Pink extends the finger of screw you

The other night, Pink went to a benefit gig for the John Wayne Cancer Institute to support a friend being given an award.

There's a photo, look:

Some people looked at this photo and started muttering about Pink's weight.

Fortunately, Pink doesn't take this sort of thing sitting down.

pic.twitter.com/fHdHg6II9g

— P!nk (@Pink) April 13, 2015

(Side note: The Mirror was especially bad, banging on about how terrible she looked in the article where they published her retort.)

Don't let them get me

Strange times in Suffolk County, New York, where drumming attorney Charles Bonfante III is suing Collette McLafferty for doing a Pink cover act that he wasn't drumming for:

McLafferty is named in the suit, filed in Suffolk County, N.Y., along with bandmates Rik Nevone and John Rodriguez, for performing with their band, Funhouse (named for Pink's fifth album). The suit was filed by drummer/attorney Charles Bonfante III. In the suit, Bonfante, who did not return a request for comment, goes after McLafferty's looks, saying in the suit, "She didn't look the part, or at least contribute to the overall aesthetics of the band," an angle played up by the New York Post in their coverage.

"The Post and everyone is playing the angle that she's too old and ugly to sing, but it's really about stealing [Bonfante's] idea. But he has no right to his idea. Only Pink does," said Martin Kera, McLafferty's attorney, calling Bonfante "insane." ("Who writes a 112-page complaint?")

You'd also suggest that "being in a lookalikey covers band" isn't an original idea; and that, given Faux Pink were going in 2009, even being a Pink tribute act isn't much of an original idea.

Oh, and the lawsuit?

He's looking for ten million dollars. There's barely that much cash in being actual Pink.

Embed and Letterman: Pink

Something a little poppier now, although not that much poppier, as Pink turns up in her teen goth mode to do Family Portrait:



[Part of Embed and Letterman]

Brits 2014: The nominations

It's considered bad luck to not have your Christmas decorations down by the time the Brit Awards shortlist is released, so let's hope your tree is packed away.

Moving a large pile of baubles to one side, let's see what we've got this year.

Katy Perry, Ellie Goulding, Bruno Mars and Bastille are all going to play the event.

In totally unconnected news, Katy Perry, Ellie Goulding, Bruno Mars and Bastille have all been nominated.

For some reason, they've produced a shortlist for Critic's Choice, even although they announce the winner of that prize at the same time as the shortlist - so, congratulations Sam Smith; bad luck to Chloe Howl and Ella Eyre. Especially to Chloe Howl, who must be wondering why critics have favoured Sam Smith's plodding-about-in-a-dead-mans-coat over her work. It's like a fun fair losing out to a domino table.

Smith presumably helped through his work with Disclosure, whose name ripples through the shortlists alongside that of Bastille. It's actually quite positive to see this - two names that I don't think you'd have been able to predict having such resonance this time last year.

Elsewhere it's business as usual: Lady GaGa, despite her only having done a shit record last year. Pink, despite her not having done any records at all. Bruno Mars, despite him being Bruno Mars.

That godawful One Direction One Way Or Another record has somehow been picked as one of the best singles of the year.

It's unclear what's more surprising - that Olly Murs is considered to have made one of the best singles of 2013, or that - if we accept this as a fact - he's not considered to be one of the best male solo artists of the year.

Anyway, here's the slim pickings that some poor sods will have to weigh against each other in full:

British Male Solo Artist
David Bowie
Jake Bugg
James Blake
John Newman
Tom Odell

British Female Solo Artist
Birdy
Ellie Goulding
Jessie J
Laura Marling
Laura Mvula

British Group
Arctic Monkeys
Bastille
Disclosure
One Direction
Rudimental

British Breakthrough Act
Bastille
Disclosure
Laura Mvula
London Grammar
Tom Odell

Critics' Choice
Sam Smith
(Winner)

Chlöe Howl
Ella Eyre

British Single
Bastille - 'Pompeii'
Calvin Harris/Ellie Goulding - 'I Need Your Love'
Disclosure ft AlunaGeorge - 'White Noise'
Ellie Goulding - 'Burn'
John Newman - 'Love Me Again'
Naughty Boy ft Sam Smith - 'La La La'
Olly Murs - 'Dear Darlin''
One Direction - 'One Way or Another (Teenage Kicks)'
Passenger - 'Let Her Go'
Rudimental ft Ella Eyre - 'Waiting All Night'

British Album of the Year
Arctic Monkeys - AM
Bastille - Bad Blood
David Bowie - The Next Day
Disclosure - Settle
Rudimental - Home

British Producer of the Year
Ethan Johns
Flood (Mark Ellis) & Alan Moulder
Paul Epworth

International Male Solo Artist
Bruno Mars
Drake
Eminem
John Grant
Justin Timberlake

International Female Solo Artist
Janelle Monae
Katy Perry
Lady Gaga
Lorde
Pink

International Group
Arcade Fire
Daft Punk
Haim
Kings of Leon
Macklemore & Ryan Lewis

The Kings Of Leon. Nobody actually likes the Kings Of Leon, do they? They just exist to pad out this sort of thing.

Now, time to try and shove tinsel into a tube.

Pink finds a rule allowing for food to be eaten

Pink's normally quite close to a real person, which makes stories like this disappointing:

Pink gorged on cheesecake and chicken wings during her pregnancy.

The 'True Love' singer loved being pregnant with her daughter Willow, now two, because it meant she could indulge in her favourite fattening snacks without feeling any guilt.

Really? Because under which circumstances should you feel guilty for eating food? Is it only when you're pregnant is there this surprising get-out, or are there other circumstances?

"I've got a veruca - that means I'm able to have cheese on toast without the need to attend confession."

"Having just been a bus crash, I can either trade that in for two pounds of sausages, or a piece of millionaire shortbread - without declaring either on my income tax form."

"Papercut! Jane, send for doughnuts and tell my solicitor to prepare the exemption paperwork."

Later in the interview that Contactmusic is quoting from, Pink does say that she loves her food, but not before a lot about how much exercise she did to get back "into shape" after the birth of her kid.

Because god forbid you just enjoy being a parent and don't worry about your abs for a few months, eh?

Chris Brown fans as classy as Chris Brown

Back in May, Chris Brown turned up at the Billboard Awards and did a performance. Well, he opened and closed his mouth while someone else played a song behind him.

Pink snurkled about it on Twitter:

"One day if I lipsync, I hope I do it as well as him."

End result? The fans of the famously anger-heavy Brown laid in to her:

"It was a joke," Pink said. "It wasn't even meant like 'I hate Chris Brown'. Twitter brings out the best and worst people - myself included. I swear when I'm in my kitchen at 10pm at night I'm f---ing hilarious. When I read it the next day I'm like 'Hmm... maybe that didn't translate'.

With the Chris Brown thing I got death threats for days. My favorite was 'I will snatch you within an inch of your life'. I don't know how that works exactly but whatever you want..."

It's always been a mystery: what sort of person could possibly have any time for Chris Brown. Now we know...

Gordon in the morning: Invasions of privacy

Remember back in June when Pink asked, politely, for the press to not take intrusive long-lens photos of her baby? No, neither does Gordon and his munchkin Matt Hinton, who runs a total non-story and large picture of Willow Sage this morning.

Gordon also splashes big on the supposed Justin Bieber paternity story, despite it reading like fanfic rather than a genuine claim.

And, with Hugh Grant having been so vocal about Murdoch's papers running intrusive stories about people's private lives, what a surprise to see Gordon's team running an intrusive story about Hugh Grant's private life. Funnily enough, the paper finds time to mention that Grant was at the Labour Party Conference the day his child was born, but doesn't have the space to say exactly why he was there.

The writer, Emily Nash, doesn't even seem to understand what the point of her story is, trying to scrape together something out of the house that Hugh's child and her mother are living in is owned by Grant's cousin. It's unclear who has decided that this is enough to try and justify mentioning the child for a second day, but if the idea is to try and undermine Grant's claims that Murdoch grubs about in people's lives for no reason other than to cause upset, it's backfiring spectacularly.

You know what's wrong with pop music? Katy Perry

Linda Perry reckons Katy 'no relation' Perry is right at the heart of all that's wrong with pop music:

I'm not a huge fan of Adele but that's a solid record and it's selling. That means people are still buying records. It's the crappy, like, who wants a Katy Perry record? I'm sorry, but you're going to get the two songs that are probably the hits that are good, but the rest of the album is going to be crap. It's going to sound like shit.

For younger readers, an "album" is a collection of songs which record companies used as a means of forcing people to buy the tracks they didn't really want.

So people download the single, and that's it. She's great for what she does, but she's not reinventing the wheel, she's not giving substance, she's just giving microwave popcorn to feast on right at this moment. She's not looking to change the world musically, so all the power to her. I'm not saying that's bad, I'm saying it's not what I participate in. That's part of the reason why the music business is in turmoil.

Oh... hang about, then, she's not saying Katy Perry is bad. She's just saying that she only releases songs that people what to buy and not, presumably, recording Tales From Topographic Oceans.

Isn't that sort of the point of pop music? Isn't this like complaining about Calvin And Hobbes because it isn't a Russian novel?

More to the point, Perry writes for Pink. Now, you'll know that I think Pink is, generally, a good thing - but in terms of producing brilliant pop, she's a singles act. There's a yawning quality chasm between Pink and Perry K, but is there really much difference in methodology?

Also: Four Non-Blondes.

Daily Mail ignores mother's wishes, PCC code, own proprietor

Well done, Daily Mail. By running creepy long-lens shots of Pink and her baby, you're ignoring both the PCC code forbidding using the fame of a child's parent as an excuse for running a story - or "story" in this case; and Pink's own request that paparazzi leave her alone.

Oh, and also the late Viscount Rothermere's pledge not to buy paparazzi photos following the death of Diana.

Perhaps there's a 'but none of the above applies if the photo is cute' clause I've been missing.

E! pokes its face into a baby

E! has published a long lens photo of Pink carrying her daughter.

Despite being obviously shot by a stalker-with-a-camera, E! write about it as if they'd been invited to tea:

Cuteness alert!

Punk rock queen Pink and her hubby, Carey Hart, have been keeping baby Willow Sage out of the spotlight, save for the one time they released their own family portrait to the press.

But the protective new mama was ready to drop the curtain as she and her 1-month-old daughter were spotted stepping out together in Malibu.

We're keeping our fingers crossed for more Pink family outings because her baby is just too adorable. All together now: Awww!

They were out doing family things. They were not putting themselves in the spotlight.

What makes E! even more scummy is that in the middle of this article, they actually link to their own article where Pink asks paparazzi to not invade her kid's childhood. They link to it. While ignoring it.

Daily Mail drives coach, horses, large camera van through Pink's request

Twenty-four hours ago, Pink asked politely to be left alone by the Paparazzi.

The Mail has clearly seen the request, because it reprints large chunks of the post on its website today.

Not the bits about not wanting cameramen forcing lens into her kids' face, or the requests to not be hassled. No, the Mail doesn't find space for those bits, because it needs to leave space for a large number of snatched photos of Pink's baby.

Perhaps if Paul Dacre wants to stop people pointing out that he is a horrible, horrible person he should stop his newspaper being such a cynical, heartless beast.

Pink versus the Paparazzi

Pink has flogged photos of her baby to the media. But... it's not for money (she's given the cash to charity). It's in a bid to try and get the photographers out her baby buggy:

We will be donating the money to children's' charities, among them one of our favorites, the Ronald McDonald House, an organization that houses and cares for the families of sick children so they can be together during treatment, as well as Autism Speaks.

Like any parents, we believe our little girl deserves the right to have privacy and be protected, but unfortunately, this media climate doesn't seem to provide for that. I feel so grateful that after many years of hard work, music and motorcycles have elevated both Carey and me to such a place that the public has supported us in building our life and lifestyle together. We recognize that celebrity has its upsides and downsides and do our best to manage just being people without hiring stylists and bodyguards before one of us goes to the store to buy some milk. I've seen some photos of myself that make me smile and some that make me less smiley. But you see, it's one thing to harass and stalk us, the adults, the celebrity that signed up for this life, but children should be protected and safe. There should be a clear distinction between us.

In EVERY other country that I recall, children's faces are blurred out in magazine photos. Why is USA the only country that continues to financially incentivize intrusive paparazzi behavior to capitalize on photos of babies, infants and children?

It's not, of course, only the US. Happens a lot in the UK, too. I wonder if Gordon will mention this in his column tomorrow?

Here's the bottom line: we don't want you to take our little girl's picture. We don't want you to one day follow our little girl home from school. We don't want our little girl's picture in a magazine or on a blog. If you take or publish her picture, it is against our wishes, and without our consent as parents, as people.

That's a fairly explicit 'don't do it' request.

You won't see any snatched photos of Pink's baby on the Daily Mail website, though. They promised to never buy any more pap snaps way back in 1997 after the death of Diana:

"The proprietor of the Daily Mail, Mail on Sunday and Evening Standard announced last night that his papers will not in future purchase pictures taken by paparazzi

Viscount Rothermere, chairman of the Daily Mail and General Trust plc said: 'I am, and always have been, an admirer of Diana, Princess of Wales, and nagged my editors to protect her so far as they could against her powerful enemies.

In view of Earl Spencer's strong words and my own sense of outrage, I have instructed my editors no 'paparazzi' pictures are to be purchased without my knowledge and consent.'"

Hang about, though... there's loads of long lens shots of Pink and family here. Presumably Viscount Rothermere must have okayed each one of those personally?

Pink horses make Pink see red

The people making Selena Gomez's music video insist that painting horses pink didn't hurt them, after Pink (the person, not the colour) spotted the video being made:

P!nk noticed a pink horse and a purple horse on a So Cal beach .... and twittered, "If there are any animal activists around Malibu- at Leo Cabrillo State Beach, there are horses being painted for a stupid music video. Shame."

The pop star continued, "Artists should be more aware and responsible for their actions."

There's a couple of broader points, though - sure, the horses may not have been mistreated, but when you're making pop videos for children, painting creatures sets a bloody bad example. The kiddywinks will see animals painted bright colours and assume that it's okay to paint animals bright colours, and before you know it Tiddles has got half a pot of gloss over him.

More importantly: she's making a video with bright pink horses in. Isn't there even a hint of a taste bar to doing such things?

Gordon in the morning: Pink and Black

It's probably too late to hope that the way pregnant women are infantalised by the tabloids will stop - all that talk of "bumps" - but as ever, Gordon has raised the bar in the wrong direction. Talking about Pink:

And it's great to see that she's Keith Cheggers with her first child, showing off the bump in a bikini.

Keith Cheggers? I've heard of cockney rhyming slang, but don't think I've come across cock rhyming slang before.

The lead on Bizarre, though, is some incoherent complaint from Serge out of Kasabian that footballers aren't 1970s rock stars. No, really:

Serge said: "These boys can claim the money but they can't claim the attitude just yet. Footballers have definitely got rock stars' money now, but I couldn't name you one that's got any claim on spirit.

"Andy Carroll has the hair and he definitely likes a drink. He kind of looks a bit BLACK SABBATH."

What does this actually mean? The normal assumption would be that an athlete probably would raise less hell than a rock musician, what with being reliant on their athleticism and all - but even that's not true, is it? Pizzorno really thinks that the "attitude" he looks for isn't present in the likes of Cole and Rooney? They're every bit as childishly behaved as any guitarist, surely? It's a bit like suggesting that bankers don't have the greed any more.

I collect, I reject: Pink's breath

Currently available on eBay: Pink's breath. In a bottle.

Handy, I guess, if you're pretty good at magic and want to use the breath, along with certain roots and the heart of a koala to create a Pink of your very own.

Even the seller admits that, you know, this might look a little odd:

PINK'S BREATH IN A BOTTLE

YES WEIRD BUT TRUE

To be fair, at no point does the seller imply it's Pink's entire breath. Just some of it.

This was captured by my 10 year old at her Melbourne concert .on the 14th of August 2009

My Daughter is such a huge Fan That she Thought of this on her own and got close enough for her to breath in the bottle ,

She has kept This bottle since the concert BUT She now wants to save any from this bottle money to try and meet Pink One Day So thats why she has decided to sell it.

If I was Pink, I'd be worried what this kid was planning to capture on the next meeting - kidneys? arms? Is she attempting to create Pink in kit form?

My Daughter Has asked that it go to someone that will Tresure it and Respect it for What it REALLY IS

Yeah, she doesn't want it to go to any old Joe who'd simply flog it on eBay for a... oh, hang on a minute.

So, how can we be sure that this bottle really contains Pink's breath, and isn't merely a bottle with ordinary air - air expired by non-famous people - collected within?

She has also Taken Pics with the Ticket So you Know she was really at the concert

Strictly speaking, having a ticket doesn't actually prove you were anywhere - I know a bloke who has a ticket for the maiden voyage of the Titanic, but I don't think that suggests he's over ninety and escaped a watery grave. And simply being at a concert doesn't mean the bottle was close enough to Pink's lungs on an expiration heave.

The bottle has never been opened since as there is no way in the world she would EVER allow it .

... because one whiff would tell you it's full of Corey Hart's butt and not Pink's lips.

The bids currently stand at $31. Think of it as an investment.

Decade Null: 2002 - Pink

"LA told me, you'll be a pop star, all you have to change is everything you are". I've always liked Pink. Proper pop star. Although not so good when she's in love, unfortunately. Anyone who doesn't have a least one track from Missundaztood that they love probably doesn't really like music.

Don't Let Me Get Me, filling Wembley in 2006:



[Part of Decade Null: 2002]

Queen refuses to be penpals with Pink

Pink has been writing some letters. But not getting anywhere with them:

She told Q magazine: "I wrote to him to protest about fox hunting and I figured he would be this stuffy, privileged a**hole. But he's like a redneck from the south.

"If you're brought up shooting and hunting animals, if you really think it's second nature and you're blasting away then it's hard to see the other point of view. You need educating."

It's nice to show an interest - although, frankly, you might want to concentrate more on the other animals which William legally blasts to death for a laugh.

The Queen? The Queen's no better:

She once penned a letter to William's grandmother Queen Elizabeth about the use of bear skin hats on her guards and was disappointed not to receive a response.

She revealed: "To be truthful I was really surprised I didn't get a reply to that one. I wasn't just writing in and complaining, and it certainly was not a publicity stunt.

"I actually proposed a plan. Stella McCartney had designed theses replacement hats for the guards using fake fur. I felt we were solving the problem for her and offering a viable solution. But she never wrote back. Maybe she doesn't have any of my stuff on her iPod."

Perhaps she doesn't have your stuff on her iPod. Or maybe she got a letter saying "Hey, Stella McCartney has designed some cruelty-free bearskins - wanna see?" and put it quietly to one side.

Darkness at 3AM: Drink Pink

According to the 3AM girls, Pink is about to go into the wine business.

Which is interesting, but nowhere near as interesting as the column's decision to call her P!nk. With the exclamation mark. They'll be bunging the ® in next.

Pink and pushing

What really caught our eye in the report of Pink turning up to sing for the people filming a T-Mobile advert in Trafalgar Square was the intro:

PINK thrilled thousands of volunteers filming a commercial in London on Thursday (30Apr09) when she made a surprise visit to sing for the crowd.
More than 13,000 members of the public converged in the British capital's Trafalgar Square to participate in a mass singalong for phone company T-Mobile's new TV ad.

"Volunteers"? For a television advert for a mobile phone company?

"Unpaid extras", surely? You volunteer for a charity; if you turn up to appear for nothing in an advert for a company with a £115million annual advertising budget that would make you a schmuck, rather than a volunteer, surely?

Gordon in the morning: But... but... you're meant to be pretty

Yesterday, Gordon Smart ran one of the leaked year-old pictures from the aborted Hard Candy sessions, and oozed all over it:

I wonder if Lady G will look as good when she hits 50.

Today, he runs one of the leaked pictures from the aborted Hard Candy sessions, and is disgusted:

WHEN I set eyes on this picture of MADONNA yesterday I felt for the first time that I had seen enough of her posing in her undercrackers.

It is the latest photo released to promote Madge’s album Hard Candy, but it’s how I’d promote Saga holidays for the over-50s.

The difference, of course, is that today's picture isn't retouched. Oh, and none of these pictures have been "released to promote" anything, have they, Gordon? They've been leaked. Which is why the picture you're running is un-retouched.

The boys’ observations were a bit more simple... that she looks like the terrifying Zelda from TV’s Terrahawks.

Let's hope, erm, Lady Gaga looks as good when... sorry, what did you say yesterday, Gordon?

Elsewhere, Gordon runs some pointless long-lens shots of Pink in a bikini, concluding somewhat oddly:

Her display is another reason why I’m glad I never had a sister.

Why? Because you'd be worried some creepy pervert would take sneaky pictures of her arse and then sell them to his creepy mates?