Winehouse schoolhouse

There's probably no such thing a s a safe engagement for Amy Winehouse, but you'd have thought having a crack at inviting her to a school in the morning would have given fairly good odds on a meeting without incident.

The Mirror reckons her trip to the Brits School in Croydon defeated those odds:

in a diva strop she refused to take part in filming for TV after a row with her boyfriend. She stormed off in tears from the school.

Says our classroom insider: "It was chaos.

Some of the younger children were crying because they were so looking forward to seeing Amy perform.

"And the production staff just looked at each in disbelief, not knowing what too say.

"We tried to get her to change her mind, but she was having none of it and kept shouting 'no'."

Maybe she was trying to sing that song she ruins by honking No No No like she's calling workers to the morning shift on it?

Of course, a ruined school visit is nothing without the crushed face of a small children, their hopes and dreams dashed cruelly to the floor. Luckily, the Mirror rounds one up:

One pupil told us: "We wish Katie had come instead for the filming because we wouldn't have got any diva-like behaviour from her.

"Amy was in such a state and just crying. She is an idol to many of us here because of what she's achieved so soon after leaving and we couldn't believe how she behaved."

We're not entirely sure we believe this, though. First, the vague "one pupil told us" - we know that girls are getting harder and boys, they moisturise more, but surely it's not that difficult to tell one gender from another?

Then there's the claim that Amy Winehouse is, more-or-less worshipped as an idol. Not even if Croydon does that sound likely.

And, finally, the "we wish Katie had come" bit - there's not a soul alive who, given the choice between a drunk and incapable Amy Winehouse and Katie Melua would be opting for Melua. Sure, Winehouse might be sick in your piano, but at least there's no chance she'd turn up with Jamie Cullum in tow.

music amy winehouse