Donny, Donatella and Leo

So, that's what Donny Tourette meant when he was talking about having been in Leo Sayer's house. If you recall the episodes of Soap when Burt returned after having been replaced by an alien double, Burt's problem was adjusting to the idea that "he'd been in my house... in my bed... in my pyjamas... in my... [meaningful look at Mary]" - and that seems to have been the feeling Donny was trying to stir up in Leo's bubble-wrapped head:

Bed-hopping Donny, 25, romped naked with Italian-born Donatella after a party at the Seventies pop star's luxury home while Leo was away.

But, just as Donny couldn't manage to make it to the end of Celeb Big Brother:

Donatella says she can't even remember if their romp went all the way.

She admits frankly: "I really don't remember having full sex with Donny or anything like it. But I can't deny it because, truly, I really don't remember."

She went on: "I don't know about having intercourse. I was in a deep sleep. He was definitely after sex, but my response was, 'OK Donny, if you want to sleep here, then sleep here'. It was a very big bed..."

Donny, however, doesn't seem to let the lack of any witnesses (even the person he supposedly slept with) stand in his way:

A close pal of Donny's said: "Leo used to invite Donny and his mates round to his house for after show parties. They were all pretty wild.

"Donny bragged to his close group of friends that he'd had sex with Leo's lady. It was Donny's biggest secret and he only told his closest mates, including his brother."

A gentleman only reveals to a wide circle of vague chums the details of his perhaps conquests, of course.

The real interest in the story, of course, is that Towers of London used to wind down after their gigs by going to Leo's for a cup of Babycham.

Diaz dumped

One of the more interesting sights of 2006 was the Justin Timberlake return, which kind of blew it for him: oh, sure, he sold loads, but the actual quality was lacking more than a little bit. In fact, watching him in George Michael stubble and Ted Moult's hat trilling on about how he and he alone was bringing "sexy" in some way "back" we did wonder if he'd decided his new direction was some sort of stab at a Russ Abbot comedy character. Clearly, Timbo wasn't quite as cool as we'd all hoped he would be.

Likewise, watching the adverts she did for Nestle's L'Oreal make-up outfit, her smug and charmless demonstration of "I am earning a fortune here, look at me" suggested that Scarlett Johansson might not be quite as cool as we'd all been led to believe.

It's perhaps inevitable, then, that Cameron Diaz has been dumped to allow Timberlake and Johansson to get together and compare their latest contracts.

The empire's outposts at war

The Sun and the News of the World are sister papers. But then, so were Jane and Blanche Hudson. Following on from an exciting year where the News was accused of pinching Sun stories and one of their journalists was apparently eavesdropping on Sun editor Rebekah Wade's mobile phone calls (the horror of hearing Grant from Eastenders grunting sweet nothings can only be imagined), the NOTW is now doing our job and snorting with disdain at the blotchy job done by the Sun's writers.

Earlier in the week, you'll recall, The Sun reported that Pete and Kate had got married in a "bizarre Buddhist ceremony."

Today, The News of the World knocks down the story:

Phuket locals are convinced they have the answer.

One explained: "There's a custom to hold a beachside blessing for soulmates — a spiritual bonding, with scattered flowers and incense."

Perhaps the Sunday paper sees itself as the daily's Corrections and Clarifications column.

This week just gone

The week on No Rock & Roll Fun.

The ten most-read stories of the week:

1. The Heather Mills McCartney naked past
2. KT Tunstall's secret lesbian signals
3. The Heather Mills McCartney naked present
4. NME's 2005 Cool List
5. McFly show their balls
6. Whitney Houston's distress sale confuses The Sun
7. 2006 year-end lists and reviews
8. Lily Allen swaps her clothes on a train
9. The first post of the year
10. Russell Brand hosts the 2006 NME awards

The whole week on one page
Or dip into our full 2006 coverage:
Our review of 2006

Charts, lists & reviews

Our music choices

Valette 2006


and we suggested these as stocking-stuffer shaped best music books of 2006:


Handy picks of ver imperial-phase Hits - useful if your collection is locked in a storage unit


Your OED of the chart world, even essential in its post-Tim Rice era


Alex Kapranos collects his foodie columns from the Guardian


Outside, Courtney's arse. Inside, pretty much that, too, as the Widow Cobain issues her never-apologia


Caught between the legend and facts of Kurt's life, Everett True elects to print the bits about himself instead


Definitive Libertines book produced through first-hand observation rather than cutting up a few back issues of the Mirror


We're probably a good five years from a balanced consideration of Joe Strummer, but for now, affectionate attention to detail feels right


Still think Alan Ant should have called his autobiog 'Didley qua qua', mind


Pet Shop Boys "visual retrospective" (i.e. picture book)


... and the slightly more wordy Crass history


Tim Moore goes in search of those who failed to scrape even a single, block-voted point in Eurovision


Collected Tom Waits interviews, also serving as a tribute to the great days of rock journalism on expense accounts


The PopJustice take on, erm, That


Johnny Rogan fails to die on M62, returns to Mozzography


Gary Mullholland attempts to list the 261 best post-punk albums. His errors and omissions are, of course, where the fun is

Rhymes' crimes

Put your hands where my eyes can see, requested Busta Rhymes. It might make more sense to insist that Rhymes keeps his hands where we all can see, as he's just been ordered to pay USD100,000 to a fan he beat up in New York.

The judge who heard the case held Rhymes - real name not Busta Rhymes - and his bodyguard Troy Green - to pay the cash to Melvin Smith. Smith's injuries had left him needing hospital treatment.

music busta rhymes

Legend out of his own lifetime

Nice work by John Legend - he turned up at an aftershow party, insulted his own fans and then wound up being thrown out of his own gig. The key problem was that he wasn't going to play to the people who'd turned up to see him: he suggested his younger brother should do the music instead.

The crowd weren't impressed, says someone lucky enough to be there:

"John was incensed. He grabbed the mike from his brother and told the crowd to 'fuck off'. Then he laid into them, saying they should show respect."

Yes, they should show respect. To about the same level as an artist is showing respect for his audience by saying "I'm not going to play, here's someone else instead."

>music john legend

James Brown: causing trouble beyond the grave

It seems James Brown's dying wish may well have been to create some extra upsetment for his kind-of wife Tomi Rae Hynie. Tomi's been locked out of Brown's house since he died, caught in a legal blackhole - she'd been married when she married Brown, and after that marriage was annulled, they never remarried.

However, as mother of Brown's son, James Joseph Brown II, she seemed certain to be able to get back in. But now it turns out that not everyone is so sure James II is scion of James I. The family lawyer has let slip that, before he died, Brown decided there was only one way to make things straight:

[Lawyer Debra] Opri told CNN's Larry King: "James Brown uttered comments to his attorneys before he died.

"He said, 'When I'm gone get it [a DNA test on James II] done so my family knows'."

Of course, it's not clear what he wanted his family to actually know...

music james brown

The long Thai goodbye

They may or may not have been sort-of kind-of married during some type of ceremony, but the perhaps-pretend honeymoon is over: Kate has sent Pete home from Thailand.

There was, apparently, a fight on the beach of some sort, which led to Thai police getting involved and, according to Pete, was the latest in a long line of final straws:

“Kate won’t talk to me. She doesn’t believe me anymore.”

He insisted he wasn’t trying to buy drugs during the bust- up after a full moon party. He added: “The guy attacked me for no reason.”

Meanwhile, the Sun has come up with a way to make more cash off Pete and Kate's back:

ARE you sick of Pete Doherty stories? If so call 0870 900 ---- and press 2, if not press 1. Landline calls cost up to 10p.

music pete doherty kate moss

Manson slims down family

There's as yet no official reason been given for the soon-to-be-finalised divorce of Marilyn Manson and Dita Von Teese, but drawing a curve of the couple's respective career curves since the wedding may prove... well, instructive.

music marilyn manson dita von teese

Tourette: "I am not a celebrity, I am a free ordinary man"

Settling back into our usual timezone, we caught up with Celebrity Big Brother last night for the first time, which meant we only got a few short minutes of watching Donny Tourette regretting his decision to join the circus before he climbed the fence and was gone, quitting and returning to the arms of obscurity. We're presuming his role was an attempt to combine last year's Maggot (bloke from a comedy band) and Chantelle (person who wasn't a celebrity) in one housemate. Surely, the streets and cul-de-sacs of Great Britain must have rung to the words "I think he used to go out with the daughter of one of the Boomtown Rats" on Wednesday night.

Amongst those he left behind were quite a few pop people - Leo Sayer (permanently bemused face desperately hoping for best), H (now, apparently, preferring to be called Ian) from Steps and, in a "together at last" moment, S Clubber Jo O'Meara (still pushing the "a lot of people tell me my voice sounds like Karen Carpenter" - which is true, as it does often sound like she's throwing up.

O'Meara threw a strop when the housemates were played Reach during the course of business - "why would they do that?" she kept asking, apparently unaware that it's her greatest moment and - more interestingly - not noticing that nearly everyone else in the house was bellowing along in their own ways. Fancy being ashamed of a Great Pop Song which can unite everyone from a former comedy co-star to a Mirror "journalist" in a bout of happy singing.

The most famous pop-related internee, of course, is Jermaine Jackson, father to Jermajesty and brother of the more famous Michael. "I was lead singer" he told the house, "and Michael was just playing the bongos..." It's arguable that ending up sharing a house with Jade Goody is preferable to his brother's life of rootless taint and innuendo, but clearly Jermaine doesn't think so. The default setting for this year's series may well be Jermaine trying to not look too hurt to discover his presence in the sideshow is not generating awe and reverence, but merely prompting H from Steps to embark on ill-advised second-hand impressions of the BoSelecta version of Michael.

music celebrity big brother danny tourette jermaine jackson jo omeara h from steps

Give us your future, suggests BPI

We're happy to confess to confusion. The BPI has been pushing the idea of extending the length of copyright in recordings to 95 years because it would allow poor, starving artists to keep earning from their work into their old age.

Now, though, it turns out the BPI are suggesting that new artists sign away their rights to record companies in exchange for their online sales knowhow.

Does the BPI want artists to own their intellectual property for as long as possible, or... could it be they want the labels to? Hard to accept the BPI could be that cynical, I know, but there you have it.

We actually love the idea that young musicians are being encouraged to sign over their rights in return for the BPI members' skills in online sales. Because the old record companies have proved so adept in managing the shift from physical to digital, haven't they? Paying the BPI companies to manage your digital rights is like getting Napoleon to arrange a package tour to Moscow.

music bpi

More Blur life "is rubbish"

The flipping-coin of Blur reunion tales lands "no" side up today, with Graham Coxon insisting that lunch is just lunch, and not plans for a thirty-date stadium tour and best-of album with DVD release and two new tracks:

Though Coxon did meet bassist Alex James for lunch in November, a Coxon representative assured Pitchfork that it was "just as friends and not to discuss business." According to a statement from Coxon's manager, "There are no plans for Blur to get together this year. Everyone's working on individual projects."

However, Blurologists (actually, it's just us with an annotated copy of 3862 Days) point out that the management statement is something of a thawing from the old stance of "not even if hell freezes Albarn's shriveled balls and tiny penis off".

music blur graham coxon

They say she's gone to rehab; Hello says no, no, no

We guess depending on if you believe either that Britney was pissed or tired on New Year's Eve will determine if you choose to see her time in a "spa" in Arizona as rehab or a New Year's treat.

Her management are as quick to stress that it's not rehab as they were to stress that she was only napping and not three sheets to the wind. And that Jive aren't listening to the work she's done so far on her post-Fed album and are trying to decide if they should throw more good money after it, or just present it to the IRS as a write-off:

I don't know where your information came from, but I can only tell you we're in the middle of recording an album."

Actually, that doesn't quite deny the story, does it? Effectively, it merely confirms that there is half an album for Jive to fret over.

music britney spears

Call back the cops

Having lassoed the best-selling classical record last year by reinvigorating the lute, Sting now seems to be turning his attention to bringing new life to another long-forgotten endeavour considered by many to be better left in the past:

A Police reunion.

Fuel to the rumour-pyre has been given by the heavy hint A&M dropped when announcing a bunch of DVD stuff to mark the 30th anniversary of the band recouping ("breaking America"):

"It is our intention to mark the anniversary by doing something special with the band's catalog of songs. Needless to say, everyone is hopeful the band will support our plans and while early discussions have taken place, nothing has been decided."

We imagine the main sticking point will be trying to persuade someone that calling the new band "Gordon Sumner, Sting out of the Police, and the Police" isn't going to work.

music sting the police

Another rider up in flames

Trouble for George Michael after his well-paid gig for the Russian oligarch: his equipment went up in flames.

Which is probably the least you'd be worried about taking a large cheque off one of Putin's mates, to be fair, and the one and a half million he pocketed following Vladimir Potanin's party will probably buy him some new instruments and stuff.

Wonderfully, Michael's act was delayed when a talking parrot apparently over-ran his slot. But then you can't expect dignity as well as lots of zeros on a paycheque.

music george michael

Sun confused by Whitney's bra

The Sun is busily patting itself on the back today after being nominated as a brand expected to do well in 2007.

And it's started the year in fine form, telling its readers all about how Whitney Houston is selling off her underwear to pay a tax bill:

SKINT star Whitney Houston is selling her UNDERWEAR — to stop the taxman seizing her home.

Singer Whitney, 43, will lose her £3million estate in New Jersey, US, if she fails to pay £500,000 in overdue tax.

Thirteen Dolce & Gabbana bras, a leather whip, old stage outfits, and a chair described as ‘Whitney’s Throne’ are up for auction.

Blimey.

Except, erm, as the Associated Press report shows, the Sun story is almost totally wrong.

The sale isn't being carried out by Whitney, it's being done by a storage company.

It's not to settle a tax bill, it's because her company hasn't paid for the storage of the items.

The threat to her mansion due to unpaid mortgage and taxes has been settled and the estate is not going to be auctioned.

But never mind that, eh: The Sun is a fine brand.

We shouldn't be surprised that the Sun has screwed the Houston story up so royally - even when it's writing about itself, it can't keep its facts straight. It looks forward to the "planned launch of Sun TV", something which has actually been cluttering up its website since the chronic redesign last summer. Presumably the paper's hacks ignore it the way everyone else does.

music whitney houston

Keen huntsman covers Victoria's Secret salesperson

We've been looking at the email, trying to determine if it's either some sort of new year jape, or perhaps the result of too much festive partying. But, no, it really does seem Bryan Ferry has recorded an album of Bob Dylan covers.

It's called Dylanesque, due out on March 6th. Ferry seems to think this is his Larry Olivier moment:

"As far as the words are concerned it's a bit like an actor tackling Shakespeare."

Splendidly, and fittingly for a man who does his advertising work for Marks and Spencer rather than a saucy panty shop, Ferry has chosen to conclude that The Times They Are A Changin' isn't hoping for a revolution:

"The way I do it doesn't mean it isn't a protest song… this song can be whatever you want it to be. I grew up with the jazz idea that you could do a song in many different ways…"

We look forward to Ferry Does The Clash in 2008, with the revelation that White Riot was actually about the Countryside March.

What does this mean? Probably that Ferry has now done all the standards and is casting about for new projects to keep him in lounge suits and M&S chardonnay.

music bob dylan bryan ferry

We're not sure about "best" and "ever", but there is, undeniably, a "song" there

As if to confirm their status as the New Coldplay stand-by shorthand for faux emotion, Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol has become the best song ever, as voted for by Virgin Radio listeners. Perhaps slightly more surprisingly, Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls came in at number two.

The top ten in full, then:

1 Chasing Cars
Snow Patrol
Position in 2005: NEW ENTRY

2 Iris
The Goo Goo Dolls
Position in 2005: 129

3 One
U2
Position in 2005: 4

4 Wonderwall
Oasis
Position in 2005: 18

5 I Predict A Riot
Kaiser Chiefs
Position in 2005: 210

6 Time Of Your Life
Green Day
Position in 2005: 219

7 A Town Called Malice
The Jam
Position in 2005: 45

8 America
Razorlight
Position in 2005: NEW ENTRY

9 It Must Be Love
Madness
Position in 2005: 60

10 Mr Brightside
The Killers
Position in 2005: 496

Nice to see Suggs' new position as Virgin dj recognised in the results. It might say something about the volatility of Virgin's audience as presenter line-ups reshuffle so often that songs bounce up and down so much (last year, Imagine was the best song; this year, Virgin listeners have accepted there are 17 better songs, for example.)

The presence of America in the chart must mean Johnny Borrell's going to have a hell of a phone bill in the New Year.

music snow patrol

You're my son now, David (continued)

It was charming to hear that Madonna and that bloke who used to make films have been learning some of David's language, in order to "keep him in touch with where he came from" by dropping the odd word into everyday conversation.

Of course, they could keep him in touch with where he came from by keeping his family in touch with him, but David's father, Yohane Banda, has been reduced to appealing through the media to find out how David's doing:

He insisted he did not want his son back, but said: "I don't have her phone numbers and mailing addresses.

"I want to find out how my son is but I don't know how I can do it."

Well, a subscription to Hello! might be a starting point, Mr. Banda.

We assume, therefore, that the christening and circumcision (one confirmed, the latter rumoured) haven't actually been OKed by David's parent. It's going to come as something of a shock for Mr. Banda to discover Regis Philbin is to be his son's godfather. More of a shock, we suggest, when he finds out exactly what a Regis Philbin is.

music madonna

That's my dog

Upsetment at some gym or other in London, where Geri Halliwell has been asked to leave after tying her dog to a treadmill:

A source said: “Geri was happily pounding along with her dog tied to one of the supports at the side of the treadmill.

“The animal was agitated because of the noise from the machine. All the other people working out were being distracted by barking and yelping."

But even after Geri was persuaded to stop singing, her dog was still agitated. Told to take the hound out, Geri said "if the dog goes, I...", but didn't need to finish as the staff opened the door for her.

music geri halliwell

Career gone South; repuatation to follow

Journey South - yes, they're sort of still going - have got themselves into a bit of a mess. Offered a proper gig in front of some people at a hotel, they reacted badly to being heckled (which is like an Aunt Sally moaning about having balls thrown at her) and went upstairs to cause some damage.

Tables, claims The Sun, were overturned and glasses smashed:

A spokesman for Crewe Hall Hotel, near Crewe, Cheshire, said the stars refused to pay for the damage — and police were called in.

He added: “Journey South were booked for a party. They had not been on very long when someone told them to stop, and they were upset.

“When police arrived they agreed to pay £100 damages and were asked to leave the hotel.

“We did not want our other guests to be disturbed and we were also concerned that no further damage was caused.”

Police confirmed they attended the incident.

Oddly, although the hotel and police say it happened, Journey South's manager seems to have forgotten about it:

Last night their manager Tim Byrne denied any trouble at the hotel.

He said: “Journey South were booked to play one song but they played three. Afterwards they left the stage and hotel.”

Although admitting to playing three songs instead of the requested one is bad enough - that's wearing out your welcome if you like.

music journey south

That'll help with the legal fees, then...

Nice day's work for George Michael, who's pocketed one and a half million quid from Vladimir Potanin, one of the many billionaires who have close links to the Kremlin.

It's interesting that George would be so happy to bank an enormous cheque from one of the people who helped Vladimir Putin to power and yet somehow forgot to raise the terrible state of lesbian and gay rights in Russia at the moment. But then George has always shown an ability to remain flexible when balancing his financial and sexual identities.

music george michael

The RIAA enjoys a festive joke

It must be having a bit of a giggle, because if the RIAA claim against Allofmp3 is serious, it would just be making itself a laughing stock.

Hitherto, the RIAA has attempted hamfisted justification of claiming thousands per song from uploaders on the basis that they might have uploaded each song once, but those songs could have been downloaded repeatedly, costing the industry more than one sale.

Now, though, they're demanding $150,000 USD for each of the 11 million songs sold by allofmp3, despite two major problems with this:

First, even if we accept that a single download represents a single lost sale of a legitimate download (and we can stretch our credulity just that far this once), how does a loss of a 79 cent download suddenly morph into USD150,000 worth of loss?

We look forward to the RIAA bringing forth a witness who says, under oath, that had they not bought an allofmp3 download of Livin On A Prayer, they would have bought the same track 189,874 times off iTunes.

Secondly, not all of Allofmp3's customers live in the US. Why should Allofmp3 recompense an American label for the loss of a "potential download" (or two hundred thousand of them) when overseas customers wouldn't have been able to buy legitimate downloads from an RIAA company anyway?

And that's before you even get to the question of how a New York court is supposed to be the place to bring a legal action relating to Russian copyright law.

Since the RIAA isn't run by a bunch of idiots, and wouldn't set out to waste court time with vexatious litigation, we can only assume that, yes, this is all a little joke.

music riaa

Liam Gallagher wants the secret of youth appeal

They call it an "unlikely friendship", but really, Liam Gallagher schmoozing McFly comes across as more, well, creepy and inappropriate:

Frontman Danny Jones tells the Daily Mirror, “I was really star-struck when I met Liam. He's my idol but I did my best not to show it. He kept saying: 'I buzz off you guys man,' and said that he'd love to appeal to kids too.”

"We spoke about the bands and how I wanted us to be more accepted. We want to get invited to things like the NME Awards. He gave us really sound advice and stuff.”

So, Liam gets the secret of how to hang about the Mickey Mouse Club studios without triggering some sort of alert; McFly find out how to drag the NME awards prizes ever closer to being the Brits but with slightly worse catering. Can we just leap towards 2008 now?

music liam gallagher oasis danny jones mcfly

Keith Allen's daughter seeks dog

Christmas was ruined for Lily Allen when someone pinched her pooch, Maggie May:

"Not only am I devastated that my dog has been taken away, but I am also concerned for her wellbeing. She needs an operation on her stomach and is having medical treatment. There is a reward. Please, anyone help."

The dog was a pedigree, and it's believed it was taken for its intrinsic value rather than in some sort of kidnapping-for-ransom deal. Maggie May is a pure white bull terrier, and went missing from Forest Green. Allen was in Jamaica at the time.

music lily allen

Killers on the loose

No sooner has the faux-snow been blown from the mastheads and the tinsel incorrectly put into boxes marked "1979 Tax Returns" and lost forever at the back of the cupboard under the stairs than thoughts turn to summer and who might be headlining which festival.

Already linked with Glastonbury, now The Killers are apparently headlining V. Oh, and doing the Dodi Fayed memorial gig at Wembley.

It all suggests something of a lack of imagination when it comes to people drawing up the running orders for the outdoor mega gigs.

music killers brandon flowers

But did David get the Mushroom Wellington?

We hate having to stick up for Victoria Beckham, but we're not entirely sure there's any substance to the "throwing a hissy in the Toby Carvery" story.

It's quite sweet that the Beckhams went to a Toby - they're really quite nice, and they're doing the mashed potatoes at the moment - but wouldn't the story have been enough without this bit:

Builder Matthew Morgan, 23, who was dining at the pub in Ewell, Surrey, said: “We were saying how nice it was to see Victoria doing something normal and not being all stuck up — then she started complaining.

“I was behind her in the queue and when darker bits of meat were put on her plate she made it clear she wanted more breast.

But asking for the bit of the turkey you prefer is hardly being "stuck up", is it? Everyone at the Toby is free to ask for white or dark. Now, if she'd refused the turkey and demanded roast quail on a bed of chard, that would have been out of order. But to ask for something you're paying for? That's not actually bad, is it?

music victoria beckham david beckham toby carvery

I'm not drunk, I'm just tired

While not denying that Britney Spears had to be helped from a club in Vegas a few minutes into 2007, her management are attempting to suggest that she wasn't off her head, just napping:

[M]anager Larry Rudolph said: "She was not drunk. She was just tired and falling asleep."

He added that the 25-year old singer "was just done" and walked out of the venue and did not seek medical help.

Ah, well, if she didn't seek medical help, she couldn't have been drunk, then, could she?

music britney spears

Moss: I don't, I didn't, I haven't

Have Pete Doherty and Kate Moss got married? The Sun says yes:

KATE Moss and junkie Pete Doherty were “married” yesterday — in a bizarre Buddhist ceremony on holiday.

The lovers had water sprinkled over their heads as a Thai priest pronounced them man and wife.

Friends and family clapped and cheered.

But the quotation marks around married shows that even they know that, really, this wasn't a marriage:

[T]he New Year’s Day union at a villa overlooking a Phuket beach is NOT legally binding in the UK.

Oh.

What's more, Kate Moss denies that even the bizarre Buddhist ceremony never happened, either:

"Contrary to various entirely false media reports, there has not been any kind of marriage ceremony in Thailand. She is on holiday," he said.

The Sun reports that "pals of Kate" have been told to keep January 18th free in their diaries, surmising that that will be the date when the pair finally give the money shot. Although if Moss has any friends whose diaries for the week after next are still empty, we wonder, frankly, who they are.

Bookies have apparently stopped taking bets on the pair putting their, uh, relationship onto a legal footing, but:

David Williams, of Ladbrokes, said the bookmaker has closed its book on the pair tying the knot.

But he added that the firm is offering odds of 4/1 that the couple will divorce before 2008.

We were always given to understand that bookmakers refused to take wagers on unhappy events, but presumably they don't really see the potential divorce of a couple with young children as involving real people with actual emotions.

music pete doherty babyshambles kate moss

Happy New Year

Yes, happy new year to everybody. We're not even going to touch Christina Aguilera trilling away in Times Square while a ticker above her head detailed the judicial killing of Saddam Hussein in eye-popping detail, so instead we'll just mention the further updates to the ongoing round-ups of 2006, and wish you all the best for this forthcoming 365 days of Robbie Williams.