Someone called Natasha Archdale - apparently going out with someone called James Blunt - has got Gordon all excited because of their business:
JAMES BLUNT’s latest posh bird is a former Sun swimwear model who now crafts nude portraits for rich clients out of old newspapers.
Rich clients out of old newspapers? What, like Will Lewis of The Telegraph? Does The News Of The World count as an old paper, as it has been established for over 100 years now?
Oh, hang on, Gordon seems to mean that she uses old newspapers to craft the portraits.
I’ve printed examples of her work for you to have a look at — and, as this is a family paper, this is the less raunchy stuff.
Yes, god forbid that any small child sees anything raunchy in a family newspaper. Best to make sure the tots stick to page three, eh, Gordon? Oh, by the way, how did your family newspaper poll on 'would you fuck Amy Winehouse, lads' turn out?