Gordon in the morning: LA Ink

Does David Beckham really watch Prison Break, Gordon? Does he really?

DAVID BECKHAM’S tattoo addiction has struck again.

The LA Galaxy midfielder looks more and more like his hero, the heavily tattooed character Michael Scofield in US TV drama Prison Break.

Beckham's latest tattoo is a long one, suggesting that he's not got much else to do bar sit around having people write on him. This one means "death and life have determined appointments; riches and honour depend upon heaven", which is lovely, isn't it? It implies that he and his wife aren't obscenely rich because of a mixture of luck and talent, but because God wanted it so.

Gordon is worried that Beckham is getting too many tattoos:

I’ve got a Chinese/Scottish proverb for Becks — which he should keep in mind from now on.

Becks, who grew up in Chingford, could keep it on a Post-it note in his undercrackers for the next time he finds himself lying down for an inking.

It reads: “Essex geezer who has too many tattoos will regret the body ink when he gives up the footy and becomes a fat lad.”

We're not entirely sure why Gordon wants David to put this on a piece of paper down his knickers - surely a post-it in your underwear would imply it's stuck on your cock? What can it all mean?

Let's move on, to this wholesome Harry Potter story, shall we?

Quidditchy bum for Ron and Co

HARRY Potter star RUPERT GRINT says the cast need a magic potion — to soothe their NUMB BUMS.

It turns out this is about the problems of filming Quidditch scenes.