Bye-bye, A-Ha

No, no, apparently this is the first time A-Ha have split; those five A-Ha less years in the mid-1990s were only a hiatus. Although given that most bands who split these days tend to reform in less than five years, it's hard to see how you'd tell the difference between a band on hiatus and a split-up band. Perhaps they still pop in to turn the lights on and off in the rehearsal room if they're only on hiatus.

But now, we must get used to living without A-Ha, as they're officially off:

"We've literally lived the ultimate boy's adventure tale," the group said in a statement.

Literally? I'm thinking this would mean they've fought Nazis and lions in the jungle with a NO GIRLZ sign stapled to their backs.

Still, don't worry: they're not about to wade into the sea and never return:

"We are retiring as a band, not as individuals," the band reassured fans in their statement.

So... lots of so-so solo records, then?

The trio added that the split would allow them to pursue "other meaningful aspects of life, be it humanitarian work, politics, or whatever else."

Ah, the choices Morten Harket faces - "shall I go into politics? Shall I build a house for the humanity? Or... maybe... whatever else. Ooh... it's raining. Whatever else today, then. What time is Homes Under The Hammer on?"

Mind you, although they've started to say goodbye, it's going to be one of those long ones:

The group have announced they will mount a farewell tour before disbanding. Only the final date, in Oslo on 4 December 2010, has so far been confirmed.

December 2010? That's not splitting up - most of the bands schlepping about at the moment dream of being able to book dates in December 2010. It's a little cruel when you've got acts like Joe Lean And The Jing Jang Jong hoping they can make it through to Friday teatime for A-Ha to be announcing a split fourteen months in the future, isn't it?

NME surprised to find Joe Lean album online

With an air of bewildered surprise, NME.com reports that the cancelled Joe Lean And The Jing Jang Jong album has "found its way" onto file-sharing sites.

Commenters on our post about the cancellation had pointed out that it was in the wild before the record company had decided it wasn't good enough.

The review that's just too good

With - at least in public - both band and label admitting that the Joe Lean And The Jing Jang Jong album isn't anything like good enough, it's surprising that the NME has given it an enthusiastic eight-out-of-ten review.

Evidence of the power of prayer

Joe Lean And The Jing Jang Jong have pulled their album, despite having already distributed copies to some journalists. Or perhaps because they had:

[T]he band's manager, Raye Cosbert told NME.COM that he suggested to the band that they shelve the album because they had recorded it too early in their career. He said it did not represent them as a band now.

Cosbert said that the band agreed with the notion after it was suggested to them. The band's label, Vertigo/Mercury, have agreed to release the newly-recorded album when it is recorded. The new album should be released in early 2009.

You have to wonder just how badly the album stank for the label to happily write it off - although, of course, as some copies are out in the wild we could probably find out after a few minutes on the Bittorrent.

The suspicion, of course, is that far from not giving a true reflection of the band, it reflected them only too well.

Glastonbury web round-up: Third reich is wrong

Joe Lean has, the NME tells us, compared himself to Hitler during the Jing Jang Jong's set. Not, unfortunately, in the sense that he's about to escape justice, but simply because he looked a bit like him in a video:

Onstage, Lean explained that he unfortunately looked like Hitler in the video for recent single 'Where Do You Go', adding that this was "not a good thing".

Although, of course, it's not as bad as thinking like Hitler. Having said which, you can beat Labour in a by-election doing that these days.

The NME's coverage does seem to have hit on "eye-catching headline on a ho-hum story that actually says the opposite" framework for Glastonbury. So, we also get this:

The Gossip's Beth Ditto at Glastonbury: 'Jay-Z is guilty'

Only for the story to reveal that he's guilty in a good way:

"I'm so jealous of you, camping to see Jay-Z," Ditto said shortly into the set. "Seriously, I'm so fucking jealous. Jay-Z: guilty of making this festival good!"

Still, let's just ponder this for a moment: who is actually stopping Ditto from camping to wait and see Jay-Z? If she's that jealous, why doesn't she send a minion to Bristol to pick up some stuff from Millets and pitch a tent?

And is it just us, or does this "ooh, Jay-Z's made this a good festival" just smack of the most desperate bid to sound contrairian? I don't ever recall Ditto having accused Glastonbury of not being good in the past, and certainly never bemoaning the lack of hip-hop stars on the bill.

Meanwhile, Gigwise shows how to write a headline that sums up the story honestly, and with passion:

Lightspeed Champion Declares Love For Pukka Pies At Glastonbury

Q meanwhile is slightly hobbled by its official role as "partner", and so is having to do all the public service. Actually, the story about Billy Bragg, Dirty Pretty Things and Bluetones doing charity work for the guitars-for-prison charity is a strong one, and it's in a noble cause. It's a pity they've hidden it under an apologetic heading:

You have the right to remain LOUD!

[Part of Glastonbury 2008]

Gordon in the morning: Cancer sticks

Last week, Gordon was using his column to encourage people to send positive thoughts and happy messages to Patrick Swayze. Today, he's running long lens pap snaps of Patrick puffing on a fag and getting Emily Smith to tick him off for it.

[Swayze's brother] also said Patrick’s wife Lisa, 51, is liquidising high-fat dinners as he is having trouble keeping down solid foods.

Yeah, a man who's that ill really deserves to have a newspaper lecturing him about one of the few pleasures he might have left. If you've got pancreatic cancer that is so far advanced, not having a cigarette might make very little difference, surely?

Gordon, meanwhile, has... shall we say issues? He looks at a photo of Eva Longoria-Parker, and what does he see?

Now this new pic of her struggling to keep her lady lumps in her dress has got me craving chocolaty mallow-filled WAGON WHEELS. Yum.

Wagon Wheels is one thing. We're trying not to picture Gordon's Sherbert Fountain.

There's also a really bemusing piece about Miley Cyrus:

THIS is the most Googled girl on t’internet — teenage actress MILEY CYRUS.

Yes, "t'internet" again.

The star, daughter of mulleted Achy Breaky Heart singer BILLY RAY CYRUS, has coined it in since her success in Disney sitcom Hannah Montana.

The reference to coining it is merely to try and prop up the dreadful headline:

Montana star is silly pay Cyrus

Oddly, Having been confident with the programme that made Miley famous, Gordon then seems to forget it again:

The nippers tell me Miley plays Miley Stewart in the show, whose alter-ego is pop sensation Hannah Montana.

The showbiz editor of Britain's largest daily newspaper affecting to not know about Hannah Montana in 2008 is a bit odd, but then Gordon caps it:

Hannah Montana, THE TING TINGS, JOE LEAN AND THE JING JANG JONG?

The world is going completely mad...

Not only does he pad out the piece with a 'these young people and their crazy names' line that would have looked weak in a Mike Yarwood sketch in the early 80s, but also makes some sort of connection between Cyrus and the Ting Tings. He gets paid for doing this, you know.

It's live. On tape.

We know what they mean, but how, NME, can you manage this:

Tonight’s (February 12) leg of Shockwaves NME Awards Tour in Nottingham will be recorded and broadcast live on Rob Da Bank’s Radio 1 show.

Recorded to be broadcast live at another date? I know NME's stablemate New Scientist predicted that time travel was going to happen this year, but who knew it would arrive so soon?

Still, it does mean tracks from Ting Tings and Does It Offend You, Yeah? on Radio One this coming Sunday. Unfortunately, also Joe Lean And The Jing Jang Jong Ying Tong Yiddle Aye Yo, but you can fast forward through on listen again.