Gordon in the morning: Again with the Kitten fights

Another story about behind the scenes trouble at the negotiations to bring back Atomic Kitten:

Lead singer Natasha [Hamilton], 29, has told managers she will walk if Jenny Frost, 34, and Kerry Katona, 31, are both in the new line-up.

Lead singer? I'm not sure either word there is correct.

Is the world really that interested in what might or might not be happening behind the scenes; or is The Sun trying to convince us that we should be?

Gordon in the morning: You can make me whole again

Worrying news from the Atomic Kitten reunion talks: there's still a prospect of an Atomic Kitten reunion.

There is, however, a sticking point:

PLANS to re-form Atomic Kitten have turned into a stand-off between Jenny Frost and Kerry Katona.

Jenny, 34, refuses to rejoin the band if founder member Kerry, 31, is going to be in it too.

The reunion is built around a TV series, and there's no way this is an attempt to raise interest in the comeback before they start shooting.

You'd have to wonder how much interest there'd be, relatively, in a reunion featuring nation's sweetheart-turned-nation's cokehead-turned-nation's comeback queen-turned-and-turned-again Katona compared to one without her; generally, a Katona-less Kitten would have the star power of a Take That consisting mostly of Donalds and Oranges.

Still, there's work being done behind the scenes:

Now manager Martin O'Shea is said to be frantically trying to compromise.

How, exactly, would that work? Katona in the band, but has to wear a mask? Katona in the band, but not allowed to sing or dance in time with the other two? Getting the origianl Sugababes in instead?

Gordon in the morning: Eating kidneys with relish

All those people hoping for an Atomic Kitten reunion (or "Kerry Katona and her dependents" as they're known) will find Gordon Smart's pages grim reading this morning:

The former ATOMIC KITTEN star [Jenny Frost] reckons she would rather "eat her own kidney" than reform the girl group with original member KERRY KATONA.

Nadia Mendoza knows this because, erm, she read it in Closer.

Quite why a reunion would feature both Frost and Katona, though, who weren't in the band at the same time, isn't explained.

Also, it would be handy to know if Frost meant she'd rip out her own kidney, with her bare hands, before eating it; or if she'd have it removed painlessly and professionally before being served to her. Perhaps the confusion on that point is why Gordon hasn't had his "boffins" create a photoshop image of this event.

In other news: Gordon's obsession with Bruno reminds me of the way three year-olds get fixated on Ice Age.

Telegraph shock: People paid to do work

Sometimes, you do wonder if anyone at papers like the Mail or Telegraph weighs the opportunity to have a spot of outrage against the damage done to their reputation by running pieces like today's Sunday Telegraph piece on the government's health campaigns. It turns out the people who appeared in them were being paid:

The former Page Three girl Melinda Messenger and the television doctor Professor Tanya Byron were among those paid by the taxpayer to publicise messages on things like healthy eating and stopping smoking.

The actors Gary Lucy, Gemma Bissix and Sian Reeves, the former television presenter Donna Air and Jenny Frost, a former singer in Atomic Kitten, were also paid thousands of pounds from the public purse for appearances in adverts.

You don't say. I bet if you dug a little further, you'd find that the people who filmed the adverts also got paid. And the guy who washed the studio floor down after the shoot. It's a bloody outrage - how dare people be recompensed for doing the thing they do for a living?

You might, perhaps, be able to get a little annoyed by the money paid for certain celebrities - but the trouble is, all the Telegraph has is a total bill:

Figures released by the Department for Health, under the Freedom of Information Act, show that £89,384 was spent on the celebrities for five separate campaigns.

While the Department refused to disclose what was paid to different celebrities, each was paid about £13,000 on average.

Well done, you've managed to divide a figure by the number of people involved to arrive at a totally spurious average.

What makes it worse is that - as her agent points out - Tanya Byron's involvement wasn't even as a celebrity, but as an expert in child health and psychology.

Perhaps thirteen grand for Gary Lucy might seem a little much, but even so, it's not like it broke the budget:

Lucy, Bissix and Reeves recorded "smoking diaries" for the Government's £43million Smokefree campaign.

Diaries? Over a fairly long period of time, then? And they were quitting smoking - which is a pretty difficult thing to do, and a 24 hour task. Less than one per cent of the total budget seems like a fairly restrained fee in that context.

Why, wonders the Telegraph, can't these celebrities be more like other celebrities?

Critics have pointed out that many other well-known people, including Sir Michael Parkinson and the children's author Dame Jacqueline Wilson, took part in Government health campaigns without payment.

I'm not certain, but one would assume that Wilson and Parkinson might be - financially, at least - more comfortable than Frost and Air and, thus, able to give their time more freely.

Still, at least only the Sunday Telegraph is making itself look foolish today. Oh, by the way - where did you get the story, Telegraph?

Norman Lamb, the Liberal Democrat health spokesman, said he had written to the Health Secretary, Alan Johnson, to insist that the full details of all fees paid to individual celebrities be released.

He told the Mail on Sunday...

Oh.

Gordon in the morning: Strained relations

Even in the happiest of families, there are stresses and strains as everyone tries to rub along together. Perhaps Gordon's understanding of how difficult things are between The Sun and its Sunday sister News of the World that makes him understanding about the difficulty in Peaches Geldof's marriage. Or maybe it's just the joy in kicking down the splashy exclusive from yesterday's News Of The World:

PEACHES GELDOF and MAX DRUMMEY are battling to save their marriage at a secret location in America, The Sun can reveal.

A pal - presumably a different "a pal" from the "a pal" who spoke to the NOTW - tells how the pair, yes, have their difficulties but are fighting, fighting, fighting to at least make it to the 100 day mark.

Meanwhile, Simon Rothstein gets his paws on pictures of Jenny Frost modeling Playboy knickers:

JENNY FROST poses in two more sexy outfits from Playboy’s new lingerie line.

But there’s bad news lads – this is the furthest she’ll go for HUGH HEFNER

There is something curious about Frost's decision to promote Playboy while not embracing Playboy, something that Rothstein hints at, as much as he can in the cookie-cutter 'look - bras' world of Gordon's pages:

The ex-ATOMIC KITTEN star said: “Some of those Playboy magazine shots are beautiful, but I will be keeping my Bunny Bra firmly on!”

It's a pity that the paper doesn't take this further - there's a fascinating question of if flogging a brand which relies on softcore porn while considering that to be somehow beneath you is an entirely comfortable position to be in, and if all you're doing is providing a thin cover of respectability for a business that is really about exploiting women, but Rothstein doesn't seem to have the stomach for it. Pity. They could have run it on page three.

Jenny Frost seeks friends for her breasts

Jenny Frost - you'll recall her from such initiatives as that attempt to send Atomic Kitten back to number one early in the Capital Of Culture year - is pushing a campaign to encourage young mothers to breastfeed their babies. She's backing the Breast Buddy scheme, which:

hopes to encourage young mothers in Liverpool to nominate a buddy from their circle of friends and family, to provide practical and emotional support while they breastfeed.

We think by "providing practical support" while mothers breastfeed they don't mean literally.

It sounds like a worthy idea, although we're not entirely clear why you wouldn't just ask one of your mates for a hand rather than go through this bizarre buddying scheme:

Mums-to-be can register for the Breast Buddy initiative by texting BUDDY to 60022.

They will receive a Breast Buddy pack which will also include a text number for them to give to their nominated buddy, so they can receive texts of encouragement to help their friend with breastfeeding.

We're sure that the Echo must have horribly mangled that sentence - presumably the friend to text support to the mothers while they're breastfeeding rather than the other way round? And what exactly would you put into a text encouraging a breastfeeding mother? You Suckle?

Still, it is a great idea. Jenny is presumably texting encouragement to former colleague Kerry Katona as we speak ("try the other one, it might not have so much gin in it.")

Do you mean 'Jenny Frost had a baby'?

Did the Sky News website really think the best way to announce the motherhood of Jenny Frost was to write:

We've just spotted the Celeb baby stork whisking his way back to his nest. And it seems he was a flapping from Jenny Frost's gaff.

Besides everyone knowing that babies are found under cabbage leaves and not delivered by storks, why would anyone phrase something like that? Unless their readership consisted entirely of squeamish ten year-olds?