Gordon in the morning: Pink and Black

It's probably too late to hope that the way pregnant women are infantalised by the tabloids will stop - all that talk of "bumps" - but as ever, Gordon has raised the bar in the wrong direction. Talking about Pink:

And it's great to see that she's Keith Cheggers with her first child, showing off the bump in a bikini.

Keith Cheggers? I've heard of cockney rhyming slang, but don't think I've come across cock rhyming slang before.

The lead on Bizarre, though, is some incoherent complaint from Serge out of Kasabian that footballers aren't 1970s rock stars. No, really:

Serge said: "These boys can claim the money but they can't claim the attitude just yet. Footballers have definitely got rock stars' money now, but I couldn't name you one that's got any claim on spirit.

"Andy Carroll has the hair and he definitely likes a drink. He kind of looks a bit BLACK SABBATH."

What does this actually mean? The normal assumption would be that an athlete probably would raise less hell than a rock musician, what with being reliant on their athleticism and all - but even that's not true, is it? Pizzorno really thinks that the "attitude" he looks for isn't present in the likes of Cole and Rooney? They're every bit as childishly behaved as any guitarist, surely? It's a bit like suggesting that bankers don't have the greed any more.