Actually the most entertaining thing Puddle Of Mudd have done in years

Wes Scantlin, lead lets-say-singer of Puddle Of Mudd, has been arrested in Denver after riding a baggage carousel at the airport.

Actually, not quite for riding it. Like most forms of entertainment, Scantlin couldn't quite manage to ride the carousel and ended up going behind it. Into a secure area.

It meant the band were late - very late - for their show in Denver. They turned up just at that point where everyone was thinking 'well, at least we'll get a refund', which just makes their appearance all the more cruel.

Astonishingly, it took a fan to get Scantlin out of jail on bail. Which says something - not a band mate, or the promoter, or a manager, or a label person. It looks a lot like there were a lot of people kinda hoping he'd stay in chokey.

Of course, they don't like you going into the secure areas at DIA, because of the - ahem - massive secret underground city underneath. Scantlin's lucky he isn't being held by the lizard people three miles under the mountains.

Beibs don't reign in Indianapolis

Indianapolis International Airport set out to get some lovely artwork for one of the concourses. "I know" they thought, "let's get one of those hippity-hoppity grafitti artists to do some - uh - 'dope' artwork. That'd be modern."

Tre Reising didn't quite give them what they were expecting:

An airport spokesman tells WISH-TV that managers expected a display about hip hop and art. Instead, Reising made multicolor letters of the word "belieber" that the singer uses as a social media tagline.

The airport have paid Tre off and decided not to do this. For Reising's part, he made the fatal mistake of doing something that he thought would be "fun" for people.

Wayne Coyne is that idiot holding up the TSA queue

The presence of the TSA at airports in the US might do very little to stop terrorists, but they do perform a diligent job of stopping gun nuts taking their nutty weapons onto planes - the last week in October, for example, they stopped 38 loaded guns being taken on board by twitchy fellow travellers. And a throwing star. And a bunch of grenades.

Yes, a bunch of grenades. While you're juggling a sudoku book and an iPod, there are people who put grenades in their carry-ons. Perhaps they don't intend to use them. Perhaps they plan to show their displeasure if the beef meal has run out by the time the steward makes it to their seat.

There's an awful lot wrong with the TSA, but stopping the sort of people who are deluded enough to take live or fake weapons into a tiny plane is a really useful byproduct.

I mean, what sort of person would try to take a grenade onto a plane?

What's that? Wayne Coyne, you say?

Yes, Coyne held up a security queue - causing people to miss flights and lose money. Because he had a grenade in his carry-on.

Coyne can explain, though:

The Embryonic leader described the airport officials as "very nice," and admitted some fault, but Coyne wouldn't accept full responsibility for inconveniencing his fellow travelers (even though he did tweet that apology the same day as this mishap). "I would agree that it was stupid of me, but I don't feel wholly responsible if people missed their flights," he said. "I'm not making the rules. It's not illegal for me to have that grenade with me."

The grenade was a fake, and Coyne claims he "forgot" he had it with him. I guess it's possible - only last June I forgot I hadn't put my bottle of water in the bin as I moved towards the front of ORD. I mean, who wouldn't forget they'd put a grenade in their bags, right?

It's just disappointing that Coyne won't accept that he was in the wrong, and it was his fault. Because despite what he says, realistic explosives are banned from flights, either as carry-on or in baggage.

Mainly because the only way to tell if a grenade is a real grenade or just an uncanny lookalike is to set it off.

Mainly because if someone stands up on your plane demanding that Miss Congeniality II is shown as the in-flight movie, it's pretty hard to tell if they're waving round a genuine grenade or (as Coyne had) "a non-explodable grenade painted gold".

Yes, Coyne is convinced because it had been painted gold, that somehow showed that it wasn't a threat to the flight.

It's true that Coyne doesn't make the rules. It's true the TSA might have some odd rules and some awkward moments applying them, but not taking things that look like they could blow up a plane onto a plane is a pretty good rule, and really, if you don't want to follow that sort of rule, Wayne, stick to the bus in future.

Gordon in the morning: Take That at the airport

It happens a lot in airports, and the more you travel, the more likely is that it'll happen to you, sooner or later. An immigration officer thinks there's something odd about your paperwork, and gives you a bit of a closer questioning.

That's all that seems to have happened to Howard Donald and Mark Owen when LA immigration sought confirmation that the pair were there for leisure and not work.

To The Sun, though, this is:

Take That stars in US customs shock

Apart from this not being a shock, how shoddy is reporting that doesn't know the difference between customs and immigration? Clearly, this piece must have been filed by some greenhorn reporters who aren't that worldly.

By PETE SAMSON, US Editor, and GORDON SMART, Showbiz Editor

Yes, it turns out that Pete and Gordon have collaborated on this. There's nothing in the story at all - just an everyday, but irritating, occurrence. It's like running a story about there not being any chocolate powder when someone tries to buy a cappuccino.

I wonder what Gordon actually contributed to this story to get a joint by-line? My guess is this bit:

Bandmates GARY BARLOW and JASON ORANGE, both 40, were not on the trip.

Also not on the plane: Lulu; any of Westlife; ex-King Constantine of Greece. The passenger manifest can confirm this.

Gordon in the morning: Up in the air

"Posh avoids 11 hour flight sat next to Jordan" screams the front of Bizarre this morning, apparently written by someone who doesn't really know how the plane is laid out when you turn left. Or possibly someone who thinks Victoria Beckham crams herself into coach.

Gordon insists it was close, though:

THERE'S been one of those scary near-misses involving two planes - and VICTORIA BECKHAM had a very lucky escape.

She nearly spent an 11-hour flight to LA sharing the benefits of Virgin Atlantic Upper Class with somebody she can't stand - KATIE PRICE.

Except - as is usually the case with people who fly a lot and have sufficient funds - it turns out Beckham had booked herself on all the flights leaving for LA yesterday, so there wasn't even much chance she'd be on the same flight as Jordan, much less sat next to her.

Two women fly to the same place at different times on the same day. Not quite such a great story, is it?

Gordon in the morning: Keeping the skies safe

This morning the chairman of British Airways fires a long-overdue broadside at airline security, calling most of the screening "completely redundant".

Not entirely redundant, as it turns out, though: it's been keeping Jedward in line:

HUMILIATED Jedward have made a formal complaint after allegedly being bullied regularly by airport security staff - who even tried to get one twin to drop his trousers.

John and Edward Grimes, 19, say the Heathrow workers victimised and mocked them each time they passed through.

Anything which puts Jedward off flying has to be a good thing, surely?

Seriously, though, if Jedward (even Jedward) are being victimised by airline security, that's a bit of further proof that the screening isn't really doing what it's supposed to. Because if that really was the frontline of safety against terrorists, they wouldn't be playing pranks on the tiresome.

Kanye West charged with rumpus-creation

Given how Kanye West hates to be made to go places and come away with being handed something, he must be looking forward to the forthcoming court trip he's got in store. West and his manager after a battle with photographers at LAX last year:

West has been charged with one count each of: vandalism, grand theft and battery and faces up to two years and six months in jail if found guilty. [Manager Don] Crawley has been charged with two counts each of vandalism, grand theft and battery and could face up to five years in jail.

Splendidly, it turns out West's defence is in the hands of a man called Blair Berk.

This bike is still not a pipe bomb

Two years after the first airport shutdown because of a bicycle with a This Bike Is A Pipe Bomb sticker on it, it's happened again:

"I was at work and just kind of freaked out," TBIAPB lead singer/guitarist Ryan Modee told the Pensacola News Journal on Thursday of his reaction to hearing about the incident. "I was like, 'Oh, God, not again. How could this be happening?'"

Modee is urging fans to remove stickers from items at airports and other high security areas to avoid such problems, and says the band will replace them afterward.

Perhaps there should be a warning sign - say, two miles from the airport boundary: "remove your This Bike Is A Pipe Bomb stickers now."

Of course, given that Memphis Airport was shut down by the sticker, you wonder if terrorists might not be more effective at disrupting infrastructure by forming punk bands called things like "Watch Out - This Innocent Looking Laptop Case Is Actually A Dirty Bomb" or "Yes, If I Was Attempting A Terrorist Outrage I Would Wear A Badge Saying Death To The West Like This One I Am Wearing Now" and wait for word of mouth to do the rest.

I wouldn't swap Kanye for any other cola

Here's a bizarre anecdote: apparently Jenny Lewis was approached by Kanye West and... well, let's let her tell her story:

We missed our flight and had to wait a couple of hours in the lounge. I noticed Kanye West was waiting for the same flight. He looked over and said, 'Excuse me, would you mind listening to my new track?' And so he put his headphones on my head and I listened to two of his new songs. He had no idea who I was. I guess he was doing research.

My mate Lincoln was once asked what he thought of the new style Coke cans, back when the shift from detachable ringpulls was being made - they paid him for his time by letting him finish the can of Coke for free; and I once spent some time on the top floor of Hepworth chambers sampling sandwich pickles, but I've never heard of an artist carrying out their own market research before.

I say "carrying out their own market research"; unlike Jenny, I suspect the question was not 'how does this track resonate with a non-core audience' so much as 'will confirming that, yes, I am Kanye West persuade this attractive young lady to fling herself at me'.

If I was a pop star, though, I think I'd adopt this approach for a laugh - imagine if, say, Paul Heaton came up to you on Piccadilly station and got you to listen to a track which had, halfway through, someone whispering 'everyone on the station thinks you are Paul Heaton's boyfriend'.

[Again, thanks to Michael M]

Kanye West arrested

It looks like Kanye West's short temper has got the better of him again: He's been arrested after a - yes, let's call what it was - a skirmish at LAX. A ten thousand dollar camera apparently got smashed shortly after it was pointed at him; West and another bloke have been thrown into the airport prison on suspicion of vandalism.

His bodyguard has also been arrested, although that might just be because he's done such a poor job of protecting him.

Pete And The Pilots

When we saw the NME headline yelling about Pete and the Pirates "in plane flight drama", we held our breath and clicked through. Were they on that flight where the co-pilot died? Had they found themselves next to Ian Brown in the air, keeping out a nervous eye in case he threatened to cut off flight attendant's hands again?

Erm, no:

The aeroplane the Reading band had been scheduled to fly back to the UK on after a gig in Italy was grounded due to excessive fog, meaning that the band had to hastily alter their schedule.

After some frantic rescheduling the band managed to get on an alternative flight and walked onstage at the Astoria with only five minutes to spare before their slot would have been pulled.

That's not really 'plane flight drama' - 'band have to reschedule air tickets' more like, surely?

iPods no longer a security risk

We're not sure that the TSA's blog is going to have as much of an effect on improving the experience of going through airport security as, you know, mentioning in training that the people coming through the barrier are paying customers, but it has already secured a small victory. US airports which had been interpreting the rules so strictly that iPods, other mp3 players and even Zunes had to be sent through the scanner separately have been told not to be so stupid.

A step forward, albeit one you'll have take with your shoes off and your belt out your trousers.

I predict... oh, no fly-out or something

Having already campaigned for people to switch their phone chargers off at the wall when not charging phones, the Kaiser Chiefs are now - possibly - going to add a track to a charity album aimed at fighting expansion at Stanstead. Somewhat puckishly, NME.com illustrates the story with a picture of the band clattering off a BA jet.

But aren't the Kaiser Chiefs part of the problem? The band also took part in a promotion for Silverjet when they sent their equipment by jet to the US. Although Silverjet claims to be a carbon neutral airline, because it is all-business class, its flights carry fewer passengers than standard flights and so have a greater per-head impact on climate change - and, indeed, by requiring more planes to carry the same number of passengers could be argued to be part of the increasing pressure on London's existing airports which is leading to the push for extra capacity.

Bjork re-releases greatest hit

Much as the return of Trevor McDonald to the News At Ten reminds you of happier times while feeling sympathy for his plight today, the news of Bjork attacking a photographer at the airport takes you back, doesn't it?

Herald photographer Glenn Jeffrey said his shirt was ripped all the way down the back by Bjork, who was with a man who had asked Jeffrey not to take photos.

"I took a couple of pictures... and as I turned and walked away, she came up behind me, grabbed the back of my black skivvy (long tee shirt) and tore it down the back," Jeffrey was reported saying in the Herald.

"As she did this she fell to the ground. At no stage did I touch her or speak with her," he said.

The man accompanying the singer said to her: "B, don't do this, B don't do this."

Mind you, it's really rude to take pictures of Bjork when she's not dressed as a swan or Aphrodite or plutonium.

It's 11 years since Bjork last attacked someone in an airport.

Car for Miss Tunstall

Back when The Simpsons was funny, rather than amusing, there was one where the family arrived at an airport on an all-expenses paid trip and, in seeing the limo driver holding a card with "Simpsons" on it, say "Look! That man has the same name as us..." before heading off to get a taxi.

There can be few of us who haven't at some point struggled through customs and thought, on seeing a bloke with a comfy car holding up a big sign saying "Graham Bullock", "if I said I was Mr. Bullock, how would he know I wasn't..."

This is pretty much what happened to KT Tunstall, although she was cast the unfortunate Mr. Bullock, emerging from the airport to discover someone claiming to be her had pinched the car.

The 3AM Girls rather exercised about this, claiming KT was:

stranded at New York's JFK airport

It's surely a little difficult for a grown-up to be "stranded" at a major transport hub in a country where they speak the language, isn't it?

Hetfield in possession of offensive beard

Life on the frontline of the war on terror: It's being reported by NME.com that James Hetfield was detained at Luton Airport for having a "Taliban-style" beard.

Although, actually, he was not given any explanation as to why he was stopped for questioning, and it's only his band mates who have decided it was because of the beard. What surprised us, though, is that Metallica were flying in through Luton in the first place. Truly, the Lorraine Chases of heavy metal.