They say she's gotta go to rehab, she says "no, no, no"

Does Amy Winehouse have a drink problem? Or is she merely able to multi-task, drinking heavily and turning in a performance on Never Mind The Buzzcocks, for example?

Amy doesn't think there's a problem:

Speaking to 6music, she denied it and said her family and friends have got no concerns: "If they were genuinely concerned, I don't like to worry people I love. The tabloids aren't worried about me so they can do what they want."

There you are, then. Absolutely nothing to worry about, then.

Amy goes on to honk praise for another singer:

“She uses her position to say things which is important. I did that too much, now I just bite my tongue, I don't really care."

She's talking about Lily Allen. Lily Allen saying important things? Good lord, Winehouse, what the hell have you been drinking?

music amy winehouse

Gwen gets it on with Keane

If the thought of Pink and the Arctic Monkeys makes you feel a little woozy, what about Gwen Stefani and Keane?

If you had doubts about Gwen Stefani - and, let's face it, that abomination based on High On A Hill Lived A Lonely Goatherd must given even her mutest pet girl-follower pause for thought - seeing her so excited at having something run up for her by Tim Rice-Oxley isn't going to make you feel any better:

"I'm lucky I was his first, because I'm sure he's going to go write with lots of girls after me.

"I wanted a ballad. I wanted to write 'Eyes Without a Face' or 'Killing Me Softly' or 'Time After Time,' and he was like, 'OK, Cyndi Lauper, got it,' like he was taking my order."

Yeah, just like it was a drive through restaurant. Funny that.

And a restaurant where people actually order the Cyndi Lauper.

music keane tim rice oxley gwen stefani

Pink wants some Sheffield

Almost like it was still the first half of the year, Pink has issued a new friend request to the Arctic Monkys:

'The first time I heard the Arctic Monkeys was on Radio 1,' she explained. 'I fell in love with their attitude - so original. I would love to do collaboration with them.'

Well, at least it's not Razorlight.

music pink arctic monkeys

Don't jump off the roof, Stapp

Scott Stapp is apparently annoyed that people have assumed his recent falling-off-the-balcony incident might have been connected in some way to falling-off-the-wagon:

"Yes, I did fall from my balcony. But I was kidding around with my friends.

"I was standing up on the balcony, which has poles, and we were just trash-talking and kidding around.

"I slipped. I got too high. I was leaning over and I slipped."

So: not pissed, then. Just astonishingly clumsy.

music scott stapp creed

Cruising to the top of the charts

We do enjoy a good old made-up story, especially when it's been carefully worded to contain an excuse for when nothing happens. Take the claims that cult spokesperson Tom Cruise was going to release a record:

A source told Britain's Daily Star newspaper: "Tom's got a great voice. And he loves that song ever since his 'Top Gun' character Maverick sang it to woo his love interest Kelly McGillis. Katie proved how talented she is musically when she performed in 'The Singing Detective'.

Tom's vocal talents did not go unnoticed by several music producers who attended his wedding, and the couple have apparently been offered staggering sums to sign an exclusive record deal.

The only hurdle in the way of their chart success, however, is said to be Tom's obsession with Scientology.

The source added: "Music chiefs know it would be a massive hit so they don't want to lose all the money to a bizarre religious following. And record labels are reluctant to be associated with the strange faith. However, Tom is adamant. He said the song is a symbol of their love and Scientology is a basis for their companionship."

Yes, because if "music chiefs" had the opportunity to make a few hundred thousand, it'd really bother them if the artist took his slice and gave it to some made-up faux-religion. And, of course, Madonna and Beck haven't released a single record since they got culted up, because of that well known bar on major labels working with people of strange faiths.

Still, it's refreshing to hear what Tom Cruise believes is a symbol of his relationship with Katie Holmes:

Now there's no welcome look in your eyes
when I reach for you.
And now your're starting to critisize little things I do.
It makes me just feel like crying,
'Cause baby, something in you is dying.

What a pity there's no song called "Who could doubt the little guy's all man, when they see the fluff on my arm?"

music tom cruise

Metalcore: Don't tell us the dream's over

Metalcore is, like, dead dudes. It's not us saying so - it's Howard Jones. No, not that Howard Jones, either. The one from Killswitch Engage is reading the last rites:

"The dream's over dude! .... It'll still be around, because kids love heavy music; they love to be aggressive. But it won't get as much mainstream attention as it's been getting. So mark my words there. It's already happening."

Yeah, the heady days when metalcore was on the front of Newsweek and Killswitch Engage were invited to record the theme tune to Joey are at an end - if metalcore survives, it's going to be as a specialist niche passion.

Beyonce has already scrapped her planned metalcore release.

music killswitch engage metalcore

Gennaro Castaldo Watch: Take That, twice

Everywhere you look, Gennaro Castaldo is enthusing over the chart double whammy of Take That, hovering atop of the singles and albums charts:

"To land a number 1 single and album in the same week is a feat that eludes most artists," he commented. "For Take That to pull it off after more than ten years away is truly amazing."

Castaldo told this to The Scotsman, the Metro, The Sun and even the Yorkshire Post.

music gennaro castaldo take that

Breaking: Doherty keeps out of jail

BBC News are reporting that Pete Doherty's latest drugs possesion charges have resulted in a fine rather than imprisonment. It's unclear if he's the lucky sod beneficiary of an open-minded bench who believe that sending addicts to jail makes their problems worse, or merely the overcrowding of the British jails.

music pete doherty

Paolo Nutini: Hate racism, love the sound of your own voice

Curiously, trying to talk about why he's joined Rock Against Racism, Paolo Nutini gets lost in an anecdote about how he knows someone who knows someone who knows Bob Marley quite well:

I was lucky enough to sit down and have a chat with Chris Blackwell, president of Island Records, who signed Bob Marley.

"He told me he took Bob Marley to see a small bill of Island artists - John Martyn, Traffic and Free - before any of them had had a hit.

"And he said John Martyn changed his perspective entirely. Music's colour-blind. RoAR is a step in the right direction to raising awareness about the need to eradicate racism."

Is it just us being a bit slow? Is Paolo saying that it wasn't until reggae fan Chris Blackwell took Bob Marley to a gig that he realised racism was wrong? Does that make any sense?

Paolo continues, suggesting that there's not much difference between being a slightly chubby kid and bearing the brunt of institutional racism, targeted by the BNP and its ilk, being stopped and searched on the street:

"There's always been a thing with Asian people bearing the brunt of jokes. But you're dealing with people who are just the same as you. I've been at the receiving end for being a little chubby kid at high school.

"When it's only for where you're from and the colour of your skin, it sticks with children. It's not just a joke."

Righto... thanks for that, Paolo.

music paolo nutini

You plonkers

The struggle to try and persuade people not to buy pirate recordings takes many forms: the Industry Trust for IP Awareness, a new body from the DVD industry, is having a crack at using cheap insults to ram its message home:

GIVING a fake DVD as a present this Christmas could see friends labelling you a dodgy geezer like Del Boy, according to a survey.

More than half of Scots questioned for a study said only cheap wheeler dealers like the Only Fools And Horses character would resort to poor quality gifts.

The problem here, of course, is that if you give someone a dodgy DVD, you're clearly not that arsed what they think of you anyway. "The person I only spent two quid on at Christmas thinks I'm cheap" isn't exactly ground-breaking.

The other problem with the approach is that the ITIPA have been attempting to portray DVD piracy as being the sharp end of "organised crime", a link which they undermine by then likening it to cuddly old Derek Trotter. Once again, you're left with the feeling that this sort of organisation knows the price of everything in popular culture, but don't actually understand what it's all about.

The first almost Mrs Federline

Another rustle in the undergrowth, and there stands the woman who was first engaged to be married to Kevin Federline, the recently uncoupled encumbrance to Britney Spears. No, not Shar Jackson: this is Kerri Whittington, who sniffs that she's not surprised it turned out this way:

"“It wouldn’t surprise me if he cheated on Britney Spears.”

“He was forever in Vegas and partying with his buddies and girls.

“There are more than enough stories of him getting close to strippers.”

“He’s horrible, he’s an embarrassment.”

Although it took Wittington three years to notice, apparently.

music kevin federline britney spears

That's Ben Mills out, then

The X-Factor trundles on in the background, the plastic jewel in the cardboard crown of ITV's Saturday night. ITV are now desperately trying to reassure audiences that Sharon Osbourne's promise to get her breasts out if Ben Mills wins through this week was "just a joke" and not a horrific threat of crimes against humanity.

Nevertheless, we're suggesting a protective vote for whatever other spods are still in the competition, and, if you must watch the programme next weekend, protect your eyes either by only looking through a piece of smoked glass, or by not looking directly at the screen.

music sharon osbourne the x factor

Now, that's your career arc

In 2006, Russell Brand was the host of the NME awards (and, it has to be said, it wasn't a totally happy experience).

Next year, he's being lined up to present the Brits. Which are due to return to live transmission.

Brand is 'cited, cause it's nice to present the Brits:

“I will do my level best to tear it up. Once it starts it is all in my hands. It it is going to be like the rock and roll Brits of old, returned to the controlled mayhem and danger.

“I am going to be the ringleader at this carnival of mayhem and I’m really looking forward to it.”

Carnival of Mayhem? The Brits? We know he's had some drug problems over the years but he must have seen one or two of them in the past, surely? Lifetime achievement awards for Noel Gallaghers and exclusive duets from Katie Melua-Tunstall and Damien Rice-Blunt and ooh, will it be Razorlight or Keane?

It's not so much ringleader at a carnival of mayhem; more gaffer on a turkey roll production line.

Still, we're sure it'll keep Ofcom busy.

music russell brand brits

Why were the giraffes left behind?

To be honest, although it's now a deserted fairground and as such the sort of place that Scooby Doo would run around in a blind panic, Neverland without Michael Jackson is a less frightening place than it ever was when he was there.

Actually, the Scooby gang would probably have enjoyed getting to the bottom of the place when Jacko was there - we love the idea of a grand unmasking where Fred suddenly realises no, actually, that is the real face and not some plastic scary mask.

This morning's Sun visits the nearly-abandoned Xanadu. For some reason, the giraffes have been left behind.

Neighbours shudder and recall when Michael held court for young boys there:

Locals are glad those days are gone. During Neverland’s heyday, neighbours would hear classical music by Wagner echoing from the ranch — ending with the eerie recorded sound of kids laughing.

One teacher at a school next door recalled: “It was creepy — you’d hear it over and over.”

Apparently, Native Americans are looking to take over the land to build a casino on, although how they'll deal with the curse of building on an abandoned theme park career burial ground.

music michael jackson neverland

This isn't it... is it?

There's some confusion over Giant Drag's status right now: although there doesn't seem to have been any official announcement, it sort-of-looks like Micah has quit the band, which leaves only Annie. And one person isn't quite a band.

We'll keep you posted.

Meanwhile, here's the way they were, as a slice of Sunday night YouTube goodness:

The Kevin Is Gay promo
Wicked Game live at Reading, 2006
This Isn't It promo
Cordial Invitation live in Glasgow
My Dick Sux live at Oxegen 2006

music giant drag

Bookmarks: Some other stuff on the web

The Independent is shown the way The Long Blondes live: "I think in the Sixties it was used to make pornos. It's got loads of amazing decor still intact, shag pile carpets everywhere, even on some of the walls. There's actually a sauna."

Also from The Independent, five minutes with Tim Burgess (and doesn't that sound like a perfect raffle prize?): Thirty-seven was rough. I'd taken my excesses to the max. I had to choose between music and drugs. I wanted to be something else.

Decibel Magazine explores the wide-ranging eBay ban on black metal, and how it catches non-Nazi bands as well: The irony is that Hogan has repeatedly complained to eBay—unsuccessfully—about Candlelight promotional CDs being listed for sale on the site. "Whenever we've asked eBay to remove these auctions that are actual copyright infringements to our artists, they haven't. But all of a sudden, we're getting all these emails from our vendors saying that eBay is pulling down their listings. One is eBay's own company policy, which is fine—even though I think they should do their research better—but when actual legal rights are being violated, we can't get them to take the listing down."

BBC News Online meets Ian McCulloch, now sponsored by crisps to find new bands: Apart from being fun, what we are doing is worthwhile. Not every good musician is picked up by the press or labels because they often see what they want to see. I would love to find something that no-one else spots.

MTV News suggests a dozen ways Britney could get her groove back: Do wear designer clothes

The Wal-Mart look was funny for a minute, but why keep it when fabulous designers like Tracy Reese, Nicole Miller, Roberto Cavalli, Giorgio Armani and Dolce & Gabbana are just a phone call away? [The link should take you to the MTV HTML site and not the frankly shockingly poor hyper version, which seems to hijack your computer for fifteen minutes to tell you that, actually, you're not going to be shown a video you haven't even asked to see because of "copyright" - it's actually a more pisspoor effort than the Sun's new site, and that's saying something.)

Stereogum dig out Blender's 2003 Worst Artists of All Time Poll: We've got a few issues with it (Japan? Blind Melon? THE DOORS?), but things gel around the Top 4 or so.

Chromewaves goes competition crazy - you could win all your Christmas shopping, and take the next three weeks off

John Peel Every Day offers an interesting side-dish: a 1999 CD with Peel offering tips on people seeking radio careers.

Quick! More children can be the only answer

Since there's been no attempt to skirt the usual rules and background checks prior to adoption, we can confidently ignore this morning's claims in The People that things are so bad in the Ciccone household that "marriage gurus" are being consulted.

If that were true, then who gets custody of the orphans?

The People's source - in words which will doubtless help bolster David's self-esteem when he's older - doesn't entirely blame the kid:

"Although little David has brought a ray of I sunshine into the couple's lives, the strain and pressures of intro-' ducing a new child from a different culture into their family has understandably brought additional pressures."

The sort of pressures the usual slow-but-methodical adoption process can help prepare couples for, of course.

According to the paper, they're seeing Tricia Barnes, who made the A Woman's Guide To Loving Sex video. Her belief is that women should be more positive and assertive in their sexual relations. An area, we're sure, that Madonna really needs some work on.

music madonna

So the dress is old, there's blue veins... what does that leave?

According to the sort of people who spend their time tracking Pete Doherty's every move, he's bought a wedding dress which, depending on your viewpoint, is either a vintage one, or second hand.

He's trying to keep the dress out of public view, which the Doherty-watchers are interpreting as a sign he's keeping it for Kate to get married in, although to be honest, when men buy dresses and try and hide them from their mates, there's usually a more simple explanation.

music pete doherty kate moss

Good lord... who's been sitting on your sofa?

Janet Jackson was asked to make a donation to some sort of charity. She rummaged around down the back of her sofa - no, really - and found five grand in loose change. See, if you wear skimpy clothes all the time, you can't keep track of your tanners and ha'pennies.

music janet jackson

Christmas is cancelled this year

It is, that is, if you're a Biffy Clyro fan. Having spent a few months not doing very uch, they've come up with the wheeze of releasing their next single on Christmas day - presumably to tap into that lucrative new iPod market, or maybe as an alternative to double helpings of EastEnders and the bloody Snowman again. Anyway, it'll still be there on boxing day. Batteries for the track, Semi-Mental, are probably not included.

music biffy clyro

Must the kids fling this pop filth at us?

Emerging from the darkness comes news of a Christmas party: The Kids do at 93 Feet East in London. It's free, and you can't say fairer than that, even with the falling dollar and everything.

These are the details:

13th December - London 93 Feet East.
KIDS Christmas Party - featuring:
BANDS: The WOMBATS, West End Girls, The Young Playthings, Findlay Brown
DJs: Popjustice, True Grit, KIDS DJs
7pm until we get chucked out

Blimey. Obviously, if you live in Wales or Nova Scotia, or Milton Keynes, this is all a bit of a moot point. But good news if you have an Oyster card.

music kids 93 feet east london

Isn't this the sort of thing you shouldn't say in public?

Very few people, outside of a small knot of thirteen year-olds, though there was anything much original about Evanessence, but is it entirely wise for Amy Lee to publicly admit Fallen was pretty much stolen ideas?:

EVANESCENCE singer Amy Lee has slammed her ex-boyfriend and former bandmate Ben Moody for "ripping off" other musicians on their hit album Fallen. Lee accused guitarist Moody of copying existing songs. He left the group in 2003.

Sure, she might have got the frisson of joy that comes from calling your ex a cheesecock, but if some of the artists who he'd been xeroxing decided they'd like to get some sort of payment, there's little defence Lee could now offer, surely?

It's wiser, in these matters, to restrict your public dissing of your ex to remarks about his tiny penis and poor social and domestic skills.

music evanessence amy lee

This week just gone

As ever, we start the week with a backwards No Rock and Roll Fun glance.

The ten most read individual articles this week, most of which have been called up as masturbatory aids, and thereby guaranteeing a level of detumescence not seen since Kid Rock couldn't shift the image of Borat and his Pammie:

1. US bans exports of iPods to North Korea - "shuffle function could trigger nuclear accident", or something
2. Heather McCartney porn photos resurface...
3. ... closely followed by breakfasts
4. Does KT Tunstall like girls?
5. McFly hope to avoid curse of Busted by waving willies
6. NME Cool list: they might not like her music, or her chances of selling well on the cover, but they adore Beth Ditto
7. More Heather Mills porn business
8. RIP Alan Freeman
9. Free Josef K mp3 downloads for all
10. Britney's first husband promises to detail their sex life. All one time, we suspect.

You can absorb the week on a single page,
or skim the previous fortnight in a single post.

This list has been checked twice - guaranteed:


Luxury repackaging makes it two wheels on Lucinda Williams' gravel road


To Rococo Rot collect some vinyl-only stuff and stick it on a delightful CD


Three albums in, and the Dexateens finally release their debut


A chance to buy all the John Peel-Clive Selwood Dandelion singles - something nobody, we suspect, did at the time


Big ole black box of Bergman - the perfect gift for a friend who doesn't celebrate Christmas. Or anything, much


Bob Monkhouse boxset. How it should be done.


Carter USM caught live slightly past their prime


Want 365 days of Mickey Pearce-styled crack-whoring? Try a Pete Doherty 2007 calendar

New edition

Of course, when PR people send you emails, it's out with the long spoons and on with the Hazchem wear. But when they're oferring a link to one of those Editor remixes - the Phones reworking of All Sparks - it would be churlish to pretend you're not interested.

music editors mp3

Lohan has trouble with her tiny buttons

Franco M brings the following to our attention: Lindsay Lohan wasn't drunk or anything when she made a botched attempt to deliver an eulogy to Robert Altman - it was all her Blackberry's fault:

"She quickly put something together on her Blackberry," spokeswoman Leslie Sloane told Reuters. "It was written very quickly, and it was from the heart."

Aha. It was the Blackberry's fault that Lohan came up with stuff like this:

The missive - titled "Dead is hard, Life is much easier" - was meant to celebrate the life of Altman. Instead, it contained gems such as,

"Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourselves' (12st book) -everytime there's a triumph in the world a million souls hafta be trampled on.-altman Its true. But treasure each triumph as they come."

"Life comes once, doesn't 'keep coming back' and we all take such advantage of what we have."

"I learned so much from Altman and he was the closest thing to my father and grandfather that I really do believe I've had in several years."

Small buttons, tiny screen, three gallons of whisky floating about your system - you can see how it'd be the Blackberry's fault. Mind you, we can only conclude it was the drink that was responsible for the star of Herbie Fully Loaded thinking that the world was waiting for her to deliver a eulogy to Altman in the first place.

music lindsay lohan robert altman

Paris Hilton turns her back on the Billboard awards

In what will surely come as some sort of blow to... well, nobody, really, Paris Hilton has quit a planned appearance at the Billboard awards as she has absolutely bugger all to do with music and realised that she would have been as out of place as a butcher in an operating theatre.

Oh, actually, it was because she didn't like the script:

"It is my understanding that some satirical references ridiculed some of her peers," her spokesman, Elliot Mintz, said in a statement. "Paris did not want to say anything that could appear hurtful or embarassing about people she knows."

Mintz said Hilton received a script Friday that contained material she found "objectionable." Representatives for Hilton and the awards show could not come to an agreement about the script's content so she decided to scrap the appearance, he said.

And what's more, there were all these long words in it, too.

music paris hilton

Rock sick list: Duels

Looking forward to the December tour by Duels? Not too much we hope, as drummer James has put himself out the game. Statements all round:

"It is with great sadness and regret that we must announce the cancellation of the December Tour.

Drummer James has unfortunately sustained an injury to his wrist, and is under strict instruction from doctors to rest, to avoid more long-term damage.

We are incredibly disappointed about this and look forward to hitting the road next year to make up for it. We hope you understand that it is unavoidable, and appreciate we share your feelings. We are upset.

To persue ticket refunds please contact the ticket seller you used."

Less of the jokes about how he might have injured his wrist, thank you. Have some sympathy for the poor lad.

music rock sick list duels

Kittie given Kiss-off

We were actually surprised to hear that Kittie were still going - they'd be uncharacteristically quiet for so long. But, it seems, they're heading back with a new album in February next year, and have walked straight into a scrap with Kiss.

Kittie had been planning to call their label the Kiss of Infamy; that was enough to bring a solicitor's letter from the bendy-toy and novelty pyjama manufacturers - apparently, Kiss used to make music before they turned their attention to flogging collectables, and seemed to think that their fans are so dense they'd pick up a record that says "An album by Kittie" on the front and "Kiss of destiny records" in small print on the back, and think they were looking at a Kiss album.

Kittie's label is now going to be X of Destiny. Kirk Brandon and the former lead singer with the Redskins are believed to be looking into matters.

music kiss kittie

The old songs aren't as good as they were

That new Beatles stuff? It's a load of old crock, you know. We have this on the highest authority - the Brothers Gallagher:

"It's a pointless exercise," said Noel Gallagher, adding that he turned the new collection off "after five songs".

His brother and frontman Liam Gallagher was more scathing declaring the album of tracks re-produced by Beatles producer Sir George Martin and his son, "rubbish!".

"If you haven't got The Beatles by now you're not going to get it," declared the singer and John Lennon fan. "I'm all Beatled-up!"

It's a fair point. Fancy releasing a load of old stuff that's been kicking around donkey's years and pretending it's a new leap forward.

Oasis were talking at a showing of the film promoting their greatest hits album.

music noel gallagher liam gallagher oasis

Everybody hates U2

Apparently, we have something in common with Bono: we both cringe when we hear the name U2:

"I didn't think about it for a long time and, when I did, I realised I didn't like the name."

We imagine that while we hear the name as a summation of youthful radicalism turned into self-aggrandising pompery, Bono hears it as a missed opportunity to use the words "Bono and the..."

music bono U2