James Blunt tries to say the right thing, misses badly

What's really a pity about James Blunt's terrible comments about gayness is that he clearly meant well. It's just he has such a cloth ear.

This:

"But to call me gay is a compliment."

This sounds quite positive, doesn't it?

Except it followed this:

Singer-songwriter James Blunt isn't fazed by fans and critics who mistake him for gay. In fact, the five-time Grammy nominee considers it a great honor.

"I sing songs that aren’t very macho, and so people will say, ‘Oh you’re effeminate,’ or ‘gay,’ as if calling me gay were an insult," Blunt, 41, told the BBC.

Oh James. Oh James. Being "macho" isn't the opposite of being gay.

If someone listens to one of your reedy songs and says "it's a watery nothingness and sounds gay", you shouldn't be saying "yes, it's a pissweak emoticon of a song, and I am proud to have written something that sounds gay", you should be staring at them and asking why they think that gay is a synonym for feminine.

He went on to joke that he'd like to be considered "an honorary gay man," primarily because "I’m totally at ease with myself."

Oh James. Oh James. Oh, James. Apart from just how offensive the idea that you should be allowed to identify with an identity you don't identify with, you're again assuming that there's a type of person who is gay, with whom you share those attributes.

That's not how it works. The only attribute gay people have in common is being gay people.

And if you think "being at ease with" yourself is the thing that makes the difference between straight and not-straight people, you might want to ponder the mental health crises some of us experience.

Blunt v Bryant: The bout of the century

As if January wasn't miserable enough, we've now had to sit through an exchange of open letters between James Blunt and Chris Bryant, the main upshot of which has been to undo all that good work Blunt had done by being charming on Twitter.

Because your life is too short, here's what you didn't bother reading:

Bryant: It's nice that Eddie Redmayne has an Oscar nomination, but isn't it a bit unfair that people like him and James Blunt from more comfortable backgrounds are able to build creative careers

Blunt: You are a classist gimp, and a wazzock, because it was harder for me having rich parents not easier, somehow

Bryant: I bought one of your records and I wasn't saying it was wrong for posh people to be working in the arts, just that we should make sure people from poorer backgrounds get their chance too

For all his good-natured jokes at his own expense on Twitter, James is so incredibly touchy about anyone pointing out that when you come from a family who can help you out as you're getting going, it's a lot easier to make a name for yourself. See also Doherty, Dido, etc, etc, ad nauseum.

James Blunt does a nice thing

It's not often there's a James Blunt story which everyone can read an enjoy. But here's one.

James Blunt played a festival which gives some of its takings to a local homeless charity, and as a result that charity got twice the size of the donation as the year before.

The charity is Two Saints, who help hundreds of people in the South of England.

Twittergem: James Blunt

To be fair to James Blunt, this is a pretty deft and measured response:

[Thanks to Michael M]

The James Blunt era is officially over - possibly

The NME headline might oversell it a little:

James Blunt quits music industry

You know that's not quite true, because otherwise today would be a bank holiday and people would be hugging in the street.

It is, however, going to be a while before he troubles us again:

[Blunt] told The Daily Mail that he has no further plans to write music. Speaking to a reporter from the paper, Blunt said:"I just want to take some time out for myself. I haven’t got any plans to do more songwriting. I have been chilling out since I finished my world tour and I’ve spent a lot of time in Ibiza, where I have a villa."

But that isn't quite the same thing as smashing all his guitars, destroying his four track and having himself hypnotised so that he is unable to go within five hundred yards of a piano. While we may hope its permanent, at the moment music and Blunt are just on a break.

Of course, music might not have noticed anyway.

Gordon in the morning: James Blunt's favour to his younger self

Don't have sex with famous people, begs James Blunt:

He feels there are folk out there more deserving of a fumble under the covers.

James said: "Aid workers, teachers, doctors, nurses, the military - people who save lives are who you should aim to sleep with.

"Think of it as a reward for what they do for the world."

Military people, you say, James? Weren't you in the army?

It's quite sweet, really: do you suppose his 19 year-old self looked at Will Smith hanging out with sexy people and thought 'if I ever get famous, I'm going to tell the public they should be doing it with soldiers instead'? In fact: do you think that's been his gameplan all along?

In other news, Cheryl Cole is supposedly going to make three movies in Hollywood. You can see why Hollywood couldn't wait to work with the woman from the L'Oreal adverts. I know what you're thinking, but apparently they can add facial expressions and vocal intonation after the shoot.

James Blunt's dad defends his posh son

Yesterday's Guardian picked up on James Blunt's mum saying it was unfair to pick on her son for being posh, and drafted in Blunt's dad as well.

He decided it was just like racism:

Blunt's father, also a retired army officer, told the Guardian later that his wife had contacted the BBC because "she was so fired up" about the issue and thought coverage of it had been "so one-sided".

He supported her compliants of inverse snobbery. "It's ridiculous," said Charles Blount. "The key question is not about [someone's] background; it's to do with their talent. It's like racism or anything else: people should be judged on their talent, not their background."

Yes, it's like racism. That's exactly it. Having someone say 'your upbringing has given you connections and a confidence that has made it easier for you to obtain a record contract from companies run by people who share your background' is virtually the same as an English Defence League march.

Mrs Blunt goes down the school to stick up for her son

Today have done a piece on the 'pop's gone posh' story this morning.

In return, they got a moaning email from James Blunt's mum, complaining that "most critics" take a harsh line on her little James "because of his background".

Up to a point, Mrs. B - given that James probably wouldn't have got past a record company door without the benefits of his privileged start in life, he wouldn't have been in the line of criticism without his poshness.

But the criticism itself is down to his droning, dull music. I don't know whether we'll ever find out if insipid balladry is down to nature or nurture, but be assured that he is being judged on his record. Literally.

Gordon in the morning: Blunt solicitations

It says in the Bible "judge not, lest ye be judged". (Everytime I come across that line, it always sounds like Geraldine McEwan is saying it.) Cheryl Cole's just had an object lesson in that:

CHERYL Cole burst into floods of tears after a huge bust-up with British fashion guru Julien Macdonald.

The singer, 27, was left "sobbing and devastated" after the Next Top Model telly judge attacked her dress sense.

When judges clash. Thank god Gregg Wallace wasn't at the same party, or it could have turned into a devastating three way.

Elsewhere, James Blunt has mailed his friends to ask them to buy his album, which, funnily enough, is exactly the same model that most teenage garage bands use to try and boost sales of their CD-Rs into double figures.

Gordon has got hold of a copy of the email (so, clearly, not gone just to friends, then):

"Dear friends and friends of friends.

"My third album is out today. It's taken over a year to make and I promise it's got some really great songs on it.

"With a slightly cynical UK media, I am totally dependent on word of mouth, so I hope you don't mind me emailing you. You can buy it most easily at Tesco. Or order it online."

To be fair to Gordon, he does notice that it seems incredibly unlikely that Blunt has any friends who shop in Tesco, but he's more stung by the jibe at the media:

He's wrong to blame the "cynical UK media" for having to depend on word-of-mouth. He can't have read Bizarre recently - this is his second lead story in a week.

I'm not sure rushing to say 'hey, I'm not cynical, I keep pushing your crappy album' is that dignified a response, but given Blunt has turned up on Have I Got News For You and Buzzcocks - and nearly all papers unquestioningly ran the album promo story about how Blunt stopped the third world war from breaking out - "supine" might seem to be more apt than "cynical". And "totally dependent on word of mouth" would seem to be a massive porky.

In fact, it's not even true that it's easiest to buy it at Tesco, if you think about it.

James Blunt claims to have prevented The Third World War

No, he really does claim that his actions saved all of us from burning to death under a hail of nuclear weapons.

James Blunt claims a US general had ordered him and his troops to seize an airfield in Pristina that had already been occupied by Russian troop:

"I was given the direct command to overpower the 200 or so Russians who were there.

"The soldiers directly behind me were from the Parachute Regiment, so they're obviously game for the fight.

"The direct command [that] came in from Gen Wesley Clark was to overpower them. Various words were used that seemed unusual to us. Words such as 'destroy' came down the radio."

It turns out if you read the story a bit more closely, it turns out Blunt didn't actually face down the general at all:

If Gen Jackson had not blocked the order from Gen Clark, who as Nato Supreme Commander Europe was his superior officer, Blunt said he would still have declined to follow it, even at the risk of a court martial.

So Michael Jackson, the other one, stopped a confrontation. A confrontation which might have escalated into a battle, which could, possibly, have turned into a war, which might have gone nuclear. But if Jackson hadn't, Blunt says he would have done.

In other words, Blunt would have perhaps prevented the very vague risk of a Third World War if someone more senior hadn't done their job properly. Sleep well tonight.

[Thanks to Michael M]

James Blunt will stop the war

Actually, this could work:

[Blunt] says: "I'm tired of the Afghanistan war and I'm going to go out and fix it. I'm going out there at Christmas time and will sing the Taliban into surrender. If I can't do it, then who can?"

Yes, it would work. But, like dropping depleted uranium on children's heads, forcing people to listen to James Blunt is just something that civilised nations shouldn't be doing.

Gordon in the morning: Sky Blunt

Could the story about James Blunt playing a gig on a plane get any more toe-curling?

JAMES BLUNT took time out from recording his third album to claim a new world record yesterday - playing the highest-ever gig.

How about if it involves Jay Kay as well?

He performed in a plane at 42,000ft, smashing the previous record set by JAMIROQUAI in 2007 when they gigged at 35,000ft.

And James vowed to rub pal JAY KAY's face in it. He said: "I'm going to ring and have a good gloat. I can't resist."

Heart FM underwrote this jaunt - strange for a radio company which doesn't think it has the cash to do decent local radio that it's chartering planes for drones.

There was one bright spot in the story, though:

After the gig, sorted by radio station Heart FM, [Blunt] said: "I've reached the peak of my career. I'll have to retire."

Well, yes. You actually reached the peak of your career when people bought You're Beautiful in large numbers. But retirement... yes, why not?

Sadly, he's only joking, and fully intends to launch a new album soon. Jay Kay is probably on the phone to NASA.

Lily Allen gets James Blunt approval

Lily Allen has moved her file-sharing campaign to a new blog, idontwanttochangetheworld.blogspot.com. You've got to give her points for using a Billy Bragg lyric, and for being quite honest, in the URL - although imquitehappytofighttokeepthestatusquo.blogspot.com might have been even more honest.

So, who's rallying to Lily's call? James Blunt, that's who. Lily has scanned in a letter in support of her that James has sent to the Times (And I'm curious, Lily, as to why that use of copyright material is fine when filesharing isn't?).

Since Blunt is the sort of artist who exists solely because of the power of major labels to force any old toot on the public, it's not surprising that he's happy to keep the majors in business:

Sir, I want to put my hand up in support of Lily Allen (Thunderer, Sept 16). She’s asking British musicians to galvanise over a serious crime: the death of a great British industry — our music business.

The death of the music business might be serious, and it might be tragic, but it's not exactly criminal. That's what happens in a free market from time to time.

The world over, people are stealing music in its millions in the form of illegal file-sharing.

Did Blunt read this letter out loud before he sent it? It's not very sure-footed for a songwriter, is it?

It’s easy to do, and has become accepted by many, but people need to know that it is destroying people’s livelihoods and suffocating emerging British artists.

Cliff Richard has - I know this for a fact - had to start turning his underpants inside out as he can only afford to go to the launderette once a month now, and Dappy from N-Dubz is having to keep his shifts on down the arcade. It's a tragedy.

Blunt doesn't seem to think that the music industry as it worked since the industrialisation of recorded sound might also have suffocated emerging British artists, but then he has about as strong a grasp of history as he does of language.

The music business is made up of thousands of jobbing musicians, producers, mixers and engineers creating and shaping popular music and culture, but illegal file-sharing is cutting off the income from their work.

... if you make the massive assumption that a file shared is a sale lost; and if you believe that there's some reason why the rates for the job in a world where distribution was limited should be the same in a world where distribution is virtually unlimited.

Without the revenue from established artists, record labels cannot fund emerging musicians.

... not even in the 'one album and if you don't recoup, you're dropped' model that has been pissing on dreams since the 1980s.

Blunt, you'll note, just assumes that the only way to fund musicians is by a record label putting the money up front. That's the way it's always been done, so why should we even think of changing it?

They’ll just re-master the Beatles albums again, because they can’t afford to put an amazing new band into a studio to record something that may surpass Sergeant Pepper.

Given the amount of cash spent on the Beatles re-releases, there doesn't seem to be any shortage of cash sloshing about when they want to find money to buy the front page of the NME. It's pitiful to suggest the conservatism of the labels is a response to filesharing - the reissue-instead-of-develop-talent model has been a staple of the music business ever since it realised it could flog everyone the same records they already owned by putting them out on CD.

John Harris has also used this "there won't be a new Beatles unless we kill file-sharing" argument, which somehow ignores that the UK music industry hasn't created anything like a Beatles in over 40 years. It's barely been able to scrape together a Duran Duran in the last twenty.

At long last the Government is looking to legislate to protect the industry. Peter Mandelson is looking to engage the internet service providers who, in my opinion, handle stolen goods, and should take much more responsibility.

Handle stolen goods? I've ragged on James Blunt quite a bit in the past, and always have that little guilty voice at the back of my head: "What if he isn't a bad chap? What if he's an alright sort of person who just happens to have the musical appeal of a chocolate box kitten?" It's nice to discover he really is a bit of an arse. Handling stolen goods, indeed.

How this legislation pans out, and if it goes through at all, is critical to the survival of the British music business...

No, James; it really isn't. If you pushed all file-sharing out the picture, the British music business is still going to have to face some lean years. If you're lying in the desert, chained to posts, your problems won't vanish if you can scare off the buzzards.

...critical to thousands of jobs; and critical to our ability to nurture and develop great musicians...

No, James; it really isn't. Nurturing musicians has nothing much to do with organising dump bins of CDs for Asda, booking a quarter page in the NME or ensuring a delivery van arrives at HMV Kettering on time. If we want to nuture great musicians, let's take the money that people keep saying ISPs should be collecting, and use it to invest in a network of music teachers and instruments for every school instead of passing it straight to companies which happen to have bought out some intellectual property rights.

But this isn't about encouraging the next generation of artists; it's those who have already made it trying to prop up a system which sees them doing alright, still.

Gordon in the morning: Come and see my etchings

Someone called Natasha Archdale - apparently going out with someone called James Blunt - has got Gordon all excited because of their business:

JAMES BLUNT’s latest posh bird is a former Sun swimwear model who now crafts nude portraits for rich clients out of old newspapers.

Rich clients out of old newspapers? What, like Will Lewis of The Telegraph? Does The News Of The World count as an old paper, as it has been established for over 100 years now?

Oh, hang on, Gordon seems to mean that she uses old newspapers to craft the portraits.

I’ve printed examples of her work for you to have a look at — and, as this is a family paper, this is the less raunchy stuff.

Yes, god forbid that any small child sees anything raunchy in a family newspaper. Best to make sure the tots stick to page three, eh, Gordon? Oh, by the way, how did your family newspaper poll on 'would you fuck Amy Winehouse, lads' turn out?

Blunt journalism

What could be better than the Metro free newspapers (only not the British ones which aren't part of the same group, the one that the Daily Mail just stole the idea and the name from)?

How about a largely news-free product edited by James Blunt?

Yes, people looking for something to do on their commute, and who have forgotten how to fantasise, will be able to pick up a free newspaper with even less journalistic input than usual, on November 17th.

Of course, with Blunt in charge, Metro International is going to have to ratchet up its usual oversight of the production process. Don't worry, though - they've got a plan:

Blunt will be guest editing from the Metro office in Rome and a website will launch today giving readers the chance to win a trip to Italy to "act as James' deputy" while he is guest editing.

That's perfect - some lucky winner is going to see what it's really like to be in a newspaper office when someone who doesn't know how to edit newspapers is in charge. This could be a promotion to rival the Bridlington Cake & Bugle's 'Win a helicopter ride with someone who doesn't know how to fly a helicopter' competition.

Why has James been "invited" to do this, you might be wondering. Actually, it's just to push his new record:

Warner Music's deal coincides with the release of Blunt's new single Love, Love, Love, which comes out on November 10, and the launch of a deluxe edition of album All the Lost Souls on November 24.

The Metro website homepage will host the new music video by Blunt, as well as exclusive additional material including behind the scenes footage of the artist at work.

So it's effectively a big advertisement.

Metro, of course, doesn't want to admit that, and so stresses the value for its wide readership:

[Editor-in-chief] Pitkanen said that Blunt's "diverse background" made him appealing to Metro readers.

Funny, because you might have thought that Blunt's posh army parents and public school upbringing, entry into the army, guarding the Queen Mother's coffin and military-related ski-ing trips gave him something less than a diverse background, but I suppose he's the only posh bloke ever to have attempted to sell his new single by editing a freesheet.

Dig deep, people

James Blunt is prepared to quit music - providing the price is right. He's prepared to quit, if we can scrape together the cash:

"If someone is prepared to pay me enough, I'll stop."

The BBC have already announced plans to turn over cash from this year's Children In Need telethon to Blunt if he just stops; the US Congress is currently discussing if they can find another $700 billion to help out.

More disturbingly, Blunt suggests that not liking him is akin to racism:

"If you don't like my music then listen to someone else.

"It's bizarre that I should attract all this aggression. Any judgment made on that level is a form of prejudice."

Aggression? Eh? People saying you're not very good aren't being aggressive, they're just passing a critical opinion. If you think having someone say 'you make poorly judged singles featuring droning voices and bland lyrics' is aggressive, what the hell were you like when you were in the army?

Leave me alone, wails James Blunt

Poor James Blunt: he doesn't like people thinking about him:

"I've never read tabloid magazines, but I think it's a pretty unhealthy practice," he told inthenews.co.uk.

"You and I are not dogs sniffing each other, I'm not interested in your private life, nor should I be, and nor should you be in mine.

"We're hopefully intelligent human beings, who can talk about, discuss and maybe even achieve much greater things than learning about who you're shagging.

"So, for me, I've always stepped away from that and now that I'm in the public eye a bit more, I've just tried to ignore it."

Poor James. If he did read the magazines, he'd know that people are interested in who Petra Nemcova is shagging; not who he's shagging.

What is curious, though, is why - if James thinks his sex life should be of no interest to anyone, why did he write a song about getting a semi on the tube and not being able to find the woman who stimulated him so ever again?

Don't make James Blunt angry. You'd like him even less when he's angry.

James Blunt is hopping mad. He'd been due to play a gig on Lykavittos Hill, in Athens. A few short hours before the first, the authorities stepped in to ban the events on public safety grounds.

Trouble is, both Nick Cave and Mark Knopfler had been allowed to play. And a letter saying that it was okay had disappeared.

James is very angry indeed:

“In the best case it’s carelessness and in the worst case corruption,” an angry Blunt told Ta Nea, the Athens daily paper, sensing a conspiracy.

A conspiracy of whom? Music lovers?

There's a vague hint that because Blunt was in the army, there might be some Balkan-related sleight of hand going on, but really, we suspect it comes down to an old-fashioned filing error. Surely, if any corruption was involved, it would be more likely trying to persuade someone to take an interest in putting Blunt on the top of a hill than from stopping him marching up there?

Glastonbury round up: The journey home

It's not just the streets of Britain which have become a godless place, apparently - The Sun reports a Glasto crimewave:

CRIME more than doubled at this year’s Glastonbury Festival, police figures revealed yesterday.

By last night there were 489 reports of crime among the 170,000 festival-goers, including drug offences.

The shock number compared to 236 reported crimes at the three-day music extravaganza last year.

Cops said this was because there were more tent thefts, trying to put a happy face on it:

Sergeant Carolyn Crocker said last night: “Despite a challenging festival in terms of thefts from tents, 99.7 per cent of festival-goers will return home having not been victims of crime.

“The event remains one of the safest of its kind and we continue to work proactively with festival security to ensure people have a safe final night.”

"Challenging" = we have had a rotten festival.

Gordon's team chooses to celebrate binge drinking again - remember, it's only a problem in the news pages:

And THE TWANG’s PHIL ETHERIDGE has a top phrase for going on the lash – “Getting on the swamp”. Genius.

Yes. What genius. I'm starting the public subscription for the statue and blue plaque.

Gordon didn't enjoy Jay-Z, either:

The whole point of the big bill topper is to get your arms around your pals’ shoulders and sing along to the chorus.

So when Jay opened the show by miming to OASIS megahit Wonderwall – after playing a tape of NOEL GALLAGHER saying he was wrong for Glasto – I thought we were in for a treat.

It was all downhill after that, though. There was no spine-tingling COLDPLAY Fix You moment. Or 50,000 people singing Don’t Look Back In Anger and pointing at the sky.

A festival entertainment where you don't feel you're stuck in a Burnage Bierkeller sounds like a step-up to us - surely, if Smart wants to get involved in some man-on-man hugging - just as mates, like, not in a funny way - he could have waited for the Verve.

Talking of whom, the mystery of what the hell they were doing as headliners was explained by Richard Ashcroft, reports the BBC:

"I want to thank Emily Eavis for inviting us to play Glastonbury," Ashcroft told the crowd. "And I hope her dad realises why she booked us now."

Mr Eavis founded the festival on his Somerset dairy farm 38 years ago.

It's not known yet who came up with Kings Of Leon, though. Perhaps they let the cows have a go at choosing a headliner, too.

Alexis Petridis in the Guardian was more positive about Jay-Z than Gordon was:

Then a broad grin spreads across his face and the crowd go obligingly berserk. It's the sound of a risk paying off handsomely.

It's also one of those transcendent, tingle-inducing Glastonbury moments people talk about so much, but it's a Glastonbury moment unlike any other: suddenly, a festival whose very future seemed pretty bleak 24 hours ago feels like a triumph.

But then, if Guardian writers want to hug their mates, they hug them. They don't have to wait until Noel Gallagher gives them the excuse.

The 3AM Girls suggest there was some band-on-band rudeness:

Amy Winehouse snubbed by Arctic Monkeys at Glastonbury

Although it turns out this "snub" was, erm, just that didn't go to watch her.

Michael Eavis - as pretty much is standard by now - has decided that his crazy plan worked, telling the Mail:

Summing up the weekend of music, festival founder Michael Eavis said: "We've a much younger audience this year.

"It's like Sunday school at a nice local church. You have to have youngsters there, otherwise we just all grow old together."

60 Seconds on BBC Three last night had a quote from "organisers" suggesting that the appearance of Jay-Z had "secured the festival for the next two years", which seems a little unlikely - or, rather, like so much spin to us. We're guessing the scraping last-minute sell-out was the deciding factor.

In the Times, Caitlin Moran was won over, suggesting that in the context of some of the other things you might see in the fields, a major recording artist playing his hits is hardly that unusual:

But a wonderful air of curiosity is embedded in Glastonbury's bones — and what you found outré on Thursday, by Sunday is greeted merely with a shrug and an amused “Why not?”.

After all, when you've spent all weekend sitting under a 30ft robot ant, watching a man dressed as a toilet holding hands with Queen Victoria, you might as well go down to the Pyramid Stage, and attend your first hip-hop gig.

So, Jay-Z proved that a good performance can convince many doubters. Over in the Telegraph, Tom Horan discovered the same message, but in a slightly less likely corner:

The old Harrovian-turned-crooner James Blunt divides people into two distinct camps - both of which contain millions of members. There are those who can't bear the sight of him, and those who buy every note he records.

As he took to Glastonbury's Pyramid stage in blazing sunshine both were well represented, and neither was disappointed.

I lost count of the thousands of women mouthing every line of the former Guardsman's romantic ballads. To their credit, they comfortably drowned out the people hooting and laughing at each new declaration of love or all-round sensitivity.

Yes, James Blunt - for the Telegraph, bravely walking into enemy fire:

Blunt, as always, simply rose above it all, and delivered a slick, professional performance. His commanding officer would have been proud of him.

Horan also takes some sort of prize for stripping a set down to its essentials, in his entire Amy Winehouse review:

The troubled singer, pictured, took to the stage wearing a blue dress and greeted the audience by saying "hello, Glastonbury" to much applause.

We suspect the word "pictured" explains this rather odd sentence which misses much of the drama of Winehouse's appearance - it's just a sop to allow the paper to run a photo of a young woman in a strapless dress. Everyone, eventually, gets the Glastonbury they want.

[Part of Glastonbury 2008]

Gordon in the morning: Pete in the morning

The, shall we say, generosity of Gordon in allowing his deputy Pete Samson to write the big stories knows no bounds. While Gordon writes a James Blunt needs finger surgery non-story, Pete Samson ("and Lucy Hagan") tries to make some sense out of Amy Winehouse's life. The paper is convinced that she's about to dump Blake and marry Alex Haines instead. Indeed, the Sun is thrilled by what it claims is the "favour" it's done for Amy:

But she had been unable to face telling the junkie about her affair with ALEX HAINES — her manager’s aide. A source said yesterday: “In all honesty they think The Sun has done them a favour.

“It was getting harder to keep the affair under wraps.”

But - if there is an affair - surely the reason why it would be hard to keep it under wraps would be the likes of the Sun constantly hanging about outside, peering in through the curtains? It's like being delighted the guy who's broken your legs has thrown your body out a car into a hospital car park.

The paper also resurrects the "other" Blake, claiming that the days of innuendo back then were spot-on:

She was just out of rehab and staying at London’s Park Plaza hotel when she began romping with American BLAKE WOOD — dubbed Blake II by her chums.

One said: “You could hear them down the hall. Her thing with Blake II lasted a few weeks. The pair barely left their room.”

"Dubbed Blake II by her chums", rather than Gordon, eh?

The friend said: “It’s funny how she bedded the last two people who have been helping to look after her. Amy is sex-mad — and she gets what she wants.”

For prurient hacks, the Sun doesn't really understand sex at all, does it? Isn't Amy's (alleged) sex-life going to be like the rest of her life, characterised by an awful lot of empty, destructive, addictive consumption?