Fran Healy is pissed at Beyonce

Travis shared a backstage area with Beyonce at a festival. Or they tried to:

Healy tells the Daily Record, "Beyonce locked down the entire backstage area for an hour. Everyone was affected. You'd ask, 'Can I just go there?' and they'd say, 'No. You can't cross this little street'.

"Everyone was just following orders from the gang. I guess that's how Americans do it but it's not how we do it in the U.K. She was headlining the main stage and was half an hour late. The whole area was cut off as if there had been a nuclear disaster."

It's true. Fran never behaved like that when he was famous.

Kraftwerk: Robots v Communists

Kraftwerk had been due to play a festival in China...

Hang about, let's just pause there. China does full-on, three-day, Reading-Leeds style festivals these days. Remember when Wham! playing a gig there was a news item in itself?

So, Kraftwerk was supposed to be at this festival. But they've had their invitation withdrawn. Why?

Tibet. It's always Tibet. The Guardian reports:

According to reports in Beijing, the ministry of culture denied the German quartet a visa because they were scheduled to perform at a pro-Tibetan independence concert in 1999. In fact, Kraftwerk's performance at the Washington DC fundraiser was ultimately cancelled because of a lightning storm.

So what will the organisers do now?

The festival has replaced Kraftwerk with the British pop band Travis.

You see, China? Censorship only ends up hurting the censors.

And if you're thinking "blimey, swapping out Kraftwerk for Travis is a bit like replacing an iMac with a ten year-old Nokia phone", well... even the Chinese realise that:

"I can't say we are 100% confident with Travis as headliners," Zang Keyu, Modern Sky's director of performance and operations, told the state-run Global Times newspaper. "But it's a fact we have to accept."

I bet Zang Keyu is desperately combing online biographies of Fran Healy in the hope he might have called for independence for Macau.

[Thanks to Gary White for the tip]

Sorry, America

It's two uninspiring solo artists detached from their welcome-outstaying bands for the price of one:

Beginning November 10th in Los Angeles, CA, Healy will join The Killers' front man Brandon Flowers for a two-week tour of the United States.

Staying in never sounded so good, right?

Fran Healy has been busy

It's been two years since the last Travis album; seven, if you measure it since the last one that people noticed. This has created a Travis-like hole in Britain's cultural life.

Holes aren't, to be honest, all that bad. And this is a hole that you really don't mind.

Nevertheless, Fran Healy has decided to try and plug that hole with a solo record. (Yes, it seems that Travis consisted of more than one person.)

There's an excited press release:

Artists such as Coldplay, Noel Gallagher, The Doves and Gomez have cited Healy's sophisticated and atmospheric arrangements as a major influence on their own sound.

Coldplay... well, yes, Coldplay you could believe.

Recorded in Berlin, New York and Vermont, the 10 tracks that make up [the album] are as exceptionally literate as they are emotionally challenging.

Yes. I suspect they will be.

As an idea of how "exceptionally literate" they are, the album is being called Wreckorder. Which is the clumsy sort-of pun that you'd expect from a bunch of 15 year-olds hoping to get a mention in Kerrang, not a "literate" album from a man you're claiming is - oh yes - "a quintessential pop songwriter".

Can you make the album seem even more depressingly assembled-from-mail-order-parts?

features Paul McCartney on bass

That would do it.

The end result is the sound of a songwriter who embodied the spirit of Britpop and continues to artistically evolve.

If he's artistically evolved, why would you need to mention that he embodied the spirit of a music scene that was looking dated fifteen years ago. When humans developed opposable thumbs, I'm pretty certain they dropped banging on about 'now walking on two legs' from their press releases.

Not that Healy did embody Britpop anyway - even Wikipedia just lobs Travis in at the end of a "second wave", which is a polite way of saying 'turned up after closing time in the hope of getting to cop off with people who haven't realised the party is over'.

I'm just wondering, though: could this press release make Healy sound any more like a caricature of himself?

Healy is currently on a North American tour with Keane.

Yes. That would do it.

There is, though, one phrase that will bruise your heart:

The collection of songs includes the Neko Case duet "Sing Me To Sleep" which bounces over warm melodies and a syncopated drum loop.

Neko Case has no business appearing on a song which will be described as "syncopated". Can a drum loop actually be syncopated? Isn't a loop by its very nature the opposite of syncopation?

Gordon in the morning: What if you threw a party and nobody came?

Gordon splashes this morning on the terrible news that Brit nominees are turning down invites like they're "come to the disemboweling" requests:

Brit Busy That Night?

The idea of Earls Court being empty except for those stage-school kids they parachute down the front is an amusing one, but a caption on the photo illustrating the story makes it clear that we're not actually talking about that:

Possible no-show ... Dido

The 2010 Brits without Dido? Unimagimable! The last thing you need is the bar understaffed on a night like that.

Yes, the cards being returned are amongst those being invited for the anniversary category:

THERE could be an awkward moment next Tuesday night when the winner of the best Brits Album Of 30 Years is announced.

Acts including COLDPLAY, DIRE STRAITS and TRAVIS are nominated - but organisers are having a nightmare persuading any of them to turn up.

OASIS, KEANE, DUFFY, SADE and DIDO are also in the running but none of them have agreed to attend yet either.

Imagine that. It's almost as if the whole event is nothing more than a giant marketing opportunity that nobody would be arsed to attend if they had nothing to sell.

It's not all bad news, though:

PHIL COLLINS and THE VERVE's frontman RICHARD ASHCROFT will be there - but unless they win it could be a little embarrassing.

To be honest, if Phil Collins gets a prize for having made the best record out of all those released in the last thirty years, that might be a little bit more embarrassing than the recipient not being in the room.

But the chances of winning and prize and being on the television - surely that must be tempting?

Radio 2 listeners have already decided the outcome in a public vote and the winner will be announced on the night.

Hey, let's hope the lack of people picking up the invites isn't down to conversations along the lines of "did we win? But you must know... did we? did we? We didn't? Sorry, busy that night..."

The WB rocks with laughter

In a bid to combine the skills - let's call them that - of the writers of The OC and Gossip Girl with the sound of hipster-approved bands, TheWB.com is launching a comedy-music series set in Los Angeles nightclub.

The bands booked for Rockville, CA do sound great: the Broken West, Lights, Oppenheimer, the Republic Tigers, the Duke Spirit, Eagles of Death Metal, Earlimart, Frightened Rabbit and Lykke Li. Oh, there is also Travis, Kaiser Chiefs and The Kooks, but at least because it's online and in four minute chunks you can always avoid them fairly easily.

Travis pain

Travis are accident-prone, aren't they? At a gig in Cambridge last week, Andy Dunlop fell off the stage and crocked his ankle. A trip to hospital showed no break, allowing shows to go on as planned. So nobody comes out of it well.

Fran Healy becomes kingmaker

Every year, the seat of learning that still shudders everytime it gets called "the Paul McCartney fame school" - so that's what we'll call LIPA - invites someone who should know to pick the best of the talents studying there to put together a showcase ep.

This year, Fran Healy's doing the honours, choosing the tracks that he believes will set the world alight.

It's an interesting choice - after all, when Travis were invited to pick the tracks which the world would love for their own album last year they didn't do very well. (Yes, there was a Travis album out last year - no, we hadn't realised, either.)

Last year's ep featured The Wombats who have managed to build a following and not just disappear straight away. After a few years burning through cash and relying on Liam Lynch to justify the spends ("look, he had a top ten hit and was on the radio") it does look like LIPA's finally started to turn out acts which are achieving some degree of profile. This might be partly because a new generation has bloomed who haven't got the same degree of cynicism about the whole project and so it's starting to attract people who could probably carve a chart career without going there; and at least it's slightly more credible than the Brits School.

[Thanks to Jonathan for the tip]

Travis try a little Prince action

Yes, Fran and his team of other-members-of-Travis are hoping to be a little bit like Prince. Obviously not by making a funky record, but by giving away their new single with the Mail On Sunday.

Curiously, while the Prince giveaway angered the retail music stores, nobody seems that bothered by Travis giving away tracks that the shops haven't, well, been able to give away. Yes, they had a new album out last May. Nobody much noticed, did they?

Taping Travis

Fran Healy is, refreshingly, taking an anti-Prince stance, happily ensdorsing fans who tape their stuff when they play live:

“From a purely selfish view it helps me. I can go onto the internet and check out a song - at any given time you have 100 amateur cameramen taking a picture of your show from a variety of angles.

"It's a great way of finding out what works and what doesn't. The quality may not be great, but you get the vibe."

Of course, this means we're heading towards an internet in the future which has everything Travis has ever done, and nothing Prince has ever done. Is that what anyone wants?

Fran Healy: don't use music to be famous

After having spent the last couple of years sliding backwards towards obscurity, Fran Healy has decided that using music as a route to fame, cash and easy sex is wrong:

“Music shouldn't be about the band or the personalities. It's about the songs. As long as the songs are out there making people happy that's what it's all about.”

For this reason, and to ensure that the largest number of people draw the greatest amount of happiness from his work, Healy then announced that all Travis tracks from here on out will be made available for fr... oh, no. He seems to have forgotten that bit.

Music composed by: Danny Elfman

Travis are straining at their collective leashes, keen to work with movie and TV composer genius-man Danny Elfman. What's interesting, though, is in explaining why, Fran Healy reveals how he views his band:

Healy loves composing "cinematic" music - and believes teaming up with Elfman could be the band's next step.

"I'd love to work with him," Fran told the Daily Record, "I think all Travis records are cinematic and feel we've got a widescreen sound almost by accident.

"We'd like to give him a song he can embellish."

You have to offer the band some respect for not merely joining the throng outside Timbaland's office - although maybe they've already been rebuffed - but Travis "cinematic"? In the sense of "hot dogs and popcorn are available in the lobby", perhaps, or "an old cinema which has been replaced by bingo hall, providing carefully policed excitement for people who don't have much to look forward to."

A broken neck mends a broken band

The nasty accident when Travis drummer Neil Primrose broke his neck in the swimming pool had consequences for us all. Until it happened, Travis were about to split, reveals Fran Healy:

"When you start getting successful the business starts to seep in to any sort of cracks, and then they expand and push everyone apart.

"You then start to see each other as workmates and not friends. It is bizarre but when Neil had his accident and broke his neck we were like - 'oh no, it's Neil!' - not 'oh God, our drummer!'. I think we suddenly became friends again."

You see why taking care at the swimming pool is so important, now, don't you?

Travis set their old stuff free

Normally, the mere mention of the name Travis has us rummaging through our weapons, girding our loins, and preparing to toss the choicest rotten fruits in their general direction. But this time, we're having to applaud them.

They're rummaging in their attic and offering bits and pieces from their unreleased back catalogue for free through MySpace:

“We've released 130 songs in A-sides, B-sides and album tracks since we started out. Now there's finally a place where we can put up four brand new tracks a week that people haven't heard before.

"We've been doing that for 12 weeks and we've still got hundreds of songs to put up. We might have to slow it down a bit, but we can pretty much go on indefinitely!"

Of course, giving away Travis songs that weren't good enough to even pad out the third side of a second CD is a bit like offering the homeless the buns that got a bit sat on and the rolls which are going a little green, but it's still nice to see a major band trying out something a little more inventive online than just signing off on their label's cease-and-desist policy.

Travis turn out for radio fundraiser

KCRW's annual fundraising gig pulled a number of surprises on Saturday - not least Travis popping up to do a few songs and, even more unexpectedly, Lily Allen completing a US date. She told the audience that this was her last American gig, so I expect we'll see her back at Heathrow in a couple of days telling us how she can do without US success cause the streets are more street down Carnaby Street.

Writing to reach you

Travis haven't troubled a stage since Live8. Some of us quite like it that way - after all, what's the point of keeping a Snow Patrol and a Travis in the same entertainment industry? Nobody has that much trouble sleeping.

Nevertheless, Travis are determined to return to active gigging, and are threatening to hit the stage at the following fine venues:

March 20th - Camden KoKo
21st - Glasgow ABC
22nd - Warrington Parr Hall

Of course, we're quite tempted to buy as many tickets as we can, and bus loads of people in to just stand and pull horrified faces when they play new stuff. That might spare us the new album, The Boy With No Name, or at least roll it back past May.

A working defintion of turgid: Coldplay bring back Travis

Chris Martin playing a track by Travis. It's only lacking "to an audience with Snow Patrol in it, as a request for James Blunt, and we would be able to use it to put brain surgery patients to sleep.

Even Chris Martin sounded like he was slipping under as he put the track on, during a guest slot on Zane Lowe's show:

"We're gonna finish with an incredible exclusive, we're very privileged to play it, it's a new song by the band Travis, the band that invented my band and lots of others, along with Radiohead... um, as in those two bands invented bands like mine... get to the point... Travis here we go."

music chris martin coldplay travis

That last Mark and Lard in full

THAT LAST MARK AND LARD IN FULL: We weren’t going to bother to do this - it’s last Friday’s [28th March] Mark and Lard farewell show from Radio One, play-by-play, - because the Real Media stream cut off before the end, so it wouldn’t have been complete. But they’ve fixed that now, and so we have been able to hear the lot:

0’ 00 Newsbeat closes with ‘Radio one’s tribute to Mark and Lard’, done in a Mark and Lard style - i.e. Chris Moyles team hollering along to a backing tune, in this case ‘have a Nice Day’ by the Stereophonics. It includes Andy Parfitt phoning in a line from a “management training course” in Brazil. Being trained to manage what, exactly?

The show proper starts with Mark complaining that the news has overrun ninety seconds - “Can’t these people back time properly?” - and playing a call from David Bowie, who claims to be in Tokyo and then remembers he’s in Osaka.

White Stripes - Seven Nation Army
Black Box Recorder - Facts of Life
hmm... could this be a theme? Will it all be colour bands through the show?

Apparently, at this point, the DAB ticker was reading “Bye bye Mark and Lard! We love you loads. From everyone at Radio 1”

12’ 00 Mark reads out a “small card” from Paul McCartney and warns Sara Cox “We’re anticpating finishing at three, within about twenty minutes. I’ve dropped eight records already.” The carnival atmopshere is only ruined by the announcement that Travis are in the studio to play live, something which will probably have Radio 2 wondering if they’ve done the right thing. Fran Healy is wearing a “Casey Jones” hat but has “now taken his four woolly coats off.”

Travis - Love Will Come Through (live)

20’ 00 Mark dedicates it to his wife, because he’d apparently never played a song for her on the radio before. It’s then Great Moments In Pop (“the last ever one”) but the winner has already been decided, as a compliance officer from Denbighshire had got the answer right on Wednesday morning in a pre-emptive strike. Clue one is people saying “it might be the highlight of my life” in the rain.

22’ 17” - “for the last time” it’s the Rabbi Lionel Blair, who reveals he’s more a Steve Wright in the Afternoon person. His spiritual message tells how he’s cramming homeless people into his coal bunker as “it’s a nice little earner”

25’ 25” - Neil Hannon from the Divine Comedy drops in a ‘good luck’ message, probably aware it’s the last time his voice is ever likely to be heard on Radio One.

The Divine Comedy - Come Home Billy Bird (“our last ever record of the week.”)

30’ 35” “The problem is getting the records in...”

Ultravox - Young Savage (“they never re-released it”)

35’ 39” Man City players say ta-ra. Stuart Pearce requests Green Day and Basket case.

Janes Addiction - Just Because
Ten Benson - Mysetery Man (another act we suspect won’t be heard on daytime Radio One any time again soon)

43’ 00” - There’s thirteen people gathered in the rain outside the Oxford Road studios. It’s now time for the last ever Mystery Man, a face-off between a policeman from Woodstock and someone from Camberley playing hookey while pretending to be at the dentist. Mark tells Lard that this time there’s a real mystery celebrity - “I’m fed up with you always pretending to be the celeb.”

Blimey... it’s Thom Yorke. The policeman wins. Thom does a “big hello” to everybody and claims he’s just making “stupid noises” in the studio.

Radiohead - 2+2=5

53’ 09’ James from Starsailor say goodbye to the “most honest djs” and giggles a little bit too much

Starsailor - Good Souls (“a record of the year a couple of years ago”)

57’ 00” “It would probably have been wrong to have a last day without this guy...” Damon Albarn does a cracked voice farewell song.

58’ 02” A classic track from Roy Obese-one; his touching tribute to Britney Spears: “I got angry at fake pictures/ in the Daily Sport.”

60’ 00” Belle and Sebastian do a special song -”we remeber the day you first played our tune/ and now we are minted.” The chorus (“Mark and Lard”, repeat to fade is a bit shit, though).

Belle and Sebastian -

63’ 11” The Stereophonics drop in a slightly bitter sounding “we’re going to miss your witty comedy and slagging us off all the time.” They’re clearly trying to be the bigger men, but they can’t disguise that they’d rather be sticking pins in their eyes. “That took a lot” observes Mark.

65’ 08” - Jimi from Doves wishes the duo a happy future in their new careers “as nobodies.”

Doves - There Goes The Fear (“I think another record of the year... we should have checked these things.”)

68’ 55” - Lard’s Classic Cuts from his vinyl collection. Today he’s brought in Paul McCartney doing Mull of Kintyre (or “Mullo F’Kin tyre”). “Because CDs are rubbish, aren’t they?”
“Is that record hard to find?”
“In that condition, yes.”

73’ 04”
Travis - Driftwood (live) - chosen by Mark (“If push came to shove and you had to choose a favourite Travis track...”)

78’ 22” - Elbow send a message - to the tune of Without You. Almost.

Elbow - Powder Blue

82’ 55” - Fat Harry White turns up to provide a last slew of double entendre - “no problem getting up first thing... i popped inside for a quick nibble... not afraid of offering a man a full spread, is foxy... i spilled my cargo... the whole neighbourhood was watching me shoot my creamy load up foxy fiona’s entrance... me and Fat Larry had the two benders on the left... just a little tiddler to show for it... pulled the zip right down and thrust me tiddler between her flaps... i was sat there for half an hour with everybody looking at my stiff knob... i shot my mess over Radcliffe’s rump...” but, shockingly, at the end, it turns out Fat Harry White doesn’t exist, because it was just Mark Radcliffe with an effect on his microphone all along. How cheated and foolish do we all feel now, eh?

Johnny Cash - Hurt

90’ 42” - It’s the Cumbrian tight throat singing thing which never really worked as well as some of their other stuff.

94’ 06” - Newsbeat, with the wonderful Georgina Bowman. Maxine Carr turns out to have been Mark Radcliffe with an effect on his voice. The manager of Big Brvaz tries to explain that there’s a difference between smoking drugs in your house and taking drugs through customs at an airport, which clarifies the law no end for us.

96’ 36” - Kylie and Grandaddy say goodbye, although not together, which would have been better.

Grandaddy - The Crystal Lake

104’ 21” - “We’re already running late” observes Lard, because they’d forgotten to play an episode of Great Moments In Pop. Clue Two “Howling Gales, West Country accents, Emily, Dad... what could it be?”

Travis - After Mark And Lard Go (Live), a rewriting of the Keane song ‘Somewhere Only We Know.” (In the style of The Shirehorses.) It’s actually pretty funny and cute, and for a moment or two we quite warm to Travis (“meet the man who pulled the plug/ and I’ll show you Britain’s biggest mug...”)

107’ 42” - “what I like about that was Neil kept his head down and played serious like the other tunes...” The Shirehorses then reunite to do ‘Why Is It Always Dairylea?’ with Travis on backing (“it’s Jim’ll Fix it for you lads”) “processed cheese... what have they done? That bloody Philadelphia tastes like... come to the chorus now Why is it always Daiylea/ when in the contract it stipulated brie?/ I’ve got some nice red wine in/ I was looking forward to dining...”

111’ 51” - “the only place to go is the big reveal on Great Moments in Pop”, which is the triumphant headlining of Glastonbury by the Shirehorses “Radiohead were on on Saturday night - in the dark...” when the stage sun

The Shirehorses - I Know Where We’re Going

118’ 52” - Peter Kay is on the phone, claiming that he was made by them - “You bought my mum a bungalow. I’ll see you in Jobclub.”

119’ 48” - Coldplay say goodbye to the tune of Candle in the Wind (“Radio One have got Edith Bowman in/ she’s younger, she may well talk about Busted...”) Travis and Coldplay being funny? It’s brought the best out in everyone

120’ 32” - “Last time I’ll ever put this on”, observes Mark, putting on the ‘bye-bye tune’ “...and bye bye about seventy grand’s worth of PRS money for Cornershop every year - sorry, lads... That, more or less, is it... [very long list of thank yous] Nothing will ever be quite the same again... the end of mark and lard on Radio One... hopefully we’ve gone with some grace and dignity today, not moping about. That’s why our last record is this:”

Kiss - Crazy Crazy Nights

129 ‘ 49’ - a creaking door, and Mark finds Lard alone “lets go to the pub, and you can buy me a pint”
“one last catchphrase?”
“half a catchphrase?”
“stop...”

Then, apparently, someone forgot to fade back up the London feed, so Radio One fell into complete silence, which seems somehow appropriate...

The full programme is available at http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio/aod/rpms/r1marklard.rpm

What the pop papers say: Donkey meets shrimp edition

As if those lifetime achievement awards don't already make you feel like the Grim Reaper has invited all your friends together for your last night on earth, how creeped out must Bernie Taupin have been when he and Elton won their Music Industry Trust award last week? Music Week reports that a pre-recorded video shown to mark the occasion featured Lonnie Donegan saying "Bernie, I haven't spent enough time with you. Do pop round and say hello." Donegan had died earlier that day. Music Week also reports that, by some sort of quirk that I can't follow, Westlife's new number one isn't a new entry, but the biggest leap in chart history, from 196 last week to number one this week...

anyway, nme, what do you have for me? the strokes on the cover. Is it just me, or does Nikolai look like a second string character from the early days of Grange Hill? Not Micahel Doyle, mind, one of the goody-goody sorts, like the one who was Joseph in the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat they did?...

news starts with eminem movie sales, which is somewhat stale, isn't it? Apparently eminem is being dubbed the 'hip-hop James Dean' - isn't that Daniel Beddingfeld?; there's three pages wrung out of going backstage at a Strokes gig - the justification for the cover as well. Imagine what the nme would be like if it got fucked by Meg White - the entire issue, Bring It On and a week on nme.com would probably be given over; the nme claims that the P-Cutta album was "eerily prescient" in the light of the shooting of Jam Master Jay, despite it, erm, not mentioning anything at all about Run DMC at all' the nme.com Nirvana top 20 placed Lithium as The Best Nirvana Track Ever amongst those who could be bothered to vote; Robbie Williams is going to be beaten to death by one-legged music fans using their own prosthetics - hundreds have applied, and a special competition is to be held to choose the lucky swinger-winners. Oh, sorry, that's "will play four nights at Knebworth." Fran Healy is fed up with the music industry and wants to get away from it. The extent to which we should be celebrating this news is determined by the way he's told the nme about how fed up he is with the whole music industry circus, which is like telling a prostitute how much you hate paying for sex; Pink is using back projections of dead musicians at her current live show - you wonder if she can't be persuaded to include Robbie in there; Sharon Osbourne may be "the new Jerry Springer" - the new Christine Hamilton, more like; the Libertines imitated Tracey Corkhill and had a tongue-tied and tactless meeting with Morrissey; America has gone Jackass crazy - don't worry, American readers who aren't brain dead, we're coming to save you; the next White Stripes album is going to be called Elephant. As in a big thing in a room that nobody will mention... no, we won't do another Meg bra joke here; Man Tits Meets Shrimp as Craig Nicholls meets up with Matt Bellamy in historic hook-up...

after years, nme has abandoned On and replaced it with Hot New Band, scattering "new bands through the magazine" - while we're a little disappointed that the paper once again feels the need to change a feature name for something a little more obvious, the decision to feature more than two new acts a week is to be welcomed with a small cocktail reception and a pianist. Disturbingly, though, the new format echoes the old Melody Maker Breakers slot. Anyway, Hot New Bands this week are Mercury Tilt Switch - dundee emo; Burning Brides - Suzi Quatro meets The Strokes. Oh, hang about, there's only two. Like there were in On. Oh.

Pete from the Libertines does choose ten tracks, and they include Billie Holiday, The Smiths, The Las and the Only Ones. Can we have him to tea?...

Jarvis Cocker talks "exclusively" to the nme - presumably the longer, more interesting piece in Snug didn't count for some reason. However, his perspective on This Is Hardcore is worth the hire of the room: "Commercial suicide. It still gives me the shivers. When I look back at the period, it was pretty intense and I wasn't feeling well mentally or physically. The fact we managed to get the song out of it doesn't make it worthwhile, but there's something special about the song because of that, a weird atmosphere."...

Tenacious D. Uh, guys - this is like having Bionic Santa in your magazine...

Following on from 50 Cool People, this week's snip-and-clip piece is 100 Greatest Singles of All Time voted for by NME staff and celebrating the 50th anniversary of the singles chart, which was an nme innovation - a phrase you don't hear much these days. Ironically, a lot of the pieces about the tracks are supported by the original nme reviews. Nearly all of the reviews are longer than the current appreciations. If you need to know: Love Will Tear Us Apart - Joy Division; Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana; Anarchy In The UK - Sex Pistols. Smiths in at 7 (This Charming Man); Bowie at 5 (Heroes, oddly) and Oasis? Oasis are at 8, but with Live Forever, which is at least understandable. 3D from Massive Attack (Unfinished Sympathy, 10) feels the need to point out that the video for Bittersweet Symphony was a pastiche of theirs - no shit, 3D? Hey, and the Major Tom in Ashes to Ashes (did not chart) is the same character as in Space Oddity (did not chart). From the 'are you sure?' corner - The Hives Get Free better than How Soon Is Now? and two Strokes singles. Mmmm, lucky the birthday of the chart wasn't a few weeks ago, otherwise Andrew WK would have been in there...

review: albums
missy elliott - under construction - "she's a work in progress", 8
robbie williams - escapology - "while eminem is the voice of a generation, robbie williams is just the voice of robbie williams", 3
the used - the used - "kelly osbourne's beau's band", 2
tlc - 3d - "a monster record in the Frankenstein sense", 4

singles: sotw is liam lynch - united states of whatever
suede - obsessions - "may be suede's last half-decent single"
les flames - wrong - "lets hear it for the daft punks"

live - bright eyes/desaparecidos at the cmj - "I think we're headed for somewhere even darker"
alternative 3 - hope & anchor - islington we mention this only because its got a "1st NME review" logo on it, which is another thing they've brought in from the Melody Maker. Were was that downward spiral heading again?
the electric soft parade - newcastle uni - "a crutch for those who remain hungover from britpop"

and finally: from enmail - "Gareth Gates tops the charts, but is he more important than the White Stripes?" asks Jarvis 2.0 from Polygon. Sadly, yeah, he is to most people, Jarvis 2.0