Gordon in the morning: Young people

Could it be true that - like S Club 7 - Beady Eye (the Oasis Outlet store) is going to generate a Juniors spin-off?

Gordon says yes:

A BEADY EYE single was announced yesterday but there is already a Beady Eye Juniors group in the offing.

Unfortunately, his story then says "no":

LIAM GALLAGHER says his son Gene, who's nine, is learning to play drums, while his bandmate GEM ARCHER says his lad Joel, 14, is more interested in dubstep.

Gem told Radio 1: "My son's already making his own dubstep tracks and I'm encouraging the generation gap - I tell him it sounds like two radios playing at the same time."

I've tried putting these two quotes in a centrifuge, I've boiled them to a nothing and stirred the reduction in with a catalyst; I've peered through a telescope, a microscope and an oscilloscope. No way can I see how those two quotes stack up to the imminent formation of a Beady Eye Juniors.

Liam also takes the time to remind us about the Blur-Oasis battle, like a old major recalling the Indian campaigns, blissfully unaware that it was all over:

Liam couldn't resist a dig at old rival DAMON ALBARN when talking about his boy's music taste. He said: "My kids are into that GORILLAZ stuff - and that is music for kids, with all those videos."

I know Gallagher must think this quite the tart put-down, but instead it gives him the air of a confused pensioner muttering "the kids today with their Playboxes and all them shooting games".

Still, given Gallagher's target audience seems now to consist entirely of men born in the immediate postwar years, maybe that won't do him any harm.