Grace Jones dishes it out

Oh, Russell Harty. You thought you got a bashing at the hands of Grace Jones? You got away lightly.

In her new biography, she pretty much slams down everyone who has made music in the last twenty-five years:

Trends come along and people say, ‘Follow that trend’. There’s a lot of that around at the moment: ‘Be like Sasha Fierce. Be like Miley Cyrus. Be like Rihanna. Be like Lady Gaga. Be like Rita Ora and Sia. Be like Madonna.’ I cannot be like them – except to the extent that they are already being like me.

I have been so copied by those people who have made fortunes that people assume I am that rich. But I did things for the excitement, the dare, the fact that it was new, not for the money, and too many times I was the first, not the beneficiary.

She then has a pop at Doris:

I remember when one of the singers on the list of those who came after me first said that she wanted to work with me. Everyone around me is going: ‘You have to do it, it will be so good for you, it will introduce you to a whole new audience, you will make a lot of money’. No! It will be good for her; she will draw from everything I have built and add it to her brand, and I will get nothing back except for a little temporary attention. No one could believe that I said no, but I am okay on my own. I am okay not worrying about a new audience. If the fuck don’t feel right, don’t fuck it.

With this one, who I will call Doris, I thought she was trying on other people’s outfits: she’s a baby in a closet full of other people’s clothes, a little girl playing dress-up, putting on shoes that don’t fit. I could see what she wanted to be when I watched her doing something when she started out that was starker and purer. Deep down, she doesn’t want to do all the dressing-up nonsense; she loses herself inside all the play-acting.

Doris, I think you can safely assume, sounds like it's going to be Madge. Or maybe not... as Doris appears alongside Madonna on this list:

I still feel I could go into teaching. What is teaching but passing on your knowledge to those who are at the beginning? Some people are born with that gift. With me, the teaching side morphed into the performing side. It’s in there. And these are my pupils – Gaga, Madonna, Annie Lennox, Katy Perry, Rihanna, Miley, Kanye West, FKA Twigs and... Doris.

I think that's a double burn to Kanye West right there...

My real hope is that Doris turns out to be Doris from Why Don't You. But notably missing from the final list is Nicki Minaj.

The VMAs happened, and we'd be better off if we try and pretend it didn't

The VMAs - the bit on the calendar when everyone remembers MTV still broadcast - happened yesterday, in a series of events in which pop music finally broke.

Miley Cyrus was on hosting duties, and couldn't decide what to wear. So in the end she wore everything:

Every single one of Miley's VMA stage looks. Which one is your favorite? #VMA #MileyVMAs pic.twitter.com/ThvbZxU3mT

— Miley Cyrus Fashion (@StylishCyrus) August 31, 2015

Seven outfits. Seven outfits, and not one of them worked. The one with the giant Smarties on, clearly, was sold to her by a designer trying to keep a straight face while insisting that he had GaGa on the other line putting in a bid for it. But that was just the worst of a very, very bad bunch.

Somewhere this morning Billy Ray Cyrus is saying "when I said there's no way you're going on stage dressed like that", I wasn't being an overprotective father; I was talking on behalf of Vogue."

It's not just Miley's dresses which had most of America thinking it was time for an intervention, though. She's now got dreads.

Of course, there's no reason why Miley Cyrus can't have dreads - even ones that are so obviously fake that they look like they've recently been used to stop trawlers drifting off to sea - but it came across as a somewhat insensitive thing to do after her recent dis on Nicki:

Miley Cyrus berated Nicki for speaking out on issues that affect black women in the music industry,& is also wearing dreads rn. The audacity

— hot ebony mom (@egbaprincess) August 31, 2015

It shows something of a deaf ear, or poor advice, to spend a chunk of the week telling a black woman she doesn't know how to campaign on behalf of under-represented black women, only to turn up with a head full of shoddy cultural appropriation. It's fair to say it didn't go down well.

And that wasn't the end of the racial insensitivity for the night:

MTV: racism is bad! MTV: allows miley cyrus onstage in dreads, allows rebel wilson to dress up as a cop introducing the hip hop category

— spock kirk (@mrtrohman) August 31, 2015

In case you're not sure that having someone introduce the hip hop awards dressed as a cop making jokes about "injustice" is that much of a dick move, even the Daily Mail noticed.

Kanye was also there. He made reference to that time he was on before and gatecrashed Taylor Swift picking up an award:

He spoke of the aftermath of interrupting Swift lo those many years ago. He bit the hand that was feeding him by saying, "You know how many times MTV ran that footage again, 'cause it got them more ratings?"

It must have been galling that when you tried to make a gallant gesture in order to put the focus firmly on yourself, only for the awards show you're at to make hay from it, eh.

West also used the occasion to announce his plans for the next decade:

"And yes, as you probably could have guessed by this moment, I have decided, in 2020, to run for president."

Cyrus's reaction to this - which came after a break, which means not only did she have time to think of a response, but other people could have, too, was:

“Trump, you had my vote. But now? Kanye West for president!”

Even in jest, to tell Donald Trump you were going to vote for him is deadly. Perhaps there was some metajoke being made about how, if you're going to vote for some guy off a reality TV show, it doesn't matter which one you go for, but somehow, I doubt it.

In happier news, Nicki and Taylor made up their beef. But Nicki wasn't done with Miley:

Minaj thanked her pastor while taking the award for Anaconda, then turned to Cyrus, who was on a nearby stage. “And now back to this bitch that had a lot to say about me the other day in the press – Miley, what’s good?” said Minaj.

Miley was forced to go off script for a moment. Like a pro, she blamed the press:

Cyrus responded to the confrontation, with a brief comment about interview responses being twisted from their intended message. “We’re all in the industry, we all do interviews, and we all know how they manipulate shit,” Cyrus said, before continuing with her script for the night.

Or maybe she didn't, as obviously that was on The Guardian website and you know how the press manipulate shit.

You do wonder, though, why she didn't contact Minaj directly and explain what she really meant when the interview came out, don't you?

In case you've forgotten, there were awards being given out as well, and here's the closest thing to winners in full:

Best Rock Video: Fall Out Boy, "Uma Thurman"

Best Pop Video: Taylor Swift, "Blank Space"

Best Male Video: Mark Ronson featuring Bruno Mars, "Uptown Funk"

Best Hip-Hop Video: Nicki Minaj, "Anaconda"

Best Female Video: Taylor Swift, "Blank Space"

Best Video With a Social Message: Big Sean featuring Kanye West & John Legend, "One Man Can Change the World"

Song of the Summer: 5 Seconds of Summer, "She's Kinda Hot"

Best Collaboration: Taylor Swift ft. Kendrick Lamar, "Bad Blood"

Best Direction: Kendrick Lamar, "Alright" (Colin Tilley & the Little Homies)

Best Choreography: OK Go, "I Won’t Let You Down" (OK Go, air:man and Mori Harano)

Best Cinematography: Flying Lotus feat. Kendrick Lamar, "Never Catch Me" (Larkin Sieple)

Best Art Direction: Snoop Dogg, "So Many Pros" (François Rousselet, Jason Fijal)

Best Editing: Beyoncé, "7/11" (Beyoncé, Ed Burke, Jonathan Wing)

Best Visual Effects: Skrillex and Diplo feat. Justin Bieber, "Where Are U Now" (Brewer, Gloria FX, and Max Chyzhevskyy)

Artist to Watch: Fetty Wap

Video of the Year: Taylor Swift featuring Kendrick Lamar, "Bad Blood"

The lights are going out all over the VMAs. We shall not see them lit again in our lifetime.

MTV are still doing the VMAs, which is in itself a weird thing - MTV's target demographic must be puzzled that every so often the 'I Live In An Area Where Republicans Defunded Sex Ed Lessons' marathons are put on hold to celebrate pop videos. I suppose it's no odder than those times ITV suddenly decide to show the Evening Standard Theatre Awards, though.

Anyway, they're doing it again, only this time it's turned into war. Presumably in a bid to get picked up by History Channel next year.

Entertainment Tonight have taped the words 'Press' on their windcheaters, and are reporting from the frontline:

In July, Minaj went on a Twitter rant about how "Anaconda" was snubbed for a Video of the Year nomination at the 2015 MTV Video Music Awards, as well as her and Beyonce's song "Feeling Myself."

"If your video celebrates women with very slim bodies, you will be nominated for vid of the year," she tweeted. "If I was a different 'kind' of artist, 'Anaconda' would be nominated for best choreo and vid of the year as well."

She also accused the VMAs of body shaming, posting that "black women influence pop culture so much but are rarely rewarded for it."

There's a lot to unpick there - MTV might point to the number of prizes Beyonce picked up last year, including the Michael Jackson lifetime achievement style award; detractors would nod and suggest that you have to be Beyonce to fight your way into events like that while Miley Cyrus just has to shed some clothes and kiss a powertool or two and gets escorted to the top table.

Miley Cyrus. Talking of whom, she's this year's MTV VMA host, and she's fired back:

Cyrus, who is hosting Sunday's VMAs, tells the New York Times that Minaj went about this all wrong.

"If you want to make it about race, there’s a way you could do that. But don’t make it just about yourself," the 22-year-old singer said. "Say: 'This is the reason why I think it’s important to be nominated. There’s girls everywhere with this body type.'"

Cyrus claims that Minaj lost focus of the issue at hand. "You made it about you. Not to sound like a b**ch, but that’s like, 'Eh, I didn’t get my VMA.'"

I don't think that's entirely fair, but you have to at least admit Cyrus has positioned herself well from a political perspective - in effect, she's totally agreed with Minaj that the people giving her large sums of cash to present an awards show have excluded women from a certain background, but also spun out from it a personal attack which will keep all the prepublicity flowing without risking her job at the podium.

I think that's either cold-hearted capitalism, or consummate professionalism.

Nicki Minaj: The age we live in now

Madame Tussauds in Las Vegas has had to issue a statement asking visitors to not take photos of themselves fucking Nicki Minaj's waxwork from behind:

Statement regarding Nicki Minaj’s Madame Tussauds wax figure pic.twitter.com/tnnyZL0BNX

— Madame Tussauds LV (@TussaudsVegas) August 18, 2015

It's an "interactive immersive experience" too far. It's curious that the venue is worried about disrespecting the waxwork, though, rather than disrespecting the person depicted in the waxwork.

Nicki Minaj covers herself with dead things

Not just the coat made from skinned corpses; the boots are animal skins as well. Class act.

Let's get 2015 under way with an "we've all done it" story

After all, who hasn't done this at some point:

Crown counsel Kate McKay said that at about 10.15am on Christmas Day, a 999 emergency call was made to police by a male caller who stated two men were making threats to kill him. Police were unable to obtain further information as the caller appeared to be intoxicated.

Mrs McKay said that five minutes later the same man called 999 and told operators he wanted to cancel the first call. He also claimed during the second call that there was a poltergeist in his house and that he was the pop star Nicki Minaj.

The man involved was released but banned from using 999 unless in a genuine emergency. He is free to continue to pretend to be Nicki Minaj if he chooses.

It's not clear from the court report if he was so drunk he actually believed he was Nicki Minaj, or just so drunk that he thought he could get away with pretending to be her.

Madonna releases new music; the world tries to sound interested

Of course. Of course, Madonna's new stuff is working with Nicki Minaj. It fits the pattern of the last couple of decades where she appears to have a six-month old copy of Billboard delivered (perhaps she has them sent to her via Yodel) and she hooks up with whoever was hot back then.

She couldn't look more like a desperate tourist if she films the video using a selfie stick.

One of the songs is called Bitch I'm Madonna, which does at least manage to release Robbie William's She's Madonna from the long-held shame of 'the worst record with Madonna's name in the title'.

These songs are being released now because of the leak earlier in the week - you'll probably have heard her describe this act as "artistic rape" and being like "terrorism", showing that she's still got the power to be outrageous, just not in a positive way any more. It might seem odd back then these tracks were dismissed by Madge:

She dismissed the leaked versions as "unfinished demos stolen long ago" and thanked fans for their "loyalty" in "not listening" to the unfinished material.

... because now she's describing the same songs as a gift. Apparently they've been finished:

"I was hoping to release my new single 'Living For Love' on Valentine's Day with the rest of the album coming in the Spring. I would prefer my fans to hear completed versions of some of the songs instead of the incomplete tracks that are circulating. Please consider these six songs as an early Christmas gift."

They're not actually a gift, as to get them officially you have to preorder the album, so it's more of a fire sale. And if they're finished, it's puzzling how many of them don't even have a title.

Minaj: The Nazis were artistic nazis

The man who put together Nicki Minaj's nazi video has issued a statement:

Before I start, be clear that these are my personal views and not the views of Nicki Minaj, Drake, Lil Wayne, Chris Brown, or Young Money.

First, I’m not apologizing for my work, nor will I dodge the immediate question. The flags, armbands, and gas mask (and perhaps my use of symmetry?) are all representative of Nazism.

But a majority of the recognizable models/symbols are American: MQ9 Reaper Drone, F22 Raptor, Sidewinder missile, security cameras, M60, SWAT uniform, General’s uniform, the Supreme court, and the Lincoln Memorial. What’s also American is the 1st Amendment, which I’ve unexpectedly succeeded in showing how we willfully squeeze ourselves out of that right every day.

Despite the fact heavy religious and economic themes were glossed over, there’s also Russian T-90 tanks, Belgian FN FAL, German mp5 (not manufactured until 1966), an Italian Ferrari, and a Vatican Pope.

As far as an explanation, I think its actually important to remind younger generations of atrocities that occurred in the past as a way to prevent them from happening in the future. And the most effective way of connecting with people today is through social media and pop culture. So if my work is misinterpreted because it’s not a sappy tearjerker, sorry I’m not sorry. What else is trending?

First of all: "Sorry not sorry"? Is it still 2012 in America?

Jeff Osborne, the artist who directed the “Only” lyric video, issued a statement via MySpace

Oh. I suppose if you're still using MySpace, "sorry not sorry" must seems as new and astonishing as the first time someone from Britain came face-to-face with kangaroo.

Still, it's nice to have that clarified. It's not about Nazi Nazis, it's just 'hey, aren't all regimes a little bit nazi-like, have you ever thought that OMG it's so obvious when you think about it and aren't CCTV cameras just jackboots attached to walls, right?' Nazis.

It's not unusual for Godwin's Law to apply in YouTube comments. There's more than a few piece-to-camera YouTube videos where it can be invoked. I think, though, this might be the first time Godwin can be pressed into service for a lyric video.

Hey, Jeff, here's one for you: why don't you take a picture of Obama, right, and put a little moustache on him? SEE IF PEOPLE CAN HANDLE THAT TRUTH.

Nicki Minaj embraces the Third Reich asethetic

Nicki Minaj's new video has a whiff of Nazism about it. I say a whiff, but that might underplay it:

Kinda makes Brian Ferry's frothing over Nazi architecture seem small fry, right?

Still, I'm sure Nicki can explain how this is all somehow okay.

I didn't come up w/the concept, but I'm very sorry & take full responsibility if it has offended anyone. I'd never condone Nazism in my art.

— NICKI MINAJ (@NICKIMINAJ) November 11, 2014

Just a quick thing, Nicki, starting out saying "it wasn't me" isn't the best way to start taking full responsibility.

And I don't think anyone was suggesting you were condoning Naziism, more using the imagery of a regime which killed millions to flog a few digital downloads. You were trivialising it.

In fact, the only way this could be worse is if you tried to tell us that one of your friends is... oh, hang on:

Both the producer, & person in charge of over seeing the lyric video (one of my best friends & videographer: A. Loucas), happen to be Jewish

— NICKI MINAJ (@NICKIMINAJ) November 11, 2014

Oh, that's alright then. As you were.

Nicki Minaj and her old school: There's a twist

In the comments area on yesterday's post about Nicki Minaj's old school turning her down, Curious Iguana pointed out there's a statement from the school.

No television crews in school. That seems fair enough, right? A clear policy. Can't argue with a clear policy.

The idea of turning down a visit from a camera crew to a school of performing arts sounds a bit like telling Stephen Hawking to keep away from a science academy so as to not distract the pupils. But it's a rule.

Although, oddly, there's a lot of footage of things shot inside the school knocking about the web.

Another quick shake, and the New York schools administration admits it's not so much TV itself, but the type of TV:

“We do not allow reality TV to be filmed on school property,” Feinberg wrote in a statement. “For documentaries, any visit to a public school must be educational in nature and cannot intrude on instruction, and the decision about whether we can accommodate visits from celebrities is entirely up to the principal who manages the property.”

Reality TV. Not TV. Which, again, is fair enough - any sort of rule which stops the idea 'why don't we get the Duck Dynasty guys to deliver commencement' is a good thing. But you wonder if there's a clear definition of what the Department of Education considers reality, and if there's a subsection rule on what counts as scripted reality. Or if all these policies are just being thrown together on the fly.

But you know what? What we really need is something inarguable to explain what's gone on here.

Given this is America, perhaps we could find someone to deliver a 'because of terrorism' explanation, with which nobody can argue. Then we can all go home.

Mom quoted in the New York Daily News, can you rise to the occasion?

One mom said it was a particularly bad week.

“The school would definitely want her, but it was very last-minute, and protocol in public schools is no joke, especially with the Sept. 11 anniversary,” mom Ilene Sofferman told The News.

Of course. If Nicki Minaj had spoken to some kids about working in the entertainment industry, then the terrorists would have won.

Nicki Minaj's old school tie forever loosened

You know how schools love a former pupil who's made it. Any chance they have to wheel them in - no matter how slim their claim to fame - and once again that 1996 Olympic fourth-placed canoeist will be on the stage handing out prizes.

Which makes it all the more surprising that when Nicki Minaj offered to do an event at her old High School, the school school said no thanks.

Oh, and this isn't because the school might be thinking that a career in pop music is a bit beneath what they want for their pupils. Minaj went to Fiorello H. LaGuardia High School. The school that they based Fame on.

Battle rages over Nicki Minaj's head

Really, the greatest thing about hairpiece maker Terrence Davidson launching a lawsuit against Nicki Minaj is that it's not everyday you get to see this headline:

Wig Designer Sues Pop Star

Nicki Minaj doesn't really apologise, but comes close enough for Spin

Nicki Minaj decided to use Malcolm X to promote her new single.

Spin explains how:

Nicki Minaj has come under fire not for her new video — in which she fires a pair AK-47s akimbo — but for the art used to promote that song, "Lookin Ass Nigga." Found on her site (still, as of 6:15 p.m. EST) and on her Instagram (no longer), the grainy image repurposes a famous photo of Malcolm X holding a large gun while he peers out a window, seemingly concerned for his safety. Considering her use of weaponry, and that titular oft-weaponized word, people are pissed.

Pissed enough for two petitions to be raised - and, okay, "creating a petition" is probably the very least activity that can still be called activism, but it stung Minaj into a response.

Spin sees this an apology:

What seems to be the issue now? Do you have a problem with me referring to the people Malcolm X was ready to pull his gun out on as Lookin Ass Niggaz? Well, I apologize. That was never the official artwork nor is this an official single. This is a conversation. Not a single. I am in the video shooting at Lookin Ass Niggaz and there happened to be an iconic photo of Malcolm X ready to do the same thing for what he believed in!!!! It is in no way to undermine his efforts and legacy. I apologize to the Malcolm X estate if the meaning of the photo was misconstrued. The word "nigga" causes so much debate in our community while the "nigga" behavior gets praised and worship. Let's not. Apologies again to his family. I have nothing but respect an adoration for u. The photo was removed hours ago. Thank you.

This is a whole new level in the apology that isn't an apology, because not only does Minaj do a "if the meaning of the photo was misconstrued" non-apology, but then she follows it up with an "apologies again to his family" - which doesn't really require an "again" and, from the whole tone of the response, right from the opening, bored "what seems to be the issue now", shows no understanding of the cause of offence or any real contrition at having got it so badly wrong.

Still: it doesn't matter if you do something crudely insulting, providing it's not done on an official single. So that's alright then.

Bookmarks: Rap

Excellent work by Businessweek, which has produced a graph comapring rap star's claims about their wealth with how much they actually have:

Nicki Minaj
"I'm in Saint Tropez on a big boat, go my way to make a billi like a big goat"
Song: Up In Flames, 2013
2012 earnings: $15.5 million

Gordon in the morning: Wiping Selena Gomez off

Ah, how sweet. Justin Bieber got Nicki Minaj to include a line about his girlfriend in a rap for his new album:

Justin Bieber, you know I’m a hit ’em with the ether, buns out, wiener, but I gotta keep an eye out for Selena

But oh noes! Justin and Selena have fallen out. This, reports Gordon, means that...

Justin Bieber to bleep ‘er

Gordon's using "bleep 'er" in the sense of 'not having anyone do the rap when he plays the song live', but - hey - you'd have guessed that, right?

Personally, I'd have probably quietly dropped the rap when it had the word "wiener" added in for no apparent reason.

Cher Lloyd has a dream

ContactMusic reports:

Cher Lloyd wants to duet with Nicki Minaj because she admires her ''guts''.

And we're using "guts" in the old-fashioned sense meaning of "actual fan base", aren't we?

'I've always said from day one that the person I'd love to collaborate with would be Nicki Minaj. Just for the pure reason that I think she has so much guts and does what she wants and obviously says what she wants, and I love her.''

It's not clear what Cher thinks she'd be bringing to this collaboration, although I understand her Nandos card is one stamp away from a free half-chicken, so it's not like she'd be turning up empty-handed.

Gordon in the morning: What an arse

Stop the presses! Gordon Smart has discovered women have bottoms:

Nothing Min-i about Nicki’s bum

No, really. In what was once a newspaper.

The rapper showed off her incredible bottom in a shoot for New York-based magazine Urban Ink.

Ah, how long must Smart have been lurking about in a car parks in Washington to uncover this scoop, eh?

Gordon in the morning: Rap sheet

Apparently, Nicki Minaj is going to offer Stephen Fry rapping tips.

Nicki, Stephen was making rap music when you were still eating Cheerios and collecting My Little Ponys:


(Sadly, Channel 4 has removed all traces of Fry doing his Sheep Rap from the internet. Boo. Baa. Boo. Baa.