Gordon in the morning: Pete in the morning

The, shall we say, generosity of Gordon in allowing his deputy Pete Samson to write the big stories knows no bounds. While Gordon writes a James Blunt needs finger surgery non-story, Pete Samson ("and Lucy Hagan") tries to make some sense out of Amy Winehouse's life. The paper is convinced that she's about to dump Blake and marry Alex Haines instead. Indeed, the Sun is thrilled by what it claims is the "favour" it's done for Amy:

But she had been unable to face telling the junkie about her affair with ALEX HAINES — her manager’s aide. A source said yesterday: “In all honesty they think The Sun has done them a favour.

“It was getting harder to keep the affair under wraps.”

But - if there is an affair - surely the reason why it would be hard to keep it under wraps would be the likes of the Sun constantly hanging about outside, peering in through the curtains? It's like being delighted the guy who's broken your legs has thrown your body out a car into a hospital car park.

The paper also resurrects the "other" Blake, claiming that the days of innuendo back then were spot-on:

She was just out of rehab and staying at London’s Park Plaza hotel when she began romping with American BLAKE WOOD — dubbed Blake II by her chums.

One said: “You could hear them down the hall. Her thing with Blake II lasted a few weeks. The pair barely left their room.”

"Dubbed Blake II by her chums", rather than Gordon, eh?

The friend said: “It’s funny how she bedded the last two people who have been helping to look after her. Amy is sex-mad — and she gets what she wants.”

For prurient hacks, the Sun doesn't really understand sex at all, does it? Isn't Amy's (alleged) sex-life going to be like the rest of her life, characterised by an awful lot of empty, destructive, addictive consumption?

Gordon in the morning: Cheryl Cole on the dog and bones

The Bizarre lead this morning - filed, of course, by someone other than Gordon - is a report from Cheryl Cole's head-clearing holiday. There's some two-faced worrying over her weight - the photo library struggling to find a 'before' photo where she had much more flesh on her bones - before we get to eavesdrop on a call:

Last night a fellow guest at her resort called The Sun and revealed how she heard the anguished star tell a pal in a phone call: “Don’t treat me like a victim. I’m not a fucking victim, I’m a grown woman.

“People email me, ‘Poor you, poor thing’. Fuck.

“How can I trust my fella again? He’s damaged goods. I knew something was wrong when I confronted him about some woman and he made up some shitty excuse rather than deny it outright.”

This is rather an elaborate piece of eavesdropping, isn't it? It looks more like a transcript taken down by someone with shorthand - why, you couldn't get a more full quote if you'd bugged her phone, could you?

That this isn't actually a holidaymaker is made even more apparent by what comes next:

The holidaymaker said: “Cheryl is clearly devastated — she looked stick thin. That bastard Ashley Cole has a lot to answer for.”

Diligent shorthand and talks in tabloidese. Curious.

Gordon himself, meanwhile, worries about Agyness Deyn:

I THOUGHT model AGYNESS DEYN was trying too hard to be cool in pink shades at night as she trekked east from the Elle awards to party in Shoreditch.

But just when I was secretly hoping she would walk into a lamppost I found out the poor thing has a nasty eye infection.

And yesterday she had to wear an eye patch on pal HENRY HOLLAND’s catwalk at The Village Underground, also in the East End.

Oh. Righto. Is the story here 'woman has eye infection' or 'sort-of-journalist mistakes medical aid for attempt to be cool'? But if it's either of them, it's not entirely clear why this would be in a newspaper - as second item, mark you.

There's another piece today on the other Blake, as Gordon continues to chew at that one, trumpeting this morning:

AMY WINEHOUSE’s jailbird husband BLAKE FIELDER-CIVIL will be spitting porridge when he hears about this.

... he hopes.

Gordon in the morning 2: Man about the Winehouse

This seemed worthy of its own entry: Gordon's story yesterday about the other Blake in Amy Winehouse's life (you'll recall he found two men with the same name very confusing) is followed up today with an unsourced "pal" reporting Amy's explanation:

A pal said: “She’s said it’s fine so share a hotel room because he is gay."

Gordon though isn't called Smart for nothing. It might have fooled George Roper when those girls from the upstairs flat said Robin Tripp was gay, but nothing gets past Gordon. Or, sorry, "Amy's 'Pal'":

“But he doesn’t seem gay to me — I think he’s bisexual. Amy’s husband wouldn’t be happy if he saw how close they are.”

He doesn't seem gay to me. Sadly, we're not given any further suggestions by Gordon - sorry, Amy's Pal, how one might be able to tell those men who seem gay. Could it be plumage? Could it be mating calls? Is Blake seemingly not gay in the same way that Gordon believes his masthead suit is?