Brian May: where's the respect?

Brian May - a man who has the hump so often he could go on as Quasimodo without make-up - is annoyed that ITV didn't treat the not-quite-Queen set at Nelson Mandela's birthday show with the respect he thinks it deserved. (Key words here are "he thinks", of course.)

"It baffles me how, given the privilege of televising an internationally significant event, a TV company can miss the point so badly.

"All (they) had to do was televise the whole event, with no insertions from them. Well, it seems they largely failed. I wonder who's responsible for these bad decisions?"

It's hilarious that May thinks that, effectively, all ITV's editorial input should consist of is switching on the camera at the start and putting up the copyright caption at the end. And, indeed, that anyone would feel that - in the context of an event which celebrated the life and achievements of a truly brave and decent statesperson against a backdrop of the Zimbabwean nightmare - a couple of Queen tracks being cut out of an ITV programme is the sort of thing to make a fuss about.

Meanwhile, over on ITV...

You could hear the sigh of relief releasing itself from Television Centre a country mile away, as it became increasingly clear that Mandela's 90th Birthday Party was going to have to shift from being solely a celebration of his life to having a political angle as Zimbabwe became harder and harder to ignore. Sure, nobody would suggest that calling for fair elections in Harare should be balanced with getting a spokesperson in to insist that there should be more repression, not less, but having got boiled over Live Earth and Live 8, you imagine that BBC management must have been relieved to not worry about another knees-up turning a little bit op-ed.

As it turned out, though, they needn't have worried, as it fell to Johnny Borrell to be the voice of the world's conscience. "All we are saying is democracy for Zimbabwe" he pleaded. Or would have done, had he not stumbled over the 'democracy' - a bit like Mugabe, really.

Winehouse did make it out of hospital - although, as she apparently substituted "free Blakey my fella" for "free Nelson Mandela" during the finale, perhaps it would have been better if she hadn't done. Unless morality has shifted so badly that we're suggesting political activism and boorish barroom brawls are now indistinguishable. (Mind you, we've only got the Sun's word for it that she sang those words.)

Darkness at 3AM: Giggling at the seriously ill

Oh, tee hee hee - Amy Winehouse is seriously ill, and - snurkle! - could be dead within a month. Ho ho ho.

No, it doesn't seem to be particularly funny, but the 3AM Girls are determined to see the funny side, with a sideways look at a Amy's illness:

Call an Amybulance!
MEDICS ON RED ALERT FOR WINO'S MANDELA GIG

Haw! And if she dies - giggle - they'd need to call the Amytakers, wouldn't they? Snork!

Gordon in the morning: Pete in the morning

Amy Winehouse's gentle decline continues, and it falls to Gordon's number two, Pete Samson, to take care of the story. Which he does well, almsot enjoying the chance to knock down Gordon's story yesterday which diagnosed her with TB:

STRICKEN AMY WINEHOUSE has been in quarantine as docs try to contain her chest infection — but her tuberculosis tests came back clear yesterday.

Pete quotes a source that suggests Amy is still "hoping" to play Glastonbury and the Mandela gig. That's what a ninety year-old needs: someone coughing blood all over him.

Gordon has also passed over responsibility for the latest dispatch from the Cole-Tweedy marriage to a pair of writers:

From RICHARD WHITE
in Marbella, Spain
and COLIN ROBERTSON

The pair of them put their heads together and came up with some terrible, terrible puns:

Cheryl's own Cole

- which is supposed to be reference to "pals" who think she's made a mistake getting back with Ashley, but would probably only work as a pun on "own goal" if they included a word like "score" - otherwise, it just seems that the paper is accepting that Ashley is all Cheryl's.

There's worse, though:

Ash she gone mad? ... Cheryl with cheat hubby

"Ash" isn't even a pun - it's anagram, if anything.

Mandela birthday bash acts named

It's like this year's Diana Concert, or something: Nelson Mandela's 90th Birthday party, which will be marked with a big concert in Hyde Park. Oddly, Queen are on the bill, despite having done their best to keep Mandela in prison by supporting the homelands policy of the apartheid regime when they played Sun City. Obviously, Mandela is a man with boundless powers of forgiveness, but you'd think that Brian May might have some sense of shame and would have turned down the invitation.

Razorlight are also due to play, and Annie Lennox, of course. They're promising "more" stars to be added (some stars to be added?) as the date gets closer, but Johnny Clegg and some children's choirs are definitely going to be there. At least they've actually invited some African acts this time, which somehow Bob Geldof failed to do for Live Aid and Live 8.

Nelson Mandela: What has he done to deserve this?

Showbiz Zoe with the Zoe Showbiz in today's Sunday Mirror has words to strike terror into Nelson Mandela's heart:

Telly babe Fearne Cotton is preparing for her biggest interview yet - Nelson Mandela.

ITV bosses lined her up to chat to the South African icon at his 90th birthday after being impressed by the way she handled the Princes at The Concert for Diana.

Okay, so going "wow... wasn't James Blunt amazing" is hardly going to call for a Dimbleby, but who would choose Fearne Cotton above all other sentient beings as the perfect person to talk to the hero of the ANC?

That 90th birthday, then...

So, does the 90th Birthday party for Nelson Mandela demand closer attention?

Brits RAZORLIGHT and KEANE have signed up to join QUEEN and ANNIE LENNOX on the bill.

U2, the SPICE GIRLS and SIR PAUL McCARTNEY have also been approached to perform.

That'd be a no, then.