Showing posts with label pvc. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pvc. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Rihanna goes for a salt and shake

I can see that in these difficult times for the music industry, you might need to explore every avenue to make a few extra quid.

But did nobody at team Rihanna think through the message this sends out?

She's already got the red-hot hair - and now Rihanna has revealed her sizzling figure in her latest racy video.

The 22-year-old Bajan beauty donned shocking pink PVC stockings and an electric blue frilled body for her new collaboration with David Guetta.

There's a spicy twist to the song too - only people who munch Doritos get to feast their eyes on the promo.
"My biggest fans will have gorged themselves on snacks." Hmmm.

Is it a good idea to get your fans to gobble packet after packet of fatty food and then writhe around in skintight PVC? There's going to be lawsuits.


Friday, April 17, 2009

Gordon in the morning: Creeping with The Enemy

Success hasn't changed us

- That's the announcement which leads in to the Sun's interview with The Enemy this morning.

It's true.

Other things which haven't changed The Enemy: inventing a flying car; learning to perform open-heart surgery; cradling a dying elk in their arms while angry tanker-drivers hurl insults.

The piece - by Jacqui Swift - claims to be an interview, but also has a star rating for the album at the top.

It's quite sweet, as The Enemy seem to have confused themselves with U2:
[Tom] says: “The biggest achievement is me, Liam and Andy can sit down and still have a pint with each other. We’re still mates. No one’s got an ego.”


Gordon, meanwhile, attempts some SATIRE:
POLE-dancing, PVC and dominatrix action. Sounds like a Saturday night behind closed doors for an MP.

Isn't it all leafing through John Lewis catalogues and buying houses these days, Gordon?

Still, it turns out that we're not talking about MPs at all, but plans for the Girls Aloud tour. Oddly, although Gordon suggests that pole-dancing, PVC and dominiatrixes would be wrong and bad if enjoyed by an MP, he doesn't seem to have a problem with it as part of a family entertainment.
It’s with great pleasure I bring you the news that the foxy five have been taking secret lessons in pole dancing for their Out Of Control tour, which kicks off next Friday at Manchester’s MEN Arena.

Hang about, though, that's pole-dancing "behind closed doors", isn't it?
I’m told: “The girls have been taking tips from some of the best pole dancers in the business to put together a really naughty dance routine for their song Fix Me Up.

“Each of the girls has their own podium-mounted pole to show off their skills and costumes. It’s jaw-dropping stuff.”

Yes. Yes, it's jaw-dropping alright. Or, at least, enough to make you bury your head in your hands.

For Gordon, there's nothing better than the idea of women pole-dancing. Well, almost nothing better. You've gone a bit misty eyed, there, mate - what were you thinking about?
I wonder if they had a spare gimp mask left over for her hubby ASHLEY COLE?

Perhaps if you ask nicely, Gordon.


Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Gordon in the morning: Wipe-clean edition

Girls Aloud have done a really uncomfortable-looking shoot to promote their new single. The band have somehow managed to make PVC look a bit frumpy. Not that Gordon minds:

Vinyl release for Girls Aloud

It doesn't sound like vinyl that Gordon's releasing, to be honest:
GIRLS ALOUD ... bringing a smile ... every bloke ... jaw-dropping photoshoot ... band posed ... sexy PVC and leather.

But it's been done so poorly you can see the studio lights reflecting back off the outfits. And not in an arty way, more like it was a snapshot designed to flog Underworld undies on eBay. Let's not even ask why Gordon has got a photo where the women have been cut and paste into a single shot, or what, exactly, was meant to be in the big white rectangle that's hanging awkwardly underneath them.

Yesterday, Gordon caught up with Twitter. Today, it's the Google StreetView. Look out, Aleks Krotoski, he's after your job.

Yes, someone has spotted what may well be Liam Gallagher caught on the Google StreetView camera.

Of course, Google has blurred the faces of people caught by the StreetView camera, but somehow rendering Liam's face as a blank, empty shape makes no real difference.

Meanwhile, does Gordon know something Geri Halliwell doesn't about her current beau?
Earlier this month she binned Italian yacht tycoon FABRIZIO POLITI after meeting him only last December then getting engaged over Christmas.

Now she is already going out again with ex-fella NICK HOUSE.

He's an ex-fella? I think, Gordon, you'll find the acceptable tabloidese is 'Geezer to chick sex-swap shocker'. Unless that wasn't what you meant?


Saturday, June 28, 2008

Glastonbloggy: Dissertations and diversions

Guardian blogger Alex Hoban gives Beth Ditto a gift, a dissertation about Beth Ditto:

So, when my Glastonbury work brief included the task of interviewing Beth, I knew this was my best chance of getting one over a friend of mine who'd been honoured enough to present her Julian Barnes-based disseration to the man himself at what I imagine was a cranium-crumblingly dull literary conference.

And it happened, just as I imagined. Entering her dressing room she fanned herself forward in a breezy floral dress like a new Aphrodite against which beauty must be measured. Many platitudes were exchanged as I handed her the chalice of my endeavours and, visibly enthused by the whole situation, she promised to read it and get back in touch to let me know what she thought.

A big important book all about how important Beth Ditto. However did he know?

Holy Fuck are going in prepared:
We’re warming up tonight with a show at Proud Galleries in Camden. There’s currently a Sid Vicious photo exhibit here, so as a tribute I will be getting fucked up and miming all my bass parts while Mat our sound engineer does the real work from behind my amp. Has the makings of the best Holy Fuck show of all time.

Tomorrow we head to the Glastonbury Festival where we’re playing the John Peel Stage. Hopefully the hippies are kinder to Jay-Z than they were to Kanye. And hopefully we don’t drown in the mud as it’s already been raining and continues to do so today. Brian is set as he has his Canadian-branded wellies.

Let's hope his wellingtons find favour - Fashionologie takes Daisy Lowe to task for a "no-no":
This year's Glastonbury Festival just kicked into gear today, and what do you know . . . Daisy Lowe popped up goofing off for the cameras in a slouchy black top, PVC pants, and muddy wellies. Considering that the fashion flock watches Glastonbury to see what Kate pops up wearing, it's not so smart for an up-and-coming model like Daisy to follow Kate's suit — at the same event — a year later.

On the other hand, wearing wipe-clean trousers makes sense when you're kneedeep in mud, surely?

[Part of Glastonbury 2008]


Thursday, March 27, 2008

Daily Mail follows Geri to Washington

The Daily Mail offers a lot of coverage - well, pictures - of Geri Halliwell's trip to Capitol Hill to have her photo taken ("raise the issues about women's reproductive rights in the developing world").

You might have thought it would be hard to make a story about a Spice Girl in politics even more lowbrow, but the Mail manages to pull it off, by drawing comparisons with Legally Blonde. Sorry, Legally Blonde 2.

(We've always had a problem with that movie, by the way. Clearly, by the end of Legally Blonde one the Reese Witherspoon character - if character doesn't over-estimate the number of dimensions the scripty stereotype comes with - has grown into the role of lawyer, understands the system and has shed the bulk of the valley girl tics. So how come she backslides at the start of the second film? And, also: why did they make it?)

Still, while Geri is in Washington [something here about what she's doing there, really, if we ever work it out], Victoria is also doing her bit by, erm, wearing skin tightpvc trousers.


Tuesday, February 05, 2008

How can we hate each other? We're wearing PVC trousers

Friendship, so the song claims, never ends. So, if we're to believe the Daily Mail - difficult words, I understand, but stick with me - everything is fine between the five disparate characters who make up The Spice Girls.

How do we know this?

The Spice Girls have put on their raunchiest show ever in a bid to convince fans they are as close as ever.

Now, since the costumes and the men-on-chains dance routines have been present throughout the show's run, you might think this is just an excuse by the Mail to publish some pictures of Mel C wearing PVC trousers. But, no, it really was the raunchiest show ever, by some distance:
Scary Spice Melanie Brown roused the audience when she groped Victoria Beckham's surgically-enhanced breasts.

Okay. By precisely that distance.

By the way, does anyone know what schools the Mail's writers went to? Only they seemsto have been a bit more, well, liberal, than mine:
Keeping to her schoolgirl style, Baby Spice Emma Bunton wore a laced-up PVC mini-dress.

You know what sucks, though: when you're a parent on a tight budget and your kids' school insists you buy the laced-up PVC mini-dress from a designated uniform supplier.

Suprisingly, the Mail also resurrects the story about the band supposedly getting tattoos, only this time it's Victoria rather than Mel C who was supposed to be the prime mover. In this version of the tale, Beckham turned up at a tattoo parlour only to wait... and wait... and wait.... Because, of course, if you're going to have ink put into your skin as a group bonding thing, you'd all set out individually.