Gordon in the morning: Mistaken identity

Could there be anything worse than being mistaken for Bruno Mars?

“Some guy at the airport came up to me and went, ‘Hey, Bruno!’

“I was bit taken aback so I just went along with it and started singing Grenade.

“He was none the wiser, although he probably thought I was acting like an idiot.”

Normally, that'd be a terrible person to be mistaken for, but given this was Jamie Cullum, perhaps being mistaken for Bruno Mars might be getting off easy.

Gordon in the morning: Gordon finds out how pregnancy works

PREGNANT Sophie Dahl keeps getting bigger - which is more than can be said for her pint-size hubby Jamie Cullum.

Um... yes, Gordon, that's generally what happens during pregnancy.

Sorry, America

Press releases can sometimes make you feel so sorry for those less fortunate, can't they?

JAMIE CULLUM LAUNCHES "ONE MAN BRITISH INVASION" OF AMERICA

Poor, poor America.

On the other hand, it does leave us free of him for a while. Do you think we could persuade him to take Parky with him?

Advice to Americans: Aim low. And if you let him get on top of the piano, you're lost.

Glastonbury 2009: In other Glastonbury news...

This is Fake DIY's crack Glastonbury squad disappear from Tweetdom, although Jemima Kiss was saying it was hard to get a data connection there this year.

That'll be all the iPhones. Thank god the 3GS hadn't had much time to propogate.

NME is reporting that Jamie Cullum did a 'tribute' to Jackson as part of his set:

Midway through his performance, the crooner climbed up on top of his grand piano to lead his band through a jazzy version of 'Thriller'.

Clearly reacting to the news of Jackson's death quickly, Cullum relied on a printed out lyric sheet before breaking the song down with some human beatboxing towards the end.

In unrelated news, staff at an exclusive LA funeral home reported that one of their corpses has asked to be hurried to his grave as "he had one fuck of a lot of spinning in it to get done."

Cullum had turned up earlier in a guest capacity with Spinal Tap - along with Jarvis Cocker, presumably canceling each other out.

Bruce Springsteen filled time before headlining tonight by helping out fellow New Jerseyites The Gaslight Anthem on the John Peel stage. It's a nice gesture, but the entire world is hoping they don't feel the need to return the favour.

First night: Amy's on the road again

Last night was the first night of Amy Winehouse's UK tour at the NIA in Birmingham. So, how did it go?

Stephen Dalton, in The Times, reported the show was alright, but misfired:

For all these churning emotions, this was not a classic show. Clearly the troubled chanteuse has other things on her mind, but the size of the venue also appeared to overwhelm her at times. The fetchingly sloppy, intimate delivery that works a treat in smaller clubs does not translate well to arenas, and some of her bouncy retro-soul hits fell a little flat.

However, The Sun's unnamed reviewer suggests the audience felt it was more than "a little flat":

AMY WINEHOUSE went into meltdown on stage last night hours after visiting her husband in jail.

The star appeared drunk and turned her gig into a crazed tribute to hubby BLAKE FIELDER-CIVIL, which had fans booing and walking out.

Hundreds left Birmingham’s NIA on the first night of her 17-date UK tour.

Now, we know when the Sun reports 'hundreds' walking out, it usually means a few, but the boos appear to have been genuine, as Amy, erm, threatened the people who expressed their disapproval:

And as fans tired of the mumbling star and began booing, Amy turned on her audience.

She said: “Let me tell you something. First of all, if you’re booing you’re a mug for buying a ticket.

“Second to all the people booing — just wait till my husband gets out.”

That's the best thing you can possibly say about a bloke who's soon to go on trial accused of beating the crap out of someone, we'd imagine.

And what of the stage outfit? Stephen Dalton in The Times was impressed:

She was dressed in a skimpy, shiny top and tight black skirt and her magnificent beehive squatted on top of her tiny head like a huge dead octopus.

The Sun, however, suggested someone should have told her she wasn't going out dressed like that:

Dressed in a tight black miniskirt and with her see-through top showing off her black bra, at one point her boobs almost popped out after she lost her balance.

Apparently, she trumped off stage before the gig was even properly finished as well - perhaps she went to join the small throng demanding their money back:

Fan James Dyas was one of those who walked out demanding his money back.

He said: “She came on stage half an hour late. She managed four songs but was slurring her words and swaying all over the place.

“She fell into the guitar stand and dropped the microphone — it was atrocious."

You could argue, though, that if you've bought a ticket to a Winehouse gig in the last six months or so, you do so on the understanding that you're not really to expect her to turn up, never mind stand up.

On the BBC News site, monkfish-faced jazz criminal Jamie Cullum pops up to offer his 'support' for Amy's professionalism:

"I don't think she'd want to miss a tour because she likes playing too much," he said.

Which is an optimistic viewpoint, but even that pales into the official response from the Winehouse camp to the wobbly show, which attempts to spin the thing:

A spokesman for Amy said last night: “It’s been a really emotional time for Amy but she was determined to do the gig.

“She broke down on stage a couple of times with real tears. That real emotion is why people love her, but it’s just really heightened at the moment."

Yes, people love being threatened with being beaten up by a thug by the person they've paid money to see. That'd be "heightened emotion", then.

It's hardly being star-crossed, is it?

The Daily Mail expresses surprise at the relationship between Sophie Dahl and Jamie Cullum.

Not because it's Jamie Cullum, which was enough to make us check on Wikiepdia that there aren't two Sophie Dahls. Oh no, the Mail worries about size:

Sophie Dahl's new romance with Jamie Cullum is going from strength-to-strength - despite the 6ft model towering over the 5ft 4in British jazz musician by eight inches.

[...]

They looked like an unusual pair at first," said one onlooker at Los Angeles Airport.

"Sophie towered over Jamie, even though she was only wearing flip-flops.

"But she was smiling and seemed very relaxed as he puffed down the stairs with his little suitcase. It was all very sweet."

As 'love against the odds' goes, it's hardly the greatest stumbling block, is it? You can't really picture even Hollywood trying a movie where the pitch was "He was from a privileged background, working in a fast-moving industry... so was she... but he was a little bit shorter. Could they overcome the occasional need for him to stand to tiptoe to kiss her when they were standing up to find true romance?"

Cullum should try heels. It might stop him dancing on the piano, too.