Arctic Monkeys plan to live forever; learn how to fly

This morning, for reasons that we can't begin to unravel, Victoria Newton has invested effort "proving" that the Arctic Monkeys and Alex have changed:

[He] has always made a point of shunning the showbiz spotlight and acting like he is not affected by the fame game.

But [...] maybe it is going to the cheeky monkey’s head.

How so, Victoria? She points to two previous events:

The band have become increasingly obsessed with fancy dress and recently wore clown costumes for a performance on JONATHAN ROSS’s BBC1 chat show.

And earlier this year they wore Wizard Of Oz outfits to record their Brit Awards acceptance message — having shunned that ceremony, despite winning the two top gongs.

Now, most people - even those not keen on the Monkeys - would interpret turning up to play a song on Ross' show dressed as a clown or accepting the Brits dressed as friends of Dorothy as being a shrug at the institution rather than an embrace of fame's tender caress.

Besides, this is all somewhat old, so does Newton have some new "evidence" for this change in attitude:

“He has set up an email account in the name Aleks and now signs off with it. It’s the sort of quirky and rather puzzling thing that he does. I hope it doesn’t go too far. He’ll start replacing his name with a picture of a monkey next.”

Victoria then Googles Aleks to fill up some space ("provide some background"):

I’d love to know what Aleks’s inspiration is for his new name.
“Aleks” is an artificial intelligence system designed in the US for testing students and there’s also an obscure Mexican singer/songwriter called Aleks Syntek.

Yes... or maybe it's just a phonetic spelling like when Ashleys turn themselves into Ashlees. Because it would be a bit of a strange coincidence if Mr. Turner happened to have been so inspired by an American educational tool he decided to change his name in its honour, and it just happened to sound the same.

Newton - afraid she might have gone so far, and aware the bottom of the page is still some way off - then adds in the sort of empty flattery that Basil Fawlty would reserve for minor royals:

Alex is one of the most gifted songwriters of his generation so we’ll let him off — the Arktiks’ latest single, Fluorescent Adolescent, is an example of his greatness.

"is an example of his greatness" is such a clunking phrase it deserves to be put in some sort of museum, or at least used in journalism training courses as a warning from history.