Whatever the ghostwriters say I am, that's what I'm not

The instant autobiography has become something of a lifeline for the remainder bookshops in the last couple of years, as ghost-written tomes detailing the short lives of the young and recently famous clatter off the presses, through the proper bookshops and end up in 99p-stickered piles in the corners of Book World. You can understand the allure of a large cheque from a publisher, but generally, nothing flags up an over-inflated ego like a young person believing that being notorious for a few months is enough to drive a book.

It's still surprising, though, that The Arctic Monkeys have confused themselves with Peter Ustinov and are planning to get "our true story" out into the shops by Christmas.

You might think they're worried nobody would be interested if they leave it much longer.

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