Monday, September 04, 2006

Get naked, Heather Mills urged

When it comes to Geoff Baker, long-serving, long-suffering publicist to Paul McCartney, revenge turns out to be a dish best served rubbish. We seem to have a theme developing today.

Believed to have been let go in response to a clash of personalities with Heather Mills, Baker has issued a public offer to Heather Mills: Model for the sleeve of my new band's single. Only he wants her to do it naked, and the track is called Queen Diva.

Do you see? We're talking levels of subtlety here that could be seen from the moon.

The band he's managing now is called Purplemelon. Which we think means Heather has the last laugh. Yes, she might be going through a very public divorce; yes, the porn stuff she did when she was younger might have been published in the all the papers. But at least she's not trying to interest the world in a band called Purplemelon.


Cath said...

The cruddy-ly named "Purplemelon" were also the subject of an article in this months Q magazine about whether throwing £1million away on a band will make then successful.

If the photo is anything to go by, Warren Buffet's savings couldn't save them.

Anonymous said...

No offense, but perhaps "Cath" (great name by the way) should listen to some of their music before judging the band. Assuming that you have any taste in music, you might be pleasantly surprised.

Anonymous said...

I happen to know a few of the members of this band, I'v ejammed and played with a few of them in a long term project. They rock, They are without doubt a colletion of some of the finest musicians around, They love it and most of all they sound great.
You obviously failed to actually listen to them.

Anonymous said...

ive had the mispleasure of hearing this trite band and their musical durdge.

to manage this band makes me think of a lennon quote "The f***ing men in suits that kill music".

surely money would be better spent on a band that have worked for their fame rather than having money thrown at them by someone that is going out with the lead singers mother, who incidently is a multi millionair herself... sickening... "The f***ing men in suits"... gimme a band that deserve it instead of a celeb indorsed rock outfit that are at the same level as Paris Hilton musically and in it for the same game...need i say more?

Anonymous said...

ive had the mispleasure of hearing this trite band and their musical durdge.

to manage this band makes me think of a lennon quote "The f***ing men in suits that kill music".

surely money would be better spent on a band that have worked for their fame rather than having money thrown at them by someone that is going out with the lead singers mother, who incidently is a multi millionair herself... sickening... "The f***ing men in suits"... gimme a band that deserve it instead of a celeb indorsed rock outfit that are at the same level as Paris Hilton musically and in it for the same game...need i say more?

Anonymous said...

Yeah ive herd that its geoff bakers son too. infact i thought they were good jim, sorry to hear that they were better than you last week ;-) only kiddin, when you playin next is it coventry? ROCK ON THE RAIN!!!

kamikaze dan said...

i saw purplemelon last week supporting a brilliant birmingham band called grandscope. Purplemelon were worse than rubbish! at the end of the day its the music that talks not expensive flashy lights, if people r fickle enough to be told what is good by a media which is being paid to do so, than they are welcome to your rotten melons. Real music rules real people! kamikaze dan

Anonymous said...

yeah purple melon suck,
they tried to fob us off with a free ticket and 1 free beer...... do they think were that cheap???

they suck big time, we had the beer and left... ive also had the misfortune of meeting their lighting guy, what a twat he was,and their photographer haha. "loser cruiser" was written on their tour bus hahaha

macca would be turning in his grave, if he was dead.

bouycot em everyone their an embaressment too sound

Anonymous said...

i hope the bloke thats funding this sh!t band goes bankrupt, its obviousley some ginger middle aged looser thats having a mid life crisis.

a fool and his money haha


Anonymous said...

Everything about PURPLE MELON is different. These guys are talented musicians who can play the pants off anyone around at present - they play there own music which is tipped to be the future thing around. Whether the sad authors of previous comments like it or not the businessmen in suits know when to support and back a winner as they have. Have a closer look at how these guys play, they have came from a background second to none and when let loose can play and outplay the old classic riffs better than most musicians around who can't escape from it ... take this from someone who knows ??? Cath or CAZ or whoever you are !

Anonymous said...

thanks for that Geoff you obviously feel the need to ghost write as a fan.

haha we all know their shit.

Birmingham has no need for mummy`s boys


It is always amusing to read anonymous criticisms and to be able to accurately predict who posted them. Three people come to mind and they know that I know it is them behind this piss-on-Purplemelon lobby. Silly, bite-sized people who will remain as such.Meanwhile, the TV crew who are following Purplemelon 24/7 are looking for gig-goers and Birmingham music pundits to feature in the film. If you're interested, come down to the Barfly gigs and introduce yourself to me.

Anonymous said...

yeah go on folks help em out

JL said...

I am annoyed at being called a lighting guy

Joff said...

Ok where to start, this is to all those people out there who are knocking the band Purple Melon, Firstly i think some people here are losing sight of what purple melon are all about, forget the fucking money and the so called buisnessmen who are behind these guys, its not about them its about the lads in the band regardless of what anyone thinks! trust me they can really fucking play their instruments, sure at first i thought oh this is a bit gimmicky and to some,maybe it is but ive kept an open mind and im glad i did, i have heard them many times now and its a real breath of fresh air to see some talented young musicians playing something different from all the otherbands of the moment, and thats not being disrespectfull to current bands because i love many genres of music,i guess what im trying to say is give them a fucking chance they have earnt the right man.Iwish them all the luck in the world i myself am a musicians and i would have given my right testicle to have been given the chance that purple melon have, so dont`t spoil it for them embrace them and learn from them,i have, PEACE.

MJ said...

Well, well, what an hilarious bunch of
mad people on here! Just to let you know the guys aren't spoilt little rich lads ... I have worked with them closely for the last 8 weeks and I have never met a more dedicated group, who a) are superb musicians b) have great ORIGINAL and STYLISH songs and c) i can't think of C but it usually runs in threes!

They are lucky that they have such great management but don't be too twisted about it ... it may happen to you one day, if you're good enough ...

anyway, get your arse down to Barfly and support the lads ... they are great and you may even get a condom, or packet of rizla or free drink ... not much in life is free so gobble it up before they become big and you have to pay £100 a ticket .... much love to the supporters and even more love (because you need it) to the un-supporting bloggers xx

Anonymous said...

OMG. what a crud, ive never been to a gig where you are bribed... all us young kids do is screw smoke weed and are gratefull that we dont have to pay £100 for the privalidge.... in the words of dragons den "Im Out!!" n if my band were "lucky enough" to have it happen to us we`d turn you lot down cos you aint got a clue. stick to what you know best-whateva that is!

cheap gimmiks omg im actually sick, & do you lot play anywhere apart from the fuckin "BARFLY???????????"

im mean it hardly shows commitment to what you do does it? bet you dont even know about the other venues in brum !!!!!!!!

cant wait to watch this thing your doin with the cameras on tv
(if the bbc has any budget left for comedy)
my band and i will have big smile`s on our face`s thinking....
"wow if were lucky phraps they will manage us!?!"

NO _THANKS ! ! !

PURPLEMELON is an anagram of... MERE NULL POP

and the music is null N dull..

Gazemous said...

Fuck me 'Anonymous' you have hit the metaphorical hammer onto the bonce.

And in such a clever way too.

'Mere Null Pop', fuck, why didn't the guys behind the band come up with that. They must be changing the name on the album sleeve as we speak although perhaps the smart fellas behind this wonderful juggarnaut of musical attitude had already thought of that so that pricks like you can identify it - one gold star to the lucky winner.

Who gives a shit who is backing this band? who wants to see Heather Mills naked? who has noticed that JL didn't mind being called a twat - only that he was called a 'lighting guy'?

Purplemelon - an anagram of 'courting controversy splendidly' maybe - are playing the "fuckin BARFLY" on the following dates:


Tuesday 26th Headline
Thursday 28th Headline


Monday 2nd Oct Headline
Wednesday 4th Oct Main Support
Sunday 8th - Headline
Thursday 12th TBC
Wednesday 18th 1st on
Sunday 22nd Main support
Thursday 26th show not confirmed yet
Sunday 29th Placing TBC


Saturday 4th Part of Panic Club night
Tuesday 7th Headline
Sunday 12th Headline
Monday 13th - Headline
Tuesday 21st - Headline
Thursday 23rd Headline
Tuesday 28th Headline
Thursday 30th 1st on supporting White Rose Movement (touring act ages14+, doors open at 7pm)


Saturday 9th Headline
Monday 11th Headline
Wednesday 13th Headline
Wednesday 20th Headline
Sunday 24th Headline

KP said...

Well I must say that I am quite astonished at the bitterness that has been expressed by various individuals on this blog. I would also like to note that I am overwhelmed by the lack of basic syntax demonstrated by those ‘critiquing’ the band.
Purplemelon is a collective of culturally and socially diverse, talented young musicians who have been fortunate enough to find a hardworking and well funded management team to support them. They have won a residency at Barfly and as a result, for the next two months, shall not be playing ‘anywhere apart from the fuckin’ BARFLY’ as ‘Anonymous’ so eloquently put it.

The numerous publicity stunts that have been conjured up over recent months have helped put Purplemelon on the map, after all, you bloggers seem to have found nothing better to talk about. Whether you like it or not, such marketing strategies get media coverage and once exposure is achieved, the music shall speak for itself.

You could, as ‘anonymous’ suggests; “buoycot em”, although unless you are ‘with a child at sea’ this would be difficult (‘anonymous’ you truly are a cretin of gargantuan proportions. For future reference it’s ‘boycott’); however I think such behaviour would be unnecessary.

I say if, you like them support them, if not then come to terms with your feelings and move on. Good luck to Purplemelon I look forward to seeing you silence your critics.

P.S. I also think the lighting guy is a twat.

Anonymous said...

gazemous, if your shit band had thought of that so pricks like us could identify it then maybe thay also would have realised that we aint identfying with your shit band....!

stick that in your free gayboy rizla and smoke it while your bumming the bass player witha free jhonny ya whore.

and KP, you dont win residence at the barfly so give it a rest, weve played there numerous times.

here is a competition for you KP, all you have to do is phone up a hotel and book..."WELL DONE YOU HAVE WON A RESIDENCE,,, GO TELL YOUR GIRLFREIND"

win that argument on the syntax ya sad twat

Anonymous said...

lol at above comment, is true you cant "WIN" residency there.

seems to me that all the comments from people that like "said band" work for "said band"
am i wrong? discuss...

Anonymous said...

The gaybasher above has a good point - it IS bloody wrong to entice fans with promotions like free drinks, Purple Melon condoms, Purple Melon spliff papers and now free sex (my mate knows one of their backline and he's told me the blokes behind this have now been hiring five hookers to mingle in the Barfly crowd and give blowjobs out the back to blokes who cheer the loudest. It's not fair on the other bands of Brum who can't afford all these glossy magic tricks. My m ate says that film crew of theirs is also pulling fan stunts by shagging half of Brum, apparently. Just cos they are hung like mules all the girls are all over 'em and not paying any attention to the real punk bands who properly represent Birmingham's "oi" culture. My mate also says that their lighting bloke will give you a good cottaging in the Barfly bogs for a tenner. Still what can you expect when the manager or PR or whatever he calls himself is taking heroin? I reckon the cops will bust this lot well before the end of their Barfly run.

Anonymous said...

i had one of those blowjobs bloody good it was.not from the lightning guy though.

Anonymous said...

the lighting guy gave me a cottaging, it wasn't very good though and I got a refund.


Smack? Not me, sir; largely because I know I would like it too much. A spokesman refused to comment on the bribejob claims.

The Boptist said...

I feel I`m missing out on this blogging phenomenen so here goes......It seems that Purplemelon have created quite a few different opinions which is a good thing. At least some of you out there have opinions. Purplemelon don`t make music that everyone will like in the same vein that they don`t write elevator music. You know the saying, you either love it or hate it and I for one LOVE it. They write and play very well and have a definite style all of their own. I urge anyone that`s reading these blogs that haven`t seen them yet to come down to Barfly next time they are on and listen to the new sound of purple.

Anonymous said...

I've heard that the lighting guy has boys bits and girls bits...

Anonymous said...

I`ve heard that KP and the lighting guy are "at it" like bunnies on speed.

JL (the cottager) said...

To counteract these ludicrous statements about me I just want to set the record straight.

Free cottaging available all night from the Barfly toilets at all Purplemelon gigs, just come in, knock three times and ask to ride the train.

As regards me and KP being at it like 'bunnies on speed' I would just like to clarify that she is on crack rather than speed and any attempts to ween her off the game are flawed.

MELONGIRL69 said...

Who cares whether Purplemelon are hypeing themselves? What's new about that? They party and their gigs are wicked and more important the lead singer isw a great shag. Ask the Uni girls. We love you Tom! You are next Eric. Thank god somebodys putting sex appeal back on the stage.

RAMROD said...

purplemelon are well fuckin lax, i fuckin saw em fuck off and leave some posh fuckin geography teacher to lug their fuckin stuff onto the fuckin van.

well lax

BOPTIST!!! said...

Posh Geography teacher??? I`ll have you know that I have never been educated let alone been a geography teacher. A prequisite of being involved with the band is that "you have to be a great shag". Any uni girls that want this confirming I`m offering "personal tuition". Just come to the gigs and ask for The Boptist! Come one, come all for your Boptizing!

RAMROD said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA! Shag from the fuckin geography teacher? fuck man you have to fuckin try and use someone elses 'talent' to get you fuckin laid? you sad man.

you should be told that women want a fuckin proper man not some fuckin wet paper towel floppy geography teacher slap dash fuckin slap on the bootaaay.

dont worry geoggers find the ravished beast at the back of the barfly and ill fuckin teach you to rumble like a proper man

well lax

Anonymous said...





babs said...

I've always had a thing for geography teachers actually, I find a man with knowledge of tectonic plate boundaries quite a turn on. oh and purplemelon aren't bad either!

Anonymous said...



Fuck off, you twat. Love & kisses "The PR Company"

AH said...

Doesn't anybody have anything original to say about this band. All the comments i've read have been talking about how much money is being wasted on these guys, that they haven't earned what they've got, and that they're a bunch of batty-boys who wouldn't recognise good music if it came up and rimmed them. Who give's a fuck?? Everyone's entitled to their own opinion, so to shit all over people just because they think different is a load of bollocks. I'm not going to say I love these guys because I haven't heard much of their stuff, but just because they've been given an opportunity like this and they've run with it is barely a reason to put them down, and anyone who does is just a jealous, conceited scumbag unfit to lick the crap off my boot. If you like them, fine, if you don't, that's fine, but laying into them for being well-backed is just low. And to the snide motherfucker who is apparently going to be watching this television coverage of them or whatever it is with your so-called "band", you only wish you had prospects like that. Maybe someday you will, then you might actually realise your arse and mouth seem to have switched places (though I doubt this is the first time - might even be permanent), but somehow I doubt that you'll ever be talented enough for someone to offer it to you. Tom, good luck with the band, you guys seem to be doing pretty ok for yourselves. Windsor, I only met you briefly, when Tom and I came to see you support Blondie (I think?). Anyway, best of luck lads. Everyone else can go suck a fuck. I'm out.

Anonymous said...

yeah, all im hearing is "this band can really play their instruments"

WOW, well i guess you`d expect that wouldnt you?

i happen to jam-gig with many bands in birmingham that can also "really play their instruments" so i guess purple melon are no different.

i guess what im saying is this... why oh why i we hearing about how great they are when not one band ive met or public alike rate them, infact the biggest compliment ive herd of them is, "they sound like a joke 70`s musical".
i guess were lucky that they can "really play their instruments" cos if they couldnt id hate to hear them sound "Talentless"

and to the big man who posted above me, grow up kid this aint "8 mile".
your actually makin the band sound worse than they already are.

mere null pop.

i think i will be proved right.
i am so far.

i know that its the PR companys job to highlight their strengths but lying about " winning a residency" which is mere crap as there never was a residency to be won, and telling us how they can "really play their instruments" is what bothers me, why lie? do you honestly think the public are that stupid?

purple melon or mere null pop as their getting to be known (on "the street" mr slim shady) are sadly backed by the wrong people at the wrong time and at the wrong place.
it seems were hitting a nerve judging by "geoffy boys" last comment to.

ps: supporting blondie. CHECK GOOGLE PEOPLE....MORE LIES

im out.....Prat

Anonymous said...

the worst part of all is the lead singer is the son of tony hill who was in Bucks Fizz

thats right folks.

eurovision pop!

haha who wants some tickets
are you all still

"makin your mind up

AH said...

get ur facts straight u prick. his dad was never in bucks fizz, and his name's not tony.

JL said...


I think you need to spend a little more time concentrating on what you are going to do with your life, it seems to me that you are actually quite sad at the moment. The fact that you have so much to say about something that really does not effect you amuses me, but at the same time I feel so much pity for you, in truth, if you really had something to say of importance then I would expect that you would do it without hiding. Are you the same pussy that I met last night with no bottle. No doubt you will respond with some side-splitting remark that only you and your best mate (ego) will laugh at.

Please keep in touch.

jason (graphic designer to the stars)
p.s I'm also the lighting guy twat

Anonymous said...

A new trio fronted by high voiced singer-guitarist-writer Tony Hill, son of Buck’s Fizz songwriter Andy Hill, this marks the start of a twice weekly residency. That’s just part of a year long hype for an unsigned band that’s being co-managed by Paul McCartney’s former press officer and having the sort of money and promotion (including a future tv documentary made by a Birmingham crew and company, presented by Phil Collins’s daughter) thrown at them you’d more normally expect from some label’s priority signing.

Which, if hype, was all they had going for them would be rather a waste of time and £1million However, they have music to back it up. A young bunch, their heads are very much rooted in 70s rock, drawing on such influences as Bad Company, Queen, Zep, Free, ELO and, well, McCartney with all the stadium rock swagger that comes with them. With an album, Henry’s Rocket, in the works, produced by Brian Tench who’s worked with Madness and the Bee Gees (fairly evident from the scratchy funky guitar work on Record Player), they’re already starting to create a buzz. Once the curious turn up and the word starts to spread about such numbers as the Queen style crunchy slow rocking Lose Control, bluesy staccato strutter Spider Monkey, the choppy riffing Play Away and their big Mercury rising piano ballad Some Might Say (Don’t Give Up), it can only catch fire.

8pm. £3. Barfly (Also Wed Sept 20, Sat Sept 23, Sat Sept 30)

nuff said i suppose.... typr in purplemelon bucks fizz into google and you will see the conection

and mr lighting guy to the stars "go fuck yourself, you look like ghandi with a wig"

Anonymous said...

celeb fest.

its asthough punk never happened

JL said...

the difference between me and you is that I'm not hiding from fucking anyone, you just hide behind your cheap lazy chav-like insults, fact is without even knowing you I can tell that you are a complete fucking retard. My fucking shits are bigger than you..

Wasta... (Giro day on Tuesday)

Love and Kisses


p.s you know where to find me if you've got the bollox.

Anonymous said...

i think purple melon r ok so stop giving them such an hard time.they are very good musicians and have plenty of talent. posted by jayden

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

The music that PurpleMelon have produced has to be some of the best I've ever heard. I know first hand that the band members can play well, they deserve every fame they get. It's clear that Mr. Baker's PR campaign is going completely according to plan exciting a massive interest which will only allow their popularity to prosper. And this is coming from somebody who lives in Brighton. Good work boys.
P.S. I've heard the lights have been done very well up there.

Anonymous said...

welll....first of i think most of you should get your asses down to the barfly and listen to purple melon first hand and you may be pleasantly suprised, i was. You shouldn't cast an opinion on what you have heard and read especially on this.
Anyway i think purplemelon are wicked. I know tom and eric pretty well and i know that they both want this really bad, a do the rest of the band. It just helps that they have the funding to help them get to where they should be.

Good luck, and i'll speak to you soon eric x

Anonymous said...

Behold! Purplemelon are kicking ass and the proof lies within the comments left by mere bitter wanabees that have tried a fallen it battle! Purplemelon ride proudly on into the sunset and turn their heads as they pass jellous riffraff, The King has spoken!

Good Day!

King of the Brown Table.

Anonymous said...

Behold! Purplemelon are kicking ass and the proof lies within the comments left by mere bitter wanabees that have tried a fallen it battle! Purplemelon ride proudly on into the sunset and turn their heads as they pass jellous riffraff, The King has spoken!

Good Day!

King of the Brown Table.

Anonymous said...

Behold! Purplemelon are kicking ass and the proof lies within the comments left by mere bitter wanabees that have tried a fallen it battle! Purplemelon ride proudly on into the sunset and turn their heads as they pass jellous riffraff, The King has spoken!

Good Day!

King of the Brown Table.

Anonymous said...

Behold! Purplemelon are kicking ass and the proof lies within the comments left by mere bitter wanabees that have tried a fallen it battle! Purplemelon ride proudly on into the sunset and turn their heads as they pass jellous riffraff, The King has spoken!

Good Day!

King of the Brown Table.



Anonymous said...

Sounds like the Purplemelon backlash has started...
At long last, people are getting to see and hear this band play and realise the truth.
Forget the daft management and idiotic PR stunts, which frankly, are currently doing them a bit of a disservice... Purplemelon (or is it Purple Melon - two words - nobody seems to know!)may well be destined for greatness. They're all great players who look good and sound even better. They've got some wickedly catchy songs, a great stage act and also happen to be really good blokes, too.
Do us all a favour and check 'em out before you slag 'em off!

martin (promo girls brother) said...

Purple Melon are are the future, for all you dickheads that havent even heard them or have no information about them try doing a bit of reasearch on them, or why not go and watch them, the tickets are free so its not like you loosing nething, all you people are all old foggies and have no taste in music i know why not turn your hearing aid up then maybe you wont hear the the possesive voices in your head. PURPLE MELON are the future, you will all be eating your words when they do get big which they deffinatly will.

here a couple of forum pics that i have created for you purple melon fans, please try and use these.

martin hogan (promotion gals brother)

Anonymous said...

i saw the purple melon the other week. Sorry lads, but i didnt enjoy your gig. I thought it was a little pretentious.

the below picture looks like the "Good Life" ... is this what the PR team pays for?

check it out

Anonymous said...

No, that picture is something my younger brother put together in his spare time, he wasnt asked to do it by the PR company, and is to young to know about the "Good Life". It was a good effort if you ask me.

Anyway since the "other week" the guys set has become much better, i have seen them a few times and each time there performance, vocals and everything else has progressed. The guys are playing twice weekly at the barfly in birmingham, if you would like to go ahead and check out how they have progressed.

Anonymous said...

didnt mean to offend on my "good life" comment. is good effort.

dillythewilly said...

what up .... all i wanna say is that i've had the privelage of sitting in a studio listening to purple melon work and they are good in fact they're great and if u dont think so have anal sex with a squirell mmm yummy.... don't criticise .. spread the love..... Tom Hill is the lead not bloody Tony Hill or any other Hill and his dad is andy hill get ur facts straight u ... and the bassist is uber funky and the guitarist plays the coolest solos i've ever heard and the drummer is pretty hardcore......and so is their pianist so... if u wanna disagree go ahead but i think they are really quite good..go on check them out and make a good decision for yourself..btw the manager or the 'guy in a fucking suit' is my DAD and he doesnt like suits !!! and he's a gr8 man and he's not throwing money at them in fact he's keeping quite a tight budget and they're not bribes they're gimmicks meant for a laugh !!!! the band are great guys !!!

love and kisses

joakim said...

to all u f...... who say that purple melon have no talent u must either be completly dum or tone deff go get a life and if u do not have anything nice to say do not say it nob cheeses!!!

Anonymous said...

I have now been to 3 purplemelon gigs at barfly.... i must admit, my friends and i were drawn by the free booze being students and all!.. but were most definitly drawn back!, not by the free drinks but by the pure sexy funk that was played and displayed by the boys on stage. We had the most amazing night of dancing our bums off trying to catch the eyes of the sexy lads on stage!!!! Big up snogs to the lead singer! and a sly wink wink ;-) nudge nudge to the mean axeman Owen Barry!... we will be back lads!

Anonymous said...


Girl said...

Purple melon are shit. They need to stand up and take the inevitable criticsm they deserve, instead of hiding behind their grandad backers and waiting for these sad PR gurus to "dazzle" the public with another obvious stunt. Can't the music speak for itself if it's so good? And if they are as good as we are led to believe then why not leave it to the fans to defend them? Lighting guy I have met you and I think you're the most obnoxious little dickhead i have ever met. Grow up you sad pretentious sleazy arsehole.

Johnson said...

I've just read this entire page and pissed myself at 'KP' going on about Syntax..oh my god what a fuckin twat. Get a life - you're impressing no one. The sad thing is i bet you actually re-read your post a coupla times to make sure it was perfect and then felt incredibly pleased with yourself for managing to incorporate the word 'gargantuan'. Really well done for managing to use your thesaurus. DICK.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

haha x 2

love Jen XX said...

purplemelon you you rocK!

Anonymous said...

A word, first of all about KP's comments about syntax....
The whole point about the correct use of grammar and punctuation in the written word is that it enables you to communicate accurately and unambiguously.
Those who choose instead to write in some bastardised form of "txt msg-speak", without the benefit of capital letters or punctuation - or worse still, using NOTHING BUT CAPS! - not only demonstrate their ignorance of their native tongue (and frequently hint at ignorance in other areas, too!) but also run the risk of not making themselves properly understood in their postings.
Just for the record, I think Purple Melon are an interesting group of extremely accomplished musicians, who have some rather clever songs and an original take on what commercial rock music should be in the 21st century.
Some have criticised Purple Melon for being "retro" or derivative, but I have to say I've seen a few of the other local bands that are praised so highly on this forum and elsewhere - and to be honest, most are hardly original, either. How many Nirvana/ Pearl Jam/ Radiohead / Stokes/ whatever clones does the world need?
I don't know of another band that's doing what Purple Melon are doing right now - or of many other bands that could touch them in terms of sheer stunning musical virtuosity.
Their live show is getting better all the time - they've still not yet played a dozen gigs as a band, remember - and once you look beyond the hype and the management bullshit and the silly PR stories about naked ladies, what you find is a bunch of great musicians doing something refreshingly interesting and different.
Plenty of good bands don't make the grade for want of financial backing. Purple Melon are a good band - they just happen to be fortunate enough to have that backing, too.
Give ‘em a break, guys!

Anonymous said...

da c@ s@ on da m@

JL said...

oh, Girl unless you are Rachel, Karen, Mel, Carmen or Lou I haven't met you because I haven't spoken to any other girls the whole time i've been at the fuckin barfly. You must have met someone else. Please forgive me if I was rude or pretensious I am just a poor LIGHTING TWAT.

Love and Kisses always

Leah said...

I think that purple melon are totally awesome...not only are they all great musicians but they are lovely guys and i reckon they have the tunes and the vibe to make it all the way...fair play to you guys and the best of luck with future gigs x

Em's said...

Nice one leah its lovely to hear some positive comments i agree with you hun the boys are fantastic chracters! All the best to them love the music and cant wait to hear more from them. Their perfomence gets better every time.

Boys take all the negitive comments and let it spur you on to prove them wrong!

I have massive faith in you all Purplemelon. love you!

p.s oi lighting twat! love you too he he!

Johnny Yen Again said...

They can play, I'll give them that, and the huge sum of cash invested in them would make any band wish they had millionaire parents.

Unfortunately, their songs are weak, they look ridiculous (honestly, put your clothes on boys, only Jonathan King would be interested in seeing that), and the stunts cooked up by their rather amateurish PR team have all very much been done before and undermine any credibility they might gain. Anyone wanna bet that the next stunt is a rooftop gig, or some outdoor spectacle in the city centre, complete with highly publicised arrests? The music lacks any real direction and makes them sound like they have only been together for about a week, and they are playing in the wrong venue (Barfly is an indie/alternative haunt, and you are a soft rock band). Although my sources tell me Barfly have dropped them anyway.

If Purplemelon are serious about their music, rather that just wanting to be famous, and the management wanting to cash in quick, then the best advice I could offer is for you to go away, work at your sound and songs for six months, start gigging and build up a proper fan base, and only then tap into the funds and start the PR machine. It would be a shame for you to blow this chance in a million by running before you can walk, because if (when) this doesn't work out, it's unlikely you'll get another one, and you'll never be taken seriously in the future.

But why am I telling you all this, I'm not your manager. I wonder why he's not? Might be something to do with the million dollars someone is putting up.

PS, I liked the lighting too. Would be better if it were switched off though.

Anonymous said...

Dear lord, you people are bitter, these guys are incredible, theyve got a million quid record deal from geoff hurst, what have u guys got? an eblogger subscription, high five, well done. Do Sumthing Or Shut up.
Eric Joyce Is a living legend.

Jon "The Flash" Cain, Reg "the Veg" Emvula and Greg "Butters" Van der Donk

Also anonymous i reckon, apart from the positive quotes, is the same guy over and over repeating his bitterness. Maybe its paul mcartney haha. Penises, anonymous and paul mcartney.

Anonymous said...

A record deal from Geoff Hurst? Is he fed up with football then? Has he branched out into music?

Anonymous said...

The guy named 'gazemous' on the posts is my friend gaz... he kept wooing and appluading so i was like: 'are they paying you to do that too' and indeed they were.

says it all

now i wanna get paid to see them play


JL said...

oh, Anonymous seems to me you are still at home trying to suck your own cock, you are on this site from morning till night, in case you are confused dont start to think you have a few friends now just coz we talk back to you.

remember grio day tuesday!

sad prick!

Anonymous said...

saw an amazing band last night at the barfly called THE TWANG... anyone seen em? their brilliant, best band ive personally seen in long time, anybody know when their playing next? they really got the crowd going. fantastic.

Anonymous said...

is it giro day tom?


Anonymous said...

christ don't know how my livejournal got linked to this post, that's scary... but you seem to be overlooking the positive points that i made, mainly that they've got fucking funky bass! it's a dogeatdog world and media promotion is part of that world - do it or fail. they can't MAKE people like them by flaunting but they can get people to at least make a consideration, and judging by the extremely mixed comments here they're doing that well. qed. showmanship is unfortunately a lost artform outside of television imo, and whether you love them or hate them it appears they are at least playing that artform well.


Anonymous said...

Melon-bashers will be pleased to hear this, I expect. tHE mOle says they've had a tap up already. A big thing beckons, apparently. Barfly will be chuffed, breaking another band, wonder if they'll get any credit for it?
Blind Pew

Anonymous said...

What's a tap up? Is that good? Hope so, as these guys are EXCELLENT!

Anonymous said...

I saw Purple Melon. I'm sure its been said before but they are like a poor man's Darkness without the novelty high voice. They're good musicians but their songs need to have more about them. I went for the free drinks but the other bands on the night were much better without the gimmicks sorry. Perhaps if they hadn't had all the money pumped into em people would give more respect for some obviously talented musicians. But hey the more people come on here and talk about em the more their name gets heard and the bigger they become.

The best thing about their set was the end and I don't mean that in a sh*tty way but on their last song they broke into a well rehearsed version of the League of Gentelmen Theme which I have to say impressed me.

Few other good Brum bands without 2 pennies to rub together check em out:-

The Will to Rally
The Get Aways
The Motive
The Faculty

Anonymous said...

can anyone who reads this and has anything to do with the band please wish Tom happy birthday and tell him and Eric that i have got my phone back but i have lost all my numbers and email addresses so if they could text me it would be really helpful.


p.s. Purplemelon rock hell's bells

Anonymous said... - go and listen to a bit of purple melon and let me know what you think. xx

Dominic Ferris, Purple Melon Band Member said...

Hello fans and enemies (aka fans-to-be) alike. Just to let you know that I have greatly enjoyed reading your comments. They have had me in stitches... especially the offensive attempts. I would advise the few immature posters to decide to post offensive material to carry on doing so.... it makes great PR, so thank you for that. But also... thank you to everone who does like our music. Birmingham has been great and we'll always remember it - and it's people.

So this is really just a post to say carry on posting. It's been great reading your comments. It's lovely to know there are people out there who know how to respect musicians and it's also saddening to know that there is a lot of jealousy too. Very immature - but anyway that's some people for you.

Best wishes to everyone, even the offensive ones - I wish you all the best in your music career. I will say one thing - if you have a passion for your music, you will never tire of playing. Never. And all this jealousy stuff tells me alot of things immediately. There is such a thing as chilling as 'rising above it' Have fun! posting!
Light and Peace,

Dominic Ferris. (Purple Melon Band Member). xxx

Anonymous said...

Honestly guys, without being rude... Don't you have anything better to do than sit on a computer all day posting negative, immature and effectively 'jealous' comments. Have you ever heard of a saying... 'The Proof of the pudding is in the eating'? Comparing bands, (especially if you are in one) is probably one of the lowest forms of attack. It really is. I can only feel sorry for you jealous lot. A piece of advice... work hard, very hard, and maybe... just maybe, you may be mature enough and musically good enough to be modest, polite and discreet. If you want to make it in the music world, arrogance and jealousy will achieve little. But all the same, thankyou for your comments. I must admit I haven't read every single one... but the ones I have read have certainly made me laugh and are pretty amusing. But to some of you guys... you really should get out more!!! Being a member of Purple Melon is great... but I do have a life outside it. It's unhealthy to be 'obsessive'. I see sitting on a computer posting attacking and immature opinions on people you haven't even met...that's obsessive. There are wars on in the world... wouldn't you say Barfly is rather insignificant compared???

Purple Melon Band Member. You can guess between yourselves which one if you like....more obsession!

p.s. Thanks Claire for all your hard work. Appreciate it!

Anonymous said...

your welcome xx

Anonymous said...

What's happened to all the knocking posts, then?
Does this mean everyone loves Purple Melon now then? Hope so...
PS: When's the bloody Purple Melon website coming online, then guys? It was supposed to be up and running in October, wasn't it?

Anonymous said...

Quiet around here these days, isn't it?

Anonymous said...

Have only just found this exchange in attemting to locate a Purplemelon website. I love this band and want to know when to expect a cd. Have a great Christmas, fans and detractors, next year will be their year.

Anonymous said...

DREAM ON!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Why such a fatuous and unpleasant response? What possible skin off your nose is it? Are you bitter? Is it beyond you to wish people well, regardless of your own tastes/preferences? Whoever you are, I include you in my Christmas good wishes, ease up - be kinder!

Anonymous said...

Is there a website?

Anonymous said...

are these guys going to be on the tv? when?

Anonymous said...

are these guys going to be on the tv? when? fair play to them i say.

Anonymous said...

So what's going on, then guys? Have PurpleMelon completely dropped off the map?
Have they split up? Did they ever really exist?
They seem to have stopped playing gigs and the website which was "due to go on line in October 2006" STILL hasn't materialised!!!
We should be told!!!

Anonymous said...

website goes live on the 27th

Anonymous said...

The 27th of what? April, May, June?
2007, 2008? 2009?


Website smebsite, nice ass though on the video clip they put up at

As an official working girl (the one in the clip is only acting, my compliments.

Anonymous said...

Anyone seen their new website?

Anonymous said...

Don't tell me it's finally up. How did that happen?

Anonymous said...

Are they gigging though?

Anonymous said...

They were at the Indy awards the other night, one of my mates had the drummer in the girls bogs.

mistergourmet said...

holy fucking shit i just looked/listened to their myspace page and couldn't believe my fucking ears... indescribably shite 70s-style power ballad... indescribably shite 70s-style mullet hair... indescribably shite name. un-fucking-believable! is it all part of some media-stunt joke?

harvey goldsmith said...

Fuck off back to your kitchen, gourmet.

Anonymous said...

i had a bet with myself that the twang would make it before this shite band,

i was rite.

jus goes to show what a simple indie club website can do

haha...roll on panic!/resurrection ...WE FUKIN DONE IT LADS!!!

Anonymous said...

and we did it all without spanking corrupt money on it.


how does it feel lighting twat...ginger twat...geoffy boy???


you bunch of wankers


you see the difference is your all up your own ass n cant see the truth ...(money hungry prats)

and jason why dont you go and fuck yourself


we done it


Anonymous said...



Anonymous said...

Who are these anonymous people who keep sticking up for purple melon?! it seems like the only few people who are being positive are the bands mates.. thing is, i know them too. and yeah, they are good musicians and 'lovely chaps', but since when has that mattered? (step forward mr. dougherty please)

If being good did matter, steve vai would be top of the charts. and if you think being a nice guy is important, your kinda excusing james blunt's arse-drivel?!

Surely to write a good song, you've got to have something to say.. connect with your listener. and these guys dont. if that doesnt work out, you can always fall back on being a big personality. but none of these guys are! well done hurtwood.. (just see the 'hi and thanks' video on youtube - tom is about as cool as charles babbage.. and who the f*ck is charles babbage?! imagine tom having a chat with simon anstell - he'd get ripped apart!) they have to get some old guy to try and put pictures of boobs up around birmingham - ooohh edgy! (why birmingham guys?! Is it becuase you knew it just wouldnt happen in london?) and when its come to the point where you're having to give away alcohol to get people to come to your gigs..

you just have to ask yourself this - would they have got ANYWHERE without the £1m? and the answer is clearly no. they sound dated; the melodies are bland; they sound like a pub band and maybe thats where they should stay.

'dont give up'.. f*ck me! what a pile of dirt.

PARKA said...

still wanna say, "small bite size people who will remain as such" geoff?

seems that i was right all along.

the only small person is......hmmm

lemme think

giro day tuesday lads....


Anonymous said...

who the fuck is geoff?!

Anonymous said...







we fukin done it!

Anonymous said...

graphic designer to the stars, HAHAHAHAHA

pride before fall, how far do u wanna drop?... twat

Anonymous said...

Dear Half-Wits (see above)
The first episode of the Purplemelon TV series will start broadcast shortly. Your comments here feature in episodes 2 & 3 and I'd like to thank you for your contributions. Carl, you're in episode 1.
Love to all
PS: I stand by the bite-sized comment as far as you are concerned.

Anonymous said...

I just saw a comment on Purple Melon blog...Some body named Ninjy acting a flirt...come on guys.. you can do better then that.

Anonymous said...

who is anonymous? what is your name?

Anonymous said...

for someone that hates purplemelon as much as you do you seem to spend alot of time scouring their websites and promoting them on this blog.

Anonymous said...

everyone loves to hate purplemelon...ive heard 2songs not bad. does everone know them or met them. where are they now?

Tom said...

Anyone can say whatever they like behind the protection of a computer screen. Its fucking pathetic. Big balls, small fucking cock. You know who we are and where we will be. If you havent got anything mildly constructive to say then fuck off back to the cardboardbox your from and spend your chump change on soup instead of this fucking blog. kisses tomx

Anonymous said...


#"I feel so much better today, chase the bad things away."


LW said...

Right , next smartarse that criticises 'Dont give up' or any other Tom Hill creation are invited to have a completly free 'how not to be a twat' lesson completely free of charge.
It must be hard when someone is clearly more talented than you but please.......give it a rest.LWxxxx

blake said...

the purplemelon trailer looks good. carl bob jenkins sounds like he is a fellow brummie...yes my son. is he still in the band?

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