Breakfast with Burgess

I think most right-people thinking have long had a dream of the perfect morning: waking up, grabbing Tim Burgess' delicious balls, splashing something creamy over them and just cramming those balls into their mouth.

Now Kelloggs have made that fantasy a reality.

MSNBC reports:

A few weeks ago, Burgess joked to his fans on Twitter that he wanted to invent a cereal by that name based on his favorite treat, Rocky Road.

“I was thinking it'd be cool to come up with a breakfast cereal,’’ Burgess told the Manchester Evening News. “I heard someone use the expression 'totes amazeballs,' and it sounded like something from 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.' I sent a cheeky tweet saying I'd invented a new cereal and that Kellogg's were interested!

“But within an hour they'd got in touch.”

So far, there's just been the one box made, so only Tim knows what his balls taste like. Although Tim seems convinced they're going to be on sale at festivals.

The idea, though, is enough to make us happy. Now, we're waiting for Matteson's to get in touch with plans for a luncheon sausage.

Gordon in the morning: X Factor discounts as Roses return

Here's a surprise: after all the excitement Gordon Smart showed over the Stone Roses reunion, the big story was handed to Tim Nixon to cover.

Gordon was busy on Twitter, though, being slapped down by the mighty Tim Burgess for sloppy attention to detail:

not wishing to be over pedantic gordon but classic line up rather than original would be a better description

Gordon responded:

As always you are correct! But for the sake of Sun readers, that's the original line-up they will remember. I know about Pete G

Eh? The phrase "original line-up" now means "the earliest line-up Sun readers would remember"? And doesn't that paint Sun readers as a bit thick?

@Red_Devil1981 thought so:

slightly patronising Gordon! I think you'll find we know our music mate!

Smart responded by trying to deflect the attacks:

Apologies Matt didn't mean to come across badly. Damn 140 characters! Pls reply to the RT I'm about to fire up!

The RT he "fired up" was this one, from @HerekDales:

there is an advert booked in The Sun next Thurs to sell tickets for #Stoneroses tour. Won't reach many SR fans then

There's a difference between many readers loving the band and most of the band lovers reading the paper, Gordon.

Back on safer ground for Bizarre, the X Factor gets a kicking for having scaled back its ambition:

EXCLUSIVE By COLIN ROBERTSON and ROBIN PERRIE

X FACTOR bosses have quietly dropped the claim that their winner will bag a "million-pound contract" after leaks revealed the act would need to shift FOUR albums to hit seven figures.

I don't think anyone has ever really believed in the "million pound" thing, but it's fascinating that even ITV have dropped the claims.

A show source said: "The bottom line is that unless you have hit album after hit album you will never get anywhere near the £1million from selling records. But it's still a hugely lucrative show."

Yes. For Syco and ITV.

[Thanks to Craig in the comments yesterday for suggesting taking a peek at Gordon's Twitter]

Embed and breakfast man: The Charlatans - Some Friendly

You don't just do one big splurge of video when it has Tim Burgess in it. (Although we did, once). You savour it, slowly, however much you might want to rush forward to the Jesus Hairdo one where he's smeared in bodypaint. However much that might appeal.

Today, then, just some bits and pieces from the tracks which formed the Charlatans' debut album Some Friendly. Released on their own Dead Dead Good label (Beggars Banquet wearing a hooded top, in effect) the album was a number one debutante. Hard to imagine the band being in that sort of position again, if you're honest.

Equally hard to believe is that there were only two singles lifted from the collection. This is one of them, then, and it's Then, performed on The Word back in 1990. Look! It's Big Brother and Would I Lie To You's Terry Christian and everything:



Buy
You'll have this album, of course. But just in case, Amazon offer it on CD, mp3 and cassette.

More dipping in to the record to come
The Only One I Know
Sproston Green
Opportunity
Polar Bear

Talking for Tony

Could there be any more apt a memorial for Tony Wilson than non-stop talking?

Steve Coogan, Tim Burgess, Irvine Welsh and - you'd have to hope - others are currently taking part in a round-the-clock talking event that's designed to inspire the next generation of creative people in Manchester.

They've called it The Tony Wilson Experience, though, which is great as it implies that it's going to be some sort of three-piece pub band instead.

"Quite avant-garde"

Our buttocks tighten whenever we hear the word "supergroup" being muttered, even when it's one featuring Tim Burgess, Jamie HinceReynolds and Carl Barat.

It's going to happen, though, Tim has said so:

"The idea is to actually record something proper over the summer when we get a chance.

"Myself, Carl and Jamie from Klaxons actually went out for a bit of a band meeting and I think that we are all free in August - but I've just heard the news yesterday that Carl got quite sick so hopefully he'll be recovered by then."

As a general rule of thumb, however gorgeous the resulting band might look in the video, any band meeting which starts with members trying to synchronise diaries so they might turn up in the same place at the same time is a sign that the results of their labours might not be so much fun for the audience as for the artists.

"I just want it to be very serious you know, which would kinda be conflicting in the way that people have seen us in the past, but I think it might be quite avant-garde to be honest."

... so maybe not being fun won't be a problem?

Let's hope that it's not so avant-garde that they don't make a strongly homoerotic video.

The band is currently labouring under the name The Chavs, which you really hope they have another think over.

Doherty should never have used the pick-up window

Tim Burgess has worked out where it all went wrong for Pete Doherty - not ordering in:

“What I used to feel about people like that is that they shouldn’t go out and get hammered, that they’d be better off doing it all at home,” Burgess said.

“Why doesn’t he go for home delivery? Pete’s a fucking rock star. GET IT DELIVERED! We always did.”

Also, at the moment, if your crack pipe is delivered less than piping hot, you get it for free.

Burgess suggests that drugs might have also blunted Doherty's talent:

“But his songwriting has rapidly gone downhill, that’s the most worrying thing," he added.

“So much great music has been created on drugs. In Pete’s case, maybe heroin and crack is not such a productive combination.”

Although, to be honest, what really seems to have done for Doherty's talent was quitting Carl, not hitting crack.

Burgess revealed that The Charalatans were doing crack during the making of Up To Our Hips.



On drugs, eh? You'd never have guessed.

Bookmarks: Some stuff to read on the internet

The Wired Listening Post interviews Tim Burgess about giving the album away, and working with Alan McGee:

I really don't want to go back to a label! And obviously, working with Alan, he's kind of the law unto himself anyway. When we got together it was a team made in heaven, really, me and Alan. We both needed each other at the time, and both forged the plan, really. And I think managements where it's at -- decent managers rather than a record label.

McGee gives Tim for free

The Charlatans might be wondering about the direction Alan McGee (professor of Pop at the University of Gloucestershire) is taking them in, with the news that he's decided they're going to give away their new material. For free:

McGee said he decided to give the Charlatans' music away after they were offered a deal he considered less than satisfactory by their record company, Sanctuary. "I thought, 'well nobody buys CDs anyway'. If you talk to a 19-year-old kid, they don't buy CDs. In eastern Europe, nobody buys a CD – everything is digitally downloaded from the internet for nothing. I came to the conclusion, 'Why don't we just give it away for nothing'."

So, having identified The Charlatans' target market as, erm, nineteen year old boys in Bratislava rather than the slightly pudgy thirtysomething Madchester survivors you or I might have pictured as being at their heart, McGee is electing to make it all available for nothing.

McGee said the band "could not lose" from the revolutionary approach. "We looked at the deal we were being offered by Sanctuary and said, 'Let's just do it ourselves'. We increase our fan base, we sell more merchandise, more fans talk about the band and we get more advertising and more films (soundtracks). More people will get into the the Charlatans and will probably pay the money to see the show. I presume it will double the gig traffic, maybe even treble it."

Except, of course, McGee's nineteen year old who'd be getting the album for free now would have been getting it for free anyway, so there's no loss there, but a large number of people would have paid for the record who now will be getting it for nothing. Sure, under the Sanctuary deal, they'd have been getting buttons for their share of the cake, but a small pile of buttons will keep you warm better than a large bunch of nothing. And will the extra tshirts and extra tickets make up that pile? Especially since the band usually sell out their tour dates anyway.

In addition, making the tracks totally free strips them out of chart contention - and pulls them away from Amazon and it's recommendation system - reducing the band's visibility as much as they giveaway will raise it.

We love that McGee has shifted to try something new, but it does bother us that simply giving away the tracks is as unworkable an idea as trying to keep them locked-up. Could McGee not have had effect he hoped for, without costing the band a small fortune, by making the singles available for nothing but keeping an album package back? Just because some people will always find a way to avoid paying doesn't mean it's a compelling business argument to turn away people who want to pay.

Still, should Tim Burgess find himself on his uppers and need a place to kip, we're more than willing to offer him a duvet and a can of soup.

Gorgeous Burgess

The Charlatans have announced a mini-UK tour for the start of November:

Glasgow ABC - November 3
Manchester Ritz 4
London Shepherds Bush Empire 5

More Wilson tributes

Amongst those adding their memories of Tony Wilson are John Cooper Clarke:

"He gave me my first television gig, actually. On his Granada show. He came out to see The Buzzcocks, and I was third on the bill, and ended up getting chucked out of the venue for something or other, but he noticed me and said 'No, give him a chance'. It really gave me a leg up - in those days it was really hard to get on TV, and it tripled my audiences overnight."

.. and Tim Burgess:

"(Wilson) put out records by my favourite bands - Joy Division and New Order - which made me believe I could be in a band and put out records," Burgess said.

"I feel like I felt when Joe Strummer died. It's like losing a musical dad."

Chavtastic

Last night in London, something between a sprawling mess and a glorious coming-together: Carl Barat, Gary Powell, Jamie Reynolds, Steffan Halperin and Tim Burgess in a possible one-off supergroup extravaganza, The Chavs.

It's like a Travelling Wilburys for the living.

Burgess: Virgin bits

Concluding our collection of videos celebrating Tim Burgess' 40th birthday, Tim and Martin Blunt play Manchester charades:



Buyable: More of this sort of thing, in return for credit card details:
Forever: The Charlatans singles DVD
Charlatans Chemical Brother remix ep
Up At The Lake promo poster
John Robb's 1999 Charlatans biography

No deadwood: Tim Burgess

A snatch of Tim Burgess joining Dirty Pretty Things for Deadwood on stage at the Koko Club in November 2006. He's reading the lyrics, you know.

Tim Burgess: Malice aforethought

Our all-day celebration of the first 40 years of Tim Burgess' life continues - this is taken from the soundcheck for March's Manchester Versus Cancer event, and, yes, it's Paul Weller and The Charlatans doing A Town Called Malice.

Happy Birthday, Then, Tim Burgess

The reason why we mourn the loss of the old, regional ITV is less about the disappearance of brand names like Westcountry, and more the disappearance of the regional arts programmes. Tony Wilson and Granada were always strong supporters of local bands on Granada, and you'd often find half-hours worth of music shows popping up on the far side of the News At Ten in the region, clips in Granada Reports and gigs promoted by the company to film footage to fill the airtime. This, Then, is Then, from one of them:

Happy Birthday, Tim Burgess

Continuing a scattering of 40th anniversaralia, this is How High, live at the Sheffield Octagon last December. Tim is the small pixely one with his arms out:

Tim Burgess and his knickers

Continuing our all-day celebration of the boy Burgess at 40, here Tim talks about his favourite objects.

Embed and breakfast man: Happy Birthday, Tim Burgess

Tim Burgess was born - not on Christmas Day at all, but May 30th, 1967. Just one day after Noel Gallagher. To celebrate, we're going to speckle today's postings with some glorious Tim action. As you do. (With, obviously, apologies to those of you who hate The Charlatans.)

First, Tellin' Stories, live at the 2006 T in The Park:



Today's other Tim-related videos:
Tim Burgess reveals his underwear in a Guardian interview
How High - Sheffield Octagon, 2006
Then on Granada TV, 1990s
A Town Called Malice - The Charlatans with Paul Weller in Manchester, 2007
Tim plays Manchester Charades for a Virgin Mobile promo

Blackened Blue Eyes before Behind Blue Eyes

The Who's summer UK tour suddenly looks a little more attractive: The Charlatans are going to be support for Swansea and Wembley.

Is It Sophie Ellis Bextor?

So, Tim Burgess has used the web to prove the Charlatans aren't dead. But the lyric he posted - "who is the girl in the tight black dress, who can press all your buttons, pretending she's a princess..." - who can he be talking about?