Bieberwatch (or, rather, Bieberlisten)

As promoted by Popbitch, there's a handy new site which keeps track of whether Capital FM is playing Justin Bieber:

Justin Bieber faces spray-can backlash

Just when Justin Bieber was in the throes of reinvention as a sort-of-sensitive artist, his past catches up with him.

Admittedly, it's only his past from the end of October, so it didn't have very far to travel to catch up with him.

Back then, his people sprayed teasers for his new album all over San Francisco. This sort of thing happens all the time, but unluckily for Biebs, this was the point where the people said that's enough:

The censure doesn't refer to the Nas song mural installed in NorCal, but rather to a slew of permanently stenciled sidewalk-graffiti ads that read "Justin Bieber Purpose #Nov 13." (The tags have survived rainstorms and persisted for nearly two months now, because they were applied with spray paint instead of sidewalk chalk.) "This prohibited marketing practice illegally exploits our City's walkable neighborhoods and robust tourism; intentionally creates visual distractions that pose risks to pedestrians on busy rights of way; and irresponsibly tells our youth that like-minded lawlessness and contempt for public property are condoned and encouraged by its beneficiaries," Dennis Herrera wrote, "including Mr. Bieber and the record labels that produce and promote him."

Bieber could be fined USD2500 for each stencilling, plus the cost of putting things right.

Justin Bieber: Strange things happen at Christmas

The time of year so magical that you find yourself applauding Justin Bieber:

so for 1 week it's ok not to be #1. Let's do the right thing & help them win. It's Christmas. @Choir_NHS good luck https://t.co/ORCtFY1k4i

— Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) December 23, 2015

When Justin Bieber is, effectively, standing next to you to tell Jeremy Hunt to go screw himself, you can only applaud Bieber.

Whoever saw that coming, though?

(Apparently, bookies have now stopped taking bets on the number one, as they think Justin's tweet will have swung it.)

Justin Bieber mops, then mopes

Terrible scenes from Oslo, where a Justin Bieber gig ends early after, um, fans wouldn't let him mop up some water:

Justin Bieber left fans in Oslo disappointed when he stormed off stage after performing just one song, due to a spilled water incident.

After the water was spilt, the singer bent down in an attempt at cleaning it up.

He asked fans to leave him alone, but video shows girls in the front rows filming him and grabbing at his clothes as he tried to mop the water up.

The failure to allow him to demonstrate his mopping skills frustrated wee Justin, who flounced offstage and didn't come back.

Later, he issued a statement via Instagram (Instagram!) where he looked like he might take responsibility for his actions but... well, obviously it was the fault of the people at the front:

Sadly it's Been a rough week for me, long days no sleep, while having to be "on" as they would say for cameras fans etc. In no way did I mean to come across mean, but chose to end the show as the people in the front row would not listen. Hopefully people will understand where I am coming from. I don't always handle things the right way but I'm human and I'm working on getting better at responding not reacting. Unfortunately people were affected by this as am I. For the people in the back I am so sorry and for anyone I may have disappointed im sorry. Sorry for wasting the tv people's time I'll be sure to make it up to you next time on tour.. With love Justin.

Man, all he wanted to do was mop the floor, but people wouldn't let him mop the floor. This might be the first time in history a child has thrown a tantrum because they weren't allowed to clean up their own mess.

Justin Bieber can no longer be nude

To be fair to Bieber, you should be able to do what you like in what should be a private place, with your private places, but this just sounds wrong:

Now, Bieber has told Access Hollywood that he felt "violated" by the incident. "My first thing was like…how can they do this?" he said. "Like, I feel super violated. Like, I feel like I can't step outside and feel like I can go outside naked. Like, you should feel comfortable in your own space… especially that far away".

"I don't feel I can go outside naked" doesn't sound like a problem - indeed, "I feel I can go outside naked" is the sort of thing your Uncle said just before he stopped being invited around for Christmas. It's not the small penis, it's the long lens that's the problem, surely, and that remains a problem even if you were swaddled like a new born in a snowstorm, Justin.

Leave it to Bieber

Tori Kelly is gathering on the horizon, with so many US entertainment franchises invested in her (Ameircan Idol, Star Search et al) we're probably not going to be able to avoid her.

I know what you're thinking - how will one so young cope with a sudden rush of fame?

Don't worry, she's got a sponsor:

At least Kelly, 22, doesn't have to feel overwhelmed – she has friends in high places who are eager to help guide her on her journey to pop super-stardom. Unsuspecting role model Justin Bieber took it upon himself to offer the burgeoning pop star – whose first album, Unbreakable Smile, debuted at No. 2 on the Billboard 200 – some advice on handling fame.

Yeah, advice on handling fame from Justin Bieber. I'm presuming we're looking at something along the lines of 'when you egg a house go at least two blocks down and don't do your neighbour' and 'when you're on the live link to give evidence, try and blink a bit so you look normal'.

Actually, here's what he said:

You've just gotta appreciate all these people here supporting you and like that's what it's about. It's about the people and it will go by so fast.

Is Tori sure that was Justin Bieber, only it sounds like my Aunt Maureen after the third Christmas sherry.

Jusin Bieber's manager makes lemonade

Scooter Braun has a thankless task; trying to take bipedial oxygen squanderer Justin Bieber and make him into an artist who people may even kind-of like.

Braun thinks he's up to it, though, and he's busily talking him up:

In his words, 'It’s like Bob Dylan: He pissed people off, but whenever he switched, he reinvented himself in a way that made him who he is today.”

Well, yes. The only thing that separates Bieber from the prospect of a long career of reinvention like Dylan's is that Dylan's reinventions were from acoustic to electric; or from sceptic to Christian. Bieber's reinvention cycle so far seems to involve turning his baseball cap around a little.

Still, good luck Scooter.

Charli XCX breaks our heart a little

I'm pretty certain that Charli XCX could write something stratospheric for Justin Bieber, but why would you want to? If you had a song that Justin Bieber could do well, why not give it to someone who could do it better?

But Charli seems to (over)rate Bieber:

"I like Justin Bieber as a pop star," Charli XCX told Billboard at the MGM Grand Garden Arena. "I think he's really, really great. I really love the song 'Baby.' I think it's awesome."

Really?

It's like that Delia Smith gave the okay to instant mashed potato, isn't it?

Bieber reverts to type

So, how is that teary-eyed new-look Justin Bieber - the one putting the loutish behaviour behind him - getting along?

That phase is over, apparently, and he's back to being a chaos monkey. He's gatecrashed a school prom:

A statement released to Yahoo Music reads, “The school was aware that Mr. Bieber was at the venue recording, but was assured that he would not come out to interfere with the program. His entourage pushed past the school’s security to gain access to the dance floor and was there for three to four minutes. From the students’ perspective it was a once in a lifetime experience to have him at their prom, but we were extremely concerned for the safety of both our students as well as Mr. Bieber. No student was injured while he was there.”

A kinder, gentler Bieber. Except when there's a vague possibility Groober and Spatz from year 12 might have put vodka into the fruit punch.

Argentina finds a great way to avoid future Bieber concerts

Justin Bieber might not want to visit Argentina any time soon:

An Argentine judge ordered the arrest of pop star Justin Bieber if he sets foot in the country after the Canadian singer failed to face questions about an alleged assault at a Buenos Aires nightclub in 2013, his court secretary said on Friday.

Now, I'm not saying that every nation should just adopt the idea that Bieber should have his collar felt if he turns up at immigration. Just every right thinking nation.

Justin Bieber has a dream

Justin Bieber is, then, clearly in the 'trying to swap tiresome bad boy image for something that might have a bit more room for career growth' stage of his story.

He wants to cling to purity:

"There's a part of me that I don't ever want to grow up," he said. "I want to always remain ... to have that sense of purity inside of me where I don't ... I don't want to lose that sense of purity."

Yeah, Justin. Might be a bit late to preserve that purity. Still, at least you've still got the box it came in.

Music popular-ish on YouTube

MusicAlly has done some analysis of what's popular on YouTube:

The headline stat is that music accounted for 62 of the top 250 channels ranked by annual views in 2014, with 43 of those falling under the Vevo banner.

In other words, music doesn't dominate YouTube, but it is mostly significant, but what really thrives are channels run by the big labels.

This is quite interesting:

Also notable: the low ranking for some of the traditional stars of social/digital media: Justin Bieber had the 43rd most popular YouTube channel in 2014 – admittedly a quiet year for him musically – while Lady Gaga was 158th and Britney Spears 203rd.

Although I think that says more about what MusicAlly thinks is happening on social media (All three stars are long past their buzz stage, surely?)

Here's a phrase to strike fear into your hearts

"Bieber-like". God help us all. It's metastasized.

Justin Meh-bier

http://superpainfulmind.tumblr.com/post/107776755064

With thanks to the lovely people of Tumblr.

Calvin Klein has just turned into your grandma

I think we've all been there, when an older relative hands you a gift they've put a lot of thought into, but which reflects something you liked years ago and you've long since outgrown?

Gee, thanks, Uncle Calvin Klein. Justin Bieber doing underwear ads. Wow... [sotto voce Uncle Calvin must think I'm still twelve. Bless.]

Sidenote #1: According to our back-of-a-Wahaca-seed-packet calculation, Bieber is now 84% indistinguishable from Vanilla ice

Sidenote #2: Very much an object lesson in why adding yet another shit tattoo to your shit tattoos doesn't make the original shit tattoo any better

On the streets with Bieber*

Apparently, Justin Bieber is to sleep rough to "raise awareness" of how badly his career is going. Although the claim started as a story in UKIP house rag the Daily Star, so probably isn't true.

According to the Daily Star, Biebs' manager Scotter Braun has persuaded him to spend the night outside in the California streets, in aid of homeless charities.

"[Scooter] has been trying to come up with a plan to give Justin's career some longevity," a source told the newspaper.

Aside from the toe-curling aspect of a rich person spending a few hours on a pavement knowing they have a soft, warm bed to return to in the morning - a stunt even pulled by Grant Shapps back when he was still sometimes called Michael Green - it's not entirely clear how 'doing some good work for charidee' is going to offset the erosion of Bieber's career. Unless seeing Bieber sleep under cardboard will somehow stop girls reaching puberty.

*

Who's the worst pop star?

We've got something of an asshole-off this morning.

In one corner, Justin Bieber, insulting the entire disabled community, according to Tom Turner:

I want to share my disappointment and utter disgust at pop star Justin Bieber for his lack of judgment when he was caught using a wheelchair to get past the crowds at Disneyland last month.

The disabled community recently celebrated the 24th anniversary of the signing of the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990, and his actions where a blatant slap in the face to the disabled community.

That is pretty bad sounding, although something should have alerted Tom that maybe there's more to this story than it seemed on original reports.

Because, first, it's Justin Bieber. Generally, in the fawning Kingdom of Disney, if you have that sort of name recognition, you don't find yourself standing at the back of a two-hour queue at Splash Mountain.

Secondly, as everyone knows, when Bieber wants to cut a queue at Disneyland, he pulls the old 'dressing up as Goofy' ruse.

It's possible that Bieber had a genuine injury. Or, equally, that he was insulting the entire disabled community by using a wheelchair because he's an entitled tit who's too grand to walk around a theme park. We may never know.

But in the battle for worst pop star, there comes a challenge from beyond the grave. It turns out the the corpse of Michael Jackson has more stories to share, as the New York Post has been talking to his former maids:

“Michael sometimes ran around where the animals were, and he’d track . . . poop throughout the house and think nothing of it,” Maid No. 1 recalled. “Then, if you said something, he’d threaten to make doo-doo snowballs and throw it at you.”

The doo-doo snowball, by the way, is the third most popular cocktail at Wetherspoons right now.

So, not wiping his shoes at the door. That's bad. But, like in some sort of Blind Date - Blind Dirt, if you will - there's another maid who wants to share. Maid No. 2, how disgusting was Michael Jackson?

When Oprah Winfrey visited the Los Olivos, Calif., ranch for an interview in 1993, it was pristine. Floors were waxed, walls scrubbed and windows power-washed.

It was after she, guest Elizabeth Taylor and TV crews left the next morning that the real Jacko appeared.

“He literally peed on the floor of the entryway, right where you saw Oprah walk in. It was surreal. He just stood there, unzipped his trousers and watered the floor,” Maid No. 2 said.

That sounds bad, but to be fair, after Oprah has been on your territory, you do need to remark the boundaries. Maybe that's what Jackson was doing.

Maid No. 3 - do you have anything to... oh, you do:

“Any of the children he played with who hit the bull’s-eye would get extra ice cream or anything else they wanted,” said Maid No. 3, who worked from 1996 to 1999. “He hated those guys with a passion. He was surprisingly very anti-Semitic. He’d lead some of the kids in chants: ‘Kill the bastards,’ and ‘Kill the bloodsuckers.’ ”

The maid said Jacko watched in disgust as Spielberg got a Los Angeles Film Critics award in the 1990s.

“It was crazy. He turned into his favorite ‘Twilight Zone’ character, and his eyes kind of bugged out, and he went into this crazy trance, pointing his finger at the television screen and saying, ‘You’re a bad man, a very bad man,’ ” she said, referring to the famed TV series’ character of Anthony Fremont, a boy who “wishes away” anyone who displeases him.

“At first, I thought he’d bust out laughing or something or that he was playing around, but it changed his entire mood. He was dead serious.”

Instead of banishing his foe to a cornfield, as Anthony did, Jacko would wish Spielberg into “Jew hell,” the maid said.

That IS pretty awful, as everyone knows that Shatner's Bob Wilson is the best Twilight Zone character.

It's fair to say that, on the scale of assholery, 'encouraging kids to chant anti-Semitic rants' does knock 'cutting in line at Disneyland' very much into the second division.

Of course, had Bieber been ten years sooner, there's every chance that he would have got an invite to try the white-knuckle rides at Neverland. What a loss to humanity we never got such a crossover episode.

Justin Bieber to the rescue

This story suggests like it's something that a Croatian made up and is now being repeated as fact, but let's pretend it's been double-source checked. Justin Bieber saved a man's life by being awful:

The Croatian Times reports that a Russian fisherman, under attack by a brown bear, was saved when his phone went off, playing polarizing pop star Justin Bieber’s hit “Baby” as its ringtone.

Igor Vorozhbitsyn, 42, says [...] a bear pounced on him from behind and began clawing his face and chest. [...] Suddenly his phone went off, startling the bear, which took off.

Vorozhbitsyn added, “I know that sort of ringtone isn’t to everyone’s taste, but my granddaughter loaded it onto my phone for a joke.”

In a bar in Croatia, right now, a man is talking to Igor saying "you know, any loud music suddenly bursting out of nowhere would have startled the bear; you didn't have to say it was Bieber."

And Igor is looking crestfallen, and ordering another beer.

Kate Moss tries to scare Bieber straight

Elle magazine read it in The Sun, and have decided to run with the story even though they don't appear to believe a word of it:

If you can believe the British tabloids, the supermodel gave the Biebs a serious talking-to while they both were celebrating Riccardo Tisci's birthday. Bieber asked to be introduced to her at the party and expected the typical celebrity lovefest. That was not happening. "Kate had a huge go at him and told him he needed to behave,” a source told the UK's The Sun newspaper.

[...]

Even if this tabloid claim ends up being fake, we hope it eventually happens. Because if anyone can teach a big star to clean up his act, it's Kate Moss.

Yes. Yes, I'd certainly think of Kate Moss first when I needed someone to straighten out a musician. After the great work she did with Pete Doherty and all.

Much Music Awards 2014: Justin Bieber still popular

Justin Bieber - despite having turned out to be awkwardly racist - remains popular in Canada, where the Much Music awards gave him some sort of people's choice prize to him.

Apart from the mild surprise that Much Music is still on the air, there's not much about the winners that will cause people to drop their sandwiches:

VIDEO OF THE YEAR: Hedley, "Anything"

INTERNATIONAL VIDEO OF THE YEAR (ARTIST): Lorde, "Royals"

INTERNATIONAL VIDEO OF THE YEAR (GROUP): Imagine Dragons, "Demons"

POP VIDEO OF THE YEAR: Hedley, "Anything"

DANCE VIDEO OF THE YEAR: Autoerotique, "Asphyxiation"

HIP HOP VIDEO OF THE YEAR: Drake, "Worst Behavior"

ROCK/ALTERNATIVE VIDEO OF THE YEAR: Sam Roberts, "Shapeshifters"

INTERNATIONAL VIDEO OF THE YEAR BY A CANADIAN: Drake, "Hold On, We're Going Home" (f. Majid Jordan)

DIRECTOR OF THE YEAR: Thugli, "Run This" (Amos LeBlanc; Ohji Inoue)

POST-PRODUCTION OF THE YEAR: City and Colour, "Thirst"

MUCHFACT VIDEO OF THE YEAR: SonReal, "Everywhere We Go"

YOUR FAVE VIDEO: Hedley, "Anything"

YOUR FAVE ARTIST OR GROUP: Justin Bieber

YOUR FAVE INTERNATIONAL ARTIST OR GROUP: Selena Gomez

The main point of the event is to promote Canadian music (although presumably not Bieber), so how did that go?

Digital Spy covered the event, and they did find space amongst the big pictures of Lorde to reflect the local talent:

The Canadian winners included Sam Roberts Band, SonReal and Hedley.

And, er, that's i