Gordon in the morning: Unarranged monkey business

Aperback Writer
Macca will team up with Gorillaz

Is that true, Gordon?

Macca is on the promotional trail for the re-release of his solo albums McCartney I and II - and revealed his admiration for the talents of Damon and his Gorillaz co-star, artist JAMIE HEWLETT.

He said: "We have kind of talked - nothing serious but I like what they do. It's got near a couple of times but we never had the time."

So it's not "will", more a case of "would have liked to". There's no "will", except for unnamed people in both camps making vague, could-have-been-written-at-The-Sun-newsdesk suggestions that there's no reason it won't happen in the morning.

Still, it hasn't stopped Gordon getting a mock-up together. This, apparently, is "how Paul McCartney might look with Gorillaz":

It's not clear why McCartney would appear as a cartoon, when other collaborators don't. Nor why he'd be drawn in a totally different style. Or why he'd be badly out of focus.

Gordon in the morning: Young people

Could it be true that - like S Club 7 - Beady Eye (the Oasis Outlet store) is going to generate a Juniors spin-off?

Gordon says yes:

A BEADY EYE single was announced yesterday but there is already a Beady Eye Juniors group in the offing.

Unfortunately, his story then says "no":

LIAM GALLAGHER says his son Gene, who's nine, is learning to play drums, while his bandmate GEM ARCHER says his lad Joel, 14, is more interested in dubstep.

Gem told Radio 1: "My son's already making his own dubstep tracks and I'm encouraging the generation gap - I tell him it sounds like two radios playing at the same time."

I've tried putting these two quotes in a centrifuge, I've boiled them to a nothing and stirred the reduction in with a catalyst; I've peered through a telescope, a microscope and an oscilloscope. No way can I see how those two quotes stack up to the imminent formation of a Beady Eye Juniors.

Liam also takes the time to remind us about the Blur-Oasis battle, like a old major recalling the Indian campaigns, blissfully unaware that it was all over:

Liam couldn't resist a dig at old rival DAMON ALBARN when talking about his boy's music taste. He said: "My kids are into that GORILLAZ stuff - and that is music for kids, with all those videos."

I know Gallagher must think this quite the tart put-down, but instead it gives him the air of a confused pensioner muttering "the kids today with their Playboxes and all them shooting games".

Still, given Gallagher's target audience seems now to consist entirely of men born in the immediate postwar years, maybe that won't do him any harm.

New Gorillaz album? There's an app for that, apparently

Damon Albarn is claiming to have recorded the next Gorillaz album on a iPad in hotel rooms around the world:

"I fell in love with my iPad as soon as I got it, so I've made a completely different kind of record," he said. "It's ironic, being the sort of technophobe and Luddite that I am." He also offered a few vague clues as to its direction. "It sounds like an English voice that has been put through the vocoder of America. More American-sounding than Blur ... I'm going to try and put it out before Christmas."

Now, it's not impossible - but you've got hope that alongside the final product, Albarn also releases the things exactly as they were recorded onto his iPad, as - surely - for a sound that Gorillaz audiences look for is going to require quite an extensive bit of post-production?

If Albarn has been able to record a proper, produced album using only an iPad and tables in Hampton Garden Inn, that would be quite a feat.

Albarn bars Glee

Damon Albarn hasn't been asked to let Gorillaz tracks be used on Glee, but he's busily telling everyone he wouldn't let the programme use them even if they did turn up. Even if they begged:

"We wouldn't let that happen," Albarn said in an interview with The Associated Press last week.

"And not that they've asked us because they haven't, and now they definitely won't," he continued with a laugh.

There's something incredibly self-regarding about telling everyone that you wouldn't take up an offer than hasn't been made - it's like a teenager going 'yeah, and even if he did ask me out I'd say no, and he probably hasn't even asked because he KNOWS I'd say no'.

Other bands with Gorillaz pedigree - including The Archies, and Animal Kwackers - have also indicated they wouldn't let their art be polluted by a Glee adaptation.

Glastonbury 2010: It was the best ever

I was away doing other stuff this weekend, so it was nice to return and discover that some things are still as you expect them, even in a world where you can't trust Vince Cable any more.

Michael Eavis issued his traditional 'it was the best ever' statement at the end of Glastonbury:

Speaking at a press conference today, Eavis, 74, said he had experienced the best six hours of his life last night.

"I've never enjoyed myself so much," he said. "I hope you enjoyed yourselves too. It has been the best party for me, it really has been the best – the weather, the full moon and last night in a crowd of 100,000 people there was not one drunk person, isn't that extraordinary?"

Hmm. It does sound almost unbelievable, yes.

The biggest discovery of the festival seems to have been that people who have nothing much invested in the experience prefer the idea of Gorillaz to actually seeing them.

Gordon in the morning: Soothsayerage

Readers of Bizarre had no reason to doubt who was going to fill the U2-sized gap at the top of the Glastonbury bill - yesterday, Gordon was confidently predicting that Led Zeppelin could do it, but there was a much more likely outcome:

Eavis is also talking to CHRIS MARTIN about COLDPLAY filling U2's boots, and I reckon they will accept. They are big fans of Glasto.

So they might be a bit surprised this morning:

GORILLAZ have ridden to Glastonbury's rescue and are to fill U2's vacant headline slot.

To be fair, Gordon doesn't completely disown yesterday's piece, retelling it, but without mentioning his prediction:

COLDPLAY were in the frame, LED ZEP wouldn't rule themselves out and even DIZZEE RASCAL was on standby to step up.

Still, he'll have learned his lesson not to make dangerous and unlikely predictions, right?

The core live band features former CLASH guitarist MICK JONES and bassist PAUL SIMONON.

Guest vocalists at the London show included BOBBY WOMACK, MOS DEF and SHAUN RYDER.

I imagine they'll be pitching up in Pilton, and I wouldn't be surprised if DE LA SOUL and others also made an appearance.

And probably Coldplay, too, eh?

Cartoon characters replace U2; not much change there, then

Surely Damon Albarn must be the first person to headline Glastonbury in consecutive years with different bands? This, as you'll have heard, is the news that Gorillaz have been called up to fill the gap left by U2 at the top of the Worthy Farm bill.

Michael Eavis didn't say, but should have, that it was all a fitting way to celebrate the 15th anniversary of John Squire falling off his bike and sparing The Stone Roses an awkward and embarrassing headline experience.

EMI suddenly decides 'stealing' isn't that bad

Here's a funny thing - Eddy Grant has accused Gorillaz of ripping off one of his tunes:

Grant says Gorillaz copied his 1977 song Time Warp on their new single.

"I am outraged that the Gorillaz have infringed the copyright of my song Time Warp, claiming their song Stylo to be an original composition," he said.

Breach of copyright, eh? Now, there's something the RIAA are always quick to have something to say about. You only have to try and remember what a song sounds like, and the BPI will hit you with a lawsuit for copying the music to your cerebal cortex without the correct licence. Clearly, Grant's publisher, EMI, will be fuming over one of its artists having his copyright abused, right?

[They] said it was "a private matter between Eddy Grant and Gorillaz".

Oh. Um... well, what about Gorillaz's publishers? They, surely, won't sit back and be accused of stealing copyright - that's like stealing hangbags, remember?

[They] said it was "a private matter between Eddy Grant and Gorillaz".

Oh, yes. It turns out that, at least, the publishing arm of EMI aren't actually that upset at the thought of copyright being abused at all. Indeed, it's nothing more than a "private matter". Perhaps they might like to have come to this conclusion before the BPI tried to write UK legislation in the Digital Economy Bill.

Streaming now: Gorillaz

I'm not sure the world actually needs another Gorillaz album, but as pointless exercises goes, it works. The Guardian is currently streaming Plastic Beach in full.

[You can buy Plastic Beach if you like it. And haven't hijacked the audio.]

Gordon in the morning: Unfinished monkey business

Gorillaz are planning to do another live appearance. Or maybe not, if you read Gordon's column:

CANER SHAUN RYDER could derail the live comeback plans of GORILLAZ.

He could detail them, could he? How? Might he claim to own a patent on drawings playing guitars? Is he threatening to run amok with one of those Ink Killer pens that wipes out drawings? Has he simply eaten Simon's magic chalk so the pictures won't come alive?

The tubby rocker has been asked to rejoin DAMON ALBARN's gang at America's Coachella festival in April.

The animated outfit play their first concert in four years at the Californian bash on April 16, but the former HAPPY MONDAYS singer said: "The cheeky b******* want to fly me coach class over to the States then do a show directly. C'mon stingy. Cheeky b*******."

"Tubby rocker", Gordon? Really?

So, it turns out 'guest for one song moaning about having to travel like he was no better than Nicholas Winterton' is enough to derail a live performance. Let's hope Damon Albarn doesn't get a papercut, or that'll be it.

Gorillaz drawing to a close

Wasn't Gorillaz meant to be all over? Apparently not, as there's talk now of a movie based on the cartoon band called - no, really, Bananaz.

It's a behind-the-scenes documentary, according to the NME, which we really hope is wrong - after all, what could be more fascinating than some people drawing, cut to some people recording in a studio, cut to some more people drawing - and maybe doing a bit of colouring?

Gorillaz have been missed

Cartoon rock side-project Gorillaz are no more, Damon Albarn has announced to a world that probably won't be that upset.

It's down to the rising cost of pencils or something.

There will be one last hurrah, with the sort-of-band signed up to do some sort of half-conceived big screen movie. Which is a valid artistic project in its own right, and not merely Albarn calculating that it presents his best chance of getting an oscar.

(Which does remind us: whatever did happen to Albarn the act-or? It's ten years since his first proper role - in Face, of course - which was supposed to add a second string to his bow. Hollywood not noticeably beaten a path to the door since, then?)