Sky Broadband casts itself as wheezy cat; Pirate Bay proxies as mice

Sky Broadband has started to block access to Pirate Bay proxy sites, in a bid to inspire the creation of other Pirate Bay proxy sites ("defeat unlicensed file sharing once and for all").

Gordon in the morning: First with the news

Hold the front page. Gordon has exciting news:

Benedict Cumberbatch is coming back Holmes

Third Sherlock series is go

BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH and MARTIN FREEMAN are two of the most sought-after British actors in Hollywood.

But the pair have stayed loyal to their fans here by signing up for a third series of BBC1’s Sherlock.

That is pretty exciting news. Not quite as exciting as it was when it was announced back in January, but exciting nevertheless.

Still, despite running a ten month-old story, Gordon doesn't miss the chance to be his master's voice:

Women all over the UK will be dusting off the Sky+ in preparation.

Now, while I'm sure he hopes that Rupert Murdoch will be pleased at the mention of another part of his empire, isn't the implication that Sky+ machines might be sitting around, so unused they become dusty, actually less of a plug for the device?

Gordon in the morning: Biting the hand

What might the world look like when the split of News Corporation's publishing and broadcasting businesses take place?

Perhaps it will be a world where The Sun doesn't spend all its time cheering on everything that happens on Sky.

It might actually look a bit like the kicking given to that awful Rihanna fashion thing over on Sky Living:

RIHANNA’S telly career has got off to a rocky start after ratings for her much-hyped new fashion series fell to just 79,000.

Thousands have turned off Styled To Rock — executively produced by the singer and featuring wannabe designers competing to create a festival outfit for her.

Fronted by Girls Aloud star Nicola Roberts, it has bagged big name guests including Kanye West, Cheryl Cole and Katy Perry.

But three episodes in and it’s not rocking the ratings.

The Sky Living show started with an overnight viewing figure of just 95,000 — down on the channel’s usual audience of 153,000.

It fell to 79,000 for the second episode before perking up a bit to 110,000 for this week’s instalment on Tuesday.

That's deputy TV editor Leigh Holmwood, who doubles down the chutzpah by slapping an "exclusive" on the story.

There'll be praise for the licence fee next. Alright, maybe not that.

Jeremy Hunt suddenly worries about media plurality

Here's a lovely picture of the wonderfully impartial Jeremy Hunt having fun with Rupert Murdoch at the Olympics:

[It's from eyespymp on Twitter; don't worry, Rupert won't be upset, he loves photos shot from a distance exposing shady dalliances. His papers are full of them.)

Besides being enormous fun, what is the relevance of this photo? Well, hanging out with the boss of a company which the Met Police is considering bringing action against that company's board isn't the only thing that Hunt spent the end of the week doing.

He's also referred the Global Radio takeover of GMG Radio for an investigation.

On one level, this is as it should be - Global is taking on a few more stations and could be seen as reducing choice still further. Although, really, since Global and GCap merged, there's not been a great deal of plurality in commercial radio in the UK.

I might be being unfair to Hunt, but he was shadow culture secretary at the time Global and GCap merged, and I can't find any evidence he was exercised about that much more significant reduction of plurality in the radio world when that happened.

Indeed, Richard Eyre was the chairman of GCap who steered the merger with Global, and for his efforts Jeremy Hunt rewarded him with a position on the review into the plausibility of hyperlocal television in the UK.

So taking two large radio groups and turning them into one makes you an expert in local media plurality in Hunt's eyes, but folding a smaller radio group into a bigger one is a threat to that plurality. Somehow.

It seems even odder that Hunt - a man who we know to have been cheerleading for the UK's largest newspaper group to be given sole control over the UK's largest pay-TV operation - is suddenly worried that the changing hands of a small radio company needs to have a full investigation.

But then... the TV deal featured his chums The Murdochs. Could the detail that it's the Guardian Media Group selling the radio stations in this case be the cause of the sudden interest?

If Jeremy Hunt really believes that radio ownership is an issue, then why not prove that by holding an investigation into the industry as a whole? It's well needed, as anyone who has struggled to find out what's happening in their town using just a commercial radio station will testify.

Otherwise, this looks like just another politically-motivated piece of poor judgement from a man who makes something of a habit of such moves.

Gordon in the morning: Gloves off

Popping up on the edge of Gordon's column today is a massive advert for his current employer's current other business, Sky Atlantic:

Viewers are Mad for Megan Draper

THE season five premiere of Mad Men pulled in 98,000 viewers – while 45,000 tuned in to the second episode of the Sixties-based hit.

It's a little bit of a stretch to suggest a programme which managed to displace more than half its audience episode-to-episode has viewers "Mad for" it, but the Bizarre team try to talk things up:

Ratings are expected to rise as fans watch it on catch-up.

Well, perhaps by a bit.

In case we forget, how did the first episode do for the last series, when it was on BBC Four?

US drama Mad Men returned to BBC4 for its fourth series with just over 350,000 viewers last night, Wednesday 8 September.

At the time, MediaGuardian sniffed that that was a bit underwhelming for a series with such a stature.

Oddly, Gordon's gang don't mention how Rupert Murdoch has spent a small fortune on a programme managing to take it from an audience of a third of a million to less than fifty thousand in one leap.

Elsewhere, the bid to try and make One Direction sound interesting continues by a suggestion they might have stolen Darth Vader's gloves.

Actually, the story is that a "Darth Vader mimic" (mimic?) has misplaced a pair of his gloves, and he thinks he might have had them last at an event that One Direction were also at. It barely even registers as circumstantial evidence.

Gordon in the morning: Commercial break

For some reason, Gordon has an item today which is purely 'footballer watches Sky Sports'. How sweet to do something to cheer James Murdoch up a little.

Gays coming out the Sky

For a while, conventional wisdom has held that a radio station looking for digital distribution is better off going with satellite TV rather than the unloved DAB. Gaydar Radio is laughing in the face of that wisdom, though, and dropping Sky but keeping DAB:

Robin Crowley, Gaydar Head of Radio, comments: “With a drop in the numbers of listeners through the Sky platform and the convergence of TV and online we want to capitalise on the platforms our audience are telling us they prefer to use. There are a lot of exciting new developments on the horizon for the entire Gaydar brand so we can ensure the radio station and the website continue to be as relevant and accessible for our audience as possible.”

It's a pity there isn't a bit more detail - have Sky audiences tanked, or is it just that other platforms are growing more quickly and offering better listener-per-pound distribution value? And is this just something happening to Gaydar, or are all radio stations finding their share of big blue screen listeners are vanishing?

Sky Music is falling

Sky Music, BSkyB's attempt to spin its massive user base into a subscription-based music service is being junked as, erm, nobody was interested:

A Sky spokesman said: "We've taken the difficult decision to close Sky Songs. Although we are extremely proud of the service we built and the experience it offers, we just didn't see the consumer demand we'd hoped for.

"As Sky Songs demonstrates, we're a business that takes risks and innovates, but at the same time, we're pragmatic and act decisively when a new venture isn't working out."

The deal was one of those awkward ones where you could stream as much as you wanted, and download and own a miserly-and-randomly-chosen five tracks a month. It's not entirely clear what the Sky spokesperson believes was "innovative" about that.

Even a price cut from an eye-watering £7.99 to £4.99 couldn't shift subscriptions and the obvious move - give it away as a sweetener with Sky Broadband - seems to have been dropped.

Although customers are going to be refunded this evening, the site is still taking sign-ups at the moment. I suppose there's so few they don't really expect anyone to create an account between now and 6pm.

Gordon in the morning: There's no reason why you can't shamelessly promote yourself and your boss

I'm sure that in his mind, Gordon is convinced he's just doing some cross-promotion for Sky Sports, but... oh dear.

Normally when Smart does one of his grinding football things, he at least gets one of A1 or Dappy's cousin to stand alongside him to pretend it is sort-of about showbiz celebrities. But today?

It's all about the Gordon:

SERGE PIZZORNO has a rival in the Soccer AM hall of fame - ME.

The KASABIAN star scored THE best ever goal on The Road To Wembley challenge - flicking the ball up with his right foot and smashing it through the "b" like no other guest, before or since.

But I'm right up there after the cult Sky Sports show's hosts MAX RUSHDEN and HELEN CHAMBERLAIN invited me down to unveil the new "Road to Wembley 2011".

And on it goes, with Smart detailing how he kicked a ball at a wall for a TV programme, for all the world as if he thinks anyone might be interested.

You can see why they've not taken The Sun behind a paywall, can't you?

In fact, Gordon's astonishing goal might not even make the cut:

It's still the best footie show on the telly after 16 seasons, and hopefully the gorgeous Hell's Bells will show my goal to the nation tomorrow.

Hopefully? But if your goal was so brilliant, wouldn't it be a shoo-in?

If the whole thing wasn't enough of a cringe, let's just savour the caption on the photograph:

Road to Wembley ... Gordon poses after displaying his Smart skills

Gordon in the morning: You're still here, are you?

Did nobody learn anything from Maureen from Driving School? Or - god help us - Jeremy Spake?

Just because someone is mildly diverting in a reality show doesn't mean that they should be invited to spread their "character" more widely. Thinly.

Sky has decided, however, that Louie Spence - imagine Chico trying to be Larry David - is too be taken from Pineapple Dance Studios and crafted into a breakout character.

And where Sky leads, The Sun dutifully follows. You almost feel sorry for Gordon Smart this morning, having to splash on a piece of nothing about a show-off showing off at The Ivy:

The Pineapple Dance Studios star caused uproar when he stripped down to his green Y-fronts in the middle of the posh Ivy Club - upstairs from the main restaurant and even more exclusive - on Wednesday night.

By a strange twist of fate - you'll never believe this - The Sun's Ally Ross just happened to be there when nothing ("it") happened. I mean, what are the odds, eh?

Music from the Sky

Sky - the broadband services part of the tentacle-heavy business - has finally issued a press release explaining about its new stream-download cocktail music service which combines the direct-purchase of iTunes with the streaming of Spotify in one only slightly confusing package:

Sky Songs offers users unlimited streaming, plus download-to-own tracks and albums from £6.49 a month. Customers can also purchase additional music on a per-track or per-album basis from 65p and £6.49 respectively.

There are two subscription options available:

* pay £6.49 and download either a £6.49 album or 10 songs, and receive unlimited access to listen to over four million songs online for one month; or
* pay £7.99 and download either a £7.99 album or 15 songs, and receive unlimited access to listen to over four million songs online for one month.

It's not clear if you're on the £7.99 deal and download an album which costs £7.99 but only has 12 songs on it, if you can then download another three songs or if that's it, or if you could download the 12 songs individually and then still download another three. Or who would pay an extra one fifty a month on the off-chance that they might want to buy a slightly more expensive album every month. Or... well, it's all pretty confusing.

The download seems to be there to sweeten the deal and answer the "wouldn't I just listen to Spotify for free" question - right now, targeting what seems to be a very small sector of the market who are looking to subscribe rather than just ride out the adverts. It's an interesting idea, but doesn't seem to outstrip Spotify's premium offering.

Murdoch makes the music man

BSkyB is poised to launch a on-demand music service that won't just be tied to its broadband or satellite customers. The pledges sound good - no DRM, download and keep all you want - but there's no actual detail in these early reports which confirms that, nor the all-important price point.

Omnifone (and, seriously, who would name their company to make it sound like it actually is an evil entity?) are going to do the behind-the-scenes work:

Omnifone already has deals with the major music labels and has the European rights to a catalogue of about 5m tracks. Its new service, called MusicStation Next Generation, allows ISPs to provide those tracks to their customers under their own brand names. The service can pipe music through set-top boxes as well as PCs and Mac computers

"Tens of millions of European consumers are engaged in music piracy every day." said Omnifone chief executive Rob Lewis. "Whilst government pressure is growing, we also need to deliver alternatives. With today's announcement, Omnifone is offering consumers something better than piracy."

Hmm. Is it "better than piracy"? Because if I want to hear Kid Creole's Annie, I'm Not Your Daddy, I can pirate that right now, for free; whereas with "today's announcement" I could wait until an unnamed date sometime in "Spring", and pay an unknown amount, to get the track in an as-yet-unconfirmed format. I'm not quite seeing the "better".

Fashion has no mercy...

Kelly Osbourne's Project Catwalk has been canned by Sky. Never mind, Kels, it gives you more time to concentrate on that all-singing, all-dancing variety show your mom's got lined up for American TV. Now, what size in spangly top hat do you need?

Here comes another iTunes killer

That iTunes has survived more would-be assassins than James Bond and Doctor Who combined doesn't seem to bother those who still trot out attempts at an iTunes killer. The latest media hat being thrown into the digital circle is that of BSkyB - who, lest we forget, are one of the country's biggest ISPs as well as a TV operator.

So far, though, their plans look a little weak. Only Universal is on board, and the idea is for a subscription model rather than a pay-per-tune approach. Most subscription services so far have struggled, partly hobbled by the tendency of tracks to disappear if you stop paying - although the Guardian's report sort-of-implies that the BSkyB service might offer mp3s, and thus not implode if you cancel your direct debit to Rupert. Like a major label eMusic:

The subscription will give users unlimited access to streamed tracks plus a set number of download-to-own songs, initially to Universal Music's catalogue of hundreds of thousands of songs from artists including Amy Winehouse, U2, Kanye West, Duffy, Rihanna, Eminem, Elton John and Abba.

Downloaded tracks will work on any device that can play MP3s, including iPods and mobile phones.

So, there's a potential appeal there - if the other labels get on board, and the pricing is right, the marketing muscle of Sky could offer a service which, while never likely to kill of iTunes, might just give Steve Jobs a nasty slap.

Murdoch versus Murdoch: Geldof "healthy"

We love the way that the various parts of Rupert Mudoch's empire seem to spend more time knocking each other down than generating light on new stories. For example, this morning's four handed Sun story about Peaches Geldof's near-death experience gets ridiculed by Sky News' Showbiz website:

There's a flood of drama around Peaches Geldof.

Or, erm, is there?

The Sun claims she stopped breathing after a suspected overdose at her flat on Sunday evening.

Now, we spoke to and saw Peaches last night on the red carpet at the Batman premiere, and she looked fine and dandy, so we're not quite sure what to make of all of this.
[...]
Neither Peaches nor Sir Bob's people have confirmed or commented on the above but having chatted to Peaches last night we can assure you she was looking healthy and well.

Is that one Murdoch property telling us to not believe a word of the big scoop of another Murdoch property?

Clearly, we'll have to wait until the Wall Street Journal tells us which way to call this one.

NME: Coming to your television

Oh, such exciting times of convergent media we live in. The NME is launching a TV channel, to be run by the Chart Show team. We're not sure, but we understand the idea is that it'll run the old Carry On Disarming video over and over again.

Or maybe not:

The NME publishing director, Paul Cheal, said the NME channel would be useful addition to NME.com and the weekly magazine, which has an average circulation of 68,511.

"Increasingly our mantra at NME is that our audience of 15- to 24-year-olds are incredibly promiscuous when it comes to media consumption so as a media owner you need to have an offering on every platform," Cheal said.

From a business point of view, that makes sense, but it's hardly a very compelling sell. "Watch this - we're expanding our offerings onto every platform". Mmm.

There's also, of course, a counterargument that, in a promiscuous age, spreading the brand ever thinner in such a clunky way waters it down still further to nobody's benefit. After all, Q TV hardly has any sense of identity at all and can't really do much to help flog the magazine, can it?

There's also a bigger question as to if there is any demands for NME on the telly - after all, The Amp and VH2 have both vanished, largely unmourned (except for round here) and we suspect that their proud guitar pop will probably be echoed on NME TV.

Getting into visual stuff makes sense for the NME - we're not convinced that means a 24 hour pop video station on traditional direct broadcast TV.

The trials of those who would be famous

Stupid comedy hats off to the Guardian's Organ Grinder blog for describing latest Big Brother inmate Seany as [looking like] Goldie Lookin' Chain employed Mick Hucknall.

Meanwhile, Sky News is suggesting that Seany's support for Michael Jackson during his child abuse trial was a "skeleton in his closet", although seeing as he was talking about it - with a sense of pride - in his pre-entry video, it's not exactly much of a skeleton, nor, indeed, deeply inside a closet.

Still, they have managed to track down an interview with the man after the doves of innocence were released:

"I am so relieved because Michael Jackson was persecuted for crimes he didn't commit.

"He has touched everyone through his entertainment and has given every person a happy memory. He's a martyr - but the thing to remember is he's still alive."

Where did Sky get the quote from? Erm... a BBC interview. So, that's coverage of a Channel 4 programme relying on reportage from the BBC. Rupert must be delighted at his investments working so well for him.

Beckhams rage at faux-Beckhams

We're not entirely sure how Sky One had managed to make a documentary "fooling" people in LA with Beckham lookalikes - does anyone in America now what the real things look like well enough for it take lookalikes to fool them?

The Beckhams are annoyed, too:

Their manager Simon Fuller says the documentary, which follows ringers Andy Harmer and Camilla Shadbolt as they trick shop staff into giving them free gifts and con a garage owner into letting them test drive a Lamborghini, could be detrimental to the Beckham brand.

Because it portrays them as gormless freeloaders? Or because it might be confusing if people think there's four of them?

I don't want my MTB - not at these prices

The granddaddy of music TV might find itself lost in music in the UK as Sky stares down Viacom. It could mean that MTV drops off the electronic programmes guide, making it a bit like the Lost City of Atlantis.