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When did we start having people pop up to sing the national anthem at sporting events? It seems that's a thing now; and yesterday at Wembley they got someone off the X Factor - Karen Harding - to do the honours.
Trouble is, she missed her cue and had to skip a bit of the first verse.
The Independent might be overselling what happened a little:
Sex with Leapy Lee. Mormonism. And now, football. It's an eclectic morning of things people do that I don't really want to watch. Geoff Barrow and Phil Selway are trying to raise charity money through the medium of soccer:
Portishead's Geoff Barrow and Radiohead drummer Philip Selway have teamed up to form a charity soccer team named Heads United. A play on Manchester United and the "–head" attached to both artists' band names, Heads United will hit the pitch April 25th in Newberry, England (via Pitchfork). Barrow is hoping to raise £1,500 for the Football & Food Festival, which will donate all proceeds to the Mary Hare Foundation, a national charity that supports deaf children.It's a good cause; they're a bit shy of their target. Go on, just one less chocolate egg and you can help out.
The much ballyhooed takeover of Doncaster Rovers by Louis Tomlinson is about to collapse, as the Football League isn't impressed.
Of course, Tomlinson was never actually going to buy the club, but was instead helping a fan-funded trust purchase the team. But it's not working out:
The Trust's Crowdfunder total currently stands at £757,796 from 514 backers, well short of the £2m target. Tomlinson had declared that he was going to charge £250 per selfie, in order to raise money for the club.It must be a bit galling for Tomlinson. I bet he's aware Harry Styles could probably raise enough from selling selfies to buy Man United. Or at least Everton.
Clearly angered by the decision, [John] Ryan told BBC Radio Sheffield: "The situation is that the crowd-funder didn't succeed and we are very sorry about that but the real problem is with the Football League.You can understand his frustration, but 'not raising the amount of cash required to ensure the team can function' does seem to be less a problem with the Football League and more about the people trying to raise the money.
"They have made it so difficult now that unless you have a bag full of cash you are going to get turned down."
Tucked behind the paywall this morning, Gordon Smart has a strange story in which Diego Maradona, out of the I, Ludicrous song, has hailed Noel Gallagher as "God".
Just as you process this, remember Maradona was so fond of mind-altering substances he drugged himself out of football and into hospital, so it's not totally impossible that he's seen the face of God at some point.
However, I'm not sure that this claim is quite the good news Gordon seems to believe it is. I know precious little about football - I'm from Brighton - but even I know that Maradona claimed that it was God who had handled the ball in the World Cup. In effect, he seems to be blaming Noel Gallagher for putting England out the competition.
"He cannae run wi'out legs" is, I think, the only piece of football strategy that ever made it into ITV 'tykes-over-coming-ennui-through-painting-a-supporters-club-in-garish-colours' kids drama Murphy's Mob and, as such, I'm certain that every manager rasps this advice into players' ears before they head out for a big match.
Should it be such a surprise, then, that this happened:
That's Aston Villa's Gabby Agbonlahor taking down One Direction/Doncaster Rover's Louis Tomlinson (oh, try typing that with a straight face) during a charity match.
(It's not entirely clear why Tomlinson was playing, as it was supposedly a Celtic team against a Legends team, and 'having signed as some sort of dancing bear with Doncaster' hardly constitutes being a legend, surely?)
Still, nice to see consistency from the One Directioner, whose 'rolling about in agony in front of a crowd' is as convincing as his 'being a musician in front of a crowd' work.
[Thanks to @curiousiguana]
As you know, Gordon's excellent coverage has been taken, along with the rest of The Sun's business, behind a mighty paywall.
So, what does your money get you this morning?
Gordon's big story is that he went on televison and then he played football with his friend James and then James did score a goal and so Gordon lost but he had fun anyway and it was on the television.
Oh, how we laughed when Melchester Rovers signed two of Spandau Ballet. As if a real football team would waste its time signing pop stars, even for the stunt value.
The joke, it turns out, was on us. Doncaster Rovers have signed Louis Tomlinson out of One Direction.
There's a charity-related angle to the whole thing, so it looks like a publicity stunt with its heart in the right place.
If this was Roy Of The Rovers, there'd be a massive flu hit to the team, forcing Tomlinson to appear in the first team for an all-important cup match. (Probably while a disgruntled former goalkeeper attempts to burn the stadium down.) But that... that would be too far-fetched, surely?
Popular fictional character Lana Del Ray has been to Anfield to watch Liverpool play (no word on if she popped in to the community bakery, but if she didn't, she missed her chance.)
This, though, has generated the worst headline The Sun has done in years:
Stevie G wants Lana-field Del RapWhat?
Gordon has spotted a gruesome twosome:
HOW about this for an unusual partnership? Former England striker ALAN SHEARER and Essex lad OLLY MURS.Two people at the same event have a chat hardly seems that unusual - perhaps if they were going round solving crimes, or announcing a civil partnership, there might be a raised eyebrow.
They got together for a chinwag and a couple of bevvies yesterday as the Football Association celebrated the launch of its 150th anniversary year in central London.
Man United fan Olly was at the bash because he’s just been named as an official ambassador for the FA.Olly Murs. An ambassador. For the FA.
Back in the day, Olly was a half-decent footballer – even plying his trade as a semi-pro for Witham Town for a short while.So that's half-decent performances at a non-league standard from Murs. But before that, he was a footballer.
It's not just that you can picture the marketing meeting where this idea was choke-dropped onto the table; it's the way you can see the pie-chart of "intersecting communities" being drawn on the interactive whiteboard, and hear the whooping:
Pepsi and the National Football League (NFL) announced the expansion of the Pepsi NFL Anthems program, a national campaign that brings to life originally created anthems for seven NFL teams around the league. The latest world-renowned artists to be featured in the program include one of the generation's most influential artists, Lenny Kravitz, who penned "Like a Jet" for the team he grew up cheering for in New York, and America's Greatest Rock Band AEROSMITH, staunch supporters of the New England Patriots, who have released an anthem titled "Legendary Child - Patriots Anthem".If you're telling people it's an anthem, it probably isn't. If you're having to stick the word "anthem" in the title, what you've probably written is a jingle.
In an ongoing effort to amplify the intersection between sports and music, we are thrilled to add AEROSMITH and Lenny Kravitz as the newest Anthems artists," said Pepsi Director of Sports Marketing Todd Kaplan. "On top of that, the Jets and Patriots have a notorious rivalry, and we couldn't have picked a better matchup to debut our new songs and advertising campaign."Let's not doubt for a moment that there is an intersection between sports and music, albeit one whose value sits somewhere between the Hoddle and Waddell single and that comedy record by the bloke pretending to be John McEnroe.
"This is a program the band and I were excited to get behind as it is a true representation of our allegiance to the New England Patriots and the city of Boston," said AEROSMITH frontman Steven Tyler. "There's something about the word legendary and the words New England Patriots that have an amazing ring to them. We're excited and proud to be part of that," added AEROSMITH guitarist Joe Perry.That sentence. That one right there: "There's something about the word legendary and the words New England Patriots that have an amazing ring to them." That is the marketing project equivalent of finding dead fish washed up on the beach, a warning sign that there's absolutely nothing able to breathe in the environment.
Felix Allen files for the News International shadow state this morning with a story about the football:
ROWDY Liam Gallagher got a rollocking from Spanish cops last night as he watched his beloved Manchester City lose 3-2 to Real Madrid.From cops? Plural? A rollicking?
City were 2-1 up with minutes to go when a cop grabbed Liam’s arm as he stood up and got “vocal”.One cop. A gentle touch. It's not exactly a call for water cannon and back-up, is it?
His spokesman said: “They left without escort.”Which is either a brilliant deadpan response, or the long sigh of a spokesperson fighting off a desperate bid to turn a nothing into a something.
With people from News International being charged with illegal interception of Paul McCartney's telephone messages yesterday, how amusing that Gordon Smart has nabbed a front page with details of a conversation between Macca and someone else.
This time, though, the discussion has been lifted from Shortlist. (Yes, the UK's biggest-selling paid-for newspaper is offering its readers a lead story today copied from a giveaway magazine; unless the FT has copied its front page direct from the MK Citizen, I can't think of a worse bargain.)
The paper flashes this as an 'exclusive', by the way. If you see Gordon trying to shove every copy of Shortlist down his trousers to try and justify that claim of exclusivity, you'll know why.
McCartney has a beef that David Beckham isn't going to be playing for Team GB in the Olympics:
Macca, 70, who will top the showbiz bill at the curtain-raiser, told Shortlist magazine: “It would’ve been great for him to lead out our British football team.I'm not a football fan, but isn't 'someone being better at playing the game' quite important?
"But some person somewhere said, ‘So-and-so’s playing better.’ Like it matters.”
Last night a Team GB source said former England hero Pearce would NOT be moved — and that Macca should Let It Be.It looks like they did.
Bad news for Dave channel; close down Jongleurs, for comedy has reached an apex and from now, there is only the opportunity to make jokes that are in decline.
The time of this moment in human history was one of The Stone Roses pension fund shows:
STONE Roses hero Mani had Rio Ferdinand in stitches with a cheeky tribute to his beloved Manchester United.If you are eating, or drinking, you may wish to finish before reading the detail of this jape, lest you spray the contents of your mouth over your screen.
The football-mad bass player flipped his guitar over to flash the message “Mani United” in front of 70,000 fans at Heaton Park on Sunday night.I know. I know.
After the gig, Rio chuckled: “Mani United – that was awesome. I couldn’t believe my eyes when he did it.A genius, Rio? Why damn Mani with such faint, faint praise?
“The guy’s a genius and the band were amazing.”
According to this morning's Bizarre, Chris Martin feels that Coldplay are the Manchester United of pop:
“I was talking to my dad about Manchester United — the most popular football team in the world — and when they show up at West Ham they get booed.Surely it's not, though? Manchester United get booed by the crowd at the West Ham because they're playing in front of a crowd that, for a large part, actively support a different team. If Coldplay turned up to somehow try and beat, say, Kasabian in a competition, you'd expect the Kasabian supporters too boo the other side.
“I was thinking, ‘Well, it’s the same for us’.”
Or, rather, Norbert Peter Stiles, as his mam knew him. Perhaps least well-known for his spell managing the Vancouver Whitecaps, this one is about the football.
Mostly Manchester United and part of the England team that won something called the "world cup" back before I was born, Stiles has popped up in music more than once. Thriving Liverpool act Western Promise offer up this:
Sunderland's Toy Dolls got there sooner, mind:
A band from the west; a band from the East. Have any Manchester bands recorded a song about Stiles?
[Buy: Dance Like Nobby Stiles]
[Part of The illustrated Friends]
As part of his last day reading out the football scores, Tim Gudgin remembers the time he shared the job with Mark E Smith:
Several fans have appeared alongside him, reading the results on the BBC's interactive service, most memorably and singularly, the Fall's Mark E Smith. "He knew the teams because he was keen on soccer," Gudgin says. "It was an idiosyncratic performance, partly because he'd had more than a little alcohol beforehand. I think we just about got away with it."
Why would Gordon Smart even want to put this image in anybody's mind?:
[Liam Gallagher] added: "The Poznan dance, it's great. I do it when I get up in the morning, when I'm in the shower. Brilliant."Is the idea of a lumbering, soaped-up Liam part of Gordon's pro-Noel campaign? Or is this part of a peace deal with Liam, gently introducing the UK public to the possibility that Gallagher has embraced a personal hygiene routine? Who can be sure?
For some reason, Gordon has an item today which is purely 'footballer watches Sky Sports'. How sweet to do something to cheer James Murdoch up a little.
If you half-glance at the Daily Mail, Alastair Campbell broke Tom Parker's leg during a charity football match.
Given what Alastair Campbell did to things like the BBC, and the truth, during the job he was famous for, you might think Parker came off lightly.
Over on his own blog, Campbell offers his side of the match, which unpicks the Mail story - not least the way the paper reports on The Wanted's singer being stretchered off, but neglects to mention that it was later on, and after the photos of a shouty Campbell at a skirmish. Not later on in the match; later on in a different match. (Naturally, The Sun also makes the same misrepresentation.)
The Mail's piece is all over the place all on its own - Campbell is being presented in the photos, headline and standfirst as the belligerent, but the detail actually admits that incident being photographed came after Parker had performed a vicious tackle. The paper also seems uncertain if Parker's leg was broken or not; at the outset it's snapped, but in the story itself it's just a "suspected" broken leg.
The Mail doesn't run a photo of the stretchering, but one pops up in The Sun story:
The little spat between Noel Gallagher and some footballer or other has draggged on, to Gordon's delight:
After Noel's insult in Bizarre earlier this week, Gary [Neville] responded: "Shouldn't you be writing a new album or has your pen run out of ink?" Man City fan Noel replied: "My pen runs on pure gold. Ink's for your daft mates' tattoos."What Gordon doesn't seem to have noticed is that, while neither of them are particularly great, Gary Neville at least shows a bit of wit.
GNev answered: "Gold? If you take any longer you'll be on UK Gold."
But the final word went to Mr Big: "The thought of you humming my new tunes while combing your 'tache in the mirror makes me want to take another year off. But if you promise not to buy a copy when it comes out I'll get a move on."
