Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Pete Doherty offered help

We wonder if there was a second plan to fill a page on Sun Money if they hadn't gone with how Pete Doherty can sort out his finances instead.

This piece, contributed by Tim Heming, worries about how Pete can get back on his feet now that Kate has kicked him out:

What a babySHAMBLES!

We love the headline. Because it's like Heming doesn't realise that the "shambles" bit of the band's name is there as Shambles. The capitalisation makes it look like a bloke who's just seen the dinosaurs in a magic-eye picture and are amazed to find them there.
The Babyshambles singer reportedly had to stay in a trailer park. He really is up the bracket.

Eh? He really is in the face?
Sticks and stones won’t break his bones, but smoking could kill him. It doesn’t help his cashflow and Pete could save nearly £2,000 instantly by kicking the habit.

He could save two grand instantly? Not over the course of a year? Either Pete has about 400 packets of fags on his person at any time, or this doesn't quite add up. Somewhat coyly, Tim doesn't make any suggestion about, ooh, other expensive habits which Pete could drop to keep a few quid in his back pocket.
Removal men also took six acoustic guitars, an accordion and an upright piano from Kate’s house when he was kicked out. We reckon there’s a good £3,500 to be made just from selling his favourite musical instruments.

Apart from seriously underestimating the value of the instruments, what sort of financial advisor would turn to anyone in hard times, and say "the best thing to do is sell the tools of your trade?"
He may not live in Pentonville yet – but there is a prison near the up-and-coming London neighbourhood and property prices are still reasonable.

If Pete’s going to have any chance of getting a mortgage on a new home, it’s not a bad place to start.

Now, there's a criteria that Kirstie and Phil haven't had to work with yet - "I want something with three bedrooms, a large garden, an outhouse for my pottery hobby I plan to turn into an ill-fated business and, ooh, it must be near a prison."

But hang on a moment - the Sun's best advice is that Doherty gets a mortgage? And how did they describe his position before they made him flog off his means of income?
The whole world may have been Pete’s playground in recent times, but with no home, no gigs, a jail tour around the corner and no über-cool (and über-rich) girlfriend to rely on...

So, no collateral, no regular income, the possibilty of being unable to earn in the near future: where does the Sun think he's going to find someone who'd lend him enough for a £200,000 single bed flat based on their assessment of his financial position?


3 comments:

karlt said...

We reckon there’s a good £3,500 to be made just from selling his favourite musical instruments.

Poor advice that. I recall Doherty got into a right pickle last time he sold musical instruments.

Anonymous said...

Well done on ripping that thicko of a Sun journalist to bits.

David said...

The purest example of lazy tabloid journalism I've seen for a while. They'd probably defend it by saying it's supposed to be a joke. Problem is, it's about as funny as a smack habit.

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