Coco is no longer shouldering the blame

Do you ever find yourself, in quiet moments, wondering whatever happened to "don't call me Sting's daughter" I Blame Coco?

After her first album futtered to a halt in the murky depths of the album charts in 2010, she vanished. But now she's back and she's "gone solo" (although I thought she was pushing the IBC as a PJ Harvey style one person with a collective name affair?).

Anyway, there's a new album. And most of the coverage is still stressing at great length how there's more to her than just being Sting's daughter. Because there's no way the only way she's going to get press coverage is through being Sting's daughter. Oh no. Being Sting's daughter is just a detail in the life of Sting's daughter - a life that started at conception, an event at which Sting was very much present. She's now (again) stepping out from the shadow thrown by being Sting's daughter, to be absolutely her own person. And that person is Sting's daughter. But let's not focus on that famous father - who, by the way, is Sting.

Fox News see fundraiser; hear 'vote Obama'

If there's one thing we know about the Fox News Channel, they hate nothing more than something pretending to be impartial while actually being a political statement. They really, really hate that.

So it's perhaps no surprise to find Fox angrier than a child without a balloon over the NBC Sandy benefit. You or I might have seen it as a well-meaning attempt by some older pop acts to try and raise a few quid to help some people who are in quite a bad way.

But, no: It was little more than an Obama campaign advert:

"Good intention, raise some money for victims, but the timing is more than suspect," guest host Eric Bolling said. "Is this more political? Is this more, let's get this thing on TV before the election to help President Obama look more presidential? Or is it more to help out victims?"

"It does look like they're trying to squeeze it in," Steve Doocy agreed. He then noted that Bon Jovi and Bruce Springsteen are avowed Obama supporters (they are also New Jersey musical icons, of course).

"Where are the conservative performers?" Doocy asked. "How's NBC going to control what people say?"

"Is it a hurricane benefit or a concert for Obama?" he later said darkly. "I don't know," Bolling said.

They even dragged up Kanye West's "George Bush doesn't care about black people" remarks during the New Orleans hurricane benefit to somehow explain why they believed an event that hadn't yet taken place was going to be a Democratic pep rally.

There's something almost sad that Fox is now so broken as a rational beast that their first thought when they hear people are raising money to help others is that this stands against everything they believe in.

The other sadness is that Sting, Springsteen and Billy Joel is about as (small c) conservative a line-up as you can possibly get; that trying to suggest Billy Joel is like some cross between Che Guevara and, uh, a bloke playing pianos is so ridiculous you can't help but laugh.

"People will see a man who used to be married to a supermodel, who has a personal stash of 160million dollars, singing a song in front of a picture of a washed-out New Jersey theme park and will be tricked into voting for healthcare."

Really, Fox? If you believe that, you're more in need of an appropriate adult than Britney Spears ever was.

If you don't, you're kinda of a disgrace for pushing that sort of shit on the television to the small-but-significant audience who see the word "news" on your screen and confuse that with "truth".

We're all in this together (except Sting)

Sting made a massive loss in the year he's just published accounts for - over £20million quid.

Don't worry, though: before we start to have a whip-round, it was just an accounting move to save him from £2million worth of tax.

Because, hey, why should Sting pay his share like the rest of us?

Fazer works with the dead

Here's an eye-catching claim:

N-Dubz' Fazer is set to work with Phil Collins.

"Everyone will be expecting I'm going to work with Tinie Tempah, Tinchy Stryder and Chipmunk, but I want to do something musically credible that opens me up to different markets.
"I'm going to work with Phil Collins."

To be frank, we'd not really expect Tinie, Tinchy or Chipmunk to be rushing to work with Fazer - why would you trade down like that? But the Collins claim is fascinating.

Given that Phil Collins has retired from music.

So, has Fazer managed to tempt Collins back for one last job? Has Collins been assured by ATOS that working with Fazer isn't actually doing music, and so won't affect hios entitlement to pensions?

Or is it merely that the record label is dumping a bunch of tapes in Fazer's hands and getting him to have a play?

Let's go back to that quote and find out:

"I'm going to work with Phil Collins, The Script, and I'm already doing a remix of Sting's 'Englishman in New York'."

Dumped tapes, then.

Fazer is happy, though:

"I love 80s music. Dappy and I think music now is nowhere near as good as it was back then."

I suppose if you had to spend most of your day listening to N-Dubz over and over again, you might come to that conclusion.

Gordon in the morning: The dream of blue collar workers

Beware, beware: Sting has written a musical, warns Gordon:

The musical is set in the 1980s in the North East's shipbuilding industry.

He said: "It's at the early stages.

"We had a big reading last week with 20 actors. I was very surprised about the emotional response.

"We're thinking about taking it up to Newcastle to workshop it.

"I'm really excited by it."

A musical about working-class men written by a man who uses "workshop" as a verb? Doesn't fill you full of hope, does it?

Trudie and Sting still struggling to come to terms with their own actions

You'll recall a few years back Sting and Trudie Styler's chef brought a successful action against them for sexual discrimination:

The employment tribunal had been told that staff at the couple's country estate lived in a climate of fear because Miss Styler subjected them to abuse to make her "feel royal".

In a unanimous verdict, the tribunal members have found that Miss Martin was unfairly dismissed on the grounds of her pregnancy and had been the victim of unlawful sexual discrimination.

How did Styler take the result?

Miss Styler described the decision as "a travesty" and announced an immediate appeal.

Yes, she did. They lost that, too:

Judge Peter Clarke, chairman of the Employment Appeal Tribunal in London, said he agreed with the original employment tribunal judgment - which accused Miss Styler of using "shameful conduct" and subterfuge to get rid of Miss Martin.

Has Trudie accepted the now two judgements? Let's take a quick look at her interview with the Mail:

‘I was very wounded,’ she says. ‘I’m a champion of human rights. I embrace children into my life. Sexual discrimination? That’s something I don’t do. It was a travesty of justice.’

Yes, the victim of the story was not the pregnant woman who was unfairly sacked, and who was then forced to go through not one but two tribunals. The real victim here is Trudie Styler, who - despite the judgement of two tribunals - can't believe that she was guilty of sexual discrimination because she "embraces children". (That's the least successful use of the "I embrace children" defence since the Gary Glitter trial, by the way.)

Trudie doesn't explain how the judgement was a "travesty" - beyond telling us that she's so good it can't possibly be true. Perhaps while she's busily championing human rights she might want to think about investigating humility, too.

Sting: You might want to close your eyes and switch off the computer rather than read this

Oh, good lord:

In a frank and occasionally crude interview, [Sting] said: ‘When we see each other, it’s romance. I don’t think pedestrian sex is very interesting.

‘There’s a playfulness we have; I like the theatre of sex. I like to look good. I like her to dress up. I like to dress her up.’

'Her' being Trudi Styler, of course.

And when asked the most romantic thing they have ever done for each other, Sting replied: ‘Romantic? We like tawdry.’

Tawdry? Like sacking a woman simply because she was pregnant sort of tawdry, you mean?

It should be remembered that Sting once slammed on about the tantric sex sessions - indeed, the Daily Mail does:

Much to the embarrassment of their ­children, the yoga fanatics have already infamously suggested they enjoy tantric sex, swingers parties and strip clubs.

What the Mail seems to have forgotten is that Sting later admitted he'd made the whole thing up. There's no real reason to assume he's not doing the same this time. Because if he didn't make us all gag a little by talking about his great sex life, would anyone pay him any attention at all?

Sting vs Paxman: "You're not being blamed for the global crisis, you're just being called a hypocrite"

As Newsnight swung into its Copenhagen stride last night, Sting appeared for a meeting with Jeremy Paxman:



The highlight would be Sting shifting uncomfortably in his seat when Paxman asked him if he felt uncomfortable wooshing between all his houses, and then appearing to suggest that he could have such a carbon-heavy lifestyle because he's earned it helping the rainforests. That throws an interesting perspective on his behaviour.

Sting also ducks the obvious question after he's called for the West to pay nations with rain forests. "How much should they pay?" asks Paxman. Sting suggests that would be a question for expert. The implication being that his work is based on a lack of expertise, then.

In conclusion, Sting claims that he's not looking for individuals to make changes, but targeting large corporations. Fine, but the introduction points out that Sting was last year's highest-paid musician after a massive, global tour. Isn't The Police a large corporation, Sting?

[Thanks to Mike E]

There's a ghost in Sting's house

As if being dead wasn't bad enough, imagine if you found your underlife consisted of looking at Sting's pyjamas:

"I would never have said I believe in ghosts, until I saw one - and I've seen a ghost with my own eyes. I woke up at three in the morning, bolt upright, looked into the corner of the room and thought I saw Trudie standing there with a child - our child - in her arms, staring at me.

"And I thought, 'Well, that's strange - why is she standing in a corner, staring at me?'. And I then reached next to me and there was Trudie, and I suddenly got this terrible chill. And she woke up and said 'Gosh, who is that?' and she saw this woman and a child in the corner of the room. A lot of things happened in that house, a lot of flying objects and voices and strange, strange things happened.

"When you live in old houses you get this energy there. Intellectually, no I don't believe in them (ghosts), but I've experienced them on an emotional level."

It's believed that Sting had the house exorcised immediately - they won't stand for their staff having children, so it's not like they're going tolerate their ghosts having childcare issues.

The X Factor doesn't impress Sting

To save you time: In short, they've never done a Police Week.

Sting doesn't like The X Factor. In fact, it makes his blood boil, possibly even to the point where he'd start smashing up his tiny medieval guitars. This almost makes the X Factor worth it.

Fume Sting, fume:

"They [The contestants] are either Mariah Carey or Whitney Houston or Boyzone and are not encouraged to create any real unique signature or fingerprint."

He has a point. But it's a bit like complaining that John Culshaw doesn't do impressions of the Robert Zoellick or Hakainde Hichilema - it's not really what the audience is looking for, is it?

He also attacked the show's judges - Simon Cowell, Cheryl Cole, Louis Walsh and Dannii Minogue - claiming they had "no recognisable talent apart from self-promotion".

He knows for a fact that Dannii Minogue has never written an opera in latin to be played entirely on balalaikas, for a start.

Sting also doesn't like the way losers are cast aside without a second thought

"How appalling for a young person to feel that rejection," he told the London Evening Standard.

Yes, thrown out with no compensation like they're a pregnant chef or something.

"It is a soap opera which has nothing to do with music. In fact, it has put music back decades."

Not really, Sting: it might have put the charts back decades, but music? That's still pretty robust. If you expect to find interesting stuff on ITV on Saturday teatime, the problem is with your expectations, not music.

Besides, you'd have thought Sting wouldn't mind music going back a few decades. If the journey backwards was long enough, it might turn up at a time when people took Sting's opinions seriously.

Something nice to say about Sting

We don't often have a kind word for Sting, so let's be fair: the last ever Police date is being used as a fundraiser for public TV in the US, which is a good thing.

We were amused by this, though:

Still, fans might wonder: Is this really the last show, or will the Police just re-reform in five years and do it all again?

"I would bet the ranch that this is absolutely the last show ever," said Bill Zysblat, who produced the Police's reunion tour with Live Nation. "(Frontman) Sting has been quoted as saying it's important that things have an ending, that it was never meant to be forever, and this is a happy ending -- for everyone."

So, the guy responsible for producing the tour is agreeing with the official line that if you don't go to this one, you'll never see The Police play again. And you'd have thought he'd say "ach, they've already book the rehearsal space for the 2011 jaunt..."

Sting's environmental commitment: He only has a small-ish plane to himself

Of course, it's not that surprising that Sting was spotted flying into Germany on a fourteen seat jet with just him aboard, given that he happily endorsed that Jaguar car as well. And, let's face it, it's not like there's any other way to get from England to Germany by regular plane, is there?

Haven't The Police split once already?

The good Mayor of New York, Michael Bloomberg has given The Police the keys to New York to mark their career, which he praised in glowing terms, applauding:

“thirty years of staying at the top of your game” over its “long career.”

Of course, the twenty or so years during which the band weren't functioning wasn't an entirely difficult game to be on top of, but we're sure Bloomberg meant well. (Imagine, eh, a major world city with a bungling, over-promoted half-wit as a mayor. Couldn't happen here.)

At the same time, Sting and his friends took the chance to announce that they're calling a day. Again. They'll be playing their "last ever gig" (until the next one) in New York this summer. Presumably now they've got the keys to the city, they wouldn't be able to stop them.

Chef sues Sting

No, not the one who sued Sting and Trude because they sacked her for getting pregnant, this is a different chef entirely, who claims he "wrote" a couple of Police songs.:

The 48-year-old claims he helped write the songs because, wait for it…. he once told Sting about a former girlfriend who was called Roxanne and was a prostitute, and he also told him about how he once wrote a message to his mum and put it in a bottle.

Sting is dismissive of the value of these claims, saying that the chef - a Mr. Deedoodoodeedeedoodoodaa - had serious problems. "It's hard to see how he could have had these conversations as he had personal space issues. He would always be saying "don't stand, don't stand so close to me..." Oh... shit, forget I said that..."

ContactMusic attempts to get Sting a little fatwah

While I have very little time for Sting, his lutes and his enormous self-regard, I don't think I'd want to treat him as badly as ContactMusic has. Reporting plans for Geert
Wilders to push ahead with his film attacking the Koran, ContactMusic choose for no discernable reason to file this story under Sting, scattering pictures of Sting around the report and providing links to more stories about Sting.

There are two explanations: either the automated system used to publish by the site has found the word "posting" in the report and decided that this must mean it's got something to do with the singer from The Police; or someone who works for ContactMusic really, really hates Sting and wants to plant the seed in extremist minds that Sting is somehow associated with insulting the prophet. Either way, if I was Sting, I'd be a little unsettled.

Sting: heals the world, reunites the warring

The Led Zeppelin reunion. You might have thought it was down to the death of the band's mentor Ahmet Ertegun. But, no - it turns out that the desire to pay tribute to a key figure in their career was merely an excuse. Really, they just wanted to copy The Police, reveals Sting:

"I'd like to think we had some influence over that... I would have loved to have been there."

We've checked the historical record, and it's true - no group ever got back together before The Police did so.

And this time, stay like that

The Police have announced plans to split up this summer and round off their reunion.

Unfortunately, this doesn't prove to be any sort of legally binding promise.

Coco crispy

We're aware that Coco isn't actively trying to capitalise on being Sting's daughter as she embarks on the family business - besides having Trudi Styler come to the gigs and including lines about not being Sting. But like the employment of Derek Conway's sons, there's a nagging sense that somehow the current interest from A&R people is down to where she's from, rather than for what she can do.

Things really are grim for Ringo

In the light of Ringo's huffy walk-out when Live With Regis And Kelly because they didn't want to hear Liverpool 8 in full, Contact Music offers sympathy for the Beatle:

Suggesting that being a 67-year-old former Beatle no longer carries the cachet that it once did, the producers of Live With Regis and Kelly on Tuesday refused to allow Ringo Starr to perform a song from his new album, Liverpool 8, unless he cut it to less than three minutes

To make matters worse, Contact Music adds some extra insult by... erm, thinking that Ringo is Sting:

Sting croaks

There's to be a break in the Police's comeback juggernaut, as doctors beg with Sting to keep quiet for a bit. Sorry, that should be "advise", rather than "beg". Apparently he's at risk of ruining his voice if he doesn't give it a rest. So a bit of peace is in everyone's interests.