Showing posts with label nicola roberts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label nicola roberts. Show all posts

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Nicola Roberts not bothered by success

Record sales? Nicola Roberts isn't in it for the record sales:

"You don't make music for commercial reasons. You make music because it's what you love to do," she told The Sun. "Not everybody can always like something. That's just the way it is. Maybe they'll like the next one better. That's how I look at it."
Of course she's not just putting a brave face on her solo album juddering to a halt at number 40; clearly, she's only ever made music because of the love of the music she's making. Why else would she have gone on a talent show to try and win a place in a band, any band, if she wasn't solely motivated by the desire to make whatever sort of music it would be that she'd be told to make in that band?


Monday, September 19, 2011

Gordon in the morning: You're fired

In order to help with her cosmetics range, Nicola Roberts is doing some research:

NICOLA Roberts is about to start taking Alan Sugar to bed with her.

The Girls Aloud star has bought the mogul's book, What You See Is What You Get, to become more business savvy.
I'm no business expert, but I'd suggest that not taking advice from the bloke who created the Amstrad Emailer would be a pretty fundamental business tip.


Thursday, June 30, 2011

Gordon in the morning: In the teeth of common sense

Nicola Roberts has had her teeth fixed. Strangely, this seems to be unacceptable cosmetic surgery for Gordon, who has decided to poke fun at her:

NICOLA ROBERTS could always join The Beano if her singing career goes up the spout.
I'm not sure how a real person would "join" a comic, even if she had teeth.

Did I say it was Gordon who was having a go? Oh, no, let me correct that:
Her GIRLS ALOUD bandmates have poked fun at her new teeth by nicknaming her Gnashers.
Yes, it's "the rest of Girls Aloud" who are doing the laughing. Because, you know, it'd be unseemly for a man in his 30s pointing and giggling at a younger girl who had worries about her appearance.

Still, it's better than the dull story about one of Kasabian giving a boxer an England shirt, which appears to be little more than free advertising for Umbro.


Friday, December 10, 2010

Delicious: Roberts and Metronomy

You've got to be that whatever emerges from Metronomy working with Nicola Roberts, it's going to be a whole hat-full more interesting than Will I Am churning out something with Cheryl Cole.


Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Gordon in the morning: Shameless plug

Is Gordon Smart being paid by Guy Ritchie's film company, or is the fawning being done for free? Today, the second story in Bizarre is tied to a photo of Nicola Roberts wearing a mac:

NICOLA ROBERTS looks like she has been taking style tips from Sherlock Holmes.

NB: Holmes didn't wear a mac. Roberts isn't wearing a deerstalker hat or smoking a pipe.
The GIRLS ALOUD star left her hotel in London's Mayfair in a tweed coat and leather gloves that wouldn't look out of place on the famous detective.

Hang about... Sherlock Holmes... haven't we heard about him recently?
Perhaps she is getting excited about the new Sherlock Holmes film from GUY RITCHIE, which hits cinemas on Boxing Day.

Boxing Day? That's twenty-four lame attempts to crowbar a reference to the dreadful film to go, then.


Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Nicola pockets twenty quid

Congratulations to Girls Aloud for picking up the Popjustice £20 Music Prize for The Promise, and a round of applause to Nicola Roberts for heading over to pick up the cash. It's not like she really needed the publicity. Or the cash.

Nobody from The Sugababes showed up for the £20 Invoice for worst single. Pity.


Sunday, May 25, 2008

ContactMusic speculates after Roberts ends engagement

Sure, sure, we'll bet there's a good few slashfics written along these lines, but in reporting the ending of Nicola Roberts' engagement, ContactMusic seems to have assumed a little too much:

GIRLS ALOUD star NICOLA ROBERTS is seeking comfort in the arms of her bandmates after splitting from fiance CARL DAVIES.

Do they really mean "in the arms of", popular journalistic euphemism for 'shagging', or did they mean the slightly-less lesbian-orgy-esque "from"?

Unless they really are making her feel better with intimate touching, in which case we apologise wholeheartedly to ContactMusic.


Monday, March 17, 2008

Gordon in the morning: On the town

Having had a (relatively) good week last week, Gordon is back to his usual form this morning: stalking Cheryl Cole. Having failed to break up her and the footballer bloke, Gordon is determined to get some sort of scalp, so he's chipping away somewhere else:

Skinny Cheryl left cheating hubby ASHLEY at home to join NICOLA ROBERTS, SARAH HARDING and KIMBERLEY WALSH as they celebrated Kimberley’s sister Amy’s 21st at London’s Burlington Club on Saturday. NADINE COYLE was absent – again.

If he can't end the Cole marriage, he'll have to make do with splitting up Girls Aloud.

Although 'person doesn't attend workmate's sister's birthday party' isn't, surely, that surprising?

During the last couple of weeks of the Spice Girls reunion, Gordon seemed to turn on Mel B. Is there, you wonder, something Mel could show Gordon to stop all the negativity?

It turns out there is:
Mel B? They look more like DDs to me.

We know you've seen breasts before, Gordon - you write about them everytime you see them. How can you still behave like you're a thirteen year-old chancing past an open window at the nurse's house every single time?
MEL B wore a lifejacket to go jet skiing but she needn’t have bothered — she’s got ample natural flotation devices if you ask me.

What do you suppose it's like when he returns to his wife after a busy day coining single entendres?

"Hard day at work dear?"
"Phwoooaar! Funny you should say that."

In what must be an awkward moment for Gordon, he's forced to effectively run with Rav Singh's 'Madonna split' story, instead of The Sun's usual way of knocking down it's sisters stories on a Monday morning:
A newspaper claimed yesterday Madge intends to move to New York with their kids while Guy will remain in London after a split.

Is there any other newspaper group in the world where the daily wouldn't credit the Sunday sister with a scoop?


Saturday, January 19, 2008

Gordon in the morning: Oh, alright, afternoon, then

Gordon's byline doesn't appear on the coverage of Blake Fielder Civil's day in court yesterday, but he's clearly cast his eyes over the report:

She then flew into full Peggy Mitchell mode and screamed: “I love you handsome, gorgeous one.”

Blake mouthed back: “Alright baby?”

Flaming Nora. This pair make the BBC soap look like bleeding Shakespeare.

Isn't 'flaming Nora' more Corrie than EastEnders? And "bleeding Shakespeare"? Really?

In fact: what does that even mean? That the real-life events in court yesterday were more poorly scripted than a soap opera?

Also today, there's another picture of Nicola Roberts. You'll recall Gordon calling her a dog earlier in the week:
Earlier this week I showed you a shot of Nicola with no make-up on as she took delivery of a wardrobe at her home. But scrubbed up here, she looks a totally different woman.

Goodness. Apparently people look more presentable when turning up at a launch of their make-up range than they do when they get out of bed to answer the front door. Who'd have thought it, eh?

Gordon also offers a picture of Kate Lawler, Michelle Heaton and someone else in their pants. The idea, apparently, is to try and sell pants, but Gordon apparently finds it near-fatal:
They shouldn’t find it hard to get a date on February 14 – as they’re already giving fellas everywhere a heart attack.

Goodness. That's terrible. Heart attacks, you say?


Thursday, January 17, 2008

Gordon in the morning: What a charmer

Gordon handles the big story on Bizarre this morning himself. Indeed, to make it clear who's in charge, the byline is:

By GORDON SMART
Bizarre Editor

Just in case you forget who's nominally in charge.

He's leading with the news that Eddie Murphy's not bothering to sort out the legal problems in his new marriage; a story covered in slightly more depth on E! Online who have all the details Gordon has, but also run the official statement:
“After much consideration and discussion, we have jointly decided that we will forego having a legal ceremony as it is not necessary to define our relationship further.

"While the recent symbolic union in Bora Bora was representative of our deep love, friendship and respect that we have for one another on a spiritual level, we have decided to remain friends.”

Still, it's not like that's all Gordon has this morning. He's been given a photo of Nicola Roberts accepting a delivery "first thing in the morning" as he acknowledges.

What do people look like first thing in the morning? Generally, if you tumble out of bed, not your best. Gordon, though, seems outraged that anyone dare open their door without being glammed up first:
Tried the hair of the dog, Nic?

Yes, a journalist on a major newspaper is calling a woman who fails to please him "a dog". Let's hope his bosses Rebekah and Victoria never dare to show up at the office without a brush through her hair.


Monday, November 12, 2007

Mixing pop and politics, he asks me what the use is

Sometimes, it disappoints us that more pop stars don't use their position and access to the media to talk about things that really matter.

Then Nicola Roberts talks politics, and we're glad that more don't:

Nicola Roberts has branded PM Gordon Brown a "little toad who talks shite" and declared her support for Girls Aloud fan David Cameron.

Still, it's lovely to see the band approach politics in exactly the same way they'd go about having a fight in a nightclub toilet.


Thursday, October 18, 2007

Woman wears tights - shock

We're en route from somewhere to somewhere, but had to dash to an internet cafe when we heard on CNN about the exclusive story Victoria Newton has broken this morning: Nicola Roberts wore a pair of tights to a Girls Aloud photoshoot.

Yes, that's the main story.

Newton - crack journo that she is - launches into well-informed speculation about why a lady might wear tights:

Maybe she had forgotten to shave. Or had not found time to get to a tanning salon.

Maybe. Or maybe they weren't really her legs, and were actually the butchered remains of a Bernie Clifton-style ostrich. Somebody, please, call PETA for a quote.


Saturday, September 29, 2007

Something kind of EU jumping in my tutu

We've hit F5 and washed out our eyes with Optrex, but it still really does appear that today's Sun carries an article signed by ("written by") Nicola Roberts calling for a referendum on the European Reform Treaty.

Actually, let's really hope that someone else wrote it for her, as that way she can distance herself from the problems with it:

BEFORE the Government came into power they said everyone would have a say on whether we sign up to the EU Constitution or not.

But now they are saying it’s going to be the MPs who decide our future.

This was one of the main points Labour campaigned on during the last election.

When things like this happen, you wonder why you vote for anybody — as they don’t stick to their promises.

The only thing is, Nicola, the didn't actually promise any such thing.

The 2005 manifesto promised a referendum of the British people (not quite sure why the Northern Irish wouldn't get a say) if the government was going to join the Euro; if there was going to be a major change to Westminster government (effectively referring to the introduction of proportional representation) and on the acceptance or otherwise of the Constitutional Treaty. But the Constitutional Treaty is a dead letter - abandoned after being voted down by enough of the people of Europe (like in a democracy, oddly enough) to make it unworkable.

Now, it's easy enough to pretend that the Reform Treaty is the same thing as the Constitution, but it isn't. You only have to read the disappointed reaction of those who believe in a single-state EU to see that it falls short of being identical.

Equally, you could argue that if the Labour Party conceded the principle of a vote on the Constitution and that there's no reason why that principle shouldn't be applied to the Reform Treaty as well.

But Roberts doesn't - she just conflates the Constitutional and Reform Treaties as the same thing, and calls the government on breaking promises they hadn't made.
Young people — especially school-age teenagers — need to be educated about political issues and how they could affect their lives.

Roberts writes this in The Sun. You might ask what contribution the Sun makes to educating young people about politics on a daily basis.
Our democracy will be eroded if Gordon Brown goes back on his promise and fails to deliver a referendum.

Eroded? Really, Nicola? What of the plausible anti-referendum argument that passing this sort of fine-detail choice direct to the people is a rather large constitutional change in its own right?

Roberts - unsurprisingly - turns out to be one of those dour Little Englanders who is vaguely against a Europe she clearly doesn't understand:
Personally I’m against us signing up under the terms being suggested because it means we will be handing over so many powers to unelected representatives in Europe.

It will mean they could bring in new laws and dictate the way we lead our lives in Britain. That’s why I think that, if we do get a referendum, we should vote No.

Of course, Roberts is entitled to her ghostwritten point of view, but if she really believes that what is crucial is that the right of the British People To Decide Its Destiny, then should she really suddenly change tack and start campaigning for people to vote one way or another? It's like a campaign for electoral reform running adverts going "Single Transferable Vote Now, and uses yours for the Green Party", and makes "Roberts" insistence on a referendum look a lot less like someone trying to ensure that the people are heard, and more like somebody trying to get their way through any means necessary.

Roberts clearly hasn't read the Reform Treaty which has abandoned the Constitution's provision of the primacy of EC Law and replaced it with a system of watered-down directives and regulations instead of legislation. In addition, of course, the voting system under the Reform Treaty is much more strident than that proposed under the abandoned Constitution.

Or maybe she has read it, and is just happily ignoring the facts to bolster her case.
Do we really want to end up living in a country where we can’t make our own decisions based on what is best for Britain?

That's a fascinating question, especially in the context of the Sun using Churchill as an icon for its campaign. After all, if making decisions based on "what is best for Britain" should be considered the prime motivation, then Churchill surely let us all down a stinker by continuing the war against Hitler - better for Britain, surely, to have not bothered about the French and Belgians and Czechs and Poles, and settled for a prosperous peace that accepted the economic benefits of a friendly Nazi Europe. I'm quite proud that my grandparents' generation made a decision not based on what was "best for Britain", but best for the people of Europe as a whole.

Still, it was nice to see the server sending adverts to this page on the Sun website had a sense of humour about it all.


Thursday, September 06, 2007

Girls Alone

Currently, Girls Aloud are doing a series of one-on-one interviews with Victoria Newton.

Today's, with Sarah Harding, is pretty typical:

Sarah, 25, said: “I don’t want to be known as a slapper or a pisshead.

As a thank you for all this access, Newton illustrates Harding's desire to not be thought of as a sexual object or a drunk with pictures of her in her knickers and drinking heavily.

The Guardian's Lost In Showbiz blog enjoyed Nicola Roberts' thoughts on the murder of Rhys Jones:
I blame Tony Blair and Gordon Brown. We should lock up more people. I know prisons are full, just build more! Young criminals now think they can get away with committing crimes. I just can't believe the state of this country. I can understand some people are in a vicious circle, coming from a difficult backrgound, but they don't have to become criminals..."

As the Guardian confirms, yes, this was the same Nicola Roberts who had been tucked-up in a toilet cubicle with Cheryl Tweedy/Cole just seconds before Cole beat the shit out of a poorly-paid toilet attendant.


Sunday, April 15, 2007

So, Girls Aloud haven't split... yet

Now the News of the World has finally updated its website (why is their online offering so poor? It's not even Web 1.0; it's more like ARPANET+), the Girls Aloud split story is a little more puzzling: it's a detailed rundown on what the girls will do when they split. This summer, apparently:

An insider said the girls, who have a Greatest Hits tour coming up in May and June, will go their separate ways in September after a series of summer festival appearances.

"Like the Spice Girls, they won't announce they've split, just that they have ‘taken a break'."

...which sounds like a pre-emptive attempt to explain away why they don't split if they're still going next year to us.

So, what can we expect next, then?
Sarah Harding, 25, wants to break into acting—and dreams of becoming a Bond girl.

Sarah said: "Acting is an avenue I want to explore. I'd love to be in a Bond film."

It's perhaps unsurprising that the NOTW assumes this means she wants to appear in a bikini, get shagged by Geordie off Our Friends In The North, and then have herself killed by an evil henchman - but could she not mean she'd quite like a crack at M or Q? Or perhaps Oddjob. She'd make a smashing Oddjob.
Irish babe Nadine Coyle, 21, wants to act too. She hopes to move to Los Angeles and appear on the small screen — and be near boyfriend Jesse Metcalfe, the Desperate Housewives hunk.

The small screen? She wants to to work on mobile-only projects? We're sure Nadine will be a wonderful success. We'll keep scanning the extras in the background of How I Met Your Mother to see if she fulfills her potential.
Kimberley Walsh, 25, and Nicola Roberts, 21, both plan to become high-flying businesswomen.

How does one do that? Do you put it at the top of your business plan?

"I intend to run a business of some sort and become a high-flying businesswoman."

It's a little bit like stage two... stage three: profit, isn't it?
Cheryl Cole, 23, will stay in the music business, aiming for solo success.

We notice the paper has carefully worded this to suggest it ain't gonna happen.

Nadine should have tried for the solo career; Cheryl could have had a crack at a presenting career (two years on ITV2; half a decade on Sky Sports; then a gentle decline into Gems TV2 and a weekend breakfast show on BBC Radio Wiltshire)... the others? Well, Marks and Spencers seem to need a lot of people for their ads these days. And there's always George at Asda.