication anywhere that, if you win, you'll be asked to supply the original video, which seems to imply that Bon Jovi are going to be flashing videos designed for viewing on a tiny window on a web browser onto a big backdrop at a rock stadium. Can anyone see a problem with that?

You do get tickets if your shoot is one of the selected ones - which might sound like great deal, but the terms and conditions state that just by uploading the video you transfer ownership of your work to Bon Jovi, forever. Even if you don't win.

We love this part of the rules, too:

Bon Jovi Tours, Inc. and BonJoviLovesMyTown.com reserve the right at their sole discretion to reject and disqualify any nude video or those videos which are deemed in its sole discretion to be obscene, profane, offensive, lewd, pornographic or otherwise inappropriate.

They could simply choose not to project any porny videos on their stage, but instead, they're going to disqualify and reject them as well. It's unclear if rejection means that Bon Jovi no longer owns the rights to sell the video, by the way.

There's some advice to aspiring filmmakers, too. Bon offers examples of "cool shots" (a sign from Fisherman's Wharf, some people stood on a street, a skyline shot and - and this might be the peak of cool - Kermit The Frog's star outside the Chinese Theatre: these boys really know how to get to the beating heart of a town). And don't forget, filmmakers:

The secret to good storytelling is to show, don't tell. As the selected videos will be shown without sound on the live concert stage, it's good to be visual.

Yes. If you don't have any sound, being visual might be a good idea.

If only Bon was coming to Milton Keynes.

Yo! MTV rapped for unfair competition

MTV's Freeview channel, TMF, has received a ticking-off for running a competition onscreen which promised a prize of £25 - although winners on the £1 a call line discovered they'd only be entered into a draw to win £25.

MTV's defence? That they told entrants about the rules.

Unfortunately, they only did so by scrolling text directing people to look at online terms and conditions. Not good enough, says Ofcom, agreeing with the complainant and all the demands of basic justice:

The caption “for full t’s & c’s visit www.mtv.co.uk/trax ”, was one of six captions screened in sequence, while the captions, “win £25” and “enter the pin to win” were on screen permanently during the competitions. Ofcom notes that the prize draw element of the competition was clearly stated in the terms and conditions on MTV’s website. Nevertheless, Rule 2.11 requires that, “…prizes should be described accurately and rules should be clear and appropriately made known.” The permanent captions appeared to us to tell viewers that they would win £25 if they solved the four digit code. We consider it was inadequate to make the prize draw element of the competition clear on the internet only – the rule had not been “appropriately made known.” As the prize draw element of the competition was not clear to viewers, the prize – a chance to win £25 – had not been described accurately.

We're also far from convinced that the page that hosts the terms and conditions - where silver grey text sits on a deep red background is entirely easy to read, too.

Jo lie-ly: slight return

More news of low-level fibbing from the Jo Whiley show: in addition to the previously revealed pre-recorded competition, today the BBC have announced she did it again:

In a programme which was pre-recorded to permit essential engineering work in Radio 1's studios, listeners were invited to enter a competition that had already been recorded with an on-air participant who was a listener who had expressed an interest in entering the competition the previous day. Although this person was a genuine member of the audience, the name of a second participant, mentioned on air, was invented, and listeners had been invited to telephone and text when in reality there was no opportunity to participate.

This breach occurred three weeks after the previously reported breach on this programme.

The problem here is that it's a small lie, but a pointless one - and one which we're not entirely sure is explained away by "engineering work", come to that. They couldn't find a studio which wasn't being worked on? A spare one at Radio 2, for example?

And since the engineering work must have been pre-booked (otherwise they wouldn't have known to record the competition in advance) why did they book it in for during the day when a DJ was supposed to be doing live competitions from the studio?

Russell Brand is also fingered for having a BBC staffer call in to a pre-record.

Again: it's frustrating because it's hard to see what would have been lost had these programmes just fessed up that they were on tape, rather than going to elaborate lengths to try and pretend they were live.