Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Vote Said Fred

Richard Fairbrass, out of Right Said Fred from the Daz adverts ("we can be sexy again") is throwing his big cowboy hat into whatever sort of ring it is that is used to declare one's intention to run for mayor. And mayor London, at that:

“Current mayor Ken Livingstone has lost the plot. London has turned into a rich man’s playground.

“I have been living here since 1982 and London has definitely improved.

“But I think Ken has been in the hotseat too long — it’s time for a change.

“I want to stand as an independent candidate with a manifesto for the real working people of London.

“They make it the brilliant city it is. It’s not just about the super-rich."

It's about time - someone, at last, to stand up for the everyday working folk of London - the guys and girls toiling away appearing in soap powder commercials, filling out reality TV hairdressing programmes, selling gigs off the back of a quasi-novelty hit from a decade ago. It's time those, the real people of the city, had their day.

Still, at least it's not a campaign about the congestion charge, is it?

Oh, hang on:
“The congestion charge needs a total overhaul — real Londoners should get a massive discount. Women driving their Chelsea tractors in from Surrey should have to pay a premium."

We're not sure what happens if you live round the Oval, say, both within the old Surrey boundary and the M25. We do look forward to seeing Richard's suggested modifications to the congestion charge equipment to detect the real London-ness of a driver. Presumably the camera will be recalibrated enough to detect the glint of a button on a Pearly King's jacket.

Still, it's about time someone stood up against the tide of people coming from Surrey trying to enjoy the benefits that should, by rights, belong to "real Londoners."

Richard Fairbrass was born in Kingston-upon-Thames, in Surrey.

Still, great idea to give Londoners discounts and make people driving SUVs pay a premium. The only problem being that if you live in the heart of London, you already get a resident's discount, and Transport For London has already announced plans to charge polluting vehicles more than smaller cars.

Still, it's not Richard's only policy:
“Policemen, nurses, firemen and teachers should be able to live in the areas they work.

“And I would do everything in my power to work a way round the smoking ban. I think it is an absolute scandal.”

And if you've got people breathing in loads more second-hand smoke, you're going to need those nurses in greater numbers.

Vote Richard - smoke tabs.


1 comment:

Franco said...

"London has turned into a rich man’s playground."
Wow. I'm sure Richard is harking back to the days when London was just a big village with cheap shops. Maybe his car policy should include "hansom cabs to be given their own lane"?

"I want to stand as an independent candidate with a manifesto for the real working people of London."

As opposed to the virtual working people, the real non-workers and the virtual non-workers (possibly a description for 80s has-beens like...um...yes...).

"Women driving their Chelsea tractors in from Surrey should have to pay a premium."

I presume the congestion charge equivalent will also detect gender and which county the "Chelsea" tractor comes from. If he really wants that intrusive a check on all visitors to London, maybe he has more in common with the Labour Party than he thinks.

"And I would do everything in my power to work a way round the smoking ban. I think it is an absolute scandal."

Car pollution, bad. Smoke pollution, good. He does realise that fag tax doesn't directly go to Ken Livingstone?
Maybe his next cleaning ad should be to do with teeth-whitening products.

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