That's enough - band

Not that it's ever stopped them before, but...:

AEROSMITH's JOEY KRAMER Says 'There Is Almost No Reason' For Band To Make Another Studio Album

Almost no reason? Almost no reason?

Aerosmith really like football, or cola, or something

It's not just that you can picture the marketing meeting where this idea was choke-dropped onto the table; it's the way you can see the pie-chart of "intersecting communities" being drawn on the interactive whiteboard, and hear the whooping:

Pepsi and the National Football League (NFL) announced the expansion of the Pepsi NFL Anthems program, a national campaign that brings to life originally created anthems for seven NFL teams around the league. The latest world-renowned artists to be featured in the program include one of the generation's most influential artists, Lenny Kravitz, who penned "Like a Jet" for the team he grew up cheering for in New York, and America's Greatest Rock Band AEROSMITH, staunch supporters of the New England Patriots, who have released an anthem titled "Legendary Child - Patriots Anthem".

If you're telling people it's an anthem, it probably isn't. If you're having to stick the word "anthem" in the title, what you've probably written is a jingle.

If you can stand the violent interpolation of a can of fizzy drink and a bunch of dinosaurs into enthusiasm for people playing sports, there's much more joyless clunk to be discovered in the promotion.

In an ongoing effort to amplify the intersection between sports and music, we are thrilled to add AEROSMITH and Lenny Kravitz as the newest Anthems artists," said Pepsi Director of Sports Marketing Todd Kaplan. "On top of that, the Jets and Patriots have a notorious rivalry, and we couldn't have picked a better matchup to debut our new songs and advertising campaign."

Let's not doubt for a moment that there is an intersection between sports and music, albeit one whose value sits somewhere between the Hoddle and Waddell single and that comedy record by the bloke pretending to be John McEnroe.

But why and how would one "amplify" it? To what end? And if it's such a vibrant cross-section that you think it should be shouted about, why would you have to pay people to write songs that fit it?

Joe Perry explains why Aerosmith got involved:

"This is a program the band and I were excited to get behind as it is a true representation of our allegiance to the New England Patriots and the city of Boston," said AEROSMITH frontman Steven Tyler. "There's something about the word legendary and the words New England Patriots that have an amazing ring to them. We're excited and proud to be part of that," added AEROSMITH guitarist Joe Perry.

That sentence. That one right there: "There's something about the word legendary and the words New England Patriots that have an amazing ring to them." That is the marketing project equivalent of finding dead fish washed up on the beach, a warning sign that there's absolutely nothing able to breathe in the environment.

There's something about the words 'marketing' and 'patronising bullshit' that taste a little of Pepsi, isn't there?

Aerosmith have trouble shifting Steve Tyler

The excitement of watching Aerosmith wandering about tripping over each other isn't through yet: after the announcement last week that Steven Tyler was out, Steven Tyler has now disannounced his departure at a Joe Perry gig:

"I just want New York to know, I am not leaving Aerosmith," Tyler said. Rather than leave it at that, however, he then chose to drop one of the best quotes we've heard in a while. Turning to the Aerosmith guitarist, he said, “Joe Perry, you are a man of many colours. But I, motherfucker, am the rainbow!”

A rainbow only has seven colours, though. Which would constitute a few, wouldn't it? Meaning that Perry's many colours > Tyler's seven colours.

Splits: Aerosmith

Shortly after Brad Whitford told Classic Rock magazine that, perhaps, Steve Tyler might not be the only person who can sing songs comes apparent confirmation from Joe Perry that Tyler has quit.

I'm imagining he stormed out yelling "well, if having a singer who doesn't fall off the stage and crack his hip is so bloody important, you find one..."

Aerosmith wouldn't want to change a thing

Having - through no fault of their own - let down fans while Steve Tyler's broken bones healed, it's wonderful to see that Aerosmith are pulling themselves back on stage for the people who really matter: a corporate for Oracle:

The group will perform a private concert next week at a San Francisco convention sponsored by Oracle Corp, the software giant run by billionaire Larry Ellison.

"Aerosmith is a go," Oracle spokeswoman Karen Tillman said.

You can't let down the guys at the convention; some of them will have been waiting for months looking forward to the moment when Aerosmith cash the large cheque after playing a half-arsed set to a barely-interested room of people waiting for that guy from Idaho to get drunk enough to propose an illicit, convention-based fumble.

In other Aerosmith news, Joe Perry is striking out with a solo career in case Tyler's hips are no longer up to it full-time. That he's not felt the need to make a solo record in the last forty years might suggest just how compelling this is all going to be.

Falls can be serious when you're Steve Tyler's age

That tumble that Steve Tyler took off the stage during an Aerosmith gig last week looks to be more serious than anyone might have thought: the band have just pulled the rest of their tour.

There's a statement:

"Due to injuries Steven Tyler sustained last week when he fell from the stage during a concert in Sturgis, South Dakota, doctors have advised the lead singer to take the time to properly recuperate from the accident that resulted in a broken shoulder and stitches to his head."

Tyler is being asked to wear one of those big red buttons which hang round your neck from now on. Just in case.

Aerosmith gig kneecapped

One of the problems that, it's fair to say, never hit rock in the first days of the music: Aerosmith have pulled a gig because LeeJoe Perry is having trouble with his replacement knee.

[UPDATE: Mixed Perrys]

Steve Tyler sues "Steven Tyler"

by Steven Tyler
Steven Tyler is suing people who have been posting blogs claiming to be him, and casting disparaging slurs on his mother.

Or, just possibly, someone pretending to be Steven Tyler has launched a lawsuit against the real Steven Tyler, claiming that his genuine blogs were fabrications. It's a little like that episode of Star Trek with the two Kirks, and it's incredibly hard to tell which is the genuine Tyler.

Amongst the false claims made by Steve Tyler is that he enjoyed love in a elevator, especially travelling towards the ground floor. "I mean" said Steve "you might try it knowing you're going to a top floor which is likely to be deserted when the door opens, but downwards? The chance of the doors opening a busy lobby area? That'd be crazy."

Tyler also denied claims that he had woken up in 1973 and was unsure if he was mad, or had gone back in time. "I never left 1973 in the first place" he insisted.

Anyone can play guitar (Games console not included)

The bewildering success of GuitarHero - an electronic game which manages to be less satisfying than listening to an expert playing music, and than playing an actual instrument for yourself, simultaneously is continuing to spawn monsters. Next up is versions of the game themed round specific brands - sorry, bands, kicking off with Aerosmith:

"The premise is that it's going to cover the 30-plus years of the band, from high school all the way through the rock superstardom of today," Kai Huang, head of Activision's RedOctane unit, which guides development of the franchise, told Reuters in an interview.

Rock superstardom of yesterday, surely?

The prospect now lays ahead of us of every band - or at least those which have converted themselves into some sort of business - churning out variations on this theme. We're looking forward to a Paul Weller variant where players suddenly have to convert to playing an accordion halfway through.

Aerosmith can't be arsed to choose their own songs anymore

Understandably, Aerosmith have now been going so long they can't be bothered to pick their own setlists nowadays: they're inviting fans to do that job for them, leaving them time to concentrate on the more lucrative field of sorting the merchandising.

Tyler walks. Possibly.

According to someone who says Liv Tyler told them, Steven Tyler doesn't feel Aerosmith give him nuff spect and is going to quit.

On the other hand, according to Liv Tyler's spokesteam, she's said nothing of the sort, and he isn't going to quit.