Gordon in the morning: Incredibly, Hulk

What's this? Have ITV gone and commissioned another mismatched cop duo drama?

One's an out-there maverick who gets results with macrobiotics and wrestling the moves. The other is a suit from City Hall who has the digital skills to get a jump on the bad buys by hac... oh, hang on, it's not that. It's an awkward visit to The Sun headquarters.

Somewhat surprisingly, this is the lead story this morning. Great, I suppose, if you were ten years old in 1984 and somehow were still ten years old today; bemusing otherwise.

Smart does his best to try and make Hogan's visit relevant to 2012. I mean, he makes films, right? Or at least popped up in a Rocky movie. Surely he's got some gossip?

Sadly, he didn't have any Hollywood revelations of his own to share, except admitting he has a battery in his back to ease pain from all his injuries.

That's right: Gordon's big story this morning is that an old man has got a bad back.

That's not his hook, though: Gordon tries to turn this into a story about, erm, Karabian:

WRESTLING legend Hulk Hogan has a bone to pick with Kasabian after he rumbled the band checking into hotels under his name.

Hulk popped into Bizarre HQ for a chat and a game of darts yesterday. And he roared: "I heard about these guys. They have made a show about UK wrestling in the Eighties, called Walk Like A Panther.

"I know Rollerball Rocco, he's in it. He's my guy. I'll be his tag partner and sort them out for trashing hotel rooms under my name."

Hmmm. Really, Gordon? Did Hulk say that really? Or did you give him a bit of help? Because apart from a somewhat pre-emptive double page spread on the Walk Like A Panther pilot in Q, it sometimes looks like there's only one person in the world outside the production team who has heard of the unaired show. That's you, Gordon.

Gordon in the morning

Having - apparently - not been at the Led Zep concert at all, Gordon is back behind the wheel today, offering to reunite Naomi Campbell with her stolen Blackberry:

You don’t want to face her wrath, so if you accidentally took her phone, get in touch with me and I’ll give it straight back.

Yes, we're sure that Naomi would be delighted if you pass her telephone to the offices of News International, with its relaxed attitude towards listening to other people's telephone conversations.

Indeed, so relaxed is the attitude to people's voicemail privacy at Wapping, one former News of the World staffer told the UK Press Gazette that the features desk used to hack into the voicemail of the news team.

Gordon also reports on plans for a Zeppelin gig in New York - he relies on "my souce backstage" at their London gig.

Otherwise, it's business as usual: Cindy Crawford has decided that she doesn't want to pose naked again, because she's afraid her child might get teased. So Gordon responds by running as many naked pages of Cindy as he had stuck in his scrapbook;

while, despite hardly anyone in the UK knowing or caring what Hulk Hogan is, Gordon runs a photo of her to support a story that consists of saying "look, she's in a bikini".