I think Britney Spears has just recreated the Milgram Experiment

Compare and contrast:

Britney Spears: Independent seems a little lost in the modern world

The Independent is very excited indeed by Britney Spears:

To many women, being called a "bitch", particularly by a man, is derogatory.

And there are equally as many reasons for why the term is perceived to be offensive as there are women offended by it.
[...]
Not so for Britney Spears, a pop singer who’s reiterated the word so often over the course of her career, it’s bizarrely formed part of her catchphrase ("It's Britney, bitch).

So, in a strange twist of neo-feminist fate, she’s decided to fully reclaim it with a definition of her own.

“Being a bitch means… I stand up for myself and my beliefs,” she wrote in a post on Instagram. “I stand up for those I love, I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do things my way.

She wrote this, did she, Jenn Selby of The Independent?

Do you understand how memes work, exactly?

Sure, Britney posted the "Bitchology poem" to her Instagram account. And, yes, you might see that an embracing its viewpoint.

But it's clearly just a jpeg, and about one tenth of second with Google Image search confirms this is a "poem" which has been doing the rounds of the internet since before Grumpy Cat was a kitten.

You wonder if when Jenn sees those "funny" ecards on Facebook that she assumes the person who is posting them wrote the things: "Hey, I never knew my great aunt Margaret was such an amusing and inspirational thinker on questions of motherhood and religion. And how did she come up with that test to see if you can read all those words jumbled up? She's an undiscovered genius."

Britney Spears wig-off wig-out

'Hair extension falls off; few injured'. It's not much of a story. Even when Pulse tries yelling it:

Britney Spears' hair extension dropped on stage as she performed her 'Piece of Me' show in Las Vegas on Friday, February 27.

As the pop princess sang her heart out to the song, 'Do Something', a huge clump of her blonde hair detached from her head and attached itself instead to the back of her sexy black catsuit.

This is not the sort of story which people clear front pages for. It's not even the sort of incident that they'd bother sending someone with a broom to sweep the stage after.

But, bless their little hearts, Pulse try to bark it up:

The pop star didn't stop her performance even though...

she had suffered little more than a bit of hair that wasn't attached to her had become a little more unattached?

...a fan had already filmed the entire embarrassing hairstyle malfunction.

What? What exactly does that sentence mean, Pulse? Are you saying 'it's a surprise she didn't stop the song and attempt to get the fan to delete the video'? Or that this was the sort of incident that normally grown people would flee the stage after?

Coming tomorrow: Pink plays on despite awkward hangnail moment.

Music popular-ish on YouTube

MusicAlly has done some analysis of what's popular on YouTube:

The headline stat is that music accounted for 62 of the top 250 channels ranked by annual views in 2014, with 43 of those falling under the Vevo banner.

In other words, music doesn't dominate YouTube, but it is mostly significant, but what really thrives are channels run by the big labels.

This is quite interesting:

Also notable: the low ranking for some of the traditional stars of social/digital media: Justin Bieber had the 43rd most popular YouTube channel in 2014 – admittedly a quiet year for him musically – while Lady Gaga was 158th and Britney Spears 203rd.

Although I think that says more about what MusicAlly thinks is happening on social media (All three stars are long past their buzz stage, surely?)

TMZ cast their eyes at the courtroom

Kanye West is currently being sued by a photographer, and of course, TMZ are all over it.

They're especially interested in a battle over whether the photographer's previous run-in with Britney Spears can be raised in court:

Kanye West has no right to tell a jury the photog who's suing him is the very same guy who Britney Spears famously attacked with an umbrella ... at least that's what the photog is banking on.

Daniel Ramos is suing Kanye for the 2013 LAX attack. Kanye pled no contest to misdemeanor battery, but now Ramos is suing him.

Kanye wants to prove to the jury Ramos is a bad guy ... not only because of the 2007 umbrella incident, but also because he was so gross he tried selling the umbrella and the truck she struck.

Two things: first, you've got to love TMZ considering the possibility of a thing being kept from a jury while detailing exactly what that thing is.

Second: TMZ complaining that someone tried to make money out of a run-in with a celebrity while calling long-lens fame-gawpers "gross"? Clearly, TMZ is now being produced in a room without any mirrors at all.

The beautiful cap on this? The last words of the piece:

It's kinda like having your cake ...

Yes, TMZ. Fancy trying to hold two different positions at once.

Las Vegas trusts Britney with a key

I suppose the strangest thing about Britney Spears being given the key to the city of Las Vegas is that Las Vegas has keys at all. I've always pictured it as more of a place that has those plastic strips hanging in the doorway, like bookmakers used to have.

Kanye West: "I'm so very, very clever"

Last year, while being investigated for having a pop at a photographer, Kanye West (out of The Kardashians) had to give a deposition. He approached this as he appears to approach everything, with his inflated sense of self-worth hanging out his pants:

In the transcript, obtained by TMZ.com, Kanye said: ''I'm the smartest celebrity you've ever f***ing dealt with. I'm not Britney Spears.

''I'm in the business of trying to make dope s**t for the world. You're in the business of representing scums and trying to make as much money as long as there's this lapse in the law

If you're that smart, would you really go with Britney Spears as a comparison?

He might be smart, but he seems not to have grasped the effect of his lyrics:

{Lawyer] Mr. Goldberg then questioned Kanye on his track 'Flashing Lights', quoting the lyrics: ''Till I get flashed by the paparazzi, damn, these ni**as got me.''

Kanye hit back: ''You have to ask for a hall pass. You can't just say the 'n' word around me. It offends me because you're a white person saying ni**a.''

But he's quoting your own lyrics, Kanye. They're your words. It's a quote.

Hang on, he's off again...

The 'Bound 2' hitmaker also claimed celebrities feel like black people fighting for civil rights in the 1960s.

He said: ''I mean in the 60s people used to hold up 'Die N****r' signs when my parents were in the sit-ins also.''

Kanye, I think you better ask for a hall pass. Suggesting that incredibly rich people who undertake activities to increase their wealth by mugging for cameras are in some way the spiritual heirs of 60s civil rights activists means that 'deliberately leaking a sex tape' and 'deliberately choosing to sit in a whites only area of a restaurant' are somehow morally equivalent.

If you're really so smart, Kanye, why is the character you play saying such stupid things?

Zoe Saldana defends Britney Spears

For reasons we can't quite begin to understand, Zoe Saldana's promotional work for Guardians Of The Galaxy seems to involve talking about Britney Spears a lot.

Saldana appeared with Spears in Crossroads, a movie so bad many assumed Britney's character was supposed to be the young Amy Turtle. And Saldana has nothing but praise for Brit:

"She was the one big, big celebrity that I met when I was starting to work in Hollywood, who literally was humble. I do believe that people and children gravitate to good energy, and she`s definitely an abundance of that," said the 36-year-old.

It's not just children who gravitate to good energy. It's people as well.

Humble, of course, has many meanings, so it's possible that Saldana is actually claiming that Britney was literally low in rank, or literally small in size. Or, equally, that Saldana meant "genuinely" rather than "literally".

It's worth noting that she doesn't bother attempting to defend Spears' acting in the movie.

Oddly, Saldana is then dragged into giving an opinion on the current round of 'can Britney sing without Autotune' chatter - because, naturally, the best person to ask is somebody who did some acting with Spears over a decade ago.

"I`m pretty sure that 80 percent of our musical artists would be mortified if they were caught singing without auto-tune."

"She was the only pop star at that time - and I can name a lot of prominent figures right now that today are more famous than Britney - that literally got to where they were at by hating on Britney a lot."

"Because it was cool at one time to really just diss her. And Britney never did that,"

I think calling this a half-formed thought would be to over praise it - presumably Saldana means that Spears didn't get where she is today by attacking other singers, but that seems to be an odd defence to accusations of 'not being able to sing' even if properly expressed. What Saldana ends up saying is that Britney isn't that famous any more, but at least she never dissed herself.

But to be fair, the whole answer has a subtext of 'why are you asking me this anyway?'

Here's Zoe in her current role:

She's on the left, playing the woman out that Chinese Girl painting everyone had on their walls in the 1970s, alongside (l-r) Wilf 'Gasmask' Grimshaw (gas mask not pictured); Pepe Le Pew; Dom Littlewood and The Singing Ringing Tree.

Britney Spears: Smells sells

Something of a rubicon crossed this week: With her 16th fragrance, Britney Spears has now released twice as many toilet waters as albums.

Smashed in the face by Britney Spears

Poor Dawn Noel. She was a dancer for Britney's Work Bitch video, but it didn't work out. She claims that Britney's poor sense of rhythm led to her getting injured and, this being America, she's suing:

Spears proved to have a challenging time getting the dance moves and at one point reportedly twirled around while off balance. At that point, Noel, who stood beside the award-winning singer, got hit in the face hard.

The impact of Spears' hand hitting Noel's face was supposedly so loud that everyone in the room heard a cracking sound.

It's been quite a while since anyone at a Britney recording reported having heard cracking sounds, isn't it?

Apparently, Noel was promised she'd have her medical expenses repaid, but so far: nothing. Hence, the call to lawyers.

You, YouTube & The Music revisited

Robin Carmody just pointed out that out of three great music moments in a 2006 post, the only one remaining active was a Jam appearance which is such awful quality it's unlikely even Weller could identify himself in the clip.

This calls for a revisit.

So... here's a rebuilt version, this time with embeds.

First, here's Britney Spears doing Toxic on Blue Peter:


Some classic 'point camera at TV' work there.

As a bonus, here's Britney doing I Was Born To Make You Happy on BP:


Next up, Stevie Wonder doing Superstition. On Sesame Street:


And, finally, once again, it's The Jam on Tiswas. Think of it as a Public Information Film about the risks of video tape degradation:

Don't worry music, Britney's coming

Apparently music is in need of saving, in some way, and VH1 has appointed itself saviour.

Of course, it can't save music on its own - it has other demands on its time, making programmes about tattoos - and so has some ambassadors on board:

Britney Spears has joined the VH1 Save the Music Foundation's 2014 Ambassador Class, a consortium of musical superstars that includes Taye Diggs, Jason Derulo, Hunter Hayes, Gloria Reuben, Diane Birch and Cher Lloyd. The artists have banded together to promote music education in American schools.

It's a laudable aim, but Cher Lloyd and Britney Spears don't quite strike me as the right people to address the main problem with teaching music in American schools, which is Americans don't want to pay the taxes that would fund it.

Perhaps VH1's parent company, Viacom, might want to stop taking fifty million dollars in tax breaks when it makes pisspoor investment decisions and have the states have more money available for schools, rather than sending in Britney Spears to hector people into learning London's Burning on the recorder?

Britney Spears: Resident evils

Britney Spears is putting down roots in Las Vegas. Kind-of:

The singer finally ended weeks of buzz and made it official Tuesday morning, with an appearance on Good Morning America. On Dec. 27, the now 31-year-old former teen star will begin a two-year residency at Planet Hollywood, performing 50 shows over that period.

She's going to a burger bar one a fortnight. Is that a residency? On that basis, I'm currently about four years into a residency at Pizza Express.

Seriously: if it's popping in from time to time, it's not a residency, is it? Seriously, she could fit in half-a-dozen of her trademark Vegas marriages between shows. Not just the weddings; the whole marriage.

She said that her upcoming show would mix old and new hits, with an atmosphere that's part dance club, part theater.

Or "doing a cabaret", as it's known.

"We wanted the environment to be that way so people could come and have a good time and stand up and feel like they're in the show with me," Spears said. "I love Vegas. The energy here is really, really good."

"We didn't want them to have chairs. Or anything else they could throw. I love Madison Square Garden - change if they turn us down - because some vaguely-defined variable is quantifiable in some equally vague way" read Britney from a card, yesterday.

Miley Cyrus reminds us she did that twerking thing

Miley Cyrus has noticed that people were starting to shut up about her VMA performance, and so has cleared her throat to try and keep people talking about it. This is "breaking her silence", apparently:

Miley Cyrus said: "I don't pay attention to the negative because I've seen this play out so many times."

The 20-year-old was speaking to a crew who are filming the singer for an MTV documentary.

MTV following Miley around, making a documentary about her going on MTV? Ladies and gentlemen, I believe we've got the very first circle twerk in history.

"Madonna's done it. Britney's done it," she said. "Every VMA performance, that's what you're looking for; you're wanting to make history."

Okay, I let the word "documentary" slide, but really: "making history"? At best, you're keeping topical panel games going for a couple of weeks.

Still, nice that there's an admission - however unwittingly - that this was a grab for headlines and not to deliver a great performance. But on that measure alone, Miley fell quite a bit short.

Miley, I served with Britney Spears*. I knew Britney Spears**. Britney Spears was a friend of mine***. Cyrus, you're no Britney Spears****.


* - This isn't true
** - This isn't true, either
*** - This one isn't true, come to that
**** - Truth

What does a stalled career look like?

Providing the song which people will ignore as they tramp through discarded popcorn at the end of a Smurf movie sequel. That's what a stalled career looks like.

Hackney Council takes on Britney Spears

You can't trust anyone, can you? There was Hackney Council, all happy having Britney Spears film a video in the borough, only for her to go and add a gun to the mix:

A Hackney Council spokesperson said: "Hackney Council carefully vets all requests to film in the borough.

"In this case we did not agree that a replica gun could be used on location at Stoke Newington town hall.

"We are disappointed that the film crew made a last-minute change to the scene. We will be raising this matter with the production company."

Not quite sure what Hackney thinks "raising this matter" will do; it sounds like they're going to send the sort of stiffly-worded complaint that can only be dealt with by the production company getting a runner to draft a 'oh, soz' response.

Britney's people have issued a statement in the meantime:

A spokesman for the star said: "The video is a fantasy story featuring Britney's boyfriend, Jason Trawick, which literally plays out the lyrics of a song written three years before the riots ever happened.

"When the video is released, people will fully understand its narrative. The pap shots don't deliver that of course."

If the video does "literally" play out the lyrics, then why would we have to wait for it be released? Couldn't we just read the lyrics?

He is a loser, he’s a bum, bum, bum, bum
He lies, he bluffs
He's unreliable.
He is a sucker with a gun, gun, gun, gun

Actually, couldn't Hackney Council have just looked at the lyrics?

He is a villain of the devil’s law
He is a killer just for fun, fun, fun, fun
That man's a snitch and unpredictable,
He’s got no conscious [sic - presumably 'conscience'? ]
He got none, none, none, none

Hard to see how anyone at the council might have thought this video would reflect on anything other than the glories of Stoke Newington.

Although, having a look at the films that Hackney is proud to have had shot in the Borough, it doesn't seem that they're really that bothered about how the place looks on screen. (I don't just mean Alien Autopsy, either.)

Gordon in the morning: First discs

Lucky for Gordon, his copy of Q has turned up, giving him the chance to "report" on its contents. To mark 25 years of the magazine, they've asked people about their first single. Alex Turner attempted to make some sort of point:

"I think it was a cassette single and if it wasn't Let's Get Ready To Rhumble it might have been Edwyn Collins' A Girl Like You.

"The new generation have got it easy now. You'll ask some kid and because of downloading it will be Joy Division's Unknown Pleasures.

"I'd like to be able to say that but it probably was Let's Get Ready To Rhumble. Actually, it might have been Zig and Zag... "

It's an interesting reaction - in fact, you might ask with downloading and streaming, will Q be able to ask the same question in 25 years time in any meaningful way - but Gordon can't get past PJ And Duncan:

NEXT time Arctic Monkeys are asked to do a cover, they should go for one of the first songs frontman Alex Turner ever bought –

Alex confessed the song that saw Geordies Ant & Dec "wreck the mic" was an early feature in his music collection.

There's even a clunking headline:

Alex Turner, are you Geordie sure?

To which the answer is, er, no: clearly he's saying he isn't sure what his first single was, if you mean 'are you sure this was your first single'; or, yes, he's sure he bought it, if you meant that.

But then, writing a scoffing article about how embarrassing an early single purchase was when the subject was trying to illustrate that very idea seems confused enough without the headline.

Elsewhere, Gordon takes one for the team, writing a piece plugging his bosses' Sky Living Steps Reunion series:

STEPS have revealed one of the reasons for their bitter split ten years ago — BRITNEY SPEARS.

The band's Ian "H" Watkins hit it off with the singer when they supported her Baby One More Time tour in the US during 1999.

He began flying to venues in the star's private jet while his bandmates slummed it on a bus.

That doesn't really sound like Britney Spears was the "reason" for the split, but to be fair, if Gordon didn't stick Spears into the headline, the story would probably have got as many readers as the Steps series will have viewers.

Gordon in the morning: Hung up

Well, Gordon Smart at least has a sense of humour. Not when he's writing, obviously, but for someone writing the column where many at the heart of the News International phone-hacking community cut their teeth, this is pretty funny:

BRITNEY Spears has been banned from owning a mobile phone for fear the gadget could land her in trouble, pals claimed last night.

Really, Gordon? Owning a mobile can land in you trouble? Whoever would have thought.

You remember how angry the sexualisation of culture makes the Daily Mail?

Better not show the Mail this, then, it'll blow a fuse:

Last month pop star Rihanna shocked when she pulled a female fan on stage and gave her an aggressive lap dance.

And it seems that Britney Spears has taken inspiration from the 23-year-old Bajan singer as she gave one lucky male fan the dance of his life at the Los Angeles show of her Femme Fatale tour, last night.

In a black and nude lace basque and fishnet stockings, the 29-year-old wrapped her legs around the man and teased him with a feather boa.

Yes, of course, it's the Daily Mail at it again with the double standards.

A fortnight ago, the Mail was fuming about Rihanna on the television:

Some shows – most infamously last year's lascivious Rihanna act during the X Factor final on ITV – sparked a huge number of complaints by parents concerned that exposure to such inappropriate material is having a harmful effect on their children, forcing them to grow up far too soon.

That is why the Mail so warmly welcomes the upcoming publication of the Review of the Commercialisation and Sexualisation of Childhood by Reg Bailey, the chief executive of the Mothers' Union, and congratulates David Cameron for commissioning it.

As well as making it harder for children to access internet pornography, and tightening the rules on the sale of explicit teenage magazines, the report will demand that broadcasters stop sailing 'close to the edge of compliance' with the watershed and start behaving in a responsible, family-oriented manner.

And yet here we are, on the internet, looking at the Mail publishing photos of Britney Spears lapdancing with a fan. And describing them, too. Oh, and for good measure, printing photos of, erm, Rihanna lapdancing too.

Must we fling this filth, etc, etc?

Gordon in the morning: Backstage with Britney

Gordon worries for the staff working on Britney Spears' tour:

The singer has given caterers strict instructions not to make any junk food because she's not allowed it.

Hot dogs, pizza and cookie dough ice cream have all been blacklisted.

Well, that doesn't sound too bad - after all, most of the schools left alone by the coalition adopt a similar policy. Healthy. They can scoff pizza when they get back to the hotel, right?

If that's not gutting enough, they are going to have to listen to MICHAEL JACKSON songs constantly.

Okay. THAT is cruel and unusual. And somewhat uncalled for.

She has stockpiled his tour DVDs and enlisted the help of his dance team to recreate his routines.

Given how successful the preparations for the last Michael Jackson dates went, you might be better off nomming down the cookie dough ice cream, Britney.