Showing posts with label jamie hince. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jamie hince. Show all posts

Monday, May 09, 2011

Gordon in the morning: It's the annual Kate Moss wedding story

Gordon Smart seems to know an awful lot about Kate Moss' planned wedding to Jamie Hince.

The original plan was to have the ceremony in a church in nearby Burford, but it wasn't big enough to hold all their friends and family.

And the newlyweds won't be joining their loved ones for a sing-song on the coach. They will travel to the reception in an MG sports car with balloons tied to the back.
Clearly, The Sun's regular reporting of Moss wedding plans, whether genuine or made-up (didn't she marry Pete Doherty on a beach, Gordon?) has merely been a rehearsal for this moment.


Wednesday, January 26, 2011

The Daily Mail is outraged

The Daily Mail really is outraged about the Vogue/Kate Moss/Evan Voytas pop video. Really outraged. It just can't get it out of its head:

Saucy Kate Moss flashes her bra and hitches up her skirt to show her pants in one of her raunchiest shoots ever
Two things here, I think. First: is it saucy or is it raunchy?

Secondly: as the Mail itself concedes, she pole-danced for the White Stripes. And in most of her photo shoots, the top usually comes off at some point. Jesus, one of the iconic Moss images is her, topless in dom boots clutching a teddy bear. She's on the cover of Love overheating commentator's tolerance for who we're allowed to kiss. "Flashing her bra" isn't really measureable on the Moss-raunch scale, surely?

But this is the Mail, so it's not just - uh - outraged - by the shoot, stills of which it runs just so its family audience can understand that, you know, it's not making this up, and you can see her pants and everything.

Oh, no. The Mail has other concerns:
Music obsessed Kate Moss has had one of her raciest shoots yet turned into a pop video - but it's not for boyfriend Jamie Hince's band The Kills.
You know, it's one thing to make a raunchy video for your boyfriend's band, but making one for some other act? What sort of hussy is she, anyway?


Monday, March 23, 2009

Gordon in the morning: Winehouse of pain

Credited solely to "an insider", Gordon gets all scoopy with claims that Island have knocked back Amy Winehouse's new record faster than Amy can knock back a bottle of vodka:

“She seems to have ditched her trademark vintage soul sound and is now heavily influenced by reggae. Her bosses don’t think it’s a wise move to change her style so sharply and have told her that.”

Perhaps this is true. But what's completely lacking from the article is the vital detail of whether the new stuff is simply a sudden and sharp change of musical style, or if it's not any good, either. In other words: is Island panicking at being presented with something creative and challenging, or holding something that doesn't actually work.
The source added: “It’s crucial Amy’s return is handled properly.

“If she puts out a record that is in any way half-baked, that could severely damage her long-term prospects, so everyone’s focus at the minute is getting it right, even if that means telling Amy some things she probably won’t want to hear.”

But if Amy is the sort of talent Island has spent the last half-decade telling us she is, shouldn't they trust her a bit?

You might have seen Pete Doherty's TV complaint about how the media has created an 'evil twin' version of him:
"I call him my evil twin, this fella they've [the media] created. He looks a little bit like me, apart from he's filthy and he's always pulling a weird expression, or doing something violent or illegal."

How frustrating that must be. Mind you, the evil twin does work with the press, doesn't he? Yesterday, you could hear Gordon punching the air as he read Pete's Q interview and found a lovely, lovely big quote:
He moans in an interview in the new issue of Q magazine: “I wanted to see LILY ALLEN play the other week.

“But her label EMI got in touch and said, ‘We don’t want you there because Kate Moss will be there and it will take attention away from Lily. Can you not go?’

“I was so insulted.

“I don’t know. I think I would have been courteous enough.

“Then I’d probably have head-butted her new boyfriend, put her over my shoulder and run off.”

Nice to see, by the way, that EMI has so much faith in Lily Allen's ability to hold people's attention that they ask people not to go to her gigs.

Gordon then takes Lewis Hamilton to task for buying 'cheapo' sexy underwear:
YOU would think FI flyer LEWIS HAMILTON could afford to buy his raunchy missus some top-dollar undercrackers.

But when he took PUSSYCAT DOLLS singer NICOLE SCHERZINGER out to buy lingerie, strangely he kept a brake on the spending.

On the back ledge of their car was a bag from keenly-priced frillies store La Senza.

Strange. I wonder where Lewis might have got the idea that La Senza was a sexy, sexy place to buy knickers from, then?

Perhaps it was Gordon Smart's drooling write-up of photos of Danielle Bux in La Senza pants.

Or the time Gordon Smart dribbled over another Danielle Bux in La Senza knickers shoot.

Hang about - maybe it was the time Gordon's column ran a piece by Stuart Pink that got all excited by yet another set of adverts featuring Danielle Bux promoting La Senza.

Oddly, on all those occasions, Gordon forgot to mention that he thought La Senza was a bit cheap and nasty.

Perhaps, though, it might help if Gordon read his own column. Gordon Smart's Bizarre USA features a fascinating video:
While Lewis was enjoying his new title, it was back to the day job for his PUSSYCAT DOLL missus NICOLE SCHERZINGER - after a quick message of love and congratulation which you can see by clicking below or right:

Nicole joined her band-mates to model their La Senza lingerie range, called Shhh.

So, the store is good enough to sell pants in, but not buy pants in, then, Gordon?

Or... and this may be uncharitable... but you don't think the carefully-placed and folded La Senza bag was simply an advertising ploy, do you?


Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Gordon in the morning: Babies and blubbing

There's no third part of the Newton-Beckham tete-a-tete this morning, allowing Gordon to reclaim his kingdom and dispel any sense - any sense whatsoever - that his role is to roll over whenever the old inhabitant of the Bizarre pages feels like cluttering up the space with a fab chat with her fab showbiz pals, regardless of any quality to the resulting piece.

So this morning Gordon is keen to prove that he's the alpha male, and how better than a big splash claiming that Jamie Hince is going to father a child with Kate Moss as a way of reuniting with her? Quite a scoop - and one in the eye for the idiot on Monday who was reporting that their split was final. Who was that idiot again? Gordon something, wasn't it?

Gordon also reminds us of one of his other great moments - the weeks and weeks he spent trying to force a divorce onto Ashley and Cheryl Cole, running a big chunk where Cheryl talks about why she gave Ashley another chance. If you think it's odd that Cheryl gave such an open interview to a man who made her pain public and then kept it there, there is an explanation: Gordon's copied the whole thing out of OK! magazine.


Sunday, June 01, 2008

Doherty Kills bill

We're not sure that we're buying the story in the People which claims Pete Doherty made Benicassim organisers move Babyshambles so he wouldn't have to come on stage straight after The Kills (and, thus, Kate Moss' new boyfriend).

Surely Benicassim wouldn't have put Babyshambles higher up the bill than the Kills in the first place, would they?


Sunday, March 30, 2008

Showbiz Zoe reports on the party from hell

The prospect of the Moss-Hince nuptials is clearly going to keep the gossip columns busy for a few weeks. Sunday Mirror's showbiz section, Showbiz Zoe with the Showbiz by Showbiz Zoe, announces that plans are already being made:

Kate Moss plans gypsy wed party over curry

That's quite a clumsy headline, with its mix of tenses. Luckily, there's a subhead to clarify matters:
Kate plans gypsy wed party over curry

Oh.

It actually turns out that the curry was another party, at Davina Taylor's "mansion" - with Lily Allen and Sadie Frost in attendance. Do these people only ever hang out with each other? They're kind of like a version of the Corrie factory girls only with more money and roughly the same level of education:
It turned into a lively night - hostess Davinia laid on an Indian feast followed by cupcakes at the do at her mansion in St John's Wood, North London.

So, someone called for a takeout from the local balti, then.

That'd be the curry dealt with, but what about the "gypsy wed party". It turns out this isn't - as you might have expected - the actually wedding party, but, says a "friend":
They are thinking about having the actual wedding in September, so the plan is to hold an engagement party in August to give them both enough time to recover before their stag and hen do's.

But don't you have the engagement party roughly when you get engaged, and not... oh, never mind. Let's just try and work out the gypsy bit?
. Kate asked all her mates for ideas for the engagement and Lily Allen suggested a gypsy-themed party. Kate got really excited and star ted talking about what dress she could wear for that."

So, although Kate was planning a gypsy-themed party, she was planning in the sense of "if we did that, we could do this" rather than actually going out and buying caravans. Let's hope she abandons the idea, because the idea of Moss, Allen, Taylor, Battersby and Frost trying to have a party themed around a persecuted minority has the potential to challenge Prince William's Out Of Africa bash for levels of sensitivity.


Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Gordon in the morning: Pete in the morning

There's no question what the big story is this morning in Bizarre - it's the apparent claims of Kate Moss that she's going to marry Jamie Hince. Okay, she was drunk when she said it, and only said to people taking her picture on cameraphones, and couldn't explain any further than "soon", but it's a splashy big story. It gets an exclusive tag. In the print edition of the Sun, it's a big, prominent splash.

It's clearly the biggest story of the morning.

Oddly, though, it's shoved aside on the Bizarre webpage to make way for a lame Wayne Rooney wedding story which is 'rich man spends money on wedding', in effect.

Why would a long burble guessing how much Colleen is going to spend on flowers take priority over an actual, scoopy, surprising Moss story?

The byline on the Kate story, we'd guess:

By PETE SAMSON
Deputy Bizarre Editor

There is also a story about Franz Ferdinand, too, although Gordon forgets to mention his source for this one, too. "I heard it on Newsbeat", actually.


Sunday, March 16, 2008

Miss Moss to Mrs Hince? Wince

The Sunday People claims that Jamie Hince has asked Kate Moss to marry him. Oh, and that she's going to say yes.

They know because "pals" say so. Well, that's good enough for us, then. We'll nip down to Debenhams and see if they've started a wedding registry.


Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Darkness at 3AM: Kate Mosses' skeleton

Goodness - the 3AM column online before lunchtime. And with an eyecatching headline, too:

Kate's X-ray SEX!

What can that possibly mean?
Her new home has bonking skeletons

Her new house has what?

The truth, as ever, turns out to be quite dull:
The supermodel is terrifying visitors to her North London pad, thanks to the two life-size skeletons on display in the corridor.

And it gets worse. They are arranged in a horizontal missionary position... Yep, bonking bones! We're spooked too.

But arranging skeletons as if they were having sex (the sort of thing that most people get out their system by about the age of 15) isn't anything to do with an X-Ray, is it?

Still, it gives Kate's guest the collywobbles:
"Kate was given the skeletons by a friend," says our well-placed source. "She absolutely loves them and finds it hysterical when visitors get freaked out."

Who would be freaked out by discovering skeletons in a hallway? Unless you were off your tree on drugs of some sort, wouldn't you... oh, hang on.

Apparently it gets worse - although, to be honest, this sounds like the sort of thing that a newspaper might make up to fill out a story:
Let's hope the freaky floorshow doesn't faze 34-year-old Kate's fella, Kills guitarist Jamie Hince - because his face is going on one of them.

"Kate's so chuffed with them she's asked her PA to get her another couple to go in her Cotswolds retreat," adds our source.

"She wants to paint one set with her face beaming down and the other with Jamie's mug. It'll look hilarious."

Can you imagine Kate Moss' head perched on top of body with absolutely no flesh on it whatsoever?


Thursday, September 27, 2007

Kate Moss: love Kills

Let's not throw around phrases like "unseemly haste" or "more rebound than a Brighton and Hove striker hitting the crossbar", shall we, and just wish Kate Moss and The Kills' Jamie Hince all the very best on their engagement.

We can't wait for the wedding, mind, which will probably be loosely themed on the video for Steps' version of Tragedy.